Just a Nightmare

I awoke in a cold sweat from the dream that I had been trapped in, looking around to see my dimly lit room, which even as dark as it was, was comforting to see again. The events of the dream seemed to slip my mind; all save for the loud bang at the end of it, though at the time I passed it off as just a nightmare. Though I couldn’t remember, I knew that all too familiar feeling, and I knew that it was the recurring nightmare that I had been having the past few weeks. Finally waking up fully, I arose from my slumber, preparing my lunch before I head off to work early, stopping at a local store to pick up a little something for the day ahead.
On the hour long drive to the same office that I’ve worked at for the past five years, visions of how much my life has changed in the recent flashed within my mind. My life partner had recently passed away from an unknown cancer at such a young age, and how after she was gone a feeling of emptiness starting overwhelming me. How my children had all gone off to college, started living on their own with a well paying job and a date on their arms as well. As proud as I was of them for being better set in life than I ever could, that empty feeling became nothing but stronger with them gone, almost a dullness that took over every day. All of the tragic events in the very recent past had flown through my head by the time I pulled up to my office building, leaving a very numbing feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost like a sickness.
I walked to my tiny cubicle and started working diligently as I always did on mornings like this, where the dullness in me had started to take over, and the work was all I could do to take it all off of my mind. The job was a decent one, it paid very well considering the economy of today’s society, but past all of the perks of it, it was monotonous. After the five years of working here I’ve had, it just seemed like I was pressing the same keys over and over with the distinct small clicking sound that I had grown too familiar to. To make matters worse, in all my years working here, there has been not a single raise, and recently no more comfort of a loving family to look forward to at the end of the long working day, I was all alone to face this life.
A familiar voice spoke softly in my ears, “Time to wake up, honey! If you sleep any longer than you’ll be late for work!”
I slowly opened my eyes to see the face of my beautiful wife beside me on the bed of our now clearly lit room. As I looked at her, our eyes met, her deep blue eyes shining with the tiredness of the early morning. I ran my fingers through her long, brunette hair, and I gave her a sweet, love filled kiss on her cheek.
I spoke softly to her, “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I have to leave again; none of this is real anymore.”
She spoke with a sorrow in her voice unmatched by any I had ever heard, and as she stared right through me her skin wrinkled and her hair started falling out in clumps. Her eyes had tears in them as she faded away, falling out of my arms for the second time, with the same devastation as the first time. As my now fading wife disappears fully from my grasp, I look up from my quiet whimpering to see my young son, around the age of four or five, standing in the lightless doorway. I get up to hug him, not wanting the only other important part of my life slip away like it had before, but before I get to him, he starts growing. The changes were slow at first, getting slightly taller and older looking with each second, but as time went on the changes grew more and more rapid. He started to change; he became what seemed to be a young teenager, and then skipped into a young adult, then straight to how he is in the life outside of whatever hell I was currently trapped in. As I watched my only living kin grow, and his family come in around him, the distance between us grew, and he eventually left my sights, leaving me on the floor, sobbing hysterically once again.
I looked up from my desk once more, back in the office I had been in for the longest time, only to see my boss and best friend, Stanly, waking me up.
“You seem a bit tired there, bud. You getting enough sleep at home anymore?” He asked in a concerned tone. “Hey, you okay? You look like you’ve just been through the very gates of hell and back.” He questioned.
“Oh, y- yeah, I’m alright.” I stammered, wiping the tears from my eyes.
Stanly had been my best friend ever since he had lost his daughter to a brutal car accident last year, having something in common with each other, we decided that we should stick together. At first, the conversations always stayed the same, about the lost family members, the sorrow both of you had to suffer through, and how there was always a lighter side to each tragic event in everybody’s life. As we kept talking, those conversations got shorter and shorter, and all he did now was add to the dull sickness you felt inside of yourself. Of course, I would never tell him that, I was afraid that he just cared too much about me for me to say such a thing to him, though he had noticed my growing bitterness towards everything in my life.
