These Eyes Are Blind

“So how was your date last night?” Patrick asks, sliding into the seat beside Frank.

“What date last night?”

“The one you had with Gerard,” Patrick clarifies.

“I didn’t have a date with Gerard last night,” Frank answers.

“So what did you do last night then?”

“I hung out with Gerard. But it wasn’t a date. I mean, of course it wasn’t. You know it wasn’t a date. Since when would I ever date someone?”

“My guess is that you would definitely date someone if their name was Gerard, and they had bright red hair,” Patrick replies.

“Well, it’s none of your business,” Frank says, crossing his arms and slouching. The last thing he needs is for Patrick, the guy who’s supposed to be so sweet he apologizes to doorframes for stubbing his toe on them, to start making fun of him.

“Is that your way of asking me to shut up?” Patrick asks.

“Yep,” Frank replies.

“Okay then. Whatever you say.”

“Don’t take that tone! Now you sound like you don’t believe a word I’m saying. It wasn’t a date. Gerard and I just ate pizza. How is that a date? It’s not!”

“Well, maybe not under different circumstances, but given the fact that Gerard is attracted to you, and you to Gerard, I’d call that a date.”

“I’m not attracted to Gerard. Why should I be?” Frank asks, “I can’t even see him!”

“But that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to him,” Patrick answers.

“Well forgive me for my stupid question, but what the hell does attraction mean then?”

“It’s not always about looks, Frank. If it’s about looks than you have to add the word ‘physical’ to the front of it. Physical attraction is different from attraction.”

“Well, I mean, it’s really none of your concern how I feel about Gerard, is it?” Frank says.

“Whatever,” Patrick says, and god, Frank can literally feel his eyes rolling.

“Shut up,” Frank huffs. “But, like, okay, so suppose I did like Gerard.”

“Oh no, you’re about to do these stupid hypotheticals aren’t you?”

“Just, roll with it, kay?”

“I’m going to regret this. Alright, go on. Suppose you did like Gerard, what comes next?”

Frank groans, “Well suppose I did like him, and suppose I’ve never kissed anyone before, because no one wants to make out with a blind guy.”

“You’ve never kissed anyone?” Patrick asks, incredulously.

“Oh hey, might I get you a bullhorn, I don’t think people in the next town over heard that? Is it that hard to believe, I mean, I don’t actually know that many people, and the people I do know are all greatly annoyed by everything I say. I haven’t been trying, really.”

“Alright sorry. I’m not judging. Go on. So suppose you’ve never kissed anyone then?”

“Well, yeah, suppose that was true, and suppose that it’s true that I did like Gerard. Is it weird that, or I mean, would it be weird if Gerard asked me if he could maybe kiss me, and I told him no, because that’s seriously not romantic, because like seriously? How uncool is it to ask a guy if you can kiss them? So like, if that did happen, and I’m not saying it did, because it didn’t, but if it did, would it be weird that I’m somewhat extremely nervous for the fact that Gerard might have plans to kiss me?”

“Okay, so you lost me about half way there, but I think I get what you’re saying kind of. So basically you’re afraid of having your first kiss and you think Gerard plans to kiss you?”

“Hypothetically,” Frank corrects.

“Yes, right. So hypothetically?”

“Yep.”

Patrick exhales and starts, “Well is it that you’re nervous to kiss someone in general because you’ve never kissed anyone or is it because we’re talking about Gerard specifically? Or do you not want to kiss him at all-”

“No!” Frank says a little too quickly and then mentally slaps himself in the face. “I mean, if I did like him, which I don’t, but if I did, than I’d want to kiss him. So, in this hypothetical situation, suppose I do really want to kiss Gerard but I’m still really scared of it.”

“Well why are you scared?”

“I don’t know! I just am. Like, I don’t know why. I’ve never... ugh, what if I’m a bad kisser?” Frank says.

“Well, we’re not going to know about that one until you get feedback from Gerard,” Patrick says.

“Why on earth would I kiss Gerard?” Frank asks, and it makes Patrick want so much to just smash his head against a keyboard.

“I don’t even know what to do with you. Like, you’re so stuck in denial that it’s almost not even funny anymore.”

"Well that's good, because it was never supposed to be a joke," Frank states and Patrick sighs.

