Rikers Island Jail Football Program

The pregame failures had managed to get the inmates who were caged in the student section fired up. They jumped around, screamed, and danced loudly as the team captains met at midfield for the coin toss.

Officers warned them to calm down or they would have to report back to their jail cells. Head Coach Connie Jenkins had been very clear with them that if they didn't conduct themselves appropriately, that they would be removed from the game.

Connie really hoped deep down that they would find a way to stay. "The Warden" had done all of this for them so if they acted out, and had to miss the game, it would be so pointless.

Also, if the inmates had to leave, there would only be roughly 30 people in the stands, and all of those people were cheering for Navy. The 12,300 inmates managed to keep the atmosphere alive but without them, it would be dead quiet....

Navy won the coin toss and elected to receive. Navy's coach believed in starting off right and putting the opponent away early. That is exactly what they would do too.

Rikers Island kicker Wes Shultz kicked a pathetic pot fly kick that traveled straight out of bounds, drawing a penalty. Connie cursed and slammed her clipboard down as the refs spotted the ball in excellent field goal position for the Midshipmen.

Things would only continue to get worse. Rikers Island Defensive Coordinator, Sue Flenderson, was a soft spoken man who lacked any leadership. So it became obvious really quickly that he had no control whatsoever of what the Rikers Island Defense was doing.

Connie felt her blood pressure rising as she watched her defense wander around aimlessly before Navy snapped the ball, only to all instantly rush the QB once it was snapped.

Navy's QB saw that Rikers Island was sending everyone and the kitchen sink, so he pitched it to a halfback sweeping around the edge. The halfback easily scampered in for a TD untouched. However, not every Inmate player knew or cared that the QB had pitched the ball, so multiple Inmate defenders crashed into the Navy QB, dropping him like a rock.

Flags flew from all directions, and the dog pile on top of the Navy QB slowly moved. Navy's QB wasn't expecting the hit at all, and appeared to be dazed. The Navy medical staff rushed onto the field, and steady booing ensued following the dirty play.

Connie had slammed her clipboard down again and was so angry that she had stomped on it until it was nothing but tiny pieces. Her blood was boiling as it appeared that nothing she had tried to teach her team all offseason was being retained.

The Navy QB hobbled off the field, and they tacked on the extra point. The Midshipmen led 7-0 with only 6 seconds off the clock.

As Navy set up for the kickoff, Connie pulled the Inmates' starting kick returner, Blair McCormick, aside. She told him to make something happen because his team badly needed it. McCormick smiled and scampered onto the field. Connie didn't know if that pep talk would help, but it was worth a shot.

Navy's kicker launched a deep kick towards McCormick. McCormick confidently stepped up and went for the catch. He bobbled it and the ball shot out of his hands...FUMBLE!

Only a few of the Rikers Island players seemed to know that it was a fumble. Most were standing around, not even paying attention. A pack of Navy defenders were hastily approaching as McCormick tried to scoop up the wobbly fumble.

McCormick had finally managed to get a grip on the ball when a Navy linebacker connected with him for a full speed clothesline tackle, sending the ball flying out along with McCormick's helmet. McCormick was knocked out by the powerful hit, and the ball bounced towards the endzone.

The Navy defense easily ran up and fell on the ball for another Touchdown. With 12 seconds off the clock, Navy already had two TDs. The medical staff of both teams went out to check on McCormick who had yet to move since the hit. His helmet had landed 20 yards up the field.

The stadium was quiet as people had feared the worst. However, McCormick came around slowly, and began talking. He wasn't making any sense, and seemed to think it was Halloween and he was a Fairy Princess, but Connie elected to say that he always acted like that just so she could keep playing him.

Even if he was concussed, would it really make much difference for a player as dumb as Blair McCormick? Connie hated to think that bluntly but it was a solid point. She helped him up, and McCormick wobbled towards the side line asking every player he passed "trick or treat?"

Once again, Navy set up to kickoff. Connie subbed in backup running back Skip Clay, for the still woozy McCormick. Connie really liked Clay's passion and work ethic, but he was horrible at football. She sighed but accepted the fact that he was the best that they had left.

Another deep kick by Navy headed right to Clay. Clay attempted to snag the kick but it connected with his facemask and bounced off him at a high rate of speed...FUMBLE!

The ball bounced around multiple times and after multiple players attempted to grab it, and continuously fumbled, the ball finally shot out of bounds. Everyone looked towards the ref, who signaled that it was infact, Rikers Island ball!

Connie jumped for joy. She was beyond excited, despite the fact that yet another fumble had occurred. Connie sent her offense onto the field, but some of the kick return team didn't realize that they needed to go off the field. Connie screamed trying to get their attention but ultimately had to burn a timeout as 20 Rikers Island players were on the field.

Connie slammed her backup clipboard down, splitting it in two and stormed onto the field as the timeout was called. She personally pulled the idiots who weren't supposed to be out there off, and began cursing wildly as she tried to get the players to actually focus.

