A Lovely Mess

John wasn't entirely sure how it happened. Before it did, he was at some bar he didn't know the name of in a city he didn't remember. He was almost drunk, when she walked into the bar. It was like a train hit him finally after trailing him for five years. It only took about ten minutes for him to reach completely drunk after she showed up, surprising everyone in the entire bar. No one was expecting her there and no one had told him she was going to be there. By the look on all their faces, no one else knew either.

She was babbling and she was upset, John knew that. He knew her far too well to believe her when she said she was fine. As well as knowing that, he knew he shouldn't have talked to her. Hell, he shouldn't have even looked at her. It was clear in her eyes that there was something very wrong and he knew that she was trying to forget whatever it was. Even though John wanted to hate her, he couldn't just let her be like that.

After finally deciding he needed air, John excused himself outside to go smoke a cigarette. The fresh air felt so relieving and the train seemed to pass him. He heard someone walked up next to him, and he wasn't at all surprised to see who it was.

"Max - uh Max told me about... um, Jamie," Christina slurred, reaching her hand out for a cigarette. "How is s-she?"

The mention of her name brought a smile to his face. "She's great, Chris," he murmured. "I miss her, a lot."

For a moment, Christina was silent, then her voiced seemed completely sober when she spoke next. "You love her." John looked over, opening his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "Don't try and deny it. I know you, John, you love her. And don't give me that bullshit about not knowing her a long time, because we both know you love her."

"I don't love her... yet. I think I might soon... She's just... she's everything I've been waiting for, she's everything I wanted out of a girl. She's smart and beautiful and knows what she's doing with her life, kind of, she's wild and crazy and well put together all at the same time. She can cook, she's just... she's amazing. She's... she's Jamie."

"Can I see a picture?"

Nodding, John pulled out his phone. He showed her his lock screen, which was a picture of her in his kitchen. She was grinning and her hair was in a messy bun, while she held five strips of bacon in either hand, along with only having one of John's shirts on. It was John's favorite picture of her.

"She's a goof," he chuckled.

Laughter fell from Christina and as much as he hated to think and admit it, he had missed her laugh. It was weird to see her again, it had been quite a bit since her last pop up, and that ended with a fight between the two.

"I'm happy that you're happy, John... Really, I am." John murmured a thank you to her. "Look, I'm really... I'm really sorry for all that I put you through and for dragging you way down with me. I never wanted to do that. I loved you with my entire heart and I never meant for us to be the way we were... the way we are."

John looked at Christina and she seemed sincere. "Thank you, Chris. Now, tell me what's going on with you. Why are you so upset tonight?"

Her eyes instantly filled up with tears and John moved closer to her, almost in a Christina trance. "I was seeing this guy and he... he broke up with me. He told me that I'm a fuck up, like I didn't already know. He told me that I can't do anything right and I'm going no where, like I didn't already know that either. And it just... it reminded me of what you told me and I guess it hit me hard that it's not just you that thinks that. It's everyone, John. Everyone thinks that about me."

She was in tears as she spoke and John pulled her in for a hug. It was weird at first, something he hadn't felt in five years, but then it wasn't as weird. It was like he was suddenly twenty again and it felt right. The sound of heels clicking was what made John look up and he froze, seeing Jamie standing there. She stopped abruptly when she realized that it was John and a girl she had never seen before.

John pulled from Christina. "Jamie!" he said quickly, detaching any contact he had with his ex.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked, noticing that Christina was crying. Her voice wasn't bitter, but John knew her well enough to know that she was hiding that tone. It was a trait that Jamie was very good at.

Shaking his head quickly, John walked over to her. "No, baby, what are you doing here? I'm so happy to see you."

"I wanted to surprise you. Uh... Max and Tim said it was a good idea." John bent down to kiss her, but she turned her head just in time and he kissed her cheek.

He sighed while pulling her hand. Christina stepped forward. "Hi Jamie, it's really nice to meet you. I've heard great things about you. I'm Christina."

The whole demeanor on Jamie changed once that name was spoken. "It's nice to meet you, too, Christina. Sorry to interrupt, you two continue doing...whatever you were doing, I'm going to go find the guys."

Quickly, Jamie began to walk off. She wanted to be as far away from Christina as possible. Again, John sighed. He excused himself from Christina and ran up to Jamie before she had a chance to walk into the bar. "Jay, wait."

She glanced at him, but kept walking until he caught up with her and grabbed her arm. "John, it's fine."

"No, it's not fine. You're not fine. I had no idea that Christina was going to be here, she just showed up out of nowhere. None of us knew she would be here. And we were just talking, she's... she's upset about a break up and that's it."

Jamie rolled her eyes. "I don't care, John. We aren't together or anything, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do."

"Don't be mad, Jamie," he pleaded. Her face grew softer and John smiled. "I'm really happy you're here, baby. Like really happy. I've missed you so much, this past week has sucked without waking up to you every morning."

