Living Dead Girl

Once we got home, I went to my room to avoid being around Damon. My mind was still filled with him. His lips crushed against mine while his hands roamed all over my body. Him shoving me against the wall while he had his way with me. I shook my head as I tried to get rid of the thoughts. Why was this happening to me? I felt like a schoolgirl who was fantasizing their crush. This wasn't me. I was letting Damon get to me. It was probably his plan all along.

I heard the front door close as someone entered the house. I heard Stefan ask where I was before Damon told him I was in my room. Stefan had to ask if I managed to find trouble today, and I was thankful that Damon lied. I tuned out of their conversation when it no longer involved me. Like usual though I did listen for any time my name might pop up. I liked to hear what people said about me, and usually it wasn't good.

I finally decided to get out of bed and stop fantasizing about Damon. If I wanted him so bad I could easily have him. That was something I'm sure everyone knew. I had to keep convincing myself that Damon was my best friend just like he was before we were vampires. We would be nothing more than that. Then I remembered that he was lying to me about the necklace and my plans were to do whatever it takes to get him to spill.

I let out a groan and ran my hand through my hair when I realized my thoughts were about Damon again. My mixed emotions had to do with turning my humanity off for so long. Never have I had so many feeling at once. It was literally driving me insane. And nothing was annoying me more than the fact they mostly had to do with him. Dammit. He was definitely taking advantage of my current situation. I knew it.

"Are you battling with yourself?" Stefan questioned, scaring the shit out of me since I didn't hear him come upstairs. I realized I was pacing back and forth mumbling like a lunatic in a mental asylum. Instead of answering him I sent a glare before sitting down on the bed. "I'm going to take that as a yes."

"Fuck off," I mumbled, clearly not in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Camille, you know you can talk to me about anything," Stefan told me.

"Yeah, and every vampire in the house can also hear what I say," I pointed out the obvious that he seemed to miss.

"So it's about Damon?" he flat out asked caused me to frown. I knew that anytime his name was mentioned he would be listening in.

"Why would you think that?" I asked sarcastically. Since I've returned to Mystic Falls almost every problem involved Damon, so I didn't know why Stefan even asked.

"I thought you two were on good terms?" Stefan seemed confused thanks to my constant mood changes.

"Who says we aren't?"

"Then what's the problem?" Stefan was confused. He didn't understand. Nobody could understand my problems. How could they? They weren't turned into a blood sucking monster by their best friend who left them on their own for over a hundred years. They didn't have their humanity off for a very long time and then suddenly come across that best friend. They didn't have their best friend admit to being in love with them for all those years. They weren't pissed off at that person and suddenly wanted to kiss them. They weren't slowly falling in love with their best friend after all these years. I cringed as the word love crossed my mind. I loved Damon, but was I really falling in love with him.

I let out a groan of frustration as I noticed Stefan watching my battle it out with my thoughts. He seemed amused with the situation. I, however, just wanted my thoughts to shut up.

"I need a drink," I muttered. "And lots of it."

As I poured myself a glass of Bourbon, I had a wonderful idea that would distract me for awhile. "Can we have a party?" I asked Stefan since it wasn't my house. At least I still had my manners.

"You want to throw a party?" he asked as he began to think it over.

"Damn right I do!" I downed my drink as I waited for his answer.

"And who do you plan on inviting?"

"Invite your friends and everyone you know. I promise to not eat them!" I grinned when he finally agreed. "Thank you!" I hugged him before pouring myself another glass of Bourbon.

An hour later and the house was filled with people who were dancing, drinking, and having a good time. A rock song was blaring through the speakers as a few people sang the lyrics. A few balloons were floating around in the air being hit by the those dancing. One guy was even crowd surfing. A few girls were dancing on tables topless while a small group were playing strip poker near the back corner of the room. All together it was exactly what I pictured and it was distracting me from my thoughts.

"This party is rockin'!" I told Caroline as she joined me near the wall to watch everyone. Stefan had called her and she quickly had planned it out.

"Thanks. Why are we having a party for anyway?" she questioned. I shrugged before taking a sip from my mixed drink.

"Just felt like partying. A way to clear my head," I explained. She smiled before being pulled away to dance by Tyler.

"Hello, gorgeous." I smiled as I turned to see Enzo. I gave him a hug, careful that I didn't spill my drink on him. "Care to dance?" he asked after I pulled away. I nodded as we joined the dancers who were in the middle of the floor.

We hadn't be on the dance floor long when I could faintly hear my name being said over all the noise. I tried to tune out as much of the noise as possible to hear what was being said.

"Your best friend is dancing with the love of your life." Stefan. Of course he would tell Damon.

"What?" Damon asked just to be sure he heard correctly.

"Enzo is dancing with Camille. Thought you should know," Stefan told his brother. I knew he was jealous. I searched the crowd to find them standing off to the side with Elena, Bonnie, and Jeremy. Jealousy was written all over Damon's face and when his eyes met mine I smirked.

My attention went back to Enzo as we started slow dancing to the song that was now playing. I asked how he and Damon met since he was basically the only other person friends with Damon. Once he told me I felt sort of bad for the way I was treating Damon. I also realized that Damon, Stefan, and all their friends have been through hell. I had it a lot easier than they did, probably because I didn't really care. It also probably helped that I was friends with the original vampires. My life was a whole lot simpler than their's have. I never stopped to think about how much worse other vampire's lives were in the world. All I cared about was myself.

