Forget Me

The rest of the week had passed by uneventful and yet, the brunette felt more exhausted than she ever had.

The Saturday afternoon sun was warming up the skin of her back that was visible from her tank top where she laid in bed. It was reaching two in the afternoon, the rest of her house oddly silent for a weekend. Annie didn’t care since it meant she could sleep in longer.

But by now the sun had woken her up from sleep and after a moment of trying to fall asleep again, she rolled herself out of bed and stood up. She reached her arms up, stretching her limbs as she looked out the window of her bedroom. It was only then that the silence began to worry Annie and she pulled on a large purple hoodie and a pair of black skinny jeans so she could leave her room to find out where everyone else had gone.

Downstairs there were two notes on the fridge, one left by her parents to let her and Alby know they were gone for the day and another left by Alby to let her know he was out with friends. It wasn’t shocking to her that Alby was gone, but her parents were another story. Regardless, Annie never liked being home alone. The silence would eat away at her and she’d end up turning on every television in the room so she didn’t feel so alone.

She sighed as she leaned against the counter, looking out the kitchen window to where she could see a glimpse of the park she used to hang out at all the time. Usually she made late trips, when she knew no one would be there but no kids seemed to be playing outside today. Annie made the decision to go outside, fetching her converses from the hallway closet and grabbing her keys to the house.

Outside, the sun seemed three times as hot as from her bedroom window. Being outside, there was always a sharp awareness for Annie of the things other people were doing. Her neighbor washing his car, the kids down the street riding their bikes, and mom congregating at a driveway. It was a typical scene from a movie or a magazine of a friendly neighborhood, but Annie couldn’t help but wonder how her own house fit in. They never did block parties, pot-luck dinners, or hung out in the front yard. They also never spoke to anyone else in the neighborhood, they hadn’t for years.

Her converses sunk into the ground slightly once she hit the grass of the park, the mud from yesterday’s rain still sticking around. She smiled at the sight of the swings being open, making a beeline to take up her usual swing. Her fingers gripped the hot familiar chain, legs pushing herself back before she pushed off and started to swing. Annie had built up her momentum steadily, eventually just relaxing.

She’d seen him coming, watched Alex saunter his way over in his usual way, hands shoved into his pockets and head hung low so his hair covered his eyes. Annie didn’t want him to come, but she couldn’t jump off, not since she’d broken her leg when she was younger. She’d only managed to slow down when he reached the edge of the little dip in the ground in front of her.

“What are you doing here? You haven’t been here in a while.” Alex asked, curiosity on his face.

“How would you know?”

“I’m here all the time.” It was all he offered, Annie straightening up when he said it. She knew that tone of voice, it was the one he used when he didn’t want to talk about something.

Talking to Alex brought back memories that Annie didn’t want to think about. She’d managed to put everything behind her and every time she saw his face it only brought everything rushing back. It wasn’t fair, all she wanted to do was forget.

“I’m glad I ran into you, I wanna apologize.”

“Wait—The Alexander Gaskarth wants to apologize? Can I get this on video?” Annie teased, pulling out her phone.

Alex cracked a smile, kicking at a rock on the ground in front of him. “No, seriously. Since we talked in the hallway I’ve wanted to say sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Somewhere in her mind, she’d been hoping for an apology about the past. Even if she could smile and force herself to play along, she did want an apology from him. Annie didn’t know why she expected anything considering the past.

“That’s okay. Jack’s nice, I was kind of a bitch to him.”

“You’re kind of a bitch to everyone you first meet. You were the same with me.” Alex looked up from the rock finally, meeting Annie’s bright green eyes before moving to sit on the swing beside her.

She watched his fingers wrap around the chains, fingers flexing for a second before settling in the grooves of the chains. “You were nice when we first met.”

There was a silence that passed between them after Annie’s words. The past had been touched and now neither of them knew where to go next. This was the first time they were having a real conversation.

Annie was scared.

Alex was angry.

“You blame me for what happened, I figured you did. You never bothered to hear me out.”

