These Eyes Are Blind

Frank wants to punch something. He wants to punch a wall or a tree. He wants to punch Gerard in the face. He wants to punch anything that he can punch, basically.

He’s going crazy. Absolutely crazy.

Now, Frank knows Gerard well enough to know that it was his intent the whole time to keep him waiting on pins and needles, but it’s been too long. It’s been way too long. Over a week is too long. To be precise, it’s been nine days. So basically, it’s been about eight and a half days too many.

What Frank wants, what he really wants, is for Gerard to kiss him, but no, his luck just isn’t that good. It’s literally going to drive him crazy if this whole never been kissed thing doesn’t get rectified soon. He’s seriously regretting telling Gerard not to kiss him what feels like years ago. He wishes he could take it back, but he can’t, and that is killing him.

He wishes that he could just pluck up the courage to do it himself, but he’d run into more than a few problems if he were to attempt to kiss Gerard. The first being that Gerard is taller than him, and Frank can’t see. If he could, he’d grab that son of a bitch and be done with it, but he can’t, so he’s quite sure he’d probably end up slobbering all over his nose or something.

The second problem Frank faces is that he’s never kissed anyone before, and doesn’t know how to initiate it. He’s not in the know about being smooth, and he’s too nervous to be able to do that anyway. He may act like he owns the world sometimes, but Frank is still considerably shy, especially around Gerard for some unknown reason.

It’s all Gerard’s fault, he assumes. It’s all Gerard’s fault that he gets butterflies in his stomach whenever he’s near Gerard. It’s all Gerard’s fault that he forgets to breathe when they’re touching. It’s all Gerard’s fault that he giggles like an anime character half the time that they’re together. It’s all Gerard’s fault. Everything’s his fault.

The biggest problem Frank faces is that he doesn’t even know how to kiss. He’s fairly sure that there’s a bunch of different types of kissing, and he doesn’t know which one is appropriate, or anything about anything. He’s hopeless. He can’t just watch a chick flick and take notes on kissing techniques, because he can’t actually see the screen! He doesn’t know where his nose is supposed to go, or his hands or even what to do with his mouth. He’s literally hopeless.

Frank’s decided that he’s going to have to handle this like Gerard is in charge, because, what the hell is he supposed to do? There’s no way for him to get this information that doesn’t entail embarrassing the crap out of himself in front of everyone he knows.

He knows that he could ask someone. He can’t ask his mom obviously, but he could, hypothetically, ask Mikey or Pete or someone, but he can’t at the same time. It’s a possibility, but he couldn’t muster up the will to actually ask anyone. It’s too embarrassing. Besides, if he asked Mikey, then Mikey would know that Frank intends to kiss his brother, and that’s something Frank would rather not have Mikey know. If he asks Pete then Pete will tell Mikey and the same results would follow. The only person he could ask and trust that they wouldn’t tell Mikey is Patrick, but Patrick doesn’t seem like a kissing aficionado and probably wouldn’t have any viable advice for Frank.

So Frank is on his own, waiting, scowling, and snapping at everything that breathes.

Frank is aware that he’s being kind of rude to everyone lately, even Gerard to a certain extent, but there’s just no way for him to change that. He can’t get himself to behave rationally. All he knows is that Gerard hasn’t kissed him yet, and he wants it to happen like yesterday.

So what if Frank is a little bit moody? He’s allowed to have his bad days. It hasn’t been a bad day though, more like a bad week.

“What’s gotten into you?” Brendon asks at lunch after Frank snaps at a remark directed towards him.

“Nothing. It’s not important.”

“Okay, so you just denied that anything was wrong and then you contradicted yourself. So what actually is wrong?”

“Why should I tell you?” Frank asks.

“Because until you do, I’m going to hold your cookie hostage,” Brendon says, and he grabs something off of Frank’s lunch tray. He just shrugs and puts his arm on the table, under his head.

“Keep it,” Frank says, “what do I care?”

“You’re grumpy,” Pete states.

“I’m not!” Frank insists. “It’s just... ugh, it doesn’t concern you, so keep your nose out of it.”

