You're My Way Home, You're My Backbone.

Brendon was taken by total shock the next day when he got out of bed and felt hungry. It was faint but there and the first time in weeks it has happened. Brendon thought he’s stomach had packed it in all together, given up working before two pm every day. It was also the first time since the last chemo session he wasn’t nauseas when waking up.

He really hoped it was a sign that the worst of the symptoms were over.

He still felt like he only slept well for four hours out of the ten he was sleeping and that he had run six laps around the block before going to bed, but it was something. Despite his stomach acting well Brendon took the anti-nausea meds and gave them time to kick in before sneaking into Spencer’s kitchen in search of breakfast.

The house was quiet, still a little dark and all lights were off. Brendon checked the time and made a face. It was only seven thirty. Spencer and Ryan won’t be out of bed until at least ten and the CT scan Brendon was booked for today wasn’t until mid afternoon.

Yawning, Brendon got himself a bowl of cereal, the first one he’s had before midday in weeks and got himself comfortable on the couch to watch a movie.

If he was going to have regular breakfast for the first time in a long time, he was going to do it watching Aladdin.

*

“So that’s three scans down, one to go. Right?” Spencer asked stopping at the large koi pond just outside the radiologist wing of the hospital.

The fish must have just been fed, food was still floating in the water and the fish were a constant swirl of colours. The sight was awesome and Brendon could completely see why the group of kids just down from them were gasping and flailing at them. If Brendon could muster enough energy he would do the same thing.

“Yeah. Full leg x-ray on Friday.” Brendon let out a long breath. “Then we just have to wait for the results to get back.”

Spencer hummed and watched as a huge white koi swam past them and under the small bridge they were standing on.

“How long will that take?”

“Ah, a week? Two tops?” Brendon guessed. “Dr Carol said she’s labelled them a priority but it depends on how fast the specialists get to view them. The surgery is going to call me when all the results arrive.”

Spencer nodded. The two of them watched the fish for a long while, having nowhere to be or rush off two. After the rain the last few days today was nice and sunny, Brendon wanted to enjoy it while it was around.

“I should get myself a pond.” Spencer mused.

Brendon smiled silently agreeing.

*

Four days into the wait for all the test results Brendon was going a little stir crazy if he was going to be honest with himself.

Waiting for the test results to find out what the lump in his leg was all those months ago was agonising, now to find out if he was clear of cancer was full out torture. After the second day Brendon didn’t know what to do with himself, the stress and what ifs spun around his mind like a broken record on high speed.

What will happen if the chemo hasn’t killed it all? What if it has spread to another part of his body that hasn’t been discovered yet? What if he has to do more treatments of some kind? What if the cancer is gone? What does he do next? What happens with the band in both situations?

To Brendon it felt like time has slowed down to an almost stop, each day slowing down more. Less sleep and more time to think. Too much time to think, wonder, with no big distractions.

The house has already been cleaned, totally spotless, even the bathroom which is Brendon’s most hated place to clean. He’s tuned and re-tuned all his instruments then played each one until he was exhausted and even started pulling weeds in the back garden. No matter how much time he had that one was a lost hope, the only thing that will save the backyard was to poison it and he wasn’t allowed to mess with chemicals like that. Not that he wanted to anyway.

In short he’s done everything he can think of at home while alone short of calling and video chatting people. Brendon was putting that off as long as he could so he wouldn’t end up being annoying. Nothing outside the house held much interest either which was a problem.

Stuck between a hard place and a rock, Brendon thought of that when he was attempting to weed some of the pot plants and pulled out a large stone. He snorted loudly and threw the stone across the yard. He missed the fence.

“That bored you’ve resorted to throwing rocks?” Ken asked appearing at the side fence from out of nowhere.

Brendon jumped and held a hand to his chest to keep his heart where it is.

“Sorry.” Kenny smiled clearing trying not to laugh. “I knocked on the front door and there was no answer.”

“Fuck,” Brendon gasped. “Next time yell or something, shit.”

Kenny laughed and reached over the top of the gate to open it. He walked over to where Brendon was sitting trying to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry.” Ken said softly while patting him on the back. “You ‘right?”

Brendon nodded and smacked Kenny on the thigh lightly.

“Well, I was on my way to the shops and thought I’d stop by and see if you needed something while on the way past. Seeing as you look totally bored out of your mind and I owe you for scaring you like that, you’re coming with. C’mon, I’ll buy you lunch.”

Brendon agreed easily and headed inside to change his clothes into something that wasn’t covered in dirt and grass stains. At least now he had something to do for an hour or two.

*

“We should do something; get Brendon out of the house.” Spencer suggested when Brendon wondered out of the lounge room where they were watching a movie for the third time.