“Anyways...” He started, “It’s about lunch time, are you eating at your desk again or coming to eat with us in the land of the living?”
“I’ll stay here aga-“ I started to say, but then I remembered that I had something special planned for myself today. “I’d love to join you all out there today, actually; As long as that’s alright with everyone else.”
He looked ready to explode in excitement when I told him that. “Nobody would mind at all if you came back with us!” He Exclaimed. “We’ve all missed you at lunch, everyone’s been worried about you, you know.”
Ignoring the concern of everybody else, I gathered my lunch and walked silently with Stanly to lunch. He went off to his small group of people, not seeming to notice when you sat at the empty table that was in the back of the room. As I opened my lunch bag to examine the results of this morning’s groggy making, the thoughts of my loved one again passed through my mind. The way that she would always add a little something to my lunch every day, even if it was something as simple as just a pickle, it was something from the normal sandwich that I always made for myself, and it would no doubt bring a smile to my face every day. Now though, the only thing to have is just my normal turkey sandwich and a bottle of water, same bland food every day. I realized just how dull my life has become yet again for the day, and I could feel a tear come close to falling down my face. Willing away the sorrow from those thoughts, I started with my lunch, eating the sandwich with unusual haste, and leaving the bottle of water half empty. Nobody seemed to notice that I had finished my lunch and was simply there at that point, that is, until I brought out the gift I had brought for the day.
I reached into my nearly empty bag, and pulled out the small, chrome handgun that I had acquired with what was to be my last paycheck. I held it in my hands, admiring the beauty of it, and how it was such a shame that it was going to be used for such a heinous and selfish act, but the feeling quickly fell away as I sat in silence at my own little table. Finally, somebody noticed, screaming at the sight of the small revolver I was holding, and others soon followed suit. One woman quickly called the police, hesitating to see if I was going to try and stop her, I didn’t, the police could do nothing, by the time they were there everything would already be over. Once it became evident to everyone what my intentions with the weapon were, they quickly crowded towards me and began calling out to me, trying to get me to stop.
“You don’t have to do this! We can get you help!” One woman cried, tears forming behind her eyes.
“Please, you have so much to live for!” Another man yelled, not knowing how false that statement was in my eyes.
“Please don’t do this; you know that we’re all here for you.” One weak voice said, with a great sorrow in it.
The voice was Stanly, as I knew well. I looked through the crowd in front of me, seeing Stanly in the front of all of them with tears streaking down his face. I didn’t care about him anymore, it seemed selfish of me, but it was the truth. All I had wanted was for the dullness inside of me to finally end, and that was what I was going to do, end it.
“Anybody comes any closer and they’ll be the first one to die!” I barked at the crowd inching towards me.
I hated having to resort to threats to keep people away from me, I really used to be a nice guy before all this, but that time was over now. All I could think about was how amazing it would be to not have to suffer the nothingness after today, and how much I wished that everybody would simply forget about me and let me go after I was gone, or even now. As the threats stopped working, knowing I wouldn’t hurt them, the crowd started towards me once more, forcing me to cut the games short and put the revolver to my right temple. At this action, the crowd stopped and a deafening silence fell over the entire office. As the sirens that were distant minutes ago became louder and louder, having no choice in the matter anymore, I closed my eyes. I heard the whole crowd jump forward as I pulled the trigger, feeling a force on my head, and then suddenly nothing at all.
I awoke in a cold sweat from the dream that I had been trapped in, looking around to see my dimly lit room, which even as dark as it was, was comforting to see again. The events of the dream seemed to slip my mind; all save for the loud bang at the end of it, though at the time I passed it off as just a nightmare. Though I couldn’t remember, I knew that all too familiar feeling, and I knew that it was the recurring nightmare that I had been having the past few weeks. Finally waking up fully, I arose from my slumber, preparing my lunch before I head off to work early, stopping at a local store to pick up a little something for the day ahead