A Vein Attempt at Romance

So the days passed and Mikey kept checking on Gerard and telling him to eat and Gerard kept refusing and snuggling up to Frank. He was pretty sure that the fever actually was going away somewhat. Mikey came to him on the 14th day and said flatly, "you need to eat before you accidentally kill Frank or something." Gerard just hissed at him and nosed under Frank's jaw and mumbled something that sounded like "no. No hurting Frank. Keep him safe." at which point Mikey threw up his hands and hoped Frank got better soon, otherwise he would have to shove a tube down his brother's throat.

Mary often slept on the bed with them, and Gerard found it harder to stay awake, especially with the comfy bed and warm Frank. Gerard had kind of forgotten what true warmth felt like. Frank wasn't just warm, either - he smelled like warmth, like trapped sunlight and fresh soil and tropical waves and sandy deserts. Gerard couldn't really explain it. He didn't feel hunger when he was around Frank - not for blood, anyway. He felt hungry for humanity - for being a human again. He missed that a lot. He missed being normal. Maybe, if he were normal, Frank would be okay right now. Maybe, if he were normal, Gerard would have a chance with…but no. He couldn’t think about that.

xxx

When Frank woke up, it was on day 18. Gerard was definitely feeling the hunger then, but when Frank woke up, he forgot it. He leaped out of the bed as soon as he felt the fever break and Frank stir. Frank looked at him blearily. Gerard waited for him to curse him or try to kill him or something, but Frank just sighed at him and said, "You look like Gerard again."

Gerard swallowed and nodded. "Yes. Sorry. For...a lot of things. I shouldn't have..." He made a vague flaily gesture that didn't really mean anything, and Frank cracked a weak smile because it was so…Gerard.

"I'm sorry too, I guess. You didn't kill me, so, thanks for that."

Gerard looked at him worriedly. "I wouldn't, you know. I wouldn't have killed you. Or hurt you. Ever."

Gerard was surprised when Frank nodded. "I know," he whispered. "I know you were here the whole time. And I know you didn't, um...feed the whole time, either. I remember some things, like you and Mikey talking. And you holding me."

Gerard's eyes went wide. "Um. I was trying to-"

Frank closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows. "Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I'm not going to strangle you. Or whatever." He cracked an eye open. "I owe you an apology, Gerard Way. You're not the monster I thought you were and... I'm sorry I ever thought that. It's just sort of...hard to process."

"Uh-huh," Gerard agreed. "Well...while we're on the topic, you might as well know that Ray is a werewolf."
Frank gaped.

xxx

So Frank got better, and everyone was happy. And Gerard finally went out and got blood and Mikey did a silent victory song and Frank didn't judge Gerard for it. He was actually kind of morbidly curious about the whole thing. He started asking Mikey questions like, "so, are the teeth hollow? Do you actually suck the blood? Or do you just kinda like...lick it up like cats?"

Mikey gave him a mildly disgusted look and said, "This sounds like something you need to talk to Gee about. No wonder he likes you. You're as gross as he is."

And okay, yeah, so maybe it was pretty disgusting. But Frank was past the disgust stage - he was just sort of fascinated about it and about them now. He wondered if they really burned in sunlight, but knew that couldn't be true because Gerard went out in daylight sometimes...always with heavy coats and hats and pants, though. So maybe only the exposed skin burned. And that led him to thinking about Gerard with all his skin exposed, which...wasn't really a safe train of thought.

But Frank wondered, sometimes, what Gerard would do if he was really, really hungry and Frank was the only available um...food source. Which sounded terrible when you put it that way. But a part of Frank really really really wanted Gerard to bite him if only to see what it was like. He wondered if it was really painful or if it was actually...nice. Because he'd overheard Gerard and Mikey talking about how one of Gerard's victims, a young woman, had remembered him - but she hadn't remembered the feeding, she remembered the sex. And then Frank thought, oh. OH. okay then. No wonder Gerard and Mikey always looked so damn happy when they got back from their evening forays - they got a meal AND pleasure.

Which led to Frank thinking about how many people Gerard must have slept with. And that led him to wondering if Gerard bit them before when they were the most afraid or during when they were the most energetic or after when they were the most blissful. And he wondered if Gerard could ever be convinced to bite him. Or do more than that with him. Gerard was still seeing Lindsey and...Frank didn't know what to think of it. If they actually were courting, it wasn't in the usual way. He'd never seen them actually flirt.