“Does this have anything to do with Gerard?” Mikey asks.

“Jeez! Gerard, Gerard, Gerard. Is that all you guys ever talk about?”

“That’s the first time we brought him up.”

“Well it seems like you’re just always on my back about him. We’re just, I don’t know, I don’t like him.”

“No not at all,” Patrick whispers sarcastically. Frank kicks him under the table.

Mikey starts, “Whatever it is, if you just talk to him about it-”

“No! It’s not about Gerard. There’s nothing wrong. I’m fine.”

“People usually insist that they’re fine when they absolutely and completely are not fine,” Brendon says.

“You can give it up, okay? There’s no amount of asking that will get me to spill on my personal life. It’s personal for a reason, and I have absolutely no obligation to tell you shit about myself.”

“Fine, whatever,” Mikey says, “I can always ask Gerard.”

“Why would you ask him how I feel?”

“Because he probably knows.”

“Don’t tell him anything!” Frank says, and then tries to come up with a viable excuse for why he doesn’t want Gerard to know anything. He’s coming up short. Gerard’s probably noticed his behavior anyway, but he would really prefer Mikey didn’t go on and tattle on Frank.

“So you admit this has something to do with Gerard?” Mikey asks.

“I admit no such thing!” Frank says, “I just don’t want the people who consider themselves my friends to go bitching about me to their siblings.”

“Yes, but you’ve said it yourself, we aren’t your friends,” Brendon points out.

“Just, ugh, just don’t tell Gerard anything, okay? If it is about Gerard, and I’m not saying it is, nor am I even acknowledging that ‘it’ is real, then it should stay between us.”

“Yeah, but your bad attitude is affecting us too!”

“Boohoo, I don’t give a fuck.”

That’s how Frank acts for the remainder of the day. That’s how he acts into the beginning of the next day, and all throughout the last half of school. He’ll mope and act out towards just about everyone. It almost lands him in hot water with a teacher who hasn’t taken a liking to him. Not many of them have, after all his whole condition makes all their lives harder, but the teachers here don’t even try to pretend. Really, who are they to complain about having to specially prepare his homework, when Frank has to fucking deal with this every goddamn day of his life? Oh no, you had to spend extra time getting Frank’s homework ready for him? That’s a real shame. Such a travesty. It totally and completely out trumps Frank’s whole blindness thing.

Frank’s entire mannerism has been morphed into that of an extreme asshole compared to his usual moderate asshole behavior. It’s all Gerard’s fault though. All Frank’s asking for is for Gerard to kiss him, but no, he just has to surprise Frank. He has to catch him off guard or whatever. If this keeps up, someone will end up murdering Frank by the end of the month. He’s just that annoying.

So by the time Friday afternoon comes around, celebrating almost a month of knowing Gerard, he’s still a kiss virgin.

Frank has pretty much memorized the halls of the school by now. He still hasn’t quite mastered the stairs to the upper level, and he’d really prefer never having to go up there at all, but he’s gotten the hang of everything else.

He’s also gotten even more on the bad side of Blake, which is probably not a good thing. He’s really not trying anymore, it’s just basic instinct to be snarky towards him, and the snarkier he gets, the more Blake seems ready to throw Frank off a bridge. Gym is the worst of it though. That’s one of the only classes Frank has all by himself, and it’s always at the end of the day so that all the anger Blake feels towards him has built up. He’s gotten used to being slammed into lockers before and after gym, but he’s also made a habit of hiding out in the stalls at the back of the locker room so that he doesn’t find himself in a worse position. Frank can handle pushing and shoving, what he can’t handle is Blake trying to take advantage of his lack of clothes in the locker room.

Frank’s also started to bring his backpack to the locker room with him, so that he doesn’t have to make a stop at his locker after his last period. He can just head straight for the side parking lot where Gerard has proven that he will always be there waiting. He’s never even been late. Frank sometimes makes him wait extended lengths of time, though, just to see if Gerard has any reaction to that, but so far, he hasn’t. He’s just too nice.

