Strings

Sometimes it feels like I have strings attached to my limbs, and people are pulling me in different directions. My right arm string is held by my parents. They want me to be the dutiful daughter. Graduate high school, go to college, go to law school, and eventually become a Judge. That string was awfully tight and tugged on often.

"My daughter Agatha Lansdale Attorney at law!"

"I told Alex - my partner at the law firm - about what an amazing lawyer you will be one day!"

"Have you filled out all your applications for college Aggie, you can't just go to any old college like UCLA."

I understand my parents want the best for me, and they practically programmed becoming a lawyer in my head since I started preschool, but becoming a lawyer isn't what I want. But how can I disappoint my parents?

My left arm string was held by Shelley. My best friend since we were ten. Growing up with Shelley has taught me one very important rule, beauty is hidden on the inside. Not that Shelley is ugly, she's very pretty for an average seventeen year old girl. It's just that Shelley's beauty radiates more on the inside. I know this from being friends with her for so long, but when most people meet her - they tend to miss the beauty and only see the awful. Anyway Shelley has that left arm string, and she's tugging on it every minute of the day.

"Aggie have you filled out your app for UCLA?"

"Aggie we're going to have so much fun at UCLA?"

"We have to pledge at UCLA Aggie."

It's non-stop. UCLA is a nice college, but it's not for me. But how can I disappoint my best friend?

My right leg string was held by Alex. Alex - six year long relationship Alex. I love him. It's easy to say that now, but do I love him enough to give up my dreams for his? His is to skip college, fly to Spain, France, Germany, and tons of other places and live off our wits for the next five years. I see that ending in only one way. We make it to Spain, get stuck, and I spend the next year learning Spanish.

"Aggie Spain is beautiful this time of year!"

"You're going to love France. I know because you adore cheese."

"Aggie college is a waste of time. We can learn everything we need to know by being out in the real world."

He did paint a nice picture, and I do love cheese. It was his dream though and not mine. But how could I disappoint the man I . . . love?

My left leg string was pulled my Madame Victorovna. Russian ballet extraordinaire. I've been working with her since I was nine, and because of her I could apply to any performing arts school and get accepted. She was always pushing me harder than any other student, and she told me in private it's because she sees more talent in me than she did in herself. Dancing used to be my dream, but now I see it more as a hobby.

"Agatha darling, the Dance is the only path for you!"

"The exhilaration of being on stage is nothing you can get from school!"

"Nothing can compare to thousands of fans crying at your feet from the sheer beauty of your dance! Once you experience it you can never go back!"

Goodness did she make it sound amazing. I did love performing but I didn't want to dance my life away. But how could I disappoint a woman who has instilled so much time and effort in me?

Those are my four strings and my four biggest problems. Except I lied. They're five strings. The fifth string is around my heart and with every beat the string was tugged on.

Who holds the fifth string? It's stupid, but I honestly don't know who holds it. Someone does though and their pulling harder than the rest of them.

I don't want to be a lawyer or a Judge. I don't want school. I don't want to travel. I don't want to dance my life away. What I want is a house, a white picket fence, a dozen children and dozens of grandchildren. I want a man to come home from work and sweep me up in his arms, and tell me how much he loves me. I want to grow old with him, die with him, and spend the rest of eternity buried next to him.

That's who holds the fifth string. I just haven't met him yet.