When Frank had fully recovered from the sickness, it was a sunny Sunday - it was supposed to be a day where Gerard would have tea with Lindsey. But instead, he burst into Frank's room, coattails flying and grin wide and wolfish (though his fangs were carefully hidden). "Get dressed, Frank!" Gerard exclaimed. "We have a big day today."

Frank looked at him in confusion and Gerard rolled his eyes dramatically. "Don't you remember? You got a horse before you got sick! Don't keep him waiting. I thought maybe we could go riding together? Maybe ah...through the woods where there's less sunlight?" Gerard looked a little apologetic and Frank nodded vigorously.

"That sounds marvelous," he said, already rolling out of bed and struggling with his jacket buttons.

Gerard was across the room and in front of him almost instantly. "Here, let me," he murmured, and Frank's arms dropped obediently to his sides. Gerard buttoned up the front deftly and glanced up at Frank when he'd finished, their eyes catching in a brief but bright connection. Gerard smoothed a hand down the front of Frank's jacket and smiled softly. "All good?" Frank thought it might have been his imagination, but he thought that Gerard's fingers lingered a bit too long on his neck.

"Y-yes," Frank managed, stepping away and rocking back on his heels. "I, uh... I'll meet you at the stables in ten minutes?"

"Fine by me," Gerard replied, sauntering out.

xxx

Frank had somehow managed to remember the riding lessons that Bob had given him, and it was fairly easy to mount October and get into an easy cantering gait with Gerard beside him. Gerard's mount was a huge gray and black dray-horse named Athena, with a proud head and large feathered hooves. She reminded Frank of a tapestry of a unicorn. October was smaller, but faster and more agile, and the two horses darted through the trees so fast that Frank's hat fell off.

Jamia had packed them a huge picnic lunch, and they found a shaded overhang of rocks and moss where they could eat it comfortably. Gerard chewed on a slice of boisenberry pie absently and Frank watched him.

"So...do you actually need to eat other food? How does that work?"

Gerard's mouth opened and some crumbs spilled out before he hastily closed it and gulped the pie down. "Er...well, I can taste it. I guess? It's...complicated. I just feel really full really fast whenever I eat regular food. And it's not as satisfying as um...blood."

"What does blood taste like?"

Gerard almost choked on the pie and just gave up trying to eat anymore. "Uh...that's even harder to explain. It tastes...like the person. So...if somebody is a bad person, you can taste it in their blood. Sort of...corrosive and acidic. And if somebody eats apples a lot, you can taste it in their blood too. And if somebody spends a lot of time around children, their blood is…milkier? And children supposedly have more vibrant blood, but I wouldn’t know…that’s kind of against what little morals I have left.” He smiled weakly. “So…we call it tasting the soul. You can taste the very essence of that person, like their very core. Well, vampires can. I think it's exclusively a vampire thing."

Frank wet his dry lips. "What do you think my blood would taste like?"

Gerard reeled backwards as if he'd been slapped. "Frankie...I... you can't just say things like that and-"

Frank scooted a little bit closer and Gerard looked at him nervously. "Just take a guess," he said in a low voice. "Or if you're feeling adventurous, just try it for yourself."

Gerard shook his head tightly. "Frank, you don't understand. It's not...I can't just..."

"You said you wouldn't hurt me," Frank said. "And I trust you. And I want you to."

Gerard steeled himself and shook his head resolutely. "No, Frank. It's not...being bitten is probably not how you imagine it to be. It's...painfully intense."

Frank considered that. "Is that why you have sex during it? So that they're distracted from the pain?"

Gerard went bright red. "Um. Not...really? It's...the sex is more of an optional side effect of charming them and persuading them to let them bite you. Frank, I can't really explain it to you. It's just not a good idea, alright? It makes things too complicated."

Frank frowned. "Please?" He knew he sounded like a petulant child even to his own ears.

Gerard sighed and rose to his feet. "Pack up the picnic basket. I want to show you a place that's special to me and I want to tell you something there. A lot of things, actually. Please, come."

They rode the horses to a thick grove of trees that were turning gold and red and orange, their leaves falling underfoot and providing a soft carpet for the horses to run over. Gerard pulled Athena up at a large sycamore and Frank did the same with October. They dismounted and tied the horses, and Gerard led Frank through the dense trees until they opened up to reveal a glittering pond, lined with cattails and covered in water lilies that were just beginning to wilt. Frank gasped.

“I didn’t even know that this existed,” he whispered.

