These Eyes Are Blind

Frank is far from protesting to Gerard’s offer of taking him to get coffee. After all, Frank has a right to the free coffee as they’ve established already. He’s never going to be bored of it.

He even allows Gerard to get a little too close to him on the way over to the Starbucks. He just keeps his mouth shut, because he wants his coffee, and he doesn’t want to push Gerard away either. Frank wouldn’t admit to the second part though.

After a few minutes, Gerard gives Frank his coffee and sits down across from him in the same spot they were in before.

"Thanks Gee," Frank speaks happily. Free stuff always makes him giddy, and even more so now that he gets it from Gerard.

Gerard smiles at Frank while adding an extra packet of sugar to his coffee. The barista obviously didn't feel like doing her job today.

"You're welcome. Say do you want some extra sugar? I know if mine was made wrong yours had to be too."

Frank shrugs but pushes his cup towards Gerard, "Don't make it too sweet."

If anyone but Gerard had asked, he’d have said no altogether. He’s not sure why he didn’t just say no to the packet of sugar now.

"Yeah, because you don't like sweet things or people."

"I hope you're not referring to yourself in that statement."

"I am actually," Gerard says with a smile as he stirs Frank's coffee. "What's wrong with that?"

"You're not sweet. Your lips may taste sweet because of the cherry chap stick, but-"

"Want to find out?" Gerard interrupts and Frank swats at his leg with his cane.

"No. Just give me my coffee please?"

Gerard slides Frank his coffee, "Gladly."

Frank sips the coffee and gives Gerard an approving nod, "Anyway, like I was saying, you aren't sweet. You have sweet tendencies, but you're not actually sweet sweet."

"I know, you said that," Gerard says rolling his eyes at Frank. "How do you figure I'm not sweet? I bought you a comic, read it to you, and read you another edition of it. I took you out for dinner and paid for it. I even buy you coffee and sugar it for you. So how am I not sweet?"

"The amount of money you spend on a person never determines how nice you are. Do you know husbands spend hundreds to apologize to their wives after beating them the night before? Or for sleeping with the secretary. A necklace, a bracelet, roses sent to the office..."

"You know a lot," Gerard stops Frank again.

"Look, my point is you only act the way you do, because you want into my pants," Frank finishes bluntly and sips his coffee.

"That’s not true,” Gerard says, sounding offended.

“What’s not true?”

“I don’t just want into your pants, Frank. I could care less actually. I just like you. Saying that all I want is to fuck you makes it seem like all I see you as is some object for sex and I do not see you that way, Frank. I just like you.”

“But you still act the way you do because of the fact that you want to impress me or whatever,” Frank says.

“Hm.”

"See? You didn't even deny it."

"That one wasn’t far from the truth actually,” Gerard says with a pleasant smile on his face.

Frank is all too aware of himself being stared at. Not only by Gerard; he feels others looking at him too. Gerard sees the people to which Frank is sensing, and keeps his eyes schooled on them. He doesn’t like the way they look like they’re up to no good, and they're looking at Frank. The story Frank had told him about why he was blinded has made Gerard extra alert around Frank, so he could spot those snake eyes from a mile away. The boys, about four of them, enter the Starbucks and start towards Gerard and Frank's table.

"We got company, but I don't know who they are. They seem to know you though, judging by the looks," Gerard whispers and straightens up in his seat; ready to defend Frank if need be.

Frank quirks an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything.

"Well if it isn't Ray Charles," a familiar voice speaks and Frank ceases any movement. His heart starts to pump rapidly in his chest, but he tries to keep his face neutral. Gerard can see through the whole act. This creep is a bother to Frank.

"How unoriginal is that one? I know you can do better, Blake," Frank says unimpressed. “Besides, I don’t find that offensive. He was incredibly talented.”

Blake walks closer to the table and Gerard has to stop himself from jumping up and pushing the guy away from Frank. He’s normally so completely against violence that it’s not even laughable, but right now, Gerard would beat the guy up without a second thought.

"Frank, who is this?" Gerard asks as calmly as possible.

"No one important," Frank answers. Blake laughs and leans over the table into Frank's personal space.

"You're always trying to get close to me, Blake. Attracted to me, maybe? I know how much you like to stare at my ass," Frank says in a flat tone. He's really not up for this, especially not in front of Gerard.

