We Are Broken

Rylee thought she’d never have to do this. Writing her feelings out on a piece of paper in hopes that her husband will finally understand. Maybe he’d calm down a bit if she wrote him a heart felt letter. And if this letter doesn’t work it’s magic, she’ll fly back home to California. But she hopes it won’t come down to that. She loves Matt and she can’t stand being away from him months at a time when he’s touring. Especially now that she is 5 months pregnant. She wouldn’t dare go through her pregnancy without Matt being with her. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy, given they’ve only been married a year. But, Matt assured her everything would work out and he could still tour as long as she went with him. The start of tour was great aside from Rylee’s morning sickness. Matt was completely obsessed with her and her growing belly. But then things started to change. His obsession with the baby decreased while partying with the guys increased. He has already missed two of the baby’s check-ups from not being able to get out of bed in time to make the appointment. If it weren’t for Jimmy offering to go with Rylee, she would've gone alone. So in hopes to knock some sense into her stubborn husband, she resorted to writing to him. At first, she found the idea completely absurd. Why write to him if she could easily talk with him. However, Matt got offensive every time she brought up his drinking and argued that he is simply hanging out with his friends.

Rylee carefully scribbled out her last words onto the paper and smacked her pencil down onto the table. She felt good being able to jot her feelings down. She kept her hand placed gently on her bump as she slid from the booth. She tiredly walked to the back of the bus and placed the letter on her and Matt’s bunk.

“Let’s hope this works,” she said softly to her swollen stomach.

A yawn escaped her as she walked back to the front of the bus. It was going on 1 AM and she could no longer wait for him. Not that he'd care if she did or not. She knows he will come back and immediately crash. Sometimes he’ll come back and kiss her good night but most times he’s to shit faced to even do that. Rylee goes into the small bathroom and pulls open the medicine cabinet to retrieve her toothbrush. But before she can start brushing, her cell phone starts ringing from the sitting area. A look of confusion crosses her face as she walks over to it. Who calls at 1 in the morning? She picks it up and sees that Larry, Matt’s manager, is calling.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Rylee. Sorry if I woke you up. But can you let the guys know they have a radio interview at 9am with Metal Nation Radio? I’ve tried calling and none of them are answering.”

“Sure! I’ll go over to the roadie bus and tell them,” said Rylee, sounding drained.

She honestly didn’t want to go over and deal with a bunch of rowdy drunk guys. But this message was important and the guys needed to know.

“Thanks, Ry! I owe you one. Bye,” he said before ending the call.

Rylee slipped her phone into her pocket before grabbing her jacket. The cool fall air chilled her body as she walked over to the other bus. Pantera could be heard, as she got closer. If she weren’t so tired she would’ve enjoyed the sound of her favorite band playing. She knocked on the metal door of the bus a couple times before she started banging. With no answer, she tested the handle and found that it was unlocked. The music became distinct as she slowly opened the door and carefully climbed up the steps. She scrunched her face at the smell of cigarette smoke that meet her at the entrance. The first person she came into contact with was Brian, who didn’t immediately see her. But when his chocolate brown orbs met her gaze, they grew into the size of saucers. His face paled considerably as he tried to get up from the couch to meet her at the door. Rylee squinted at him and continued to walk further onto the bus. Before she could ask Brian what was wrong, she saw it for herself. Sitting on the opposite couch was Matt and some blonde chick. She straddled his lap as they kissed with hunger. Rylee stood frozen while her heart broke at the scene.

“Shit. Rylee!” blurted out Jimmy in panic.

Jimmy’s outburst caught Matt’s attention. He looked at Jimmy first before following his gaze, which lead to his pregnant wife. She held a hand to her swollen stomach as her lip trembled. Her eye’s showed heartbreak and Matt knew he had fucked up. Bad.

“Rylee, it’s not what you think,” he said, pushing the slutty blonde from his lap.

He tired to stand quickly to his feet but stumbled due to his drunken state. Before he could try to stand again, Rylee jetted toward the door. He regained his balance and ran after her. He followed her as she dashed back to their bus.

“Baby please, l-listen to m-me,” he slurred.

He felt his heart strain at the sight before him. She was furiously throwing clothes into a bag while crying. He tried taking the bag away but she snatched it back and snarled at him.

“Get the fuck away from me.”

She zipped the bag up and grabbed her purse before pushing past him and descending into the bathroom.

“Ryles! Baby, please let me explain. She came on to me. I swear! I would never cheat on you.”

Rylee grabbed her prenatal vitamins and stuffed the bottle into her pocket. She had no intention of listening to him. Her heart was broken and she wanted nothing to do with him at the moment.

“Where are you going?” Matt asked, standing in her way.

He placed his hand gently on her stomach and tried to get her to look at him.

“Move!” she yelled.

She pushed him and he stumbled back into the table. His vision was blurred from the tears gathering in his eyes. He couldn’t see her leave but he knew she did.

“Dude, are you letting her leave?” asked Zacky as he entered the bus.

The other guys piled in behind him. They all had sad expressions as they watched their best friend cry. Matt ignored Zacky’s question and sat with his hands over his face. He knew she didn’t go far, most likely to a hotel. But, he hurt her. The others gathered around him, trying to figure out how to comfort him.

“You okay, man?” asked, Brian.

That question sparked a fire in Matt.

“Does it look like I’m fucking okay? My wife just walked away with our child. I fucking broke her heart all cause’ you let that fucking slut on the bus.”

Brian scoffed, “Don’t fucking pin this on me. You’re the one that gave in to her. You were caught and now you gotta deal with the consequences.”

Matt pounded his fist on the table and stomped back to the bunks. He threw himself into his bunk and heard something cringle from under him. He lifted his leg and grabbed the piece of paper that was adorned with his wife’s handwriting. He turned on the light and started to read, tears falling as he read what she wrote:

Dear Matt,

You love me, right? Knowing you, you answered yes. And now you’re probably wondering why the hell I’m asking such a question, let alone writing you a letter. I’m writing this because I’ve tried talking to you many times over the past month and you won’t listen. Remember the day I told you I was pregnant? And you said we would be okay. You were so happy with the news of our baby. Your hands seemed to be glued to my stomach the first 3 months. But now, you rarely touch my belly. Oh and remember those check-ups we scheduled for the baby? I went to both and the baby is healthy. Just thought I’d let you know since you missed both appointments. And if that don’t make you realize your mistakes, then I don’t know what will. Where did we go wrong? When did you loose interest? Please let me know because I’m growing tired of trying to figure things out. I find out the sex of the baby next week on the 16th. Thought I’d let you know incase you forgot. I still love you, to the moon and back!

- Rylee