The first play that Connie drew up was simple. Starting quarter back Wallace Brunner would simply take the snap and hand it to the running back Terrance Horton. Seemed easy enough, but it went very wrong, very fast....

It became apparent very quickly that starting center Steve Wilson has never heard of a snap count. He just hiked the ball when he felt like it, regardless if anyone else is ready. He hiked the ball randomly and it soared over Brunner's head. Brunner leaped for it but couldn't deflect it, and the ball didn't hit the ground for 20 yards. Brunner, Horton, and a few other Rikers players sprinted after the fumble along with the entire Navy defense.

When the dust settled, Navy had recovered the ball within 10 yards of another Touchdown.

Connie had fallen to her knees in sheer disbelief after that terrible snap resulted in a huge fumble. She stayed there as she watched Navy easily walk it in for another Touchdown one play later. 47 seconds into the game and it was already 21-0 Navy....

The Navy kicker trotted out onto the field yet again to kick the ball off. The Rikers Island players began looking around for Connie to tell them what to do, but she refused to get up. She was beyond frustrated at the game, and decided that they could figure it out themselves this time.

This was a very poor choice on her part, as the intellect on the Rikers Island team is so incredibly low, that they decided to bring 25 players onto the field, which quickly drew a penalty.

Connie snapped! The anger bubbled up inside her, and she could feel herself shaking. She sprung off her knees and began cursing and swearing, and throwing pieces of her clipboard at the players that knew they shouldn't have been out there. She grabbed one player by his facemask, and began yelling unspeakable things then stormed off to get a drink from the gatorade cooler.

She took a big gulp of gatorade with her back to the game as Navy kicked off. She was so thirsty! The gatorade was slowly calming her down, and she actually enjoyed it...well...that was until the announcer reported that there had been a fumble by the Rikers Island kick returner....

Connie reached a whole new level of anger. She just froze up as she heard the Navy crowd began cheering and knew that not only had Rikers Island fumbled yet again, Navy had picked up the fumble and scored.

"Coach...uh...you okay?"

Wide receiver Devon Howard was standing near Connie on the sideline and seemed concerned. Connie felt her eye twitch, and the shaking began again as she felt uncontrollable rage come over her.

Navy began playing their fight song yet again, and Connie couldn't take it. She spazzed out, and began punching the Gatorade cooler over and over and over again. She couldn't knock it off, so she began kicking it as hard as she could. Soon the nearly full Gatorade cooler became overbalanced and it collapsed onto the turf. The giant bright red stain that it made would likely be hard to buff out.

Connie didn't stop there. She began kicking the empty cooler, sending it flying up into the empty stands where her fans were supposed to be. She then ripped Claude Newman's clipboard out of his hands and slammed it down and stomped it until it was in tiny jiblets.

All of the Inmate players knew better then to touch her, but she was out of control. She kicked a leg of the table off which led to another Gatorade cooler crashing down and spilling onto the medical staff's bag of bandages.

As there became less and less for Connie to destroy, she turned around to see that her entire team was staring blankly at her. Her insane rage turned into embarrassment as she searched for something to say.

The dead silence continued as she awkwardly began to search for a clipboard that wasn't in tiny pieces so she could continue coaching. She wasn't having any luck but as it turned out, she wouldn't need it anyway....

The lead referee made his way over to Connie once it appeared that she was no longer violent. He then informed her that she had been ejected from the game and that she needed to leave the facility immediately.

Connie was blown away.... She was actually ejected? She didn't know what to think, but as the stadium security made their way over to her she knew she had to leave.

As Connie made her way to the tunnel to exit the dome, she passed by the caged up inmates in the 'Student Section.' They were cheering for her loudly. They had enjoyed Connie destroying the sideline and cursing, and were giving her a standing ovation.

Connie couldn't help but smile as she came to realize that her team never had a chance in this game. The dream of her husband had always been to bring hope and joy to the inmates, and Connie realized that she had done just that today. She laughed out loud and waved back to them as she entered the tunnel to leave the field.

With their head coach ejected, Rikers Island now trailed Navy 28-0 with 13:08 to play in the 1st quarter....

Claude Newman was given the head coaching job for the remainder of the game. Most people still wonder if he actually knew that or not. He seemed to be oblivious to the ejection, and his terrible communication skills were more confusing than anything. Many suspected that Claude's personal gatorade cannister had lots of Vodka mixed in because Claude reeked of alcohol.

The decision was made to begin running the clock continuously with 10 minutes left in the 1st quarter, and Navy up 56-0. This included running the clock through injuries, timeouts, and halftime....

The Navy coach tried to be classy and stop running the score up, but in the end, the Midshipmen won 86-0....

Most teams would consider this type of game to be rock bottom. Sadly, with the Rikers Island Inmates, it is always possible for them to do worse....