Assistants and Dearest

"Kellin?" Alex asked, catching my gaze. I looked away quickly, shoving the books towards him.

"Hi." I replied meekly before dodging him and walking around the corner.

"Why haven't you been at work?" He asked, now following me down the street.

"I-I....I finished." I was cut off by a car horn.

"How? Everyone still has another week or so..."

"Yeah, yup. Not me though, I gotta-"

"Do you dislike me?" He interrupted out of the blue. I glanced at him, and then the road filling with traffic. At the moment, I kind of just want to jump in front of one of the cars.

"Um, no-"

"You do, don't you?" I shook my head, attempting to shove past him, but he caught me by the arm.

"I don't hate you, now let me fucking go." I snapped, yanking away from him before storming off.

He didn't back down though.

"Kellin, I'm sorry....I didn't want to make you mad, but can we please talk?"

"Why?"

"That night..." He hinted.

"I don't want-"

"Please." He said, looking at me with a lot of admiration. I finally nodded to him. We sat down at a table outside some restaurant.

"I wanted to say, I'm sorry that I led you on that night. I shouldn't have done that, I was kind of out of my mind." He chuckled nervously, but I just nodded. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Do you forgive me?" I nodded again, avoiding his gaze on me. "Okay..." He mumbled and then everything went silent. I wanted to leave at that point, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so.

"I got fired." I finally admitted, surprising myself that I actually caved in. His eyes widened slightly.

"What did you do?"

"I- Vic gave me the auditing papers and I lost them. But then Vic found them, and his dad never asked me to come back..."

"Oh..." He trailed off, biting down on his lip. "Well he probably just didn't ask you to come back because you'd be leaving in a few weeks..."

"Sure." I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes in the process. I heard Alex sigh under his breath.

"Well, I'm sorry." I shook my head, shaking his apology off nonchalantly. His fingers tapped on the wooden table, irritating me more than I already was.

"So...that night..." He began, not addressing the situation directly.

"Yeah yeah. We were drunk, and so on. Sorry." I muttered, looking at him finally. He smiled slyly, then shook his head.

"Don't be." I quirked my eyebrows in confusion. "You see, since then I've began to question my sexuality..." Oh god no. "Don't worry, I'm not into you like that...but I am with someone else..."

"A guy?" He nodded. "So you like dicks now?" He laughed, nodding again. "Who?"

"..Jack...My assistant." I laughed at him, slapping my hands on the table. He gave me a confused look.

"Sorry...I just." I chuckled again, shaking my head. "That sounds identical to what happened with me, but oh have the tables turned." His confused, glazed face didn't budge.

"I...sorry, what?" He finally said.

"Vic and I....he-"

"You like him?"

"I did." I snapped. "I don't know how I feel about him right now."

"You didn't get caught right? That's not why you're fired?" I shook my head. "You are one lucky son of a bitch." He said with a chuckle. I laughed again.

"Yeah...We started dating, but then I saw him kiss another guy and now I'm just...yeah."

"I'm sorry." He said and patted my hand. "But if he's going to hurt you like that, maybe you should just move on."

"Yeah...I'm trying." My eyes felt heavy again. "But my advice with Jack would to be to just wait until he's done working for you. You won't lose your job, he won't get in trouble. Good for both." I said shakily, kind of wishing that's what Vic and I would've done. Maybe this whole situation wouldn't be happening if we would've just waited.

Maybe it was too soon.

My mind was consumed in all the what ifs and whys that I was obliterate to acknowledge Alex still sitting there.

"You're right." I heard him say eventually. "Thank you."

"No problem." I whispered back.

"And I really am sorry about you and Vic. Maybe you can work things out?" I shook my head. "Hey, I'm just saying...second chances don't kill. But if he ever hurts you again like that again, I wouldn't come back." Was the final thing he said before standing up, patting my back, grabbing his books and scurrying off down the street.

I was left to myself once again. I didn't want to be by myself anymore though. I was tired of being by myself.

So I stood up and made my way home for a night to lay in my bed with Matty. But his arms around me don't make me feel secure. In fact I feel quite unsafe with him.

Maybe Alex was right, maybe Vic deserved another chance. It's just hard for me to trust someone after things like this. Nothing has hurt me as bad as he did, except for Matty. But I'm over Matty now, even if I have to stay with him. I don't want to be here anymore.

I want to shrink back into a tiny hole of oblivion and sleep for eternity honestly.

I'm tired of facing all my choices, because no matter what, they seem to be bad. Everything just doesn't want to be okay.

When I arrived home, Matty wasn't there. He was probably out fucking some other guy tonight.

I slipped out of all my clothes except my boxers and crawled into the warm bed, covering myself securely. And shortly after, I drifted off to sleep.

But something woke me up in the middle of the night. The door opened.

Hurriedly, I jumped from the bed and hid. Last time I heard doors, there were burglars or murderers, I'm not really sure honestly. But it wasn't anyone but Matty. He spotted me and gave me a smile before trudging over to me. It was obvious he was drunk, so I shrunk back, trying to avoid him.

His whiskey breath blew in my face as he spoke, his smile never faltering.

"Ready for round two?"