Black & White

January 18, 2020

EJ held tightly to his mother’s leg, his eyes full of tears as he watched Halvo moving about their apartment with boxes.

“Halvo,” Stephanie sighed, “you know you don’t have to do it like this…” she tried to reason.

He ignored her as he continued moving the last of his boxes from his room to the front door. “Yes I do. You know that. This is the way it has to be now,” he mumbled as he continued on his trek. He was avoiding all eye contact with Stephanie, and especially EJ. He knew he would break down in tears just like the kid if he were to look at him now.

EJ kept his eyes trained on Halvo as he moved his boxes one by one to the door. As Halvo finished bringing the boxes out, he began to load them onto a cart that he would wheel down to the elevator and help load his stuff into the moving truck parked outside. The tears and sniffles couldn’t be held back any longer as EJ watched Halvo start wheeling his stuff out of their apartment. “Uncle Halbo please don’t go!” he cried out, running away from his mom and chasing Halvo down the hall towards the elevator.

Halvo didn’t acknowledge the kid as he continued wheeling the cart down the hallway. Tears starting to form in his own eyes. He wheeled the cart into the elevator and stepped in, thinking he was in the clear until he felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around his legs.

“Uncle Halbo, why are you leaving us? Don’t you love us anymore?” he cried as he held onto Halvo’s legs tightly.

It was almost enough to make him stay. He hated breaking the kid’s heart; especially like this. “Bud, I can’t stay here anymore...and it’s not because I don’t love you anymore,” he mumbled.

“Then I want to move with you. I don’t wanna stay here with Momma.”

Halvo’s heart broke in two. He tried to keep his composure and not crack as he tried to brush this off. He couldn’t bear to look at EJ at this point. He knew he wouldn’t be able to leave if he did. If felt like he was abandoning his own son. “You can’t move with me. You’ve gotta stay here and take care of your mom…” he said softly.

“But I don’t wanna live with Momma! I wanna live with you!” he screamed through his sobs as he held on tighter to Halvo’s leg.

Halvo could feel EJ’s tears soaking through his jeans as the elevator seemed to take forever to go down. He chose not to reply, hoping EJ would eventually drop the subject and let him move his boxes in peace. Instead, the elevator was filled with the sobs of the small child tightly clinging to his leg.

They finally reach the bottom floor and EJ released his leg as Halvo backed the cart out of the elevator and made his way towards the moving truck to load in the first of two cart loads. He didn’t have that many boxes thankfully. He gave most of his furniture to John when he moved so he didn’t have much to bring with him when he left.

EJ remained frozen on the sidewalk as he watched Halvo unload the first batch of boxes into the back of the small truck. After the first cartload, he followed silently behind Halvo as he rode the elevator back up with him. As soon as the elevator doors opened he ran as quickly as he could down the hall towards their apartment, pushing past his mom, in order to get to his room. He grabbed his backpack and packed a couple of his favorite toys, his blanket, and the picture of him and his mom from his nightstand. He ran over to his dresser and grabbed a couple of tshirts and a pair of pants along with a clean change of underwear, hastily throwing them in his bag along with the first CD he ever received; from Halvo. He zipped up his backpack and ran back out to the living room to see Halvo start to wheel the last of the boxes out of their apartment.

“Wait Uncle Halbo! I’m all packed! Take me with you!” he called out as he ran to catch up with him.

Stephanie’s heart was breaking as she watched the interaction. She had no idea that EJ was wanting to leave her to go live with Halvo. Tears filled her eyes as she quickly grabbed her key and closed the door behind them as she ran down the hallway to try and stop EJ from latching onto Halvo. She wasn’t fast enough as the doors closed right before she could catch up, and last she saw EJ was tightly clinging to Halvo’s leg. She ran as fast as she could down the eight flights of stairs, hoping to catch them and prevent EJ from making this whole situation even more difficult than it already was.

She made it downstairs and outside as Halvo was starting to unload the boxes. EJ was still patiently waiting on the sidewalk, choking back sobs as he watched Halvo load the truck. Once he finished and closed the back, EJ stepped off the sidewalk, backpack on his back, and confidently walked to the passenger door that was luckily on the same side as the sidewalk. He carefully stepped up onto the side step, and went to try and open the locked passenger door.