"Look, if you want to kiss him, do it. If not, don't lead him on. That's a horrible thing to do to someone."

"I never said... this is hypothetically," Frank reminds Patrick.

"Your version is. Mine is reality. I'm done playing your little game, Frank."

"Who pissed in your Cheerios?"

"You, with your hypothetical bull crap."

"If I recall I came nowhere near your Cheerios this morning or any other morning,” Frank replies.

“And I’d thank you kindly not to ever come near any of my breakfast cereals ever,” Patrick says.

“Party pooper,” Frank murmurs, and then he feels the bus lurch familiarly and he sighs because now he has to face the day. He doesn’t get to see Gerard for another several hours and he really wants to, and his life is so hard.

“So are you going to kiss him then?” Patrick asks when they get off the bus. He holds onto Frank’s elbow to steer him away from the ice.

“Ugh, okay, I don’t know. I’m just, like, nervous, but not nervous, and excited, but anxious, and fucking hell, I don’t even know if I’m a good kisser. What if I’m really shitty? What if Gerard just walks around making out with all the blind kids and I’m nothing special? What if I don’t kiss back enough or too much? There’s just a lot of fucking variables, okay?”

“You’re making half of those up.”

“I’m new to this. I mean, if I wanted to kiss him, that is.”

“You’re unbelievable, Frank. You would go to the ends of the earth to deny that you have feelings for him. You’re not fooling me! Listen, I won’t tell anyone if you tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you like Gerard,” Patrick clarifies.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Frank says, putting his nose up as they enter the school. He shakes Patrick’s hand away and tries to navigate through the swarm of other students making their way through the doors, but he’s not really doing a very good job of losing Patrick. Thing is, when you can’t see where you’re going, you are easily followed. Patrick may be small enough to be stepped on by many of the other people walking around them, but he’s got perseverance.

“So then, tell me, are you in fact meeting Gerard again tonight?”

“That’s a possibility,” Frank shrugs, “but I don’t see why that’s any of your concern.”

“So maybe then you could just make a move and-”

“Okay, that’s the stupidest thing you’ve said yet. Patrick, I can’t see where his fucking face is. If I wanted to kiss him, I’d probably hit my nose against his ear. Gerard’s got things all figured out, I’m sure he’d make the first move anyway. Actually, I’m positive. And I’m not going to attempt to try getting their first. Or, I mean, I wouldn’t if this were an actual scenario that were to actually happen, but as I do not like him, it obviously will not happen.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Patrick says. “So, if he does kiss you then, are you going to deny it to us, because that is so not fair? We’re you’re frien... I mean, acquaintances, we should get to know if you just so happen to make out with Mikey’s brother.”

“Whoa stop,” someone says and Frank’s heart falls a little bit as he recognizes the voice. “What’s this about making out with my brother?”

“Frankie, I didn’t know you were that promiscuous,” someone else, Brendon, says. Frank wonders if those two are attached at the hip or something, because he never seems to find one without the other beside him.

“I didn’t kiss anyone!” Frank says.

“Besides maybe his pillow,” Patrick says with a shrug and Frank whacks him with his cane. “Ow!”

“Shut it!”

“So you kissed Gerard then?” Mikey asks.

“No!”

“He wants to!” Patrick adds.

“Patrick! I thought you said that things would stay in confidence,” Frank hisses.

“Uh, I think if the court reporter reads back what I said you will find that I told you that if and only if you’d admitted to actually liking the guy, so given that you never did actually admit to anything, I didn’t in fact, perjure myself.”

“Since when did you become a lawyer?” Brendon asks.

“I just don’t trust Frank messing with my words. He has more of a vantage point to dissect what people say. I mean, I don’t know what’s going on up there. I think he’s got a little grammar Nazi living up in his head.”

“So, we agree that you want to kiss Gerard,” Mikey says, and Frank desperately wants to just get to his first period class to escape this interrogation.

“I think we can all agree that that’s true,” Brendon nods his head.

“Ahem,” Frank says.

“We can all agree that’s true except for Frank who’s got his head stuck in denial.”

“So have you or have you not kissed my brother then?”

“I haven’t and I don’t intend to,” Frank replies.

