All or Nothing

By the middle of sixth year, things began to get a little awkward between Remus and Sirius, mostly because Sirius was making them so. The lycan was fairly care-free, happy with just his best friends, his studies, and being able to run freely during his transformations thanks to Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Everything was great. He just wished Sirius would get out of whatever funk he was in and stop being so god damned nervous all the time. What could even turn him, out of all people, into a stuttering, clumsy mess?

On a cold Hogsmeade weekend, though, it all came together.

The four Gryffindor boys took up a table in The Three Broomsticks, laughing raucously and being an all-around disturbance. Madam Rosmerta, however, didn’t mind much. She brought them a seemingly endless supply of Butterbeer that warmed the boys to their core. All it took was a crooked grin from James and a wink from Black. Remus idly wondered what it would be like to be so attractive that life handed you everything.

Sighing a little too heavily, he raised his frothing mug to his mouth and drank deeply. If only it was firewhiskey.

“What’s up, Moony?” James asked, putting his drink down with a dull thud. “You look down.”

“What?” He shook his head. “Nothing, just the full is coming up. Not really looking forward to it.”

Peter pat his back sympathetically. “Maybe we can go deeper into the forest this time, find a unicorn or summat.”

“The centaurs would run us out, Pete,” Sirius said, taking a drink, eyes fixed on Remus.

Under the table, Remus felt a foot nudge his leg and looked up, seeing his best mate smile. It warmed his insides better than any Butterbeer could and the honey-haired boy couldn’t help but grin back.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll get through it just like all the other times.” He moved his boot covered foot against Sirius’, are we playing footsy?, and the boy dropped his mug, spilling his drink all over the table and himself.

“Aw, Padfoot, come on!” James yelled, standing up to avoid any of the amber liquid.

“Christ, Sirius, what’s got you so jumpy lately?” Remus teased, grabbing the napkins from the middle of the small table and doing his best to mop up the mess and eventually Sirius himself, dabbing at his shirt with little to no success at drying him. He pulled out his wand and muttered a simple incantation that immediately dried his friend’s clothes.

Sirius mumbled something, but Remus didn’t here. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

The other shook his head and stood up. “I think I’m just gonna go back to the castle. I still haven’t finished that essay for Slughorn.”

All three of his friends frowned, knowing well that Sirius would never give up a weekend of mischief to finish schoolwork.

“Uh, okay,” James replied with a sour look on his face. “Suit yourself.”

Sirius’ stomach was in knots. Why did he have to be such an idiot? Spilling things like a complete spazz in front of Moony.

“I’ll come with you, speed up the essay process,” the werewolf offered, standing up.

“No!” Sirius basically screamed. “I mean, it’s okay. I can do it myself.”

It was easy for Remus to spot that something was wrong with his friend. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Then I’ll just sit in the common room and read or something. Come on.” He showed a swoon worthy smile and Sirius couldn’t refuse.

“Fine, let’s go.”

Remus waved to the other Marauders and walked out with Sirius, hearing James yell, “Yeah, I’ll pick up the tab! That’s fine!”

Outside, the boys pulled their jackets tightly around themselves and Remus swore under his breath. His coat was very worn. The insulation on the inside was basically gone. He’d be needing a new one soon.

“Cold?” Sirius asked.

“A bit. If it was closer to the moon, I’d be warmer, but as it is, I’m still mostly human.” He winked at him, and Sirius, despite the butterflies in his stomach, walked closer to Remus, trying his best to share his own body heat.

The snow fell steadily and the ground was completely coated with it, seeping through the soles of their shoes and into thick socks. They were going to have to sit by the fire in the common room for ages to quell their chills.

“So, what’s been going on, Padfoot? You’ve been kind of off lately.” Sirius shrugged. “Is it all the detentions or your brother?” He shook his head, and Remus ventured further. “Is it… A girl?”

The handsome boy’s lips twitched upward. “Not exactly. We can talk about it in the common room, okay?”

They continued walking, shivering violently, and Remus’ brain wouldn’t shut up. Sirius got around, snogging girls left and right, but he’d slowed down this year. Could he have possibly fallen for one of them? He felt a little sick at the idea of it.

When they reached the castle, both boys seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. It was much warmer inside and would be even more so in the Gryffindor common room. They trudged up the stairs, reciting the new password, and climbed through the portrait hole.

They bee-lined it for the boys’ dorm, changing into dry clothes. Remus admired his friend’s lithe form as he changed his shirt and bit his lip, tearing his gaze away so that he wouldn’t trip while pulling on a pair of cozy pajama bottoms.

Sirius turned and made his way back downstairs to the common room and Remus followed, taking a seat on the plush couch in front of a roaring fire. It felt amazing on his bare feet.

“So talk to me. I miss my best mate,” Remus started.

Sirius was going to work on his bottom lip and looked deep in thought. “Well, that’s just it. If I tell you, we might not even be friends anymore.”

The lycan chuckled. “Padfoot, some bird isn’t going to come between us. Unless it’s Marlene, is it Marlene? I’m so tired of her voice.”

The raven-haired boy cracked a grin. “It’s not Marlene. And… it’s not… a girl.”

