Whatsername

"What's this?" Tre asked, holding up one of Jakob's flash cards.

"A duck," I sighed as we sat on the couch, waiting for Billie to get back from dropping Joey and Jakob off with his mother. Tre had been shoving those cards in my face the entire morning. He volunteered to help me get my memory back any means necessary. He said, and I quote, "I'll be in charge of helping Ms. Whatsername to remember... stuff." Deep, isn't it? His ingenious talent for sentence forming astounds me. But I was very grateful. He seemed extremely committed to helping me. And who knows, he might somehow succeed in this "O.H.W.R." aka "Operation Help Whatsername Remember."

"And this?"

"A cat."

"And what is this?"

"A house."

"And where is your house?"

"I don't know...."

"Eh, it was worth a try," he said with a shrug. "What's five times three?"

"Fifteen."

"Aaaaand what's this?" he asked, holding up another card.

I pouted, grabbing the card from him and petting it. "Aw, a monkey. I've always wanted a monkey."

"Hey, you remembered something!"

"Huh, I guess I did," I said thoughtfully.

"Good job. Now what's your last name?"

"Um, I don't know...."

"What's this?"

"A pig."

"How old are you?"

"I have no idea.... God, this is frustrating!"

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go shopping!" he suddenly exclaimed, standing up and jumping up and down excitedly.

"What?"

"You know, where you go to a store... and buy things... with money," he explained slowly, like I was five and had no clue what he was talking about.

"I know what shopping is, you idiot!"

"Oh, okay, so let's go shopping!" he screamed once again.

"Don't you need a reason to go?" I asked as he jumped some more.

"There is a reason. I want to buy you and me pretty, pretty dresses, and then when we get home, we can dance around in them and show Billie Joe and Mike how pretty we are, and then they'll be so jealous of our prettiness, but of course I'll be prettier than you 'cause look at me. I'm hot now, but just wait until we get those pretty, pretty dresses, then I'll be on fire, and you won't be able to keep your hands off of me, and then we'll have wild sex, but then things between us will be awkward, so maybe we shouldn't get the pretty, pretty dresses. What do you think?" he asked, suddenly becoming serious after his raving million words a minute.

I sat there flabbergasted as several thoughts went through my mind. I wondered if it was even safe for Billie to leave me here alone with him after that interesting speech of his. Maybe Billie had hit him in the head a couple times too. And how many fucking times did the man say pretty?

"Hello? Are you still there?" Tre asked, waving his hand in front of my face, breaking me from my thoughts.

"What?"

"So, what do you say? Can we please go shopping!" he whined. Since when do guys beg you to go shopping?

"Fine, I do need clothes-- but not 'pretty, pretty dresses'."

"Okay," he sighed.

"So, when do you want to go?" I asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Right after I pee!" he yelled, running out of the room. I rolled my eyes.

A few minutes later, I heard Billie's car pull into the driveway.
.
"Hey, Billie, guess what!" I squealed, slightly startling him as he walked in the front door. Evidently, Tre's zaniness is contagious.

"What?"

"I remembered something!"

"You did? That's great. What'd you remember?" he asked curiously.

"I remembered that I like monkeys and that SpongeBob is very addictive. Tre and I were watching it the whole morning," I laughed.

"That's what you remembered?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I remembered something else, too."

"And that is?"

"I need clothes... not unless you want me to wander around your house naked-- and don't answer that!" I said after seeing the smirk on his face.

"Okay, fine. How are you going to get more clothes? We don't know where your house is," he asked, confused. And he says Tre's thick....

"Tre's taking me shopping."

"You and Tre are going shopping?" he repeated slowly.

"Mhmm."

"I thought you said he was creepy?"

"He is. You should have heard what he said a few minutes ago."

"Where is Tre?" he asked, looking around the room.

"Bathroom."

"Oh...."

You know those moments in a conversation where you run out of stuff to say and it's awkwardly silent all of the sudden? And you can't do anything to fix it. All you can do is stare at each other until someone else walks into the room or until the other person mumbles something incoherent and leaves. Well, neither one of those happened.... I hoped Tre would come back from the bathroom soon, but he didn't. We just stood there, staring at each other for a good five minutes until I finally thought of something to say.

"Does Tre actually wear dresses?" I asked suddenly.

Billie blinked. "What?"

"Does Tre actually wear dresses? 'Cause he came up with this intricate plan of us buying dresses and making you and Mike jealous of our prettiness-- or something like that. It was hard to follow 'cause he was talking so fast."

"Okay... but yeah, he does wear dresses occasionally. He's what Mike and I like to call 'special'," he said with air quotes.

"Who's special?" Tre asked, finally walking back into the room.

"You."

Tre grinned, kissing Billie's cheek. "Why thank you, Beej. You're special too."

"So... you guys are going to go shopping?" Billie asked, wiping Tre's slobber off his cheek.

"Mhmm. You want to come with us?" Tre asked, batting his eyelashes and pouting his lips. Billie stared at him and slowly shook his head.

"Um, no, you guys go ahead. I'll be okay."

"Bye, Billie!" I yelped as Tre quickly pulled me out the front door.