“Oh he definitely intends to,” Patrick interjects.

“Patrick, say that one more time and I will rip your mouth off and then put it back upside down.”

“Now Frankie, getting kind of defensive are we?” Brendon teases, “You know what kind of person gets all defensive like that? Someone who’s hiding something.”

"I'm not... I just..." Frank stutters, "Why is it anyone's business? Just leave me alone about Gerard please?"

"Why should we when you can't even just admit that you like him?" Mikey asks with a raised brow and his hands on his hips.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I don't tell you anything, because you'll only tease me further? I'm tired of the teasing," Frank says and drops his bag on the floor. "Could you please open my darn locker, Patrick?"

Patrick starts opening the locker without a word and Frank bends over, and picks up his bag to shove it in his locker when it's opened.

"Has it ever occurred to you that we won't tease if you wouldn't act so immature about it? So you like Gerard. What's the big deal?" Mikey asks.

Brendon and Patrick stand there staring at Frank waiting for an answer. Frank rolls his eyes in his head and closes his locker once he's got what he needs. Frank feels their eyes leaving imprints in him and he turns around with a loud sigh.

"Someone lead me to class please?" Frank doesn't answer the question purposely, because he doesn't have a true answer.

“Yeah okay,” Mikey says, grabbing Frank’s shoulder and pulling him off in the direction he needs to go.

“I won’t test you on it, Frank. I mean, you know what, I’m his brother, so if anything, I’m asking you questions to get at him rather than you. I have an obligation to tease the shit out of him, and he just so happened to pick the most ideal situation where he started to fall for a guy who I not only know, but talk to on a daily basis. It’s like a goldmine of mocking,” Mikey says.

“It’s just, I mean, invasive, you know?”

“If it really bothers you, I can try to stop, but Frank, you have to understand that there is literally know way for you to hide that you like Gerard. Like, I’m not saying that to be mean, or to make you cringe or anything, I’m just saying this as a fact. You like him. There is absolutely no hiding that. I’m not saying something you don’t already know. Whether you choose to admit to it or not does not change a thing. I know, you know, Patrick knows. Hell, Pete even knows and he’s oblivious to most things that go on around him.”

“I’m just a private person.”

“You’ve never had anyone to talk to, I think that’s the problem. Frank, just because you’ve had a god awful experience with some people doesn’t mean all the people you meet are trying to ruin your life. If I wanted to ruin your life, Brendon and I would have left you in that field a week ago. We’re not out to get you. And Gerard, fucking hell, he’s just a weirdo, because for some reason, he’s attached to the idea of being with you.”

“Really?”

“Oh my god yes. It’s seriously annoying. Like, half the time I talk to him he’s talking about you, and I swear to god, even when he’s rambling on about something else, he’s still thinking about you. It’s disgusting. You’ve charmed him pretty badly, and now he’s just been set to repeat all the same things about you, and when he learns new things about you it just gets worse.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Frank says.

“I’m not,” Mikey says, and they stop. Frank’s pretty good at knowing these halls by now, so he’s fairly sure that they’re standing in front of the right classroom. Frank wants to spend as much time outside of it as he can because once he goes in, he’s going to have to deal with Blake.

“Well, alright, so maybe I won’t admit to the whole truth. You’re not going to get that, because I still have some guts that I would like to keep inside myself rather than spilling them to you, if that’s alright. Just, um, it’s not entirely one-sided, I guess. The way Gerard feels, I mean.”

“Duh, I know that. But hearing you admit to it is a milestone worthy of a parade,” Mikey says.

“Yeah, but Mikey,” Frank turns to him, “You tell anyone I said that and I will make sure you never tell anyone another thing ever again.”

“You goona rip my mouth off like Patrick?”

“Much worse,” Frank replies, and he walks forward towards his classroom.

Frank walks into the class and the teacher decides to take the liberties of calling him out.

"Nice of you to join us, Iero. Hurry along now."

"Was that supposed to be funny, because I can assure you it wasn't," Frank says dryly, and since he's familiarized himself with the path, he gets to his seat rather quickly.

Ha takes his seat and hears Blake cough out an insult. The teacher pretends she doesn't hear it and starts boring the hell out of Frank.