Remus stared at him, eyebrows knit together, and Sirius felt like hiding his face in one of the couch pillows.

“Oh, well, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with that.”

Sirius felt like some weight had been lifted from his shoulders, but there was more to it.

“So, who’s the lucky guy? Hope it isn’t James ‘cause he’s a bit preoccupied.”

“It’s not James, and before you ask, it isn’t Pete either.” Both of them shuddered at the same time. “Do me a favor and don’t imagine that.”

“Too late,” Remus replied, wearing a sick expression before recovering and grinning at his friend again. “So is that it? You’re into blokes? That’s fine, absolutely swell.”

Sirius sighed and leaned back. “That’s not it. It gets worse.”

The other boy mirrored his actions and sat in rapt attention. He’d let Sirius come out and say it in his own time.

He shut his steel blue eyes and breathed deeply. How were you supposed to tell your best friend that you were in love with him? Sirius wasn’t even sure that Remus swung that way, and what if he didn’t? Would he be disgusted with Sirius? Would he be able to look at him without feeling awkward?

Remus watched him, concern in his amber eyes. It was clearly taking a toll on his friend.

Then it hit him.

All of the physical attention, Sirius sitting next to him and leaning against him, being so nervous whenever they were out with the boys. Hell, he’d dropped his entire mug of Butterbeer at the Broomsticks just because Remus touched his foot. The werewolf was usually very perceptive, a silent onlooker, but not when it came to himself.

James must have known too. That was why he always left the seat open for Remus and Sirius to sit together, why he mumbled about them so much. It was also probably why he bound them together.

Smiling to himself, Remus stared at his friend. It’s me, he thought. He likes me. He couldn’t see how. Sirius was absolutely stunning, long black hair, those mesmerizing eyes, and a grin that had made Remus weak at the knees since his third year.

And Remus, well, he was damaged goods. He was half monster, for Christ’s sake, scarred all over and ridiculously lanky. It didn’t make any sense, but he couldn’t deny the way his heart lifted at the realization.

“Sirius—“

“Hold on, I’m working up to it. I just don’t… know how to say it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I—what?”

He opened his eyes again and looked at Remus who was trying and failing to hide a smirk.

“I said you don’t have to say it.”

Sirius blanched, eyes growing wide. “You didn’t… Did you figure it—“

He didn’t finish. Remus, usually shy and reserved, leaned over, getting close enough to his friend so that his breath ghosted over his trembling lips, and smiled. “Yeah, I figured it out.” Then he kissed him lightly, careful not to push him.

Sirius’ heart thudded in his chest and lights danced behind his eyes. He raised his shaking hands to grip Remus’ shirt, pulling him closer, and the boy fell forward, putting a bracing hand on the back of the couch so that he didn’t put all of his weight on Sirius.

Their mouths fit together perfectly, or at least, Remus thought so, moving his lips against Sirius’ in a way that made him a bit dizzy. The wolf inside of him was going insane, wanting more, more, more, but the human was content with just this.

Sirius pulled back slightly, fixing his gaze on his friend who opened hazy light eyes.

“So this… This is okay?”

The werewolf laughed and sat back. “Sirius, I’ve had a thing for you since I was thirteen. I’ve no idea how you and James didn’t realize that I’ve been flaming gay this entire time.”

“Because you aren’t flaming!” Sirius blurted out. “I mean, you don’t go around wearing poncey clothes or put product in your hair.”

“Oh, well I’ll consider doing that if it’ll help alert everyone that I’m homosexual,” he joked. “I just figured that if you all could accept me as a werewolf, being gay wouldn’t be too big of a problem. Though, I still didn’t advertise it.”

Sirius thought for a moment then grinned mischievously. “Does that mean that you’ve been checking out my arse all these years in the dorm?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Remus laughed.

The gray-eyed Gryffindor leaned forward again, catching Remus’ lips in another kiss. Sirius put his hand on the back of his head, threading his fingers through honey locks and pulling slightly so that the other groaned. It was music to Sirius’ ears and he was so caught up on trying to elicit another sound like that, that he didn’t notice the portrait hole open.

“Woah!” It was Peter.

“Oh, thank God,” followed by James. “It’s about fucking time.”

Remus pulled away and smiled at the new arrivals sheepishly. “You knew.”

James waved a hand flippantly. “When will you ever learn, I know everything?”

He walked behind the couch, putting a hand on each boy and kissed each on top of the head comically. “Congrats, boys. Now, do I have to give you the talk?”

“Please don’t.”

The bespectacled boy nodded. “Alright, then I’ll just say this. Try not to ruin the group, no being all mushy and gross in front of me, and for Merlin’s sake, no fucking in the dorm.”

Sirius snorted. “Can’t promise you that, mate.”

“Yeah, when it gets close to the full, I turn into an animal.”

“Don’t get me excited, Moony,” Sirius halfway joked, raising an eyebrow.

James threw his hands up in the air and turned to make his way up the stairs to the aforementioned dormitory.

“Wait,” Peter said, still standing by the entrance. “I still don’t understand what’s going on.”

“No surprise there,” Sirius mumbled. Remus slapped him on the arm, but it only resulted in the other boy literally throwing himself at him.