To Caress My Day

Three days before they were scheduled to fly back to the UK, Seth dragged his feet down into his kitchen in his California home to go and have a talk with his girlfriend. Twigs was in the kitchen making them a snack to go along with the romantic evening by the fireplace they had both planned earlier that day. Seth had just gotten off the phone with his sister Rachel after having a long deep conversation, with her mainly trying to pry into his private life. After much badgering and poking, Seth had finally let it slip that he and Avery were no longer a couple, and that he had moved on since then and met someone else. Rachel was happy at first, but it quickly turned to disappointment when he wouldn’t tell her who the mystery woman was, but she was at least able to figure out for herself that he must have met her in the UK since he had been flying back and forth there a lot recently. Other than that, she had nothing on who his new love interest might be, and was forced to respect his privacy, and change the topic when he threatened to fire her if she didn’t stop meddling in his private life. She decided to discuss his career with him. That simple switch in topics only resurfaced ‘previous issues’ that used to haunt Seth’s mind before he and Twigs began to be intimate with each other. Since then he’d been too distracted by her body, her lips and her whole entire being to even think about it, until now. Rachel strongly urged him to think his ‘previous issues’ over, even though he’d rather not. However, right after he bid his sister goodbye, he couldn’t seem to pull his mind away from having to have the discussion with his girlfriend downstairs. No good would come out of him keeping it from her, yet that was what he wished he could do, if only for a moment longer.

Twigs turned her head in that exact moment to see Seth leaning on the kitchen doorway with his hands in his pocket, lost within his own thoughts while his eyes followed her. She sent him a smile full of happiness before picking up one of the healthy snacks she had made for them and holding it out to him to sample. “Hey baby, can you do me a favor and try some of this. I want to make sure it’s to your liking too.”

Seth stepped further into the kitchen to test the snack for himself, but instead of taking it from her hand, he gently grabbed ahold of her delicate wrist in his hands and led the bite size treat to his lips instead. Taking it from her hands, he munched on it as he pressed an appreciative kiss to the palm of her hand. “It’s tastes good enough for me.”

“Great.” Twigs blushed as she gathered all the snacks off of the tray and onto two separate plates, before gesturing for him to pick up their two glasses of champagne that she had just poured. “Well, you better hurry up and grab our drinks so we can go cuddle in front of the fire together.”

“Hold on.” Seth interrupted her by taking the two plates from her hands and then placing them back down onto the counter. “I need to talk to you about something first.”

Twigs frowned up at him as her eyes darted from the plates and then back up to her boyfriend’s uneasy eyes. Her eyes began to widen in panic. “What is it? Did I do something?”

“No Pixie, you didn’t do anything at all. You’ve been nothing but perfect, I promise you.” Seth assured her as he brushed his thumb over the curve of her cheek.

“Then what is it?” Twigs wanted to know.

Seth sighed and ran his through his dark hair. “It’s just that…before we met I had been living here in California. I work here, I mean my entire career IS here. I do admit my work can be very time consuming, and it usually takes a lot of my focus. In fact, it’s the reason why all my relationships never really worked out in the past.”

Twigs nodded unsurely. “Y-Yeah, I mean…I can see how that could be the case, I suppose.”

Seth scratched the back of his head guiltily. “Yeah, and I guess if you want me to get to the actual point, it’s…I can’t continue to stay in the UK when my job, and my life is here.”

Twigs eyes widened in horror as her brows furrowed a bit in disbelief. It took her brain a minute to process what he was saying before the realization stole her breath away. Was Seth trying to tell her that he wasn’t going to return to the UK anymore? But that was where she lived. If he wasn’t going to be with her there that would only mean that…their relationship would have to end? She couldn’t believe it. He had literally just got done calling her perfect not two minutes ago and yet here he was now planning on breaking it off with her?? Twigs tried to take a step back to collect her erratic thoughts, and make sense of what was going on around her when Seth grabbed her upper arms to keep her in place so that she couldn’t walk away from him. He leaned down a bit as he pulled her closer to his body. “No no, Pixie, you misunderstood me! Listen to me closely baby, okay? It’s true, I can’t LIVE there with you anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take small trips to go see you from time to time.”

“I-I don’t understand, Seth. I’m confused.” Twigs finally looked up into his eyes with a sight that was slightly blurred with tears. “A-Are you trying to break up with me?”

Seth’s eyes widen in horror as his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. He frantically began to shake his head as his grip on her arms tightened in desperation. “NO, no no baby never!” He let her go to cup her delicate face in his big hands before leaning down and pressing a long reassuring kiss to her lips. Twigs hesitated with uncertainty before she melted against him and began to kiss back just as eagerly. Getting carried away, Seth finally pulled his lips away from hers, giving her time to let out a sigh of relief. His kiss worked at banishing away all of her fears in just a matter of seconds, even though she still had a small feeling of uncertainty lying in the pit of her stomach. She trembled in his hold as he gently pulled her into his arms and then he pressed a loving kiss to her forehead before resting his mouth in her dark curls. Twig’s arms faltered at first before they rose up to loosely wrap around his waist. She didn’t want to hold him any tighter against her, in case he wasn’t going to be hers in the next hour or two. Seth, however, continued to hold her close to his body as he closed eyes and savored her presence some more. “Haven’t you seen it yet, Tahliah? I don’t ever want to be without you, even if it’s to go into the next room to grab a snack. I want to be with you so much more than I’ve ever wanted to be with anyone else.” He waited for a sign that she was listening to him, and when he received a slow nod, he continued on. “Look, I know this whole thing sounds like it’ll cause an avalanche to what we’ve already built of our relationship together, but I also refuse to stand here and feed you a romantic tale with a happy ending when even I don’t know what could happen to us in the future. But if there is one thing I’m certain of, it’s that I don’t plan on giving up on you, on THIS, without a fight. I’m going to do everything I can possibly do to make this relationship work even if I can’t stay for months on end in the UK like before. Do you hear me, Tahliah? I’m not giving up on us, and…it would mean a lot to me if you didn’t give up on us either. You won’t, right? Please don’t tell me you’re thinking about ending it now after all this time?”

