Paralysis

I felt the abyss finally start to leave me.

I slowly slipped back into reality.

Sadly.

My heart picked back up, my ears started ringing and my breathing progressed.

I was cold. Really cold.

My body was freezing but yet I could still feel the sweat on my limbs.

I finally regained control of my body and my eyes slowly fluttered open.

Everything was bright. Too bright.

White walls.

White tile.

Beeping white machines.

I rolled my glassy eyes.

Great.

The hospital.

Again.

I worked so hard to stay out of it for years.

Hell, they knew my face here.

I'm sure they still do.

Not like that's not embarrassing or anything.

I noticed a balled up figure sleeping on the chair in the room. I tried to move to see who it was but I was attached to several machines. IV's stuck in me making me nauseous at the sight of them.

I threw myself back into the pillow and drummed my fingers on my aching stomach.

I wonder how I survived this one.

I should be glad but I've forgotten what I have to live for.

There was a shift from the person in the corner. I heard a yawn and then I realized my fears had come true.

It was my mother.

She didn't even know I had a relapse. This time I'm done for good.

My mom stretched and sighed as she looked over to me. Her sad expression quickly turned to surprise. Her eyes shifted to happiness.

She ran over to my bedside. "Mel, you're okay? You're okay." Tears streamed down her face.

"You're not mad?" I mumbled.

Her eyebrows scrunched. "I'm pissed." She said gently. "They were so concerned you were going to die. Your damage was so much worse than the last worst time."

"Oh." I bit my lip. "Please don't hate me. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Mel, I love you. Just please. You're the only kid I could ever have. I don't want to lose you. Please stop."

I felt bad for my mother but she would never understand my desire to numb myself. She would never understand what I have been through. And if I told her, it might kill her.

"I don't know how. But I won't be seeing him again mom, okay? I promise." Suddenly I realize I never heard from Cara or knew where she was. "M-mom?" I said with fear.

"Yeah, baby?" She brushed some hair off my sweaty forehead.

"Cara?"

My mom sighed. "She's in worse condition than you."

I started to cry. Cara wasn't much, but she was all I had. She was a terrible influence. But she loved me. And I loved her. It wasn't the best but it could be worse.

She leaned down and cuddled me. "It's okay." I heard her inhale deeply. I have an arrangement that you may or may not like."

I was not going back to rehab. Sure, i have a problem. But I've been there once. No need to exhaust that again. "Shoot."

"When Cara makes it out she is going straight to rehab. She is going to be away for a long time. After she gets out she is staying with her Uncle who is a very strict military man. He's going to help her get a job and get on her feet since she is at that age where she really needs to already have a job and her own place-"

"I'm not going with her mom."

"No, let me finish. I know you're very close with Cynthia, you share more with her than you share with me. You've went to her for a lot of your issues. I've talked with her and we both agree that you staying with her may get you straight. Especially since she's further out from the city. If that doesn't work, we'll find something that works." I saw tears in her eyes. "I just know that for some reason we haven't been able to keep you good and straight. Something about our household isn't good for you right now."

Cynthia was Cara's mother. She was also my role model. She understood a lot of the things Cara and I did and she was a great mentor to me. She knows the secrets nobody else knows. Not even Cara. My bond with Cynthia was like a older sister bond in a way. The age difference between us is great obviously, she's old enough to be my mother but she has never ceased in understanding me.

I didn't know if living with her would stop the demons from fighting me but I know it may store some of them away for a while.

Home just has never been a good place for me.

"I'll try it."