Assistants and Dearest

Another few days past. Vic never called or texted me as I requested. Deep down in my gut, I felt guilty for messing around with someone else. I was still in love with Vic, and I just went ahead and hooked up with someone else. Vic and I aren't together anymore it seems, but I still felt as if I betrayed him. It made me feel shitty for the next few days.

And Leo, well... I haven't seen him since. That's probably a good thing too.

I didn't want to face the man that'd remind me of what I did. I was turning into the old Kellin. And if I kept it up, I'd be sucked into the old loop again.

Vic

Trying to manage the heart aches from missing Kellin and the double amount of work on my plate was tough. Every night I'd cry, but mostly from the stress. My dad was teaching me the correct ways to handle situations and things like that.

I was still angry at him, but I'd better myself and cooperate.

Everyone at work continued to congratulate me and few even said they were excited to see what I'd bring in store. I had no ideas for what I was going to do, but maybe that comes in later, I'm not sure.

Right now for instance, I was trying to find a new layout for the offices, but it just wasn't working. I clenched my hair, pulling it back before groaning in frustration. I knocked over an empty glass next to me.

"What's wrong?" I heard almost immediately. Mike stood there with a more than worried expression plastered on his face.

"I'm fine... Thank you." I said quietly. Mike nodded before shutting the door soundlessly. I listened intently as his footsteps soon faded.

I continued to edit the display image in front of me. I'd been staring at my laptop screen for most of the day, but that didn't bother me. All I needed was water and Ibuprofen for the headaches that came on.

Finally, I gave up as it was getting late. I was left in my depressing state of mind again. At least when I was working I felt productive. When I was just being myself, I thought about Kellin for one. I wish things would've worked out better. I dreamt about him a lot, leaving me in a bad state of mind.

They weren't dreams, they were nightmares. Sometimes it's scary how much I care about him. By the time I wake up though, I faintly remember anything that happened, except for last night's nightmare.

I had an image of Kellin on the highway, standing on the center line. Mike and I were in a car, going out for dinner or something, when we noticed a man in the road. Immediately, the man, or Kellin, stepped out in front of us and laid down. I slammed on the breaks immediately, trying to swerve. Mike screamed as we flipped in the ditch. I no longer had control of the wheel.

Sirens blared in the back of my mind as I felt like I was alive, yet dead. It's weird how you can still feel while you're sleeping.

The final image I have of the dream was when the raven haired boy bent down by me. I don't know how he got in the car where I was laying, but it's a dream... Anything can happen.

"Sorry..." He whispered to me faintly. He looked at me intently, but his facial expressions held no sympathy, apathy, or regret. Then everything went black, and I woke up.

That dream was different from the others though. It was usually the fear of him dying, not me dying. I guess it was also scary to see he didn't care if I died or not.

With a sigh, I picked up my phone and unlocked it, squinting as the light that illuminated my face. No messages from Kellin as usual. I've tried to contact him, but he always ignores. Finally he responded, but he told me to stop texting him. And I guess if that's what he wants, then so be it.

But it's tearing me into pieces. If it makes him happy though, I'd walk off the edge of this world. I care about him more than I care about myself in all honestly. I wouldn't speak for the rest of eternity if that's what he wished. Hopefully he'll talk to me again someday. I've always been a person to try and fix issues, so it's difficult when people tell me off.

I couldn't follow my morals here and fix things. Who even knows if this is fixable. He's really mad at me now, as I was mad at myself. At glanced at the clock to see it was getting pretty late, so I tried my best to just turn off the whole morals and thinking processes. I've had enough of those for one night.

So then diligently, I crawled into my bed and with one last glance at my phone's screen, I went out like a light, waiting for another nightmare to wash over me.

☆ ✰ ✮ ✯

The wind brushed against my face as I hurried down the street towards Kellin's house. I rubbed my hands together, desperate to direct my body heat to my hands and cheeks. No matter what though, nothing kept me warm. Eventually though, I turned off onto his familiar street. Many houses scattered the street. Kellin's neighborhood was always pleasant.

When I made my way to his door step, I didn't hesitate to knock on the wood lightly.

"One moment!" I heard Kellin shout, so I nodded to myself, shivering and pulling my hood up.

"Kellin I'm going to freeze out here!" I yelled, but got no respond. So hastily, I turned the knob which to my dismay was unlocked. When I stepped inside, what I saw left me in a state of shock. I was mentally scarred and I couldn't move. My mouth gaped open.

"Vic I-" Kellin began before quieting down. Before me was Kellin under a blanket, obviously undressed. But what made the situation worse was that an unfamiliar looking male laid beside him, smiling nervously. "I-I'm sorry..." Kellin whispered, but I wasn't hearing it.

I was utterly shocked that Kellin had the capability to cheat on me, and even in a sexual way. Was I not good enough?

"Of course you aren't Vic, you'd choose the business over me any day, right?" Kellin's voice muttered, but I didn't see him anymore. All I saw was grey. He was right. I didn't choose him. And since I didn't choose him, I couldn't say he was cheating on me.

My dream obviously had it's flaws, but there was thing the dream and my actual mentality agreed on.

I had to find a way to be with Kellin again.