By the time the bell rings Frank's slouching far in his seat. He slides up and gathers his books together and his cane. He stands and makes his way through the aisle and students. Frank feels his shoulder being bumped much like in gym yesterday. He sighs heavily as he fumbles with his books. He drops his cane and someone kicks it away when he reaches for it.

"Come on guys. That wasn't nice," a voice Frank has heard a few times speaks out. She's from the period they were just dismissed from.

"It's okay. They can't help it if they were raised by wild animals," Frank says. She gives him his cane and he nods her a thank you.

"He better stay out of my way," Blake says.

“I am like a foot and a half tall, how the hell do I get in your way?” Frank asks. Blake doesn’t respond, just pushes past him and Frank flips him off before heading down the hallway to his next class.

The day is routine, or at least, the new routine he’s grown accustomed to at this school. Nothing all that exciting happens. Everyone teases Pete rather than Frank at lunch, and it’s all pretty much average and uninteresting at best.

Then, when the end of the day finally comes like a merciful cloud on a blisteringly hot day, Frank doesn’t hesitate to make a beeline for his locker. He shoves the things he’ll need later into his backpack and he waits until he hears the familiar voice of Brendon coming up behind him.

Evidently, Brendon thinks Frank is already done with putting his stuff away. Now, that’s true, but only because Frank did it all incredibly quickly, so he should still have shit to take care of, but he’s not going to complain. Even if he wanted to, Brendon is strong. His grip is like titanium.

“Where are we going now?” Frank asks.

“You know already,” Brendon says, and yeah, Frank does know. He’s already agreed with Gerard to see him, so he knows that they’re going to the same spot they were at yesterday.

“I guess I do,” Frank mumbles. He’s not even really walking at this point, he’s mostly just being dragged. Honestly, Frank’s not sure who wants him and Gerard together more, Gerard, or the guys who Frank refuses to call friends.

“Slow down, I’m fucking disabled, you twat!” Frank yelps when he almost trips.

“Frank, we both know that you do not consider yourself disabled,” Brendon states.

“No, but I can’t see where we’re going anyhow. Slow down so I don’t break something.”

“Nope, we’re already here,” Brendon says, before he’s shoving Frank out into the cold. He didn’t even have time to put his jacket on and now he’s outside and it’s freezing.

“Can I help you with that?” someone asks, and Frank knows immediately who that voice belongs to. He’s already attracted to that voice as it is, he doesn’t need any more hints than that.

“It’s just a jacket, I think I can get it myself, thanks,” Frank says.

“No really, I got it,” Gerard says, and he grabs the jacket from Frank’s hand and then steps around him. Frank just sucks in a breath and doesn’t let it out as Gerard’s hands brush along his arms when he puts the coat around him. He almost forgets how exactly to put his arm in the sleeve, but he figures it out.

“How was your day?” Gerard asks, with his voice right next to Frank’s ear. Frank wants someone to shoot him in the face to stop himself from being so blisteringly infatuated with this guy.

“F-fine.”

“You still cold?” Gerard asks, pretending he doesn’t know precisely why Frank just stuttered.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Gerard walks around him, and Frank hears footsteps crunching in snow, an oddly comfortable sound. Then Gerard’s facing him and Frank’s aware that it’s a ghost town back here. There’s no one else in this spot right now other than them. Even if there were people there, Frank doubts he’d be able to focus on them. He’s next to Gerard and that’s about all he knows right now. He’s next to Gerard and he wants so many different things all at once from this guy.

Gerard leans down a little until he’s in Frank’s personal space, and Frank’s whole brain just stops working completely all of a sudden.

Frank’s breathing halts as every single cell in his body just starts to scream ‘oh my god, this is it.’ Because Gerard is inches away, not even inches. Centimeters. He’s so close that Frank can literally feel his breath on his face. This is fucking it. His brain just keeps repeating those words over and over and over again in his head. He’s not sure if time is standing still or if Gerard is just stalling on the moment, but it feels like it’s been too long.

Frank could reach his hand out and Gerard’s face would be right there, right next to his, so close it’s not even possible to measure anymore.

Frank’s just waiting. And waiting. He’s waiting for this stupid annoying redhead to fucking kiss him already and he’s excited, but so beyond ready for it.