Today is one of those good days where Gerard doesn’t have to work, and that excites Frank more than he’d care to admit. It’s not like he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with Gerard for a few hours at the comic book store, but he also really likes to have Gerard to himself, in a manner of speaking. He likes it when Gerard doesn’t have any responsibilities to attend to, and can be one hundred percent there with Frank.

Despite his crabbiness and irritation with Gerard, he still looks forward to seeing him. He can’t help it. There’s just something so fulfilling about being near Gerard that he doesn’t quite know how to place.

Frank pushes open the external door, letting the freezing cold air hit his face, mercifully welcoming in the weekend where he’ll get to hopefully spend way too much time with Gerard.

Even though Gerard is the focus of his grouchiness, Frank still smiles when he hears Gerard call to him from the parking space where he always waits. Frank’s earlier today, because of his need to get out of the school for his two days off. Also, he really wants to hang out with Gerard.

Frank takes his usual calculated steps to get over to the car. He knows how to get there without the help of Gerard, because sometimes when Frank took a little too long Gerard would wait in his car, causing Frank to try and find his way over before Gerard would come rushing to help him. One day after school Gerard practiced a bit with him so he could get to the car himself when he wasn't in the mood for Gerard's assistance, like on that day. Gerard, of course, rushes over to Frank and wraps his arm around his waist as usual.

"How was your day?" Gerard asks and Frank just grunts something, because, really, he's just done with everything.

Gerard's arm does feel nice around him though, and he doesn't admonish himself when he moves in closer to Gerard. They get over to the car and Gerard takes his arm from around Frank to open the door. Gerard takes Frank's bag and helps him into the car. Gerard smiles down at Frank and nods to himself when Frank is seated comfortably inside, and done collapsing his cane. Gerard straightens up, closes the door, and goes around to his side of the car. When Gerard gets in the car, he closes the door and throws Frank's bag in the back.

"I left the heat running for you today. I know how quickly you get cold," the smile is evident in Gerard's voice, and it almost makes Frank want to smile... almost.

"Thanks," Frank answers shortly, but he really appreciates it, and he hopes Gerard knows it. Frank's reassured that Gerard knows it when he just chuckles and doesn't push on the matter.

"Are you going to give me a real answer on how school was for you today?"

Frank sighs because he knows Gerard isn't going to let this go. This is an everyday thing between the two and Frank doesn't even know why Gerard continues to ask. It's like he's expecting everyone to magically like Frank and for Frank to magically be able to see again. Frank knows Gerard is just curious about everything that goes on with him, so he always gives him an answer. Today would be no different although he wishes one thing was different.

"I went to school as always. I went to my classes as always. I annoyed people as always. My teachers were annoyed by me as always. My friends but not friends pestered me as always, and I snapped at them... as always," Frank's tone is getting angrier by the second. "I was shoved against a few lockers as always, but not during gym for once. I actually decided to hide out this time, because I'm not in a good mood, if you couldn't tell. So today would've definitely been the day that Blake bashed my face in had I had a run in with him. Now I'm sitting in the car with you waiting for you to take me home. Overall, school for me was the same as always." Frank lets out a sigh after he's done speaking.

"Okay, I'll get you home."

Gerard knows Frank is frustrated and it bums him out. He also knows that he's a part of the reason why Frank is stressing out. Ever since the day he didn't kiss him, things shifted in the air around them. Frank still hangs out with him and they still have a good time, but it’s moments like these when it’s too quiet that Frank becomes lost in his own thoughts and grumpy. Gerard is only doing what Frank asked of him though. Gerard knows Frank wants to kiss him and it's not like Gerard doesn't want to kiss Frank. Honestly he wanted to kiss him ages ago, but he just doesn't know how.

Right now Frank's scowling and almost slouching in his seat and Gerard can see that he really just wants to go home. The pout on his lips makes Gerard smile and chuckle. He shakes his head and leans over to buckle Frank up like he always does. It's all so slow in both of their minds, but fast at the same time. Gerard purposely lingers in Frank's face once he has the belt in his hand. He pulls it over Frank's chest and snaps it into place.