Gerard shrugged sheepishly. “Neither did I until about two years ago.” He slunk into the shade of a willow tree, sighing with relief when they were both enveloped in the cool shadows. The sun was still high overhead, but he was safe from it here. He loved the way the tree’s branches formed a canopy around them, and when Frank sat down beside him, boots scuffing the earth, Gerard looked at him and felt that warmth inside him again, pooling hotly in his stomach and flushing his face pink. Frank smiled at him, a bit bemused, and a dark lock of hair fell across his forehead. Gerard’s fingers itched to push it gently back behind his ear – his hair looked so very soft.

“So,” Frank said, “what did you want to tell me?”

Gerard shook himself. “Oh! Right. Er…well, I wanted to talk to you about…about me and Lindsey.”

Frank seemed to pale a little. “Oh. Alright, go on.”

Gerard focused hard on a beetle crawling up a tree root and looked anywhere but at Frank. “So…you asked me, back when you asked to be my valet…you also asked me about my future marriage. And I said that Lindsey and I had grown fond of each other, but…I wanted to, ah, elaborate on that.” Gerard paused. “Lindsey is my friend – and a very good friend, at that. But…nothing more. Just a friend.”

When Gerard chanced a glance up, Frank’s eyes were wide. “I…I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Gerard sighed and looked away again. “Lindsey and I are very much alike in one very big way, Frank. And as soon as we discovered that about each other, we knew we could never marry each other. It wouldn’t be fair to us. We vowed that we would keep up appearances and pretend to still be courting until one of us found the right person.”

Frank was very confused.

“And Lindsey has found that person. It will likely take a long time before she can marry them, because society is society, and it is flawed and judgmental. But…she is determined, and I believe in her. And I’m happy for her, and I hope that you can be happy for her, too.”

Frank said, “Forgive me for asking, but…who is the man she’s chosen to be with?”

Gerard’s breath caught. “Lindsey’s true love is not a man, Frank.”

Frank was quiet for a long, long beat. And then he said, “Oh,” in a hushed, shocked tone. “I thought…I know that it is not expressly forbidden, but…but it is still frowned upon, is it not? How will her parents approve that?”

“She’s marrying down, too,” Gerard added. “The other woman is just a…a servant. A cook, actually.”

Frank couldn’t believe it. “She…Jamia?! Lindsey is going to marry Jamia?!” Gerard nodded wordlessly and Frank’s mouth opened and then closed. “What the hell,” he finally said faintly. “Alright then. Anything else I should know?”

Gerard bit his lip. “I said that Lindsey and I were alike in one big way, and that big way is that we both prefer the company of our respective sexes to company of the opposite sex. She prefers women, and I prefer men.”

Frank blinked at him. Gerard held his breath. Then Frank said softly, “Why didn’t you tell me that sooner? Jesus, Gerard. You don’t have to be so goddamn enigmatic all the time.” His tone was a little harsh but his eyes were bright.

Gerard leaned back against the trunk of the tree and shook his head. “It’s…not really something that one can bring up in polite conversation. Like you said, while not forbidden, it is certainly frowned upon in our society. Not as much as marrying down is, but. Still.”

“So…since this is apparently not a ‘polite conversation,’ I suppose it’s not a bad time for me to say that I sometimes prefer the company of men, too. Occasionally.” Frank’s cheeks colored. “I blame it on the fact that there are no women when you’re out at sea. Things happen.”

Gerard’s eyes widened and he stared at Frank. “Wait. You…but I thought…”

Frank raised an eyebrow. “That I was pure and innocent as the driven snow? No, why does everyone always get that impression?”

Gerard’s lip twitched. “Must be because you’re so tiny.”

Frank’s eyes narrowed and he growled, “Oh, you did not just say that,” and then Gerard was laughing breathlessly as Frank launched himself on top of Gerard, tickling him mercilessly as Gerard howled and writhed under him. Frank paused for a moment and Gerard rolled gracefully, switching their positions until it was Frank gasping and giggling, caught between damp leaves and Gerard’s body. Frank finally cried in between hoots of laughter, “Uncle, uncle! Oh god, stop, stop,” and Gerard huffed and sat back atop him, arms folded.

“You’re tiny. Don’t deny it.”

Frank mock-scowled at him. “I am not. I’m just at an unfair advantage here, okay? You could probably pin Bob in ten seconds flat.”

Gerard preened. “More like five.”

Frank rolled his eyes and Gerard climbed off of him, brushing himself off a little. “Whatever. We can’t all be filthy rich vampires with super strength.”

