Status: In Progress (Comments/Suggestions Welcomed)
Rikers Island Jail Football Program
Game #1: Pregame
(September 1st, 2012) Nobody in their right mind anticipated opening day for the Rikers Island Inmates to go smoothly. In fact, most expected it to go extremely poorly. However, most people would assume that the team would actually make it onto the field before the colossal failures started….
Earlier in the week, Head Coach Connie Jenkins had met with the cheerleading Co-Captains, Fu Fu Brown, and Derricka Rose. Both were regulars as inmates at Rikers Island so they had managed to work their way up the totem poll of popularity amongst female inmates despite the fact that neither was attractive in the least.
Brown and Rose proposed implementing a pregame ritual that was unique to “The Warden’s Jailhouse” dome. The proposal included cheerleading routines, a mascot, and a chorus to sing the fight song and the national anthem since inmates weren’t allowed to have instruments so they couldn’t have a band.
In the spirit of competition, Connie had approved this idea, and was overjoyed about the exciting atmosphere that it would create. She dreamed of teams traveling to take on Rikers in order to have a unique experience.
Connie would soon see the error in her judgment….
Things got complicated early as Derricka Rose practiced with the cheerleading squad all week, but decided to sit out of the game day performance due to ‘Body Fatigue’ (aka being tired) Rose was evaluated at the medical ward and cleared to play, but she still declared herself too ‘Mentally Unprepared’ to participate.
Derricka was a 4 year varsity cheerleader, and had cheered in college. She was far and away the only true star that this squad had. Her presence drove the squad and made it look halfway legitimate. Her deciding to sit should have meant that they would have to cancel the performace…HOWEVER, Co-captain Fu Fu Brown elected to push on and perform anyway.
Fu Fu Brown had a hero complex. Her ego was so large that she couldn’t fathom that she wasn’t better then every other girl on the team. Therefore, she had a history of clashing with other cheerleaders, especially talented ones like Derricka Rose. Fu Fu considered herself the main captain so she had no doubt the group would do fine without Rose.
She was wrong….
The cheerleaders assembled in a huddle to begin their routine. Rose smirked from the bench. It would be easy to suggest Rose sat out just to watch Fu Fu fail. She seemed humored by the cheerleading squad attempting to do the routine without her.
Fu Fu initiated a chant and the cheerleaders began dancing. It started okay, but when it came time for the twirls and cartwheels, Fu Fu failed big time. Fu Fu had originally planned on doing a twirl while the more athletic Derricka did the cartwheel. HOWEVER… with Derricka out, Fu Fu decided that she needed to rise up and own the spotlight.
Fu Fu attempted it, and instantly crashed down on her face, and a horrible cracking noise was heard throughout the dome. Fu Fu cried out in pain, and began flopping around on the ground like a fish.
The medical staff raced over towards Fu Fu who proceeded to twitch harder and harder, as she cursed out the staff while in agonizing pain. After 20-30 minutes of care, the medical staff ordered a stretcher to be rolled onto the field. Fu Fu was strapped in, and handcuffed to the rail of the stretcher. As the stretcher was popped up and she began to get rolled off the field, Fu Fu gave a thumbs up gesture to the empty stands where the fans were supposed to be.
The entire team was down on one knee as they slowly wheeled the stretcher past them in the tunnel. Derricka Rose couldn’t breath she was laughing so hard. She managed to pull it together enough to not call much attention to herself, but tears welled up in her eyes from heavy laughter.
Laughter broke out in the stands as ‘Inmate Ike’ the mascot of the Rikers Island Inmates was walked out of the stadium in handcuffs. ‘Inmate Ike’ had apparently gotten lost in his character and forgotten that he was an inmate and not allowed to touch other fans. A young kid wanted a high five with ‘Inmate Ike’ and he ran over towards him to give him one when 8 Prison Guards tackled ‘Inmate Ike’ to the ground and slapped cuffs on him. Fans cheered as Inmate Ike was slowly walked into the tunnel and slowly past the football team that was still waiting in the tunnel.
The pregame fails didn’t stop there…. Head Coach Connie Jenkins wisely instructed the rest of the cheerleaders to stop their performance, and the pregame show moved to the chorus. The inmate chorus group would take the place of the traditional band that most schools had.
The stadium quieted as the loud speaker announced that the chorus group would sing the Rikers Island Inmate Fight Song. Horror came over Connie’s face as she realized…THEY DIDN’T HAVE A FIGHT SONG YET!
She hid her face behind her clipboard as the chorus group all looked around lost and mumbled incoherently until the announcer finally decided to move on.
The loud speaker then announced that the Rikers Island Inmate Chorus would perform the National Anthem. Connie sighed in relief that the embarrassment of having forgotten to pick and memorize a fight song was over. However, she soon realized that she had overestimated the extent to which the Chorus knew the words to the National Anthem....
They started off right but quickly deviated into incoherent blabber that drew loud boos from the U.S. Naval Academy fans who were there to watch their Midshipmen football team. If any fanbase cared about the National Anthem it was them!
Face red with shame, Connie could only stand there as fans hollered insults about how that Chorus performance was a mockery of the National Anthem and a disgrace. Having seen enough, Connie instructed everyone off the field, so that the actual football players could come out and start the game.
