What Does It Mean to Be Broken?

Of course not. Nothing is entirely awful and evil. I sit here today to tell you that there are reasons that I like to live. Nothing can beat the beauty of the world around me. And if I cannot capture it, then who will?

Close your eyes for a moment and notice the soft sounds around you. Might be a little bit challenging while you are reading but stick with me. Imagine the soft sounds that make the world around you the place that it is. You can find yourself sitting on the grass, in a wide open space looking out at the world around you. Mountains in the distance, the sun setting lazily. What a world you live in. So imagine yourself there.

But. It’s not you. It’s me. At twelve years old I feel quite content to to sit out in the open breezy field. At risk of getting mosquito bites, whatever. Doesn’t even occur to me in that time. I am sitting there and it is only me, the world and my little camera. I had asked for the little thing because I wanted to show people what it meant to see what I could see. The contrasting colors of the sky above me, were something that I couldn’t describe with words if I tried.

I snapped multiple shots from lots of angles. I couldn’t tell the truth of what each picture held by looking at the little screen. They looked so different on the wall at home. I laid on my back and looked up at the sky. ‘This is how I want to spend everyday.’ I knew this fact in my mind. I could get away and pretend I was the only one in the world and that I was the only one who could see the truth of the world, the only one that could show the other people what it really looked like.

So when I say, imagine you are me, I think that it would be hard to imagine that. I cannot imagine being anyone else. Yet I wish I could let everyone have a taste of that feeling of perfection that I like to call my own. The sky that day was undescribeable. The world wasn’t just something that I could see, or hear, or touch. It was something I could feel with my emotions, like the world was telling me what to do. That there wasn’t anything to worry about as long as I had the sky and the clouds, the grass and the trees, the wind and the flowers.

As I sit here and wonder to myself. I begin to think. Can I really be whatever I want? Do I have to do everything everyone tells me to do? But it was that sky that calmed me and made me realize that this world around me is nothing but what I want it to be. I can do anything that I wish and whatever that I desire. I don’t have to be sad or lonely. I can be grateful and get away to a place that accepts me no matter what. That never changes because of what I say.

My fingers feel the dirt, and the soft grass. It’s a wild world out there for sure. I stood and walked to down the little hill to the little pond and watched the little frogs swim and enjoy their life. Not a worry in the world for me. I was so small in this big world and no one could stop me from doing what I wished to do. The little frogs hopped onto the bank and looked back at me. It would be great to be a frog don’t you think? All they have to worry about it getting flies and swimming as much as they wanted to. I would like that.

My point is that everyone needs to find that place. Find the thing in this world that makes you humble and soft inside. That doesn’t have to be something calm or relaxing. Each person in this world is different and each person doesn’t have to be alone. That’s what really makes this life worth living and that is what I focus on when the going gets rough.