Twigs immediately shook her head once he desperately pulled away from her to search her face with frightened eyes. Hers were more filled with tears by now, and she knew her voice would be shaky if she were to use it, but she had to in order to say what she needed to say. Twigs had to try and make some sort of attempt to make him reconsider abandoning her for his life in the United States. She wasn’t sure if she could keep their relationship intact if they didn’t see each other as often as they did before. Looking him in the eyes, Twigs bottom lip started to tremble as she fought to hold her breath to keep herself from crying in front of him. “Seth…p-please. Please…”

That was all she could manage to say before her throat got all choked up, but she knew he got the message loud and clear by the expression of agony twisting his face. Seth squeezed his eyes shut, not only because of the pain she was causing him, but also to stop himself from seeing hers as well. Seth pressed his quivering lips against her forehead to keep them from shaking before he rested his head back down into her silky curls again with a harsh sigh. It took everything it had in him to decline her plea, EVERYTHING. “I-I can’t, Tahliah. I just can’t…”

Twigs weakly pulled away from his arms the second he said it. She had felt rejected before in her life sure but it had never hurt as intensely as it did now. She couldn’t look him in the eyes when she forced herself to respond back to him, because she didn’t want him to see the tears that were falling over her waterlines. She didn’t want him to see what the pain of losing him was doing to her. “It’s okay. I-I understand, truly.”

Seth could tell that she was hurt, and that she didn’t want him to know. She was trying to be strong, and he always admired that about her, but right now he detested it. He didn’t want her to be strong on her own anymore, especially now when she had him in her life …or at least for the few days they had left together before she had to catch a flight to the UK while he stayed in California. Seth reached out to grab ahold of one of her hands to pull her back into his arms but she stepped back before he could to walk away. She was already out of the kitchen with the two plates before he could stop her. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Seth rubbed his hands over his tired face. This was a conversation that should have been brought up a month ago, and yet here they were. He wasn’t sure if it would have made any difference if he had told her then, would this pain be any less? Seth was pretty sure it would have felt exactly the same now than it would if he had just done before, whether she would have been this hurt by his abandonment or not. Still, what he was going through at the moment wasn’t really his main focus. The woman he loved was heartbroken, and he had to make it better, or at least ease her suffering as best as he could. Taking a deep breath, Seth left the kitchen with their glasses of champagne to find Twigs sitting on the living room floor in front of the fireplace with her back to him, the plates lying by her legs. Her brown eyes were on the flames as she avoided looking up at him, and tried to keep her focus on nibbling on some of the snacks. Seth quietly took a seat next to her while also making sure to keep a good amount of space between them. He wasn’t sure if his close presence would unsettled her, and if so he didn’t want to risk it. They both sat in silence staring into the flickering flames in the fireplace, wishing the pain would end sooner rather than later. When Seth was certain that she was averting her eyes from looking at him by staring down into her champagne, he boldly began to stare fixating at her. She was beautiful to him, even more so than the first time he saw her sitting in that café in London. His eyes silently roamed over her black curls that gleamed against the firelight, down to her brown Pixie eyes, and lastly to her full lips. Her gold septum ring kept catching his eyes whenever it shined in the firelight and it brought a smile to his lips. Seth couldn’t imagine his life without seeing the woman he loved anymore in it, and he hoped he would never have to. It was always obstacles like this that ended his relationships with other woman in his past. Mainly, his work. His work always came before them, and they couldn’t handle it. Would Tahliah be the same, he wondered to himself? The longer he waited for her to say something, the more scared he became that this could possibly be the last time he saw her again.

God, Seth hated this waiting, unsure of what she was thinking or planning to say. All he wanted to do right now was reach out and touch her again, it already felt so long since he had, but he knew he should be patient. Even though he had been through this before, he didn’t know how well he would be able to handle Twig’s rejecting him. At the same time, he still wanted to be close to her, and so instead of reaching out to pull her to him, he slowly scooted himself closer to her, while still making sure that there was a couple of inches in-between them. Very soon even that wasn’t enough for him anymore. Seth still missed her. He wanted to hold her, kiss her and touch her. He wanted her. Biting his lips in thought as to what he should do next, Seth eventually ended up blowing caution to the wind by leaning over a bit to gently whisper to her. “Pixie, I’m sorry, ok? I’m so fucking sorry. No matter how many times I say it, it won’t come close to how bad I feel right now about leaving you. I don’t want you thinking I’m choosing my career over you because I don’t care about you when that is so far from the truth! I do care about you Tahliah, more than you’ll probably ever know.”