Walls

Oh, Calamity

The bell rang, and by the time everyone was standing up to gather their stuff, I was already halfway out the door. I could hear his footsteps behind me, and him shoving people out of the way to get to me, but I picked up my pace and headed straight for the girls bathrooom, just outside of my next class. I waited there until the next bell. Looking in the mirror at my reflection, i ran a hand through my hair, and zipped up my hoodie. Just before the bell was about to ring, I ran out of the bathroom and into the classroom before Alex even knew I had left.

It didn't take him long to come into the classroom and sit down behind me though. I could feel him staring at me, but I paid no attention to him. I focused on my work, and the teacher while he sat there burning holes in the back of my head. I fell asleep halfway through a lecture but was rudely awaken by a crumbled piece of paper being thrown on my desk, bouncing off my arm and hitting me in the face. Opening it and reading it, I knew today was going to be hell.

<"Meet me by the bleachers at lunch? We need to talk.>

There was no name, but it was clearly obvious who it was from. I chose to write back, asking why, and saying there was nothing to talk about. Moments later, the note found its way back to me.

<"Skye please. If lunch is a bad time, we can meet after school.>

I sighed, and felt a tear prick my eyes. I hadn't heard that nickname since back when we knew each other and to be honest, I missed it. It took me a while to figure out what to say and when nothing came to mind, I gave in. I told him to meet me at the bleachers after school.

The rest of the day went by more quickly than I had hoped. Soon enough, it was 3:00 and I had to go meet Alex. Making my way across the football field, I noticed it had gotten colder and looked like it was going to rain. By the time I reached him, he was sitting down on the top of the bleachers. He had the hood of his sweater up, and one hand in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette.

"So you give me shit for smoking them and then you smoke one yourself? Hypocrite." His head shot up and he flicked it away since it was finished. Then he lit up another and passed one to me which I eagerly accepted. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever until he spoke.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier when I told you my name? Why didn't you tell me it was you?" His voice cracked, as though it took a lot of courage for him to speak. I took a long drag and exhaled.

"Maybe I didn't want you to know it was me. It's been years Alex. A lot has changed." It was true. We were thirteen back then, and everything was different.

"I'll say. Your hair is blonde and you're thinner. You're quiet in class and you smoke when you're not. Do you drink too?" I smiled lightly and pulled out a bottle of tequila from my bag to show him.

"Jesus christ Skye, at school? Come on." I put it back and tossed away the cigarette. My lungs were burning again.

"Are you really surprised? After everything that happened, are you really this surprised?" He sighed and shook his head. "You have no idea what you did do you? You have no idea how I feel right now or what I had to go through because of you."

"No, I guess I don't. Enlighten me?" I pulled my jacket closer to me and stared at the cigarette in my hand. It was because of him that I smoked now, because of him that I drank. It took a good ten minutes of silence before I could form the right words.

"Alex, you have to understand why I am the way I am now. I'm not innocent anymore, i'm not the sweet girl I was back then. And I'm going to be blunt. It's because of you. You're the cause of this." He stared at me, confusion spreading over his face and he frowned. "You left right after Cody did, you left me here to deal with it on my own. He was my brother, and you were my best friend. When Cody died, i had nobody because you went back to London to visit distant family, but you never came back." The last part came out as a mere whisper but I knew he had heard. A tear slipped from me eye, and I wiped it away.

Ashing out my cigarette, I realized he was staring at me. He let out a sigh and looked up at the clouds. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never told you, I'm sorry I never called. I didn't know what to say to you." I grabbed my bag and stood up, my combat boots thumping on the metal bleachers. He remained sitting down so I had to look down to meet his eyes when I spoke.

"You could've told me why you did it. Why the note he left behind was addressed to you and not me. Why you left the day before his funeral, and why you never spoke a word to me. Why every time I tried calling, you would hang up or not even answer." I was aware of the harshness of my words but it needed to be asked. I wanted answers. He stood up to face me, and when he did, I could see anger in his eyes, matching mine.

"Because if I had stayed here, I could've been arrested. Cody and I got into some shit and he couldn't deal with it. Neither could I so I left. I didn't want to get you involved so I cut you off. That's the story." I stared at him dumbfounded, having no idea what he was talking about. His answer only brought up more questions and I needed to sit down again. Instead I decided I should probably go home to sort out my thoughts.

"I-I what? Alex I'm sorry I thought I could handle this conversation but I was wrong. I have to go." Without even saying goodbye, i was running off the bleachers and across the field. I kept running until it started raining, and even after that I just kept running until I got home. I was drenched when I got there, so I went straight to the bathroom to take a long hot shower.

--

Later that night, I called Lacey and told her the story of what happened. She could barely believe it herself. Despite it being a school night, we decided to do the one thing we did best; drinking underneath the bridge. We met up around 10pm, tequila and beer in hand. I was more of a liquor girl, she was more of a beer girl. After a few drinks, we were both completely wasted and still talking about Alex and what he had said.

"Lacey I don't even understand. Your cousin Rian was friends with both of them but he didn't leave. Why did they have to leave?" We were sitting on rocks, watching the water flowing.

"Rian mentioned something about a night but I'm too drunk for the life of me to remember anything about it." Just then, her phone rang and the display screen flashed with Rian's name. I got up and walked towards the water to throw rocks while she took the call. Moments later, she said he was picking us up to drive us home.

When his car pulled up on the side of the road, we were sprawled out on the grass, star gazing. He offered us his hands and pulled us both to our feet, and walked us to his car since we were stumbling everywhere. Just before I was about to get inside, I turned around, walked the other way, fell to the ground and threw up on the concrete. The last thing I remember was hearing Rian mumble a "Jesus christ" before picking me up and putting me in the car.

--

In homeroom the next morning, I was so hungover that I just kept my head down, and my hood over my head. Everything was okay, until another crumbled up paper landed on my desk.

<Are we cool?>

I rubbed my eyes and wrote a quick 'I don't know' back to him. Mrs Everett didn't mind when students passed notes, as long as they weren't being thrown halfway across the room.

<What do you mean?>

The announcements were being read about football tryouts and cheerleading tryouts, at which I rolled my eyes.

<Until you tell me what really happened, I don't think we'll be okay. I need answers.>

I gave back the note just as the bell rang. I heard him unfold it and let out a loud "God fucking dammit!" which earned him a detention.

Leaving the classroom, he caught my arm and spun me around to meet his gaze. "What the fuck Skylar? Why do I have to tell you the whole story? What if I don't want to?" He let go of my arm, but I didn't move.

"You owe me that much Gaskarth. You know you owe me." Kids were passing by us, not noticing us, not listening to us, and all I wanted was to get away.

"I'm not going to tell you Skylar. I can't tell you what happened." I nodded my head and stared at the floor, almost in disbelief. Almost.

"Then I guess, to answer you're question, no. No we are not okay. Forget you ever knew me, Gaskarth." With that, I gave him a sad smile, and walked away. But how long could I stay away, knowing he's the only one who could give me closure?
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Hi guys, I realize it's a bit of a long, boring, all over the place chapter. I couldn't find a good place to insert a cliffhanger haha. Thank you for reading though :) I'll update as often as I can.