Embarrassed and a little upset, Connie took a deep breath as she realized that the worst of the day was behind her, and she could relax with some football.
Unfortunately, she would soon learn that she was very, very, VERY… mistaken!
Earlier in the week, Head Coach Connie Jenkins had met with the cheerleading Co-Captains, Fu Fu Brown, and Derricka Rose. Both were regulars as inmates at Rikers Island so they had managed to work their way up the totem poll of popularity amongst female inmates despite the fact that neither was attractive in the least.
Brown and Rose proposed implementing a pregame ritual that was unique to “The Warden’s Jailhouse” dome. The proposal included cheerleading routines, a mascot, and a chorus to sing the fight song and the national anthem since inmates weren’t allowed to have instruments so they couldn’t have a band.
In the spirit of competition, Connie had approved this idea, and was overjoyed about the exciting atmosphere that it would create. She dreamed of teams traveling to take on Rikers in order to have a unique experience.
Connie would soon see the error in her judgment….
Things got complicated early as Derricka Rose practiced with the cheerleading squad all week, but decided to sit out of the game day performance due to ‘Body Fatigue’ (aka being tired) Rose was evaluated at the medical ward and cleared to play, but she still declared herself too ‘Mentally Unprepared’ to participate.
Derricka was a 4 year varsity cheerleader, and had cheered in college. She was far and away the only true star that this squad had. Her presence drove the squad and made it look halfway legitimate. Her deciding to sit should have meant that they would have to cancel the performace…HOWEVER, Co-captain Fu Fu Brown elected to push on and perform anyway.
Fu Fu Brown had a hero complex. Her ego was so large that she couldn’t fathom that she wasn’t better then every other girl on the team. Therefore, she had a history of clashing with other cheerleaders, especially talented ones like Derricka Rose. Fu Fu considered herself the main captain so she had no doubt the group would do fine without Rose.
She was wrong….
The cheerleaders assembled in a huddle to begin their routine. Rose smirked from the bench. It would be easy to suggest Rose sat out just to watch Fu Fu fail. She seemed humored by the cheerleading squad attempting to do the routine without her.
Fu Fu initiated a chant and the cheerleaders began dancing. It started okay, but when it came time for the twirls and cartwheels, Fu Fu failed big time. Fu Fu had originally planned on doing a twirl while the more athletic Derricka did the cartwheel. HOWEVER… with Derricka out, Fu Fu decided that she needed to rise up and own the spotlight.
Fu Fu attempted it, and instantly crashed down on her face, and a horrible cracking noise was heard throughout the dome. Fu Fu cried out in pain, and began flopping around on the ground like a fish.
The medical staff raced over towards Fu Fu who proceeded to twitch harder and harder, as she cursed out the staff while in agonizing pain. After 20-30 minutes of care, the medical staff ordered a stretcher to be rolled onto the field. Fu Fu was strapped in, and handcuffed to the rail of the stretcher. As the stretcher was popped up and she began to get rolled off the field, Fu Fu gave a thumbs up gesture to the empty stands where the fans were supposed to be.
The entire team was down on one knee as they slowly wheeled the stretcher past them in the tunnel. Derricka Rose couldn’t breath she was laughing so hard. She managed to pull it together enough to not call much attention to herself, but tears welled up in her eyes from heavy laughter.
Laughter broke out in the stands as ‘Inmate Ike’ the mascot of the Rikers Island Inmates was walked out of the stadium in handcuffs. ‘Inmate Ike’ had apparently gotten lost in his character and forgotten that he was an inmate and not allowed to touch other fans. A young kid wanted a high five with ‘Inmate Ike’ and he ran over towards him to give him one when 8 Prison Guards tackled ‘Inmate Ike’ to the ground and slapped cuffs on him. Fans cheered as Inmate Ike was slowly walked into the tunnel and slowly past the football team that was still waiting in the tunnel.
The pregame fails didn’t stop there…. Head Coach Connie Jenkins wisely instructed the rest of the cheerleaders to stop their performance, and the pregame show moved to the chorus. The inmate chorus group would take the place of the traditional band that most schools had.
The stadium quieted as the loud speaker announced that the chorus group would sing the Rikers Island Inmate Fight Song. Horror came over Connie’s face as she realized…THEY DIDN’T HAVE A FIGHT SONG YET!
She hid her face behind her clipboard as the chorus group all looked around lost and mumbled incoherently until the announcer finally decided to move on.
The loud speaker then announced that the Rikers Island Inmate Chorus would perform the National Anthem. Connie sighed in relief that the embarrassment of having forgotten to pick and memorize a fight song was over. However, she soon realized that she had overestimated the extent to which the Chorus knew the words to the National Anthem....
They started off right but quickly deviated into incoherent blabber that drew loud boos from the U.S. Naval Academy fans who were there to watch their Midshipmen football team. If any fanbase cared about the National Anthem it was them!
Face red with shame, Connie could only stand there as fans hollered insults about how that Chorus performance was a mockery of the National Anthem and a disgrace. Having seen enough, Connie instructed everyone off the field, so that the actual football players could come out and start the game.
Embarrassed and a little upset, Connie took a deep breath as she realized that the worst of the day was behind her, and she could relax with some football.
Unfortunately, she would soon learn that she was very, very, VERY… mistaken!