Whatsername

You know how things just randomly fall out of the sky and hit you on the head while you're walking down the street?

No?

Well, I do... now.

THUD....

"Oh, no, please wake up," I heard a panicked male voice say.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw a very worried, very attractive guy with messy black hair and beautiful green eyes... that were surrounded by a thick layer of black eyeliner. You don't see that every day.

"Ow, my head," I groaned, touching the huge bump on the back of my head.

"Thank God you're awake," he said with a huge sigh of relief.

I quickly sat up and glanced around the room. "Who are you, and where am I?" I asked, noticing I was lying on a bed in a hotel room.

"You seriously don't know who I am?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No... I don't."

"Oh. I just figured because of your shirt you'd know who I was," he said, pointing at my chest.

I looked down and read my shirt the best I could upside down. "Green Day, American Idiot?" I said, wondering how I was wearing a shirt I had never seen before in my life.

"Yeah, Green Day. The band I'm in. I'm the lead guitarist and singer... Billie Joe Armstrong? Ring a bell?" the so-called Billie Joe asked.

"Nope-- wait, who am I?" I asked suddenly.

"Oh fuck."

"What?" I asked hesitantly after seeing his face.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" he cried, wide-eyed.

"Didn't mean to what?!" I asked, getting a little pissed that he wouldn't tell me what was going on.

"I kinda, um... hit you in the head with my cell phone," he mumbled, biting his lip.

"On purpose?!"

"No! It was an accident. I got pissed off and threw it off the balcony," he explained, pointing to the sliding door.

"And when you threw it off the balcony, it hit me?" I asked slowly.

"Um, yeah.... Are you serious, though? You really don't know who you are?"

"No, I don't," I said, shaking my head.

"Well, then, I better take you to the hospital," he said, standing up.

"What?! Why?!" I shrieked.

"What do you mean, why?! You can't even remember who you are! You could have brain damage or something!" he exclaimed, now pacing back and forth around the room.

"But... but... but hospitals are creepy."

"Okay, you have two choices: one, come with me, and since I can tell by your face you strongly dislike hospitals, I'll stay by your side the entire time so you don't have to be scared, or two: you walk out this door and wander around aimlessly for the rest of your life."

"Okay, first of all, I'm not afraid to go to the hospital--"

"Yes, you are!" he yelped.

"Don't interrupt me! And as I was saying, I am not afraid to go to the hospital, and it's really reassuring to know that the only person I have to rely on helping me is a complete stranger," I said with a sigh.

"Well, I'm all you got, sweetie. So choice number one: let me take you to the hospital, or choice number two: you go on with the rest of your life, not knowing who the fuck you are, and I can continue dealing with my problems," he said, waiting patiently for my answer in the armchair across the room.

"I guess I pick the first one," I mumbled, dreading the idea of having to go to the hospital, but with the options I had to choose from, it was the best.

"That's what I thought." He smirked and I rolled my eyes. This guy was way too cocky for his own good.

I tried to sit up but failed; I was way too dizzy. After about ten minutes, and the twentieth attempt, I decided I wasn't getting up by myself.

"Shit ass fuck," I mumbled to myself.

"Are you gonna get up anytime soon?" he asked, as if I was just lazy and enjoyed lying there with him staring at me.

"I can't get up...."

"Well, do you need help?"

"Yes!"

"Oh," he muttered, jumping up from the chair, picking me up bridal style, and rushing out the door before I could even begin to protest.

"What are you doing?" I asked, quickly wrapping my arms around his neck so he didn't drop me.

"You said you needed help, and since I left my magic wand at home, this is the only way I can help you," he said sarcastically.

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny. Just don't drop me, please," I whimpered, tightening my grip around his neck.

"Don't worry. I won't. You're not that heavy, and besides, I've already done enough bodily harm to you for one day," he said with a small chuckle.

"Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel special," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Mhmm, it's a gift," he said with a smirk.

And before I knew it, we were in the parking lot standing in front of a really tiny car.

"This is your car?" I asked, laughing.

"Yes, and may I ask what's so funny?" he queried, pretending to be hurt.

"It's just so-- so um...."

"Small? Baby, it's not the size that matters; it's the way you use it," he said, smirking as he sat me down in the passenger seat.

"Ah, I see," I said, trying to hold back my laughter.

After we arrived at the hospital, Billie Joe carried me into the waiting room and sat me in a chair. I quickly glanced around and inwardly cringed at the room full of coughing, bleeding, and just plain gross, people sitting inches away from me.

"Don't worry. I'll be right back," he reassured me before he walked up to the front desk and came back with a clipboard. "We need to fill this out," he said, staring at the piece of paper in front of him.

"Okay."

"Name?" he asked, picking up the pen that was duct taped to the clipboard and looking at me expectantly.

"Um...." I bit my lip.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Well, your shoes have Kate written all over them," he said, pointing at my feet.

"Well, that's probably my name, then. Not unless it's my lesbian lover's name," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You're a lesbian?!" he practically screamed. Everyone in the room turned their heads and stared at us.

"No! I was kidding!" I hissed as a creepy old man smirked at me.

"Oh... okay, moving on. Age?"

"I don't know," I said, trying to think.

"I'd say you were eighteen or twenty, but I don't know. I'll just put unknown," he muttered after looking me up and down and making me feel slightly uncomfortable at how long he did stare at me. Being there made me feel nervous already, and he wasn't helping the slightest bit.

"Okay," I said, reaching for the water cooler next to me and getting a cup of water to distract myself from the old guy who was still staring at me.

"Sex?"

"Excuse me?!" I said, choking on the water I had just swallowed.

"No, not like that," he said, laughing at my shocked expression.

"Oh... um, well, I'm pretty sure I'm a girl, but I haven't checked yet so-- ugh why would you even ask me that? Duh, I'm a girl, dipshit," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, okay, calm down. I was just making sure, geez. You don't have to get all bitchy on me."

"Whatever."

"Are you allergic to anything?" he asked.

"I don't know. I can't remember," I sighed.

"Any family members with arthritis?"

"Okay, I don't think I'd remember that even if I didn't get hit in the head with a cell phone this morning."

"Yeah, me either. This is hopeless. I'm just gonna hand this to the nurse like this. I'll be right back," he sighed, standing up and walking back over to the desk, handing the nurse the clipboard. They talked for a little bit. Probably about why my last name and age were unknown.

"What took you so long?" I asked after he finally came back to his seat.

"Why, did you miss me?" he asked, smirking.

"No, I was just wondering what you were doing," I said kind of hurried, causing him to smirk more.

"I know you missed me. No sense hiding it." Could he be any more in love with himself? "Anyway, if you must know what I was doing, I was flirting with the nurse over there to get you in faster," he said with a cocky grin as he waved to a giggling middle-aged nurse.

"Oh. Thanks, I guess...."

"No problem, babe. It's the least I could do," he said with a wink.

"Whatsername?!" the nurse called out repeatedly. I stared blankly at her as she continued trying to find the person. Glaring, I turned and punched Billie's arm as he laughed hysterically.

"I thought you put 'Kate'!"

"I was, but this was so much funnier!" he giggled, still laughing at the confused nurse wandering around the room.

"Yeah, this is funny. I might have brain damage, and you're sitting here, laughing."

"Sorry...."

"Whatsername?!" the nurse called again.

"Here!" I yelled, raising my hand.

"The doctor will see you now."