Brendon was worried and anxious, jumping every time a phone rang. At the moment he couldn’t keep still long enough to watch a movie. Spencer wasn’t sure about Ryan but he was feeling the same way, and as it was he has no idea what movie had been playing for the last half hour.

“Like?” Ryan asked looking into the bag of chips he was holding, like if he checked there will suddenly be more than just crumbs at the bottom.

“Dunno. Day trip?”

“Could do,” Ryan agreed distractedly. “Why is the chips gone?”

“One; because it is a vial food that turns even the healthiest person into couch potato’s, Two; that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire...” Spencer couldn’t finish because he was laughing so hard.

Ryan threw the empty bag at him, sending crumbs all over Spencer’s shirt. Brendon rushed down the hallway and into the room.

“What did I miss?” He asked eyes wide.

“Why is the rum gone?” Ryan gasped between laughing fits.

Brendon cleared his throat and did a fully acted copy of the scene, in both characters.

Ryan and Spencer were in tears.

*

Hearing quiet shuffling and feeling warmth from the other side of the bed wasn’t something Brendon expected to be the first thing he noticed as he slowly started to wake up. He should be alone in his house, the other side of the bed cold and the room silent. There shouldn’t be noises of other people in his bedroom.

As he slowly opened his eyes, he came face to face with a mop of brown hair on the other pillow and made a soft confused noise. The hair moved and two brown eyes that peered over the edge of the blanket blinked.

“Good morning. Your house is cold.” Ryan greeted, voice muffled by the fabric.

Brendon hummed and reached up to rub his eye.

“What isn’t it?”

“In summer.”

Brendon huffed and closed his eyes again. He had no idea what the time was but it couldn’t be all that early if Ryan was awake. Unless Spencer woke him and threatened to drag him out of bed by the ankles, generally that was the only way to get Ryan moving before nine if he didn’t class the invasion of sleep valid.

The fact that Ryan was in his bed now when Brendon had gone to sleep alone should be off-putting, having someone creep into his house without him knowing and while sleeping, but it really didn’t bother him all that much. Still, it would have been nice to have a warning beforehand.

“Spencer’s here too. He’s making lunch.” Ryan said pulling the blanket away from his face. “You should get up soon and get ready.”

“Lunch?” Brendon asked confused reopening his eyes. “It’s midday?”

“Ten thirty. So, get up, shower, dress, whatever. We’re going on a day trip.” Ryan grinned. “You might want to be quick about it ‘cause you’re house is fucking freezing.”

“And where are we going?”

“Secret.” Ryan grinned mischievously.

Brendon shot Ryan a look but Ryan just smiled back, clearing not going to explain further. Counting to three in his head, Brendon ripped the covers off throwing them onto Ryan and all but leaped out of bed. When his feet hit the wooden floorboards he almost jumped back into it from the shock. It was like walking on ice.

Brendon made his way quickly to his wardrobe and grabbed the first pair of pants and clean shirt he saw. From the bed Ryan snickered and Brendon flashed him the finger on his way out of the room. As Brendon entered the hallway there was a loud thud from the kitchen, followed by swearing.

“Hi, Spencer!” Brendon called out and waited for a second for a reply before walking into the bathroom.

He showered quickly in hopes to be dressed again before the cold would get to him, made himself look somewhat decent and swallowed his meds in record time. When he finally wondered back into the bedroom to drop his pyjamas on the bed, Ryan was still exactly where he had left him, almost hidden under the huge mound of blankets.

“Lazyass.”

“Frozen ass.”

Brendon snorted and threw his clothes at Ryan’s head. Yeah, the house was cold, but not that cold.

“I’ll move when we leave and not a moment sooner.” Ryan said throwing the clothes back.

They landed on the abandoned side of the bed. Brendon laughed and left the room before Ryan could try again with something heavier.

As Brendon entered the kitchen Spencer was just packing away containers of food into a cooler bag. He looked up as Brendon appeared in the doorway and smiled.

“Feeling up for a day out?” Spencer asked grabbing some drinks from the fridge.

“Does it involve a lot of walking?” Brendon asked, hoping to get some clues in a subtle way.

It was hard to get anything out of Ryan and Spencer when they teamed up, let alone when only one of them was keeping something hidden. Spencer was the worst of the two, so Brendon didn’t hold much hope in getting information, but tried anyway.

“Depends.”Spencer laughed at Brendon’s reaction. “Where we are going it’s a place we can do whatever we want, spend however long we want, free to all and lots of fun. Total day of relaxation that isn’t inside and near you’re house phone. Now, are you feeling well enough, because we can go another time. Just figured you’d like to get out for once.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Brendon nodded. “I’ll skip breakfast, though.”

Spencer shot him a disapproving look.

“I only just took the meds, I have to wait.” Brendon said holding up his hands.

It was partly the truth. The whole morning nausea thing was becoming better but unless he actually woke up hungry Brendon wasn’