"Oh, so you're back to being a smart ass, huh?" Blake asks.

"Someone's gotta be."

"Gotta be what?"

"Smart, you idiot," Frank spits.

"You have a lot of mouth. Where was all that mouth when you were begging for your cane?" Blake taunts, trying to embarrass Frank immensely.

"Apparently still on my face if I was begging, right?"

Gerard clears his throat, "Hey, I don't know you, but I think it's time you get out of his personal space."

"And who are you? His boyfriend?" Blake snaps at Gerard. Gerard wishes.

"Whatever I am to him is none of your business. You must be a real tough guy picking on someone who's defenseless though. Where is the tough in that?" Gerard looks at the guy and raises an eyebrow. "Don't you have anything better to do with your life? You don't have to answer that, it was a rhetorical question. That is, if you even know what rhetorical means."

"Don't you have better things to do? Apparently not since you're spending your time with the blind freak," Blake's voice rises a little and it takes everything in Frank not to just slink under the table.

Gerard looks at Frank and notes the embarrassment this whole fiasco is causing him. Gerard isn't the best fighter in the world, but if he has to, he will do his best to try and bash this guy's face in.

"The only freak I see is you. You're the one who was staring at him through the window. Now you're damn near in his lap."

"I assume you came here for something other than me," Frank cuts in, speaking directly to Blake.

"Had I known you'd be in here I would've avoided it at all costs."

"You walked in when you clearly saw me in here. You could’ve just walked away and I’d be none the wiser, because in case you couldn’t tell, I don’t have wonderful eyesight. You can't be that stupid," Frank tests Blake's patience.

"I'll see you at school," Blake says. "Let's go."

With that, him and his followers walk off and head to the counter. It’s all very West Side Story, but without the snapping.

“I am not defenseless,” Frank says when they’re gone.

“What?”

“You said I was defenseless,” Frank says, “I am not defenseless.”

“I just meant that, I mean Frank, you are-”

“I know I’m blind, Gerard,” Frank says bitingly, “I’m well acquainted with my blindness, but that does not make me defenseless. Just because I can’t see does not make me a flailing fish out of water. I am still my own person, and I do not need you to protect me.”

“I’m sorry, Frank. I didn’t mean it in the way that you perceived it and I’m sorry for offending you.”

Frank doesn’t say anything in response, he just grabs his coffee and sits opposite Gerard silently, trying not to be noticed. He’s not sure why it bothers him so much that Gerard called him defenseless, it just does. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Frank kind of cares what Gerard thinks of him. He actually cares what the guy thinks. He doesn’t want to, but he does. Something about Gerard calling him defenseless just bothers him.

How must Gerard see him? He must think Frank is so helpless. Frank’s allowed to think himself helpless, but no one else has that right. He’s the only one. So what if Gerard thinks that though? Frank tries to tell himself that he’s being stupid, but it bothers him.

He accepted it a long time ago that he would never be his own person by himself. He would never have the freedom to just be independent. That’s something he told himself that he had accepted. He told himself that that was fine. He’s never believed it, but still he tells himself that. He has to tell himself that everything’s okay with the fact that he’ll never get to be independent, because if he doesn’t than he can’t make it through the day.

“Frank, I don’t think less of you. I never have.”

“I suppose you know who that guy was then,” Frank says, not responding to Gerard’s statement.

“What? No. Who was that?”

“Mikey didn’t tell you?” Frank asks. He could’ve sworn that Mikey would’ve told his brother what happened.

“Oh is this about that thing? That’s how you met Mikey isn’t it? To be honest, I don’t know. Mikey tried to tell me, but I figured it was none of my business,” Gerard says.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Gerard says, “Well you didn’t seem to be very happy to talk about it, so I thought it should stay with you and the other parties involved.”

“You’re an asshole,” Frank says.

“What? Wait what did I say? What?”

“You’re being too nice. It’s just, ugh, you’re an asshole.”

Gerard tries to talk for a few minutes but he can’t even form words at how baffled by Frank he is right now, “so wait. You’re calling me an asshole because I’m being too nice?”

“Yes.”

“I think that’s a little counterintuitive.”