Then Gerard pulls away and Frank’s body seems to chuck itself off a canyon out of sheer disappointment. That was going to be it. He was so sure of it. That was supposed to be it. He was supposed to kiss Gerard and it was going to be the best first kiss anyone in the world has ever had, but it’s not even happening. Gerard is leaning back against the car and he’s just sort of staring at Frank, and Frank feels like someone just kicked him and stole his money. It’s not even computing.

Gerard didn’t kiss him. He was going to, but then he didn’t. Maybe Frank repulses him and he didn’t realize it until they were that close. Maybe Frank’s just really ugly, and Gerard couldn’t go through with kissing him. Every single possible reason that could possibly explain why Gerard didn’t kiss him floods through his head, and it’s like being hit with a train.

“Wh-why...?” Frank mumbles, and he can hear how broken and helpless he sounds. It’s disgusting, even to his own ears, to hear himself speak so he doesn’t finish his thought.

“Not the right time. You saw it coming,” Gerard says.

“I,” Frank starts but he doesn’t trust his own tongue.

Gerard comes up to him again, close, but not in the same way he had been a moment ago. A moment ago the air had been ripe with anticipation, and desperation and a whole bunch of other things that Frank doesn’t have the mind nor care to put labels to. He just knew it was going to happen. This is different, this is more like Gerard being Gerard and getting close just to see Frank’s legs go all wobbly.

“I am going to kiss you, Frank,” Gerard says, “Don’t you worry about that. Just not yet.”

“You’re just...” Frank tries to find the perfect word to describe how aggravating Gerard is right now, and most of the time actually, but he fails and he just huffs out dejectedly. “I hate you. Take me home, would you?”

“Home? You don’t want to spend more time with me?” Gerard asks, and that’s a tough question for Frank to answer. On the one hand, fuck yes, of course he wants to spend time with Gerard. He wants to spend all the time there is to spend with Gerard. He wants to spend the eighteen years of his life where he didn’t know Gerard, getting to know him.

Then on the other hand though, Gerard is annoying him right now. He was so close to kissing Frank and then he just backed away and now Frank is just angry and upset, and somewhat longing for the stupid dork to stick his stupid tongue in Frank’s mouth. That’s all he’s asking for. He’s not asking for a million dollars or eternal youth. He just wants Gerard to kiss him, is that too much to ask?

“I really hate you, Gerard,” Frank says, “and while I would really love to hang out with you at your store, I have a life too. One that doesn’t need you in it every second of every day.”

“Well no, most of the day has already gone by and you’re only just now spending it with me, so obviously you don’t need me, but you want me here anyway.”

Frank wants to say he’ll go to the comic store and give Gerard some company while he works, but really, he doesn’t want to seem clingy. He knows he isn’t, but he wants to seem kind of cool. At least, he doesn’t want to be that much of a loser. Frank is not at all a cool dude, but he doesn’t want to be so obsessed with Gerard that he doesn’t even have a life.

So, Frank decides, he can spend tonight without Gerard. Leave him wanting more. That’s what he should do. Leave Gerard wanting more. If Gerard gets to leave Frank on his toes, he can do the same thing to Gerard.

"No, you can take me home," Frank repeats.

Frank hears Gerard taking in a sharp breath.

"Okay Frank. If that's what you want," Gerard mumbles sounding defeated.

"That's what I want," Frank say and he knows he's not fully telling the truth. "We'd better get going so you can get back to work."

Gerard can basically hear his own heart breaking from being left alone without Frank all of a sudden. He'd planned comics to introduce to Frank and got a few snacks for them to share. It was very cliché esque, but Gerard wanted that with Frank. Still wants that.

Frank holds back a sigh as Gerard leads him to the car. Gerard opens the door and helps Frank into the car, then closes the door. Frank lets out the breath as Gerard walks around the car and then opens the door. Gerard gets in and instantly leans over for Frank's seat belt. He pulls it across Frank's chest and Frank inhales quickly, holding the breath in, and feeling his head spin with how close Gerard is. Gerard pecks Frank's cheek and Frank turns his head a little. Letting his face linger next to Gerard's. His lips millimeters apart from Gerard's. Gerard clicks the belt into place and pulls back.

"We should get you home."