"Are you alright?" Enzo asked since I had stopped dancing.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry for everything you went through. Can you excuse me?" I sent him a smile before pushing my way through the crowd. I no longer felt like partying and felt like a shitty person. It was no wonder why Klaus liked me so much and the Salvatore's wanted the old me back. Now that I'm seeing things clearly, I know that I've been a complete bitch.

I went outside and was a bit shocked to see Damon sitting on the steps. I was hesitant before closing the door and sitting next to him. His hand held a bottle of Bourbon, so I took it and took a drink for myself. He didn't say a word as I handed it back to him.

"I'm sorry," I spoke after a few more minutes of silence between us. "I didn't realize everyone else had worse problems than me. My life as a vampire has been a piece of cake almost." I frowned a little since Damon still wasn't acknowledging me. "I guess it has to do with my humanity turned off for so long. I gave no fucks about anything. Lately that has changed. I'm beginning to see that I act like a spoiled brat in a way. I realize that every single one of you have dealt with much worse problems, yet all of you seem to keep your humanity on. I didn't. First time I began to care or someone pissed me off I would lose my shit. It was easier to not care."

"You can't keep blaming it on having your humanity turned off, Camille. You know damn well what you've been doing since arriving in Mystic Falls." I stayed quiet since he was right.

I stood up since I felt like I was making things worse. Not just for Damon, but all of them. They were trying to have a life here in Mystic Falls, and I've done more harm than good. I was the bad guy making it worse for them. I was like the fake friend of the group or the one who stirs shit up just for fun. I was the frenemy.

I went back inside and went straight for the alcohol. I grabbed a bottle of Jack before heading upstairs to my room. Of course nobody noticed me leave the party, and if they did they didn't care. I opened the door to my room before letting out a growl. A couple were in my bed fucking and I was disgusted. Slamming the door, I began opening the doors to each room to find an empty one to go in. After several failed attempts, I was soon in a guest bedroom that was empty. I threw myself on the bed before drinking from the bottle in my hand. I managed to kick off my dark red high heels hearing them lightly thud against the floor. The pounding of the bass coming from the speakers downstairs was beginning to annoy me and I could only wish for the party that I wanted so bad to end soon.

As the minutes slowly passed, I began to get angrier. Every little thing was beginning to annoy me. It definitely didn't help that I had such amazing hearing. I could hear the moans, the bed hitting the wall next to the room I was in, the music, the people talking, their heartbeats pounding against their chest, bottles clicking together, shoes hitting the floor, screaming, cars leaving and passing by. I angrily chucked the empty bottle at the wall as it shattered into thousands of pieces and hit the floor. Each piece of glass made a clunking sound as it collided with the floor. My eyes darkened as I stared at the hole left in the wall. My tongue flicked across my fangs that were gleaming under the light. Footsteps were coming down the hall and stopped right outside the door. I got up and was opening the door before they even had a chance. I was a bit shocked to see Stefan since I thought it was a couple hoping to use this room.

"Camille," he spoke sternly before shoving me back into the room and closing the door behind him. "What are you doing?" His eyes fell on the hole in the wall before glancing at the shattered glass on the floor. He was disappointed in me.

"I'm trying to not kill anyone like I promised you, but I have a bit of a temper. Everything is beginning to drive me insane. Can't you make people leave and get the fuck out of my room? I need silence or the next fucker who pisses me off will be dead." For the first time, Stefan seemed a bit terrified of me. My own friends were beginning to be afraid of me and it sucked.

"I'll kick everyone out," he told me before leaving me in the room by myself.

I laid back down on the bed and tried to calm myself down. I needed to learn to control my temper. I needed to change and become a better person. Just because I was a vampire didn't mean I had the right to want to kill people every time I got mad. I was scaring my own friends. They know I'm not the girl I used to be and I need to be that girl again. I'm going to lose what few friends I have and will once again be alone in this world. That was the last thing I wanted.

Within ten minutes or so it got quiet. Too quiet perhaps. That scared me the most. Why was it so quiet? Damon and Stefan should be here, but I don't even hear them. If couldn't decided to get up and see what was happening or just stay in bed. I got what I wanted and that was for the quietness. I decided to just get some clothes out of my room to change into then go to bed. I had enough of the day and it sure as hell hasn't gotten better.

Only my soft footsteps were heard as I walked down the hallway to my room. I frowned at the mess the couple made of my room before grabbing short shorts and a black tank top. I went back to the guest room since I was beginning to think I was the only one here now. Maybe they just moved the party somewhere else. Hell if I know.

I slid off my tight, black dress and slipped on my short shorts first. I was getting ready to put on my tank top when I heard footsteps in the house. I froze for a minute as I tried to figure out how many people were here. Around five or so meaning it was just friends now. I slipped my tank top on and turned the light off before getting into the bed. As I laid there, I began to realize they were cleaning up the house from the party I had wanted. Once again I was doing nothing to contribute. Feeling like the shittiest person in the world, I finally got up. I didn't say a word to anyone as I used my vampire speed to clean up the house while they acted like tired humans... or were tired humans. I probably did twice as much cleaning than they did while I was in bed. They were a bit shocked I did anything. I said goodnight when I was finished and went back upstairs to sleep since I didn't want to interact with anyone else for the night. As I laid in my bed once again, I realized that for the first time I did something right.