“Thank god for that,” Gerard replied, folding his knees up against his chest. “Listen, Frank, um…I know I’ve said it before, but…when you saw Mikey and me, with the blood and all that –”

“Gerard –”

“No, please – let me finish.” Gerard didn’t look away this time – he didn’t break Frank’s gaze once. It felt like the right thing to do. “I regret what I did to you, and how I reacted. I shouldn’t have ever done that. And I know that it reminded you of the night that I found you, and…I feel so guilty about it, and I wish it had never happened. I know it’s no excuse, but…being a vampire means that anger becomes much more intense and dangerous. And that can put other people in harm’s way. That night, when you talked about my parents –”

“Gerard, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have –”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I could have snapped your neck, Frank. I could have drained you dry. I’m incredibly grateful that I didn’t, but I can’t ask you to put up with that constant danger. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. You shouldn’t have to deal with me.”

Frank looked…afraid. “Gerard…? What are you saying?”

Gerard sighed. “I’m saying that I want the best for you, Frank, and I think staying away from me and Mikey, but especially me, is what’s best. If I ever seriously hurt you, I would never forgive myself, and I don’t think you would ever forgive me. I’m a walking time bomb, Frank,” Gerard said miserably. “And when I go off, I don’t want you to be anywhere near me. I’m a monster and some selfish part of me doesn’t want you to ever see how truly monstrous I could be.”

Frank wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “Gerard,” he breathed, sliding close to him. Gerard lifted his head cautiously, his expression completely despondent. Gerard’s lips parted in shock when Frank reached up and cupped his jaw with a warm hand, leaning closer, holding Gerard’s face carefully in his hands. “You’re not a monster,” he said. “Never.” And then, before he could change his mind, he closed the centimeters between them and kissed Gerard.

Gerard was at first stiff and unresponsive, and Frank started to pull back worriedly, but then he felt a familiar hand stroke over his neck and sink into his hair, and Gerard went pliant, lips so careful and hesitant against his, but moving – Gerard was kissing him. Gerard was kissing him. Frank made a low, encouraging sound and that seemed to wake Gerard up a little – Frank was falling, except there were broad hands guiding him until he was cushioned against the loamy forest floor, leaves getting in his hair and sticking to his clothes as Gerard pressed him down harder, harder, as hard as he dared, and Frank’s breathy moan trembled between them when he broke away to breathe, though it came out as more of a wheeze.

Gerard seemed to get that he was winded, but he wasn’t really helping Frank get his breath back at all. “Christ,” Frank managed when Gerard’s lips trailed down to his neck softly, tenderly, and yet Frank knew that there were teeth sharp as daggers barely sheathed in Gerard’s mouth. Fuck. “Gerard, shit, lemme breathe!”

Gerard chuckled darkly against Frank’s throat, licking a shiny stripe there. “Breathe,” he murmured, sucking on the other side of Frank’s neck as Frank’s chest heaved. “Are you breathing yet, Frankie?” He nipped the bruise – with his human teeth, dull and non-lethal – but Frank still groaned and Gerard peered down at him, hair hanging in his face, eyes dark and mouth shiny and lopsided. “How are you even real?” Gerard asked, wonderingly. Frank didn’t know what to say to that. “You know that this…this thing is a bad idea and yet…here you are.” Gerard tilted his head at him, oddly childlike. “You’re so beautiful; you could have anyone. I don’t know why you’re choosing me.”

Frank almost laughed, but it caught in his throat. Gerard was serious. He blushed. “That’s not true. I’m not…I’m not like you. I don’t have a future like you.”

Gerard kissed him fiercely, wrapping his arms around Frank until Frank was surrounded by him. He felt very safe. “Don’t you say that,” Gerard said when they separated. “You can do anything you want, you can be anything you want. I could get you a ship,” he rambled, and Frank’s jaw dropped. “You could travel the world, Frankie.”

“Would you really get me a ship?” Frank asked, completely floored.

Gerard nodded. “Most noblemen have ships anyway, don’t they? I just never got one because…well. There isn’t really a way to hide from the sun while on a ship.”

Frank’s stomach sank. Oh. Right. “You could stay in the captain’s cabin all the time,” Frank said, touching Gerard’s face. Gerard leaned into it. “And…well, I’m not sure what we’d do about feeding you, but..we’d find a way.”

“I’d like that,” Gerard said quietly, turning his face and kissing Frank’s palm. “I’d like that a lot.”