Build Me Up & Tear Me Down

I knocked the door and it flew open. Trey was standing there, surprised to see me.

“How do you get my address?” he asked.

“I asked your co-worker.”

“Come in?” he said, stepping aside but I just stared at him, my arms were crossed against my chest.

“Why did you tell Ryan?”

“I didn—“

“Fucking liar,” I muttered. “You told me that you won’t tell anyone and Ryan knows about us, and he knew it from you! Why did you do that Trey?!”

He gulped, looking right into my eyes. “Because I want you,” he whispered. “I want you to be mine.”

“Shut up I know you want me because I’m with Ryan.”

“I’m serious,” he said, stepping closer and held my shoulder. “I really like you.”

I stared into his eyes, looking for an answer. He really meant it. “I don’t want to be with someone that caused me and my boyfriend broke up,” I answered, letting go of his hands and went back to the hotel.
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“Are you sure about this?” Patrick asked as I packed my things.

“Yeah. I was here to see Ryan but we broke up so why should I be here anymore,” I answered, taking my jeans from the bathroom and stuffed it into my bag.

“But I’m gonna be alone in the room,” Joe whined.

“I’m sorry Joe,” I sighed. “It’s not like we’re not gonna see each other anymore; we live in Illinois.”

“Hun, I know you’re really angry at Ryan but that can’t be the only reason why you’re gonna leave,” Ashlee said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I mean, we all know that you’re still in love with him. You wanted to break up with him that time because you were angry.”

I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure this is the right thing.”

“What makes you so sure of it?” Pete asked.

I sighed, sitting on my bed and buried my face inside my hands. “I hurt him, okay? He hurt me too but I did a worse thing,” I said, sniffing to fight against the tears that were threatening to fall down. “He now knows the truth and I can’t look at his eyes to see the pain he has. And now his brother wants me; Trey told me he really likes me.”

I could feel their stares of sympathy as Andy sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting way.
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"Oh my god did you see that guy with blue hoodie?” Dianna squealed as a group of boys walked past us. I was now back in Chicago. “He’s so hot!”

I didn’t respond and continued walking.

“You’re still thinking about him, don’t you?” she asked carefully and I nodded. I actually still loved Ryan and couldn’t let him go.

But seeing him without me was better. I got enough of hurting people. I’m sick of it. I’ve hurt myself physically. I’ve hurt Pete by cutting myself and doing drugs. I’ve hurt my high school friends by refusing to see and talk to them. I’ve hurt Travis by loving Ryan. And now I’ve hurt Ryan by having sex with his brother and breaking up with him when I knew that it was my fault why we were fighting.