Halvo caught wind of what was going on and quickly ran over to pull the kid off of the door handle. “EJ c’mon bud, please don’t do this,” he pleaded, holding back his own tears.

His words only caused EJ to start frantically crying again, kicking and fighting against Halvo’s hold on him. “No! I wanna go with you! I don’t wanna stay here with Momma! Take me with you Uncle Halbo!”

Stephanie quickly stepped over, tears filling her own eyes as she made eye contact with Halvo. They both could only stare at each other, too afraid of how they would react if they made eye contact with EJ.

“EJ, go with your mom bud…” he mumbled as he tried handing the boy over to his mother.

She struggled against the kicking and screaming boy as she tried retrieving him from Halvo. “C’mon sweetheart. Please don’t do this. You’ll see Uncle Halvo soon…”

Halvo took the small window of opportunity he had and quickly kissed the top of EJ and Stephanie’s head. “Thanks for letting me crash with you guys over the last few years. I’ll be back soon. I promise.” He quickly ran off the sidewalk and hopped into the truck.

As soon as he closed the door, EJ was able to wriggle his way out of his mom’s hold, and jumped down to start running towards the truck. Halvo gave a quick wave to the pair before driving off down the street. EJ remained on the sidewalk, attempting to run after Halvo as he cried out, “Uncle Halbo!” repeatedly.

Halvo made the mistake of looking out the passenger sideview mirror. The last image he saw was EJ standing on the sidewalk screaming his name out, tears streaming down his face. Halvo quickly focused back on the road, tears starting to fall down his own cheeks. He drove until he found somewhere that he could pull the truck over and park, before bracing his head against the steering wheel and cried. Never did he think that leaving EJ and Stephanie would be as hard as this. The look on EJ’s face as he drove away, was on repeat in Halvo’s mind.

He was startled by the sound of his phone ringing. He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes as he grabbed his phone and answered it. “Hello?” he answered, trying to clear the sound of his crying.

”Halv? Are you alright?” Chaney asked worriedly.

He took a steadying breath as he attempted to compose himself. “Uh, yeah I’m fine. Just had to pull over for a bit. What’s up?”

”Oh! Nothing, I was just wondering if you had left yet. I miss you…” she cooed into the other end of the phone.

A small smile graced his lips at her words. “Well I’m on my way. I hope to be in town by dinner. Pick a place to eat and we’ll go when I get there and unload.”

”Sounds amazing. Can’t wait to see you Halv,” she smiled. ”Call me when you get close and I’ll bring the dolley down and help you unload.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love you…”

“Love you too babe,” she cooed.

The smile on her face couldn’t be erased as she hung up the phone. She bit her lip to try and suppress the giant smile adorning her lips, but it was impossible. She couldn’t be happier. Things in her life finally seemed to be aligning the way they should have been years ago.

She finally had the confidence in herself that she had been lacking most of her life. She had made a name for herself during her few years in San Francisco and discovered she didn’t need a guy in her life to have worth. Creating and doing what she loved proved to be more than enough to live a fruitful life. However now that she was able to mend things with Halvo and they were not only getting back together, but getting married; she couldn’t help but feel like her life was on track. She finally felt like the girl that had it all. Gone were the days of her envying the lives of those other girls around her that seemed to have their lives in order. Her life was becoming more perfect as time went on.

While she anxiously anticipated Halvo’s phone call, she spent her time unpacking the essentials that she packed. The bulk of her stuff, like furniture and dishes, were sitting in storage until she and Halvo could find a place of their own. She finished unpacking her clothes and moved to sit on the couch in the living room. Her mind flooded with memories as she sat on the couch. She looked over near the counter by where her and Halvo almost had their first sober kiss; the day he showed her this apartment and that he bought it for her. She looked over against the wall just inside the door where she and Halvo sat on the floor while she unpacked her stuff and promised each other to make their relationship work. Then over to the TV...the place where they watched countless movies together. The door leading to the hallway where she and Halvo first said “I love you”. The couch cushion, the spot where Halvo sat when she accidently bonked his head on the door which ultimately led to the first time they slept together. This apartment already held so many firsts for them, but she couldn’t wait for all the new memories and firsts they would share together in their own place.