Frank isn't moving or even breathing. This is always how it happens. Gerard has been doing this since the first time Frank got into his car. It's always the slow anticipation of what's not going to happen. Gerard always takes his sweet time tormenting Frank with a damn seat belt. Gerard always touches him lightly and breathes in his face. Frank's always left not knowing how to breathe until Gerard backs away and starts doing whatever he does before he's driving him to wherever they're going.

This time Gerard's there for too long and Frank almost asks him why, but stops abruptly when he feels Gerard's finger on his chin. Frank then feels Gerard's other hand on his face, and he all but dies right there when Gerard presses his lips against Frank's. For a moment, Frank is sure there isn't darkness behind his closed eyes. He feels like he can see things he hasn't seen in forever. He can't breathe, he can't do anything, but let Gerard kiss him. It's unlike anything he's ever felt.

Frank's heart is pounding and it's so loud, yet he can barely hear it. All he knows is he can feel Gerard's lips on his. He can smell the cherry on both of their lips. Everything has stopped but their beating hearts, and for once Frank will admit that his heart is fucking beating for Gerard, and he knows Gerard's is beating for him. It's just a touch of the lips, nothing too pushy, but it's enough to let Frank know he wants more.

Gerard feels it the moment his lips touch Frank's. He feels the way Frank seizes up at first and then he feels the way Frank melts under his touch. It’s as if Gerard literally has to hold him up. Gerard can't feel, can't think about anything other than Frank's mouth. His soft and perfect lips. Gerard wants to take it further than just a peck and he will once he's sure Frank can handle it. Right now he knows Frank is testing the waters because he's never done this before and he's fine with that.

Instead Gerard focuses on the way it seems neither of them are really breathing. The only thing indicating that they're still alive is their hearts drumming together, really. Gerard has never felt anything like this with anyone else in his life. It's not like when he had his first kiss. That was actually a disaster.

The guy was too in a rush to even really care if Gerard had ever kissed anyone before or not. This is different and Frank is who Gerard wishes was his first kiss. Frank's face feels soft under his palm, and it's all almost too much but not enough. Gerard turns his head to the side and softly guides Frank's face to the other side. Frank follows the direction willingly, and that's when the kiss deepens a little.

Their mouths are opening and closing against each other, but there's no tongue, and it's fine like that for now. Frank pants into Gerard's mouth and Gerard does this little thing between a moan and a 'mmm' sound but he's sure Frank understands it. Gerard's sure Frank understands it because now his hand is on the back of Gerard's head and he's pushing and pulling into the kiss. Frank feels Gerard's tongue against his bottom lip and Gerard moves it slowly back and forth. It's as if Gerard is asking permission for something Frank's sure he's heard of before, so he grants him that permission.

"Yes..." Frank pants into Gerard's mouth and that's all he's able to say because Gerard pushes his tongue into Frank’s mouth.

At first Frank thinks it feel odds and he doesn't even know where to put his tongue or what to do with it. Gerard pulls back and looks at Frank, wishing he could see his eyes staring back at him. Then Gerard does something crazy that Frank is clearly not expecting. Gerard takes Frank's sunglasses off and Frank turns away from him. Gerard turns his face back to him and kisses him softly on the lips.

"It's okay," Gerard whispers and Frank shakes his head no. "Yeah... it's okay, Frankie."

Frank takes a deep breath and exhales and then looks up at Gerard. Or where Gerard would be if he could see him. Gerard smiles and chuckles at Frank.

"What?" Frank asks uncertainly.

"My boyfriend has the coolest eyes," Gerard says and he's hoping he didn't ruin things.

Frank inhales sharply and his eyes go wide. Before he can say anything, Gerard pulls him back into a quick kiss. "Just let me do all the work."

Frank just nods again and let's Gerard take over. He feels Gerard's tongue snake back into his mouth. Gerard's trying to make Frank forget what he just said and focus back on their kiss. He's glad Frank didn't stop him and make a big deal out of it, because honestly that would've ruined everything. Gerard moves his tongue inside of Frank's mouth, just tasting him, and thanking God that Frank hadn't eaten school lunch.