“I don’t understand half of the things you say, and the rest of the things you say are stupid. Things like that. You didn’t want to know just because you thought it would, what, make me embarrassed or something? That’s just weird. No one thinks like that. And you keep calling me attractive or up and telling me that I’m attractive. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“You can’t exactly refute my claims that you’re attractive,” Gerard says, “and that’s what makes it so fun for me. You’re pretty and I can tell you precisely how pretty you are without you trying to tell me I’m wrong. You don’t know if I’m right or wrong, but I am right, because you are gorgeous.”

“Isn’t pretty meant to describe a girl or something?”

“What century do you live in?” Gerard asks, “No, Frank. It’s applicable to any gender. You’re pretty, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.”

“Well if I put a bag over my head than I won’t be anymore.”

“No, you’d still be gorgeous, it doesn’t just go away because no one can see you. That doesn’t change anything, you’d still have the same face, you just wouldn’t be giving other people the honor of getting to look at you.”

“Oh so it’s an honor now is it?” Frank asks.

“Well it’s always been an honor,” Gerard says, “You just don’t know how much of one it is.”

“I don’t even know what’s attractive, Gerard. I don’t know what people find good-looking. I mean, people tell you blondes are like stereotypical attractive, but I don’t even know what color blonde is. I don’t have any idea. I wouldn’t recognize attractive if I could suddenly see people. I don’t have anything to compare it to, so I don’t know.”

“I read somewhere once that humans find symmetry attractive, but I don’t know that that’s always true. I just think you’re good-looking.”

“Would you give a shit about me if I weren’t your so called ‘pretty’?”

“I don’t see why not,” Gerard says.

“I do,” Frank says, “and that’s one thing that I see that you don’t. I can’t really judge you based on the way you look. It doesn’t mean anything to me. I can figure out if a person is good-looking through not much effort. There’s a huge difference in the way good-looking people are treated. You can hear it. But the thing is that you say you wouldn’t be wavered by the way I look, but people aren’t as humble as they try to think they are. You really aren’t. If you can see, you will judge. That’s just who people are. I can’t see though. That doesn’t mean I’m above judging people, but it’s not as immediate for me.”

“I guess I don’t know about these things as well as you do,” Gerard says, “So how do you judge people then?”

“Voices mainly. The way people talk, the way their voice sounds, their accent, how loud they are, their word choice, things like that. I don’t like to be around people with loud voices as much.”

“Okay,” Gerard says, “So what does this voice judging practice have to say about me?”

“What?”

“What do you think about me based on my voice?”

Frank sighs, because there’s no way he’s going to admit to liking Gerard’s voice as much as he does. He’s attracted to a fucking voice, that’s not normal! That’s not normal for sighted people, or blind people. He has such a nice voice though. Just the way he talks, the words he uses. Everything, really.

“Well go on,” Gerard says when Frank doesn’t answer immediately.

“Um, I guess... it’s nice,” Frank says.

“That’s all? My voice is nice,” Gerard asks, “gee thanks.”

“Well, uh, what do you want me to say? I like the way you form sentences if that makes sense. You don’t sound like you got beans stuck up your nose at a young age and that’s one of the best things I can say about a voice.”

“Lack of beans in nasal passages,” Gerard says as if he’s writing a checklist, “I’m not going to argue with that actually. I had a science teacher once who had a voice like that and I thought I was going to rip my hair out for the whole semester.”

"Well I'm glad you didn't. I like your hair."

"Really? I couldn't tell by the number of times you've run your fingers through it," Gerard says sarcastically with a smile.

"Yeah? Well, see the next time that happens," Frank retaliates.

Gerard chuckles and checks the time, "We still have a good amount of time left before I have to be back at work. Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

"I'm pretty full. My mother made sure of that before she brought me here. She doesn't like me spending all your money," Frank says with a shrug, "She doesn't know about you having to buy me coffee whenever we see each other."

Frank salutes his coffee to Gerard before sipping it, making Gerard laugh and nod, "Okay then. I'm starving so I still want something to eat. The good thing is that you won't be able to watch me eat."

"You have no idea how bad I'd love to though. I don't mean that in a creepy way, but..." Frank trails off and shrugs.

"No, I get it. I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me."

"No, I know what you meant by it. Forget it. What are you going to eat?" Frank asks, changing the subject.

"Pizza."