Her phone went off, a goofy picture of Halvo appearing on her screen signifying who it was calling her. Her already big smile, grew even more as she picked up her phone to answer. “Hello future husband of mine.”

He chuckled lightly at the new nickname. “So you call me Halvo because it’s a shorter version of my last name…yet you come up with this extensive nickname to sub for Halvo? I don’t get it,” he teased.

“True,” she laughed, “but we’re not married yet. I can’t call you my husband right now. But soon you’ll be able to call me Mrs. Halvorsen,” she smirked.

“Well future Mrs. Halvorsen, get your cute butt down here and help me unload the truck. I’m here.”

Her heart leapt in her chest. “I’ll be right down,” she breathed. Heart fluttering in her chest, she quickly grabbed the dolley from her room and wheeled it down the hall to the elevator. The ride down was too slow as she couldn’t wait to see him again. Once she was finally on the first floor, she quickly wheeled the dolley outside only to see Halvo leaning up against the side of the truck, holding his phone above his head as Simple Mind’s “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” played through the speakers.

She couldn’t help but laugh as she abandoned the dolley and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a passionate kiss.

He smiled against her lips, quickly pocketing his phone as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body into his.

“So good to see you…” she mumbled between kisses, holding him tighter.

He hummed in agreeance, kissing her a few more times before leaning back for air and to talk. “Wow,” he chuckled breathlessly. “What a welcome back. Maybe I’ll leave you like this more often,” he teased.

She leaned back and shoved his chest. “Like hell you will. Outside of touring or hanging out with friends and family, you better not be leaving me ‘just for the hell of it’,” she challenged.

“Still feisty as ever. I’ve missed you too,” he chuckled.

She smiled and ran her hands slowly up and down his chest. “You’re pretty great,” she mumbled, moving to push back a strand of hair that had fallen in his face. “Let’s bring these boxes upstairs and have a quiet night in. Figured we could get pizza and watch some movies,” she smirked.

“Oh, will we actually be watching movies this time?” he teased.

She scoffed again. “Ya know what, you can unload this all yourself if you’re gonna be an ass,” she countered as she tried to pull away from his embrace.

His arms only tightened around her waist. “And just where do you think you’re going? If you help me, we can watch Say Anything…” he offered.

She stopped struggling against his hold and looked him square in the eye. “Promise?”

“Would I have bought an additional copy if I wasn’t serious?”

She smiled once again and pecked his lips before backing away. “Alright. C’mon, let’s unload and unwind.”

***
Pizza had long been finished, and they were curled up on the couch watching Say Anything. Halvo’s feet were propped on the coffee table, his left arm perched on the back of the couch, as Chaney curled into his left side. She felt so content in that moment. Things were back to the way they used to be. Her left hand was braced on his chest as they sat on the couch and she let out a sigh of contentment. “Halv...I’m so glad that we were able to work things out. Thank you for coming back and wanting to do this over with me. Please don’t leave…” she mumbled as she held onto his torso.

Please don’t leave. Those words were haunting him today. First from Stephanie and EJ, and now from Chaney. He looked down at her and tilted her chin up with his right hand. “Hey,” he mumbled. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you now. We’re going to be married. This is all going to work out. Promise.”

A sigh of relief left her lips, quickly replaced by a small smile. “Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He pecked her lips a couple times as they settled back into the couch to finish watching the movie.

Halvo’s cell phone was sitting on the couch cushion to the right of him. It started vibrating and he looked on the screen to see a picture of Stephanie and EJ filling his screen. He sat there conflicted as Chaney was curled into his side. Stephanie was the reason he and Chaney split the first time. He wasn’t going to let her get between them again. He slid his finger across the screen to ignore the call, feeling slightly guilty at doing so as he tried to settle back into the couch. He was starting to relax again when his phone started going off again. He looked down at his phone to see Stephanie was calling him again. He checked the time and saw that it was about the time that EJ would go to bed. This would be the first time outside of tour that Halvo wouldn’t be there to tell EJ goodnight. With a heavy heart, he reluctantly ignored the call again. If he truly wanted to put that part of his life behind him, he needed to cut them out of his life. His future lied with Chaney. He couldn’t let Stephanie and EJ back into his life again. He had to cut them out once and for all if he wanted to have a clean start with Chaney. And that’s just what he intended to do.