Equilibrium

I was numb. I didn’t touch the spear gun again. I doubted that they would hardly let me near it. The moment that my weapon hit the ground, the security team was on me. Bones was kicking the gun away from me and someone had grabbed me by the shoulders. I screeched at that, the sound coming out like a feral howl as I jerked away from them.

Instantly I was in defense mode. I threw my head back and hit whoever it was. There was a soft crack that hinted I had broken someone’s nose as I bolted forward. Gale must have known I was going to bolt, because he leapt in my path with his hands stretched out. I ran right into an arm and he used it to swing me into his chest.

My screaming continued as he locked me into his chest with both arms. He was talking to me but I howled on, a beast in a panic. Bones and the others were ordering Gale to stand down but he was refusing to let me go, yelling at them for touching me. Despite being confined by a friend, I did not like being touched, so I opened my mouth wide and bit down on Gale’s shoulder.

From the yell that Gale gave, I knew I broke skin through the shirt. He didn’t let me go like I had expected, though. If anything, he held tighter, fighting as I kicked my legs at him and tried to bite him again. He spun me so that he had my hands locked against my back, my body pressed against his chest with my front facing out.

Sam had a hand to his face. There was an explosion of scarlet on his hand, the color of a blood orchid spilt on his ebony skin. I didn’t feel bad like I had when I almost shot Gale. I felt as though he deserved it for attempting to grab me from behind where I couldn’t see him.

It was obvious that I wasn’t getting away from Gale. It was ironic how I had survived two games and escaped a blown up arena, but I couldn’t figure out a way to get out of a seventeen year old boys arms. If Gale had been in the games, I may have just died. Or if anyone had grabbed me like that, I may as well have never won. It was annoying as it was alarming that I couldn’t fight back.

“We have to cuff her,” Bones spat. She had been so nice just before we left, even said that she had liked me. Now she looked at me as though I were a wild animal that needed to be put down- she probably thought so, too. “Pass her over to me.”

“No.” Gale’s voice was solid but soft. It didn’t sound defiant, but it sounded firm on his position. I wondered if he practiced sounding polite while telling someone he wasn’t going to do what he or she wanted. “I’m going to carry her.”

“Or we could let her walk back,” I spat out. Sam was glaring at me but it seemed that Crete had stopped the bleeding from Sam’s nose. Crete was the only one who didn’t look utterly irritated with me, even managing a sympathetic smile. His eyes were green as ever, just like the people from my home. “Being that she is a human being.”

Bones glared. “You’re a liability now.”

“I was a liability before we left. I’m always a liability.”

“That being true, we have to have you subdued.”

I growled. “In case you haven’t notice, I have a giant boy restraining me and I seem to be losing.” No one said anything. I raised a brow. “Or did you think I was enjoying being coddled? Because I’m not.”

Gale chuckled, despite my tense body and the grim expressions of the security team. “I’ve got her. I’ll carry her back.”

Bones remained silent for a few beats of time. She nodded once then and gestured at Crete. “I want you behind them. If she tries to get escape, take Miss Ladureé out. It is simple as that.”

I grit my teeth. It was as simple as that. I knew when I left the doors that it was a test to see how I would work as a team and if I was stable enough to have a weapon. It was cruel of coin to give me a test she knew I was going to fail, to give me a test with a set scenario but that gave me hope anyways. The simple fact was that I was clearly supposed to go out and have an issue.

No amount of convincing on anyone’s part was going to make me think that large feline had been there by accident. Accidents didn’t happen in the life I lived. Bad things happened to people because other people wanted to sabotage their enemies. I wasn’t accidentally picked for the Hunger Games, I was picked because President Snow wanted to continuously abuse the districts mentally. I wasn’t just picked to go hunting, a skill I never had, because Coin wanted me to get fresh air.

“I hate to do this to you,” Gale said quietly to me, letting me go slightly. “But either I’m going to have to carry you like a bride, or I’m going to have to throw you over my shoulder. Both are pretty embarrassing.”