Frank gasps and Gerard looks at him strangely, "Pizza is the key to my heart. Pizza makes me very happy."

Gerard giggles and shakes his head at Frank. The kid is being more than adorable right now and just all around. Gerard is also storing that little fact in his head. He loves learning new things about Frank.

"How about I buy you a whole box one day and bring over some comics to your house?"

"Why would I want a box? I have plenty in the house, we just moved," Frank says, clearly being a smart ass.

"Haha smartie pants. You know what I mean, Frankie," Gerard says.

"Okay, but will the whole box be mine, or will I have to share it with you?"

"Whatever you want is fine. I can always buy myself my own. Or I can buy ingredients and we can make our own pizza."

"My mom won't go for that."

"I think I can convince her," Gerard smiles.

"I don't know about that. What makes you a master at handling my mother?"

"She let me take you out didn't she?"

"She did."

"I'll be there supervising you every step of the way. I'll guide you and everything."

"I'll tell you what, if you can convince my mother, then we can make the pizza ourselves and have soda in my room; with music and comics."

“Then it’s done,” Gerard says.

“My mom won’t go for it, but I’ll let you have your dreams while you still can.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“There you go again, thinking you know my mother better than I do,” Frank says.

“I never said that, but the thing is that you can’t really hurt yourself making a pizza as long as you’re not the one who puts it in the oven,” Gerard says.

“My mom thinks I’m fragile as fuck,” Frank says, “she probably wouldn’t trust me with a butter knife.”

“But I’m very convincing when I want to be,” Gerard says.

“You’re saying that to the guy who you like, but doesn’t like you back. Gerard, you haven’t even convinced me of anything, what makes you think you can persuade the most stubborn human on the planet?”

“You can’t deny your feelings forever, Frankie.”

Frank takes a sip of his coffee and ignores Gerard’s statement, “weren’t you going to get a pizza?”

“You’re coming with,” Gerard says, standing up. Frank hears the screeching of his chair and groans when he feels Gerard step closer to him. He’s perfectly content to just sit here with his free coffee and avoid any admission of his apparent attraction to Gerard.

“Come on,” Gerard says, grabbing at his arm playfully, but Frank just mopes and pulls it away from Gerard.

“Frank!” Gerard groans.

“I don’t wanna,” Frank says.

“Why?”

Frank shrugs, “Because you think you can make me, and I want to prove you wrong.”

“The pizza place sells chocolate lava cakes.”

“What was that now?”

“I will buy you one.”

Frank considers for a moment and then nods and stands up, trying and failing to ‘accidentally’ hit Gerard with his cane.

“Lead the way, comic boy.”

“I knew that’d get you,” Gerard says.

“I’m stubborn, I’m not an animal,” Frank says as if it’s obvious.

“You’re adorable is what you are,” Gerard says putting his arm around Frank, which he is always doing. Does he not realize that friends don’t do that or is he just that oblivious? Frank’s not complaining, no he wouldn’t complain, but Gerard is way too familiar with him considering how long they’ve known each other. About a week now? Seriously, the boy is a dangerous flirt.

“You do realize I just want the free food.”

“You said you weren’t hungry,” Gerard says.

“Well the Beatles were wrong, Gerard. You certainly can buy me love.”

“You are going to bleed me dry,” Gerard laughs, pulling Frank out of the coffee shop, and into the mall. The noise of the mall hits Frank and he doesn’t like the difference in the volume. It’s all faint, like the sounds are coming from a completely different part of the mall, but he’s not fond of it anyway. The coffee shop was small, quiet, and it smelled fantastic. Unless someone ordered a smoothie and they had to use the blender. That made Frank crave to murder someone.

“I’m a gold digger,” Frank says with a grin.

“That would imply that I have any money.”

“Enough to spoil me,” Frank says.

“We’ve been over this already, maybe I want to spoil you.”

"Maybe I'm going to let you since it means free stuff."

"The only reason I haven't stopped buying you stuff is because I really enjoy it, and I'm afraid you just might stop coming around."

Frank doesn't say anything and Gerard knows he just hit a nail on the head. Gerard knows Frank won't stop coming around, because he really wants to spend time with him. He's not going to call Frank out on it again though. He'll let Frank live in his denial for a little bit.