A smile slowly grew on her face and she finally allowed John to kiss her. He smiled against her mouth, pulling her closer. His hands were on fire under her skin. "I've missed you, too," she said, falling back on her feet from their kiss. John murmured that he wasn't done and he kissed her again, relishing in the taste of her kiss. Jamie giggled while pushing him back. "Okay, let's go inside."

She took a step and John didn't follow. He glanced over to where Christina was and Jamie pursed her lips. "I need to go make sure she's okay."

Like before, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Fine, whatever, John."

Without giving him time to say anything else, she walked away and into the bar. The feeling that Jamie was experiencing was unusual to her. She knew it was jealousy, but she didn't know why. Jamie had never been a jealous kind of person. Maybe it was the way John was holding her or the look he had on his face. It scared her. Jamie knew that John had loved Christina more than anything. She knew that he would've given anything up for her and part of her was scared he would feel that way again.

As she walked into the bar, immediately noticing Kennedy, she sighed. The boys, all surprised, greeted her happily, and then all at once, they all had the same facial expression. Jamie nodded, as if answering their silent question of if she met Christina or not.

"Can I have a drink before we get into this?" she asked.

Garrett threw an arm around her shoulder, then called for the bartender to get her a drink.

Outside, Christina gave John a confused look. "You know that was the wrong move, right?" she asked. "You're supposed to follow her when she has that look on her face, not leave her and stay outside with your ex girlfriend."

John shrugged. "She'll be fine, we'll be fine. It's not that I'm worried about. Jamie's very understanding. I want to make sure you're alright before I go in there."

Christina nodded. "I'll be fine, John. Seriously. Go inside, get your girlfriend, and take her to the hotel and just be with her, okay? That's all she wants, it's clear as day on her face."

It took a minute for John to agree and a lot of convincing from Christina, but he finally went back in the bar. He found Jamie quickly and pulled her to the side. Before she could open her mouth, he kissed her. The alcohol on her lips surprised him, since she normally didn't drink bourbon. Jamie finally gave in, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer.

Just as he knew, just like he told Christina, Jamie had forgiven him. He knew he had to use those moments sparingly, because he knew she'd only take so much, but he was grateful in that moment.

"Let's go to the hotel," John murmured to her. Jamie nodded without hesitation and he dragged her away without saying goodbye to their friends.

When they got to the hotel room, John kissed her hard. "God, I've missed you," he murmured.

"Being apart didn't help anything," she replied as his lips moved to her neck. John walked her backwards to the bed. "What are we going to do when you go on really long tours?"

John shushed her. He continued to kiss her skin anywhere his lips could go. It felt like it had been way longer than a week since he had last tasted or touched her.

"We... we need to stop," Jamie said, pushing him back a little. "We said we were going too fast before and this isn't exactly going slow... We need to stop."

A groan fell from John as he rolled over next to her. "You're right."

The two of them caught their breaths and regained their composure, which took longer than either of them would've liked. Jamie changed into some of John's clothes and he made himself more comfortable before they settled onto his bed. "So... that was Christina."

John nodded. "That was Christina," he repeated.

"She's gorgeous. Like Mischa Barton gorgeous," Jamie acknowledged.

John's calloused fingers grazed her cheek while making her look at him. "You're far more gorgeous, Jay. But she doesn't matter, okay? You're all that matters. No one else is as important to me as you are."

"If you... if you still love her, John, I would understand... It's normal. She was your world for a long time."

Shifting, he pulled her closer to him, pulling her face right in front of his and making their eyes meet. "I don't still love her, Jamie. I swear to you. I do not and never will ever again love her."

"I just don't want to lose you."

He kissed her hard. "You'll never lose me."

"That's what Adam said," she murmured.

John didn't reply. While he had no idea who Adam was, he had heard the name several times. He had heard her say it in her sleep, but not in a sexual way, in a longing way. The two times he heard her say it in her sleep, she woke up crying. He had heard two of Jamie's friends mention the name, but immediately stopped and changed the subject. One day, Jamie had been on the phone with her mother on speakerphone and her mother said the name, saying that she found some of his things in her old room. That was it though. Nothing other than that.

He decided not to ask about Adam. Something inside of him told him to wait just a little longer before diving into that. It seemed like it was a big part of her past and he didn't want to rush it. While he was desperate to know, he didn't want to risk losing his relationship with Jamie.

"So... you didn't know she was going to be here?" Jamie asked quietly.

John shook his head as he glanced at the girl. "I don't think any of us knew. Max might've, but he didn't tell anyone. He sure as hell didn't tell me. And if he did know, why would he say it's okay for her to come, if he knew you were coming? He's an ass for that."

With a shrug, Jamie shifted a little. "It's okay. I knew I would meet her at some point."

The two sat in a comfortable silence as Jamie rested in John's arms. He had almost all points of contact with her, which he was content about. He sat in ease, holding the small girl in his arms. Jamie on the other hand, was struggling with the thoughts in her mind. She was terrified about her meeting with Christina. She was terrified of the way John was holding her and she was terrified of the way he looked at her.

She was terrified of losing John.