I gave an unamused snort. “Over the shoulder. The only person who will carry me like a bride is Finnick. And I no longer get embarrassed.” He let go of me and lifted me as easily as he could lift a bag of sand. I grunted as he threw me over his right shoulder. “I get even,” I hissed. Crete didn’t seem to hear me, at least, if he did, he didn’t act like it.

*

Trying to get to Finnick was impossible. I was instantly sent to an isolation unite. This time I was allowed to sit down without being tied down. There was a medical bed with paper on it as to stop the spread of any sickness. I sat down on top of the paper, the soft crinkle of it the only sound in the room. I was to wait for an officer to come in and either give me a punishment or to do something.

I waited for over an hour. As I waited in the room, I tried to picture Cain. I liked to picture him as safe in the capitol. Snow was a cruel man, a monster that had used poison to get what he wanted. But I wanted to believe that Snow’s main aim was to harm Katniss. Cain didn’t have information like Mags or Johanna did, and Cain was just a kid. I desperately clung to the hope that at the worst, Snow had him in a cell and was keeping him just to set me off and for leverage.

The door opened and I looked up. I had been tapping my fingers on my thigh in different patterns, watching the way my slender digits moved. It wasn’t keeping my mind off of how I could be punished, but it was definitely passing the time as I waited.

President Coin shut the door firmly. Her thin lips were pursed as she pulled a chair from the other side of the room and spun it backwards, sitting in it with the back of the chair facing me. Her arms draped across the top of it and she leaned forward. I had to admit I was surprised to see her in the room. I thought it would have been one of her commanders, but it wasn’t.

We stared at one another for a long time. I didn’t twitch or play with my hands anymore. I looked at her with an unwavering gaze, her dull, grey eyes like unpolished silver meeting my own green gaze. I wasn’t going to apologize for my actions when I could see it in her face. Right there in the hard expression and the frown lines, was the answer for my question. There was no guilt in that face, only assurance.

“How are you feeling?”

Like she actually cared. She was probably disappointed that she wasn’t asking Finnick how he was feeling about my death. I searched her face but there was nothing anymore. “Not guilty, if that’s what you mean. Sure, I feel bad that I put Gale in a compromising situation, but I think we all know that wasn’t my fault.”

Coin furrowed her brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Why did you tell me I could hunt?” I bit my lip, shaking my head at her. She was watching me closely. I had no doubt that there were guards posted outside of the room. Her entering alone was a show of courage and power. She wanted them to think that she wasn’t afraid of me, but she was equally afraid of my breed as Snow was. “You know there is no hunting in district for. No skills that I have for it.”

“Gale Hawthorne hunts.”

“And yet he wasn’t on the team at first.”

Coin folded her hands neatly on the top of the chair. She did not look flustered or out of sorts like some people did when they lied. She looked particularly calm, I thought strange. Maybe she was just good at lying. “Dr. Marlin said it would be good for you to get fresh air and exercise habits. The closest habit you have is-"

“Killing things.” She shut her mouth. I gave her a mean smile. Funny how everyone either labeled me a hero or a killer, with no option to be something between. I wasn’t the spark of the revolution like the little girl in Katniss’ games. I wasn’t the symbol for freedom like Katniss. I had just been a card in a good hand. But I had also killed people viciously to come back home, and I had done it not once but twice. No one saw the young girl who was just a survivor. “You think I’m good at killing things, which you don’t like. I don’t like killing things either, President Coin. But I also don’t like tests that I can’t pass.”

“I won’t pretend to even know what you mean.” She stood up and straightened her jacket. “Gale Hawthorne has pled on your behalf, as well as one of my men, Crete. They assure me it was a panic episode and not a violent episode. But, you injured one of the men. You’re on kitchen duty for two weeks.”

Coin head towards the door. “Finnick is waiting for you in your living quarters. He has permission to be there for the night, Dr. Marlin’s suggestion.” Coin opened the door. “And Lana, don’t get used to it.”

“Understood.”

I did understand. I had failed Coin’s test and so had her officers. She wanted me to understand that I shouldn’t get used to living, but it was clear as day that she saw me as a killer and she wanted me exterminated.