Frank tastes like gum and cherry from the chap stick he'd licked off of Frank's lips. Frank's head is spinning now and he's got into a rhythm that he and Gerard can both enjoy. Frank moans into Gerard's mouth and Gerard moans back. That's proof enough that he's doing something right. Gerard wishes he'd picked somewhere that he can lay Frank down or something more comfortable so that he can feel Frank the way he wants to.

Gerard wants to mold their bodies together and make Frank feel so much more than he's already clearly feeling. Frank moves his hands into Gerard’s red hair and opens his mouth for him more. Frank's so hot all over and he wants nothing more than to be back in his room with Gerard doing this, but then there's the scary thought that he'd want so much more, although he's not ready for that. Frank can't help how his body reacts to Gerard though. So it's probably best that they're in Gerard's car and not back on his bed.

Gerard wants to pull Frank into his lap but he's not going to. He's not going to keep them here all day in his car though either. No matter how badly he really wants to, he knows they can't stay here forever. Gerard pulls back reluctantly and puts his forehead against Frank's. Frank's holding Gerard by the back of his neck now and his other hand is on Gerard's shoulder. Gerard's gripping Frank's waist so tight he's sure he'll probably be able to feel Gerard's hands there for the rest of the day.

"You sure you've never done that before?" Gerard asks with a chuckle.

Frank smiles and nods. "I'm sure." Frank sighs and pulls back from Gerard.

For a moment Frank just stares into his lap until he realizes he's not wearing his glasses anymore. He doesn't see the darkness they provide and he feels exposed for some reason. It's not like Gerard hasn't already seen his eyes back in his room and it's not like he didn't just see them a few moments ago, but he still feels odd. Frank feels like he's less than beautiful without his glasses to hide the ugly truth.

Gerard can literally sense and feel what Frank's thinking and it pains his heart. Gerard reaches for Frank's face and smiles at him once he's got his attention.

"You're beautiful. You're breath taking. If you don't believe me just pay close attention to how I breathe when I'm around you." They both chuckle and then Gerard continues. "I'll never think anything less of you because of your eyes. I told you, I think they're awesome. I think you're pretty awesome too."

"Yeah, well," Frank laughs breathily and Gerard just has a huge smile plastered on his face. It looks like he's auditioning to be the next Joker in a Batman movie and it's all because of Frank. Frank's aware of Gerard's hand still on his face and he doesn't say anything about it.

Frank thinks about what Gerard said and decides now would be a good time to address it. "You called me your boyfriend."

Frank's looking up at Gerard and he's wishing he could just fucking see him. He wants to see more than a blob of red. Frank wants to look into Gerard's eyes with his normal eyes. He wants to see the way Gerard looks at him. He loves the way it feels so he can only imagine how he'd feel looking at all the emotion Gerard has toward him. Frank won't call it love, because it's too soon, but there's something there, and it's so powerful.

"I did. Is that a problem?" Gerard asks and he's praying internally that Frank won't push him back after they've gone so far forward.

"That's fine."

"Really!?" Gerard says a little too loudly, and Frank laughs.

"Yes, really."

"Wow... okay then. You're my boyfriend."

"Don't make me regret it," Frank smiles up at Gerard and Gerard laughs.

"I won't," Gerard kisses Frank one last time before he pulls back and grabs Frank's glasses.

Gerard puts Frank's glasses back on and pushes Frank's hair behind his ear. Gerard stares at him for a moment and smiles again. Frank can feel him smiling, he practically hears his mouth move into the smile and Frank would rather not think about how he's able to hear it. Frank just returns the smile. Gerard lets out a breath and finally sits into his chair properly. He buckles his belt and turns on the radio. Gerard looks over at Frank and Frank gets this look on his face and then he's smiling way more than he should be.

Gerard thinks Frank's gone mad when he starts laughing, and he's about to ask him if he's okay when Frank shouts, "FINALLY!" Frank giggles, and Gerard just has to join in with him as he pulls out of the parking lot.