Lyrical

Lina was another talented singer, a coloratura soprano. Many people raved on how she was the reincarnation of Maria Callas because of her similar timbre. Truth was, Lina didn’t care that she sounded almost like her, in fact—she hated when people would say that to her. Lina didn’t want to be compared to Callas, she wanted to be different, most importantly she wanted to be herself. More than anything, she wanted people to hear her own music. Lina had been writing her music since she was very young, her inspiration came from her grandmother who used to be a ballad singer when she was young. Lina grew up surrounded by ballads and Puerto Rican folk music, and she loved it all, it was no surprise that she’d be composing her own ballads. Lina had over 100 songs written, some she had sung to an eager audience, and others she had yet to present. However, Lina didn’t go to Berkley to study popular music and to expand her horizons in something she loved to do, instead, she went to Hildegard University to learn the ways of lyrical singing.

Lina was one of the best sopranos in the music department and everyone enjoyed her performances, unlike herself. She felt limited and leashed whenever she’d sing an aria, her mind filled with uncertainty and insecurities every time she’d go on stage and although she didn’t show it on the outside, on the inside she was screaming to get out. By the time Lina realized that she didn’t want to be an opera singer, she was already graduating. “So Lina, where are you going to study your masters?” the girl next to her asked. Lina shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe the music conservatory in San Juan?” the girl nodded, “Good choice! I heard the education’s great there!” Lina shrugged again, “Yeah I guess.” To apply to the conservatory wasn’t in her plans, in fact, she was finally considering Berkley. Her teacher, however thought the opposite.

Gary Foreman knew how talented Lina was, after all no one could have any similarity to Callas except her! And what an honor! Surely that would be one of the aspects that could land her a solid contract with an opera house. He had immense faith in his student, and he expected nothing less than the best from her, Lina knew this, and she knew it quite well. She couldn’t fail her teacher, Lina felt that it would be unfair to give in to her desires and to abandon all the hard work that Gary had gone through with her technique and her repertoire. He would be disappointed if she told him that she wanted to apply to Berkley, and the reason she cared so much for his opinion was because he was also her musical father. He had helped her through tough personal situations and had guided her, unlike her biological father who barely noticed she existed, and Lina was grateful for that. Lina pondered, would he really be unhappy if I just quit on this? She looked at the document that evidenced her five years of hard work, but to her, it symbolized five years of uncertainty.

A cellphone rang, the girl who sat next to her picked up and answered, “Hello? Oh honey hi!” she was obviously talking to her boyfriend.

Lina reluctantly checked her phone, no missed calls. Her boyfriend Jaime didn’t call her or sent her a text, she smiled bitterly, “Of course…” she knew that he wouldn’t call. After all, he must be taking pictures of his real girlfriend. Although Lina felt didn’t mind being the other woman, she yearned to experience the perks of being in an actual public relationship.

She wanted Jaime to be taking pictures of her, she wanted him to kiss her passionately in public but most of all she wanted to be selfishly his. Lina knew that Jaime was waiting for the right moment to break up with his girlfriend, but she was starting to get impatient. After five years of being secretly in love with each other, she wanted to be official and she was tired of sharing. Sometimes, she wished that she’d never met Jaime in the first place, she wished that she wouldn’t have fallen so harshly for him. She even considered getting pregnant with his child, and she did manage it but then she lost it after the first month.

Lina never told Jaime she had been with child or about the miscarriage, she figured why bother with something that no longer existed. The deepness of her guilt was severe, she needed to tell someone about her miscarriage; she certainly couldn’t tell her parents, her father wouldn’t have cared and her mother would have been distraught, but the one person Lina felt she could trust was Emery. During their long walks in the weekends, Lina would spare no detail of her love life to Emery, and she knew that Emery wouldn’t judge her, Emery was a good listener and it made her feel good to share her secrets with someone she could trust.

“And you’re sure it’s his?” Emery asked her while they walked up a steep hill, Lina nodded “Yeah, I’m sure.” She felt a beads of sweat forming on top of her brow, “So you’re not going to tell him?” Emery asked.

Lina stopped walking and made Emery pause, “I’m going to tell him, it’s just that the moment’s not right yet.” Lina wiped away her beads of sweat.

Emery nodded in agreement, “Right, just don’t wait too long, that belly will get bigger and he’ll find out anyways.” Emery continued her walking pace and Lina followed suit. Lina felt relieved to have told Emery about her pregnancy, she felt a sense of security by telling her and security was something Lina desperately wanted.

Emery had always been a good friend to Lina, she always listened and tried to give to her the best advice she could offer regardless of the situation. In a way, Emery was like a sister to her, and although she did already have a younger sister, she didn’t feel the same trust as she did with Emery which is what led her to talk about her miscarriage. Losing a pregnancy was painful, Lina winced every time she would remember the night she woke up to bloody sheets. She knew she needed to go to the doctor, but she also knew that by doing so her parents would find out about everything.
Instead, she got up from her bed and picked up her bloody sheets, it was midnight and everyone was asleep, she ceased the opportunity to go wash her bed sheets before anyone found out. Just like that, she endured it and for her family, the pregnancy never happened, but for, this memory was a fragment that could never be erased.

“Do you have any gum?” she heard a voice ask and she snapped away from her thoughts.

Lina looked at the girl who seemed to have grown annoyed and shook her head, “What do I look like? A candy store?” she snapped.

The girl pouted and turned away from Lina looking for gum elsewhere. Lina then felt a vibration coming from her pocket, she reached for her cellphone and saw that she received a text from Marion.

Marion: Are you sure that we’re still on for ice cream after this?

Lina texted back:

Me: Well yeah, why?

Marion: I think I just saw Emery and her mom leaving already.

Me: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Marion: Nope, but we’re still going right? I’m actually craving that ice cream pretty bad now.

Lina sighed in frustration, she hated when Emery would back off without warning, “It’s like she never goes out or anything…whatever.” She muttered as she texted Marion back.

Me: Yeah, we’re going.

Lina put away her cellphone and crossed her arms, she was upset. She hated when Emery changed her plans!

“Her loss anyways…” she fumed. Her cellphone vibrated again and she received another text, it was from Jaime.

Jaime: We need to talk. Meet me at the parking lot now.

Lina hesitated but texted back,
Me: Okay.

She put her cellphone in her pocket again as she slowly got up from her chair and made her way through the rows of occupied chairs.

“Excuse me.” She kept whispering until she discreetly left the premises and made her way to the parking lot.

She smiled, “Looks like Marion will have to wait.”