Frank mentally kicks himself for being quiet for far too long, but he isn't about to admit that he wouldn't stop coming around; even if his silence told it all. At least it wasn't coming from his mouth. Frank notices the way the scent in the air shifts and knows they're close to the pizza place. As if on cue, Gerard slides his hand down Frank's back and guides him through the shop.

"It smells like heaven in here."

"You think so? It smells like heaven right here," Gerard leans in and noses at Frank's neck jokingly.

However, Frank jumps about five feet in the air, and away from Gerard. He can't allow him to do stuff like that in such an open space. That'd give Gerard the idea that they're more than they are.

"Relax, Frank," Gerard chuckles and shakes his head. "You need to loosen up a bit."

"I'm sorry I'm not loose enough for you," Frank snaps.

"I didn't... goodness Frank! I just meant live a little."

"I live a lot. I'm standing here aren't I?"

"Yes, but you're not living. You don't let yourself enjoy things. Just because I lean into you doesn't mean anything if you don't want it to. If I touch you it doesn't mean I'm going to molest you. If I move my hand a little lower on your back you don't need to tense up. I'm not going to grab your ass. Just stop being so jumpy and live," Gerard finishes and sighs.

"Go ahead and get your food. Just tell me where to sit."

"I can take you-"

"No. I need to sit by myself for a bit."

Gerard sighs again but points as if Frank could see, "There's seats directly to your right."

Gerard watches as Frank walks over with his cane in front of him. Gerard's shoulders slump and he lets out one more sigh before turning to go make his order.

Frank sits at the table and slouches down in his seat. He knows the only reason he gets upset with Gerard is because he's right. Frank doesn't know how to handle that though. He doesn't like being told how to act and he most certainly doesn't like when the other person is right; that person being Gerard. Frank is trying, he really is, but he can't just fully jump into things.

Not long after, Frank feels Gerard sliding into the seat across from him. Gerard looks at Frank and gives an unsure smile, even though it really doesn't matter. Gerard's fighting to find something to say, but he's falling short. He doesn't like upsetting Frank.

"I'm not mad at you," Frank says suddenly.

"But you are upset?" Gerard asks.

"Not with you," Frank replies.

"I feel like we've had this conversation," Gerard smiles and Frank can hear the smile in his voice, therefore returning it.

Frank thinks of what he's trying to say and tries to word it correctly in his mind before he lets it out. "We have. I'm not used to this. You treating me like this and everything... I'm just not used to it. People aren't always handing me things on a comic book platter," Frank jokes and Gerard giggles. "People don't touch me, and they certainly don't touch me the way you do."

"How do I touch you?" Gerard asks, knowing full well how he touches Frank.

Frank closes his eyes behind his shades and takes a deep breath. It's as if at that moment he can feel Gerard's hands on him, his breath close to him, and Gerard's nose in his neck. It's as if they're back in his bedroom or outside of the restaurant. The sound in Gerard's voice when he just asked, it made Frank feel him without even being touched.

He can picture Gerard’s hands everywhere, and that’s baffling him. Places that they should not be if Gerard is just a friend. He can’t even figure out why he can imagine it all with so much detail.

Gerard is well aware of where Frank's mind must be, just by the change in his demeanor. He doesn't say anything though. Gerard just waits patiently until Frank's ready to finish talking.

"You don't touch me like Patrick or my mother. It just feels different."

"That's called a connection, Frankie. That connection you keep denying. You don't feel that with Patrick or your mother, because you don't want to, and you're not supposed to in your mother's case. You feel a certain way when I touch you, because you like it," Gerard states in a matter-of-fact way.

"Whatever it is, I need time. That's all I'm saying. You have to let me adjust if I even want to."

"You want to."

"I want time."

"So no more touching?"

"No, it's fine," Frank answers almost a little too quickly. He clears his throat before continuing, "Just don't sneak up on me like that, and certainly not this out in the open. I'm just not comfortable with that yet."

"Yet,” Gerard lets the word dissolve on his tongue like it’s heavy and needs time to be understood, “That's better than nothing."

"I wish I had your optimism."

"I wish I had you."

Frank doesn't say anything or stop Gerard in his flirting this time. He just lets him have his moment. Instead he smiles brightly at him and Gerard returns that smile. Gerard loves seeing Frank smile.