“Hear you out? You wanted me to stick around and listen to what you had to say after everything? If you expected that, you’re a fucking idiot.”

Alex tensed, his shoulders rolling back as he looked up and straight out across the park. Even if Annie didn’t know it, he thought about what had all happened a million times over and there wasn’t a day he didn’t go by thinking of it. What he’d done was horrible, but he’d been a stupid kid. He’d made a mistake. Alex was angry at himself for that mistake though, it ruined so much more than his friendship with Annie.

“Annie…” Alex started, sighing as he ran a hand over his face in frustration. “I would change things if I could. Come on, we were kids. We still are. You can’t tell me you haven’t fucked up at least one.”

“Not that bad.”

Alex turned his head to narrow his eyes at Annie, but she shrugged and kicked herself off to start swinging gently. “I’m just being honest. You used to love my bluntness.”

“I do, but not when I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Yeah, well I don’t really want to hear what you have to say.”

An exasperated sigh came from Alex as he pushed his hand through his hair in frustration. Things like this, he wasn’t very good at them. At least, not when it came to Annie. He always got choked up when he wanted to talk about something important.

“I’m sorry for what I did that night, Annie. I’m really fucking sorry and it’s the biggest regret I have.”

That stopped Annie in her tracks, feet colliding with the ground so she could skid to a rough stop that almost sent her flying. She didn’t say anything to him, just stared with her prompting green eyes. Realizing she was waiting for him to continue and actually listening to him, Alex tried to get out what he wanted to say.

“We had a great thing, we were really awesome friends and I miss hanging out with you. You fill the spot that my other friends can’t fill and it sucks not having you to hang around or text. But… I get it. That night should have ended differently and that wasn’t who I was. I can’t take it back, it happened… but I’m really fucking sorry.”

Annie bit on her lip, wavering on what to say to him. “You left me all alone at a party I was uncomfortable at and didn’t want to go to originally. I could have forgiven that. But when that guy was coming onto me and trying to get me to sleep with him… Alex, you told him to have at it. That I ‘needed someone to break me in’. I trusted you. I don’t trust people, but I trusted you and you completely betrayed it.”

“I know, Annie. I was drunk… well, wasted, and I didn’t have my head on right. I should have punch that asshole and when I woke up the next morning and found out what happened I did go punch him.”

Alex was staring at Annie, watching the way her nose flared just slightly. She wanted to say something but she was holding back and that was something she never really did.

“You know that isn’t only it, don’t you?” Annie asked quietly, the tears threatening to rush to her eyes.

Still sitting on the swing, Alex rested his elbows on her knees and let his head fall into his hands. “I swear I didn’t—I didn’t mean a word I said.” His voice cracked and he choked up on his words, Alex doing his best to try and keep calm. “I said you were the biggest bitch I’d ever met and that I hated you, but none of that was true. I didn’t mean it when I said you were pathetic and… Annie, all those things I said, I didn’t mean it. Please… please, believe me?”

Annie was silent as she dug her toe in the ground beneath her, reaching a hand up to wipe away tears before they spilled.

“I b-believe you…” And she did. Annie could hear it in his voice, see it on his face. When she looked up to meet eyes with him, she saw how much the guilt had been eating away at him for what happened. But Annie wasn’t about to forget that it took a year and a half to apologize.

Relief flooded through Alex, but it was short lived. He didn’t know where to go from here, how to tell Annie that he wanted to try and be friends with her again if she’d let him.

“But I’m not going to be your best friend.” Annie interrupted his thoughts.

“I kinda figured…” Alex sighed. “I want to be friends. I miss you.” He added quietly, partly wishing she wouldn’t hear him.

“I… Maybe.”

“Okay, how about Wednesday we go off campus for lunch and just hang out? I’ll wait by the front of the school and if you show up, then we go and see what happens. If you don’t show up, then that’s it. I’ll get the message.”

Annie twisted the swing so she could face Alex, foot coming up to kick playfully at his seat to rock him back and forth.

“Okay.”