Follow Your Leader

Vic's P.O.V

I was so not looking forward to having this conversation with Mike and Kellin.

I mean a small part of me still loves him. And by small I mean very, very small. But a major part of me hates him. I trusted him not to hurt me. But he did the exact opposite. It would have been different if he had told me ahead of time that he was leaving. Or if he didn't know in general. But he knew, he hid it from me then he left and broke up with me through a fucking letter. 

That's what hurts the most that he couldn't tell me himself. That he left the letter at my house. What will this conversation even bring. Other than Mikey wanting answers. I would so rather forget it happened and continue to hate him.

Hating him is so much easier than falling for him all over again.

When Kellin arrived back at my house. He walked straight in. Something I was use to since Mike gave him a key. I heard him walking through the hall. I was currently sitting in the kitchen on the counter talking to the cook about dinner tonight since my parents aren't here.

He walked in the kitchen still not looking at me but I was looking at him. I knew he could feel my eyes burning into him, he was just fighting the urge to look at me.

When he finally did decide to look at me, he looked like he was having an internal battle with himself about what he was going to do.

We just sat there in silence because Mike had went out somewhere with Tay after she got off work so he wasn't coming home until whenever he felt like it. This silence was completely awkward. 

"Would you like anything to drink, Kel?" One of the maids asked Kellin.

"No thanks, Alice, but if I get thirsty I'll just go grab something. Thank you anyways."

With that she nodded and walked out of the kitchen. It was then that Kellin decided to speak up. But what he asked was not what I was expecting. I was expecting him to speak on the subject. The whole reason why he's here right now but no. What does this idiot do? He asks....

"So what is Patrick making for dinner tonight?"

"Really Kellin? We've been sitting here for half an hour and you decide that the first thing you say to me is about what we're having for dinner?" I asked him growing irritated that he's being so stupid. I guess part of me wants answers and the other part of me wants to walk away. Honestly I just want to know why?

"I'm asking because I actually want to talk about this. I want to discuss this with you before having to deal with explaining it to Mike. Because we both know that if Patrick is making one of Mike's favorites, which consists of Tacos and pizza, then he will come home and we'll be interuppted."

"He's making Chinese food."

"Mike hates Chinese."

"Exactly. Now can we talk about this?" I asked.

"Yea. Ready when you are"

Was I really ready to have this conversation. No I am not. But it has to be done.

I walked over to the fridge fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and threw Kellin a Capri sun. It's his favorite.

I looked at him but my only question so far was why. So I decided to ask him

"Okay. Kellin my first question is why? Why did you go into the relationship knowing that you were leaving? We were friends before anything. Why put me through that? Why did you let me open my self up to you in that way, just to walk away like that?"

He looked like he was thinking his answer over. Like he was carefully choosing his words. After a short pause that felt like forever he let out a sigh.

"Vic like I told Mike you was the reason I realized that I was gay. Yea I had a crush on you after a few weeks of hanging out with you but I knew that if I didn't give it a shot then I would regret it. So I did. I asked you to be my boyfriend and you agreed. Making me the happiest I've ever felt.  I figured that if it didn't turn out well we'd go back to being friends. I knew what was going to happen but I didn't think it would get so serious so fast. I didn't think I'd fall in love with you so quickly but I did."

That wasn't the answer I was expecting. I was expecting him to say that he just wanted to have a good time that he just wanted to see what was going to happen. Not that he loved me. Sure I told him I loved him once before he left but he never said anything.

"If you loved me then why did you let go so easily?" I asked him.

"I knew that if I told you I loved you then it would have made everything worse for us both. Once you say something out loud it becomes a fact. It becomes real. I mean what we had was real but I didn't want to see it as something so real when I knew the outcome of it all."

"Bullshit Kellin. Why are you telling me the things you know I want to hear. Kellin let's not forget that we know each other too damn well. I know when you're feeding me bullshit and you know that's what I want to hear. I'm asking you to be straight honest with me. This is the one and only chance I'm giving you to be real with me. Why aren't you doing that?" I was getting mad. I wanted to punch him in the face. But that would only end this conversation and make things far worse than what they already are.

"What do you want me to say Vic. I fucking loved you. I was scared. I was getting to close to you. I was scared you were going to hurt me like she did. I already knew my parents were leaving and yes I had the option to stay in the house alone. He'll I live with just the staff majority of the time anyways. A week before the were leaving I told them that I was going. I didn't want to be hurt so I left. I took the easy way out and built a wall up around me. Is that what you want to fucking hear, Victor."

I was a little taken back by that but that's what I wanted. The truth. I just wanted to know why.

"Yes you dumb fuck. That's what I want. Do you not know what the hell I went through after you left? When you left I had to see so many fucking doctors to prescribe medication so I could deal with all the memories of you that flooded through my brain. Do you not know how many drugs I took because every time I did I would see your beautiful fucking face. You put me through hell and you weren't even there to fucking physically do it. You made me hate my self. You are the reason for the fucking scars I have mentally and fucking physically.  I fucking hated you Kellin. But not more than I hated myself. I began to question every thing about myself. You are the reason I hurt so many people." I screamed at him at this point I didn't care anymore.

"Don't fucking blame that on me. You chose to do that. And you chose to-" I cut him off.

"I chose this. I chose to strip away the one thing that meant the most to me."

"Vic I-"

"Shut up Kellin. You destroyed the only thing that I cared for. I don't want to talk about this anymore." And with that I walked out of the kitchen and out the front door. I needed to get away from him and clear my head.

So I did what I normally do. I called Beau.

After the third ring be picked up.

"Hello"

"Aye can you meet me? I need a huge favor and don't worry it's not what you think."

"Alright I'm on my way.  Same spot?"

"Yea"

"Alright be there in 10."

With that I hung up and got into my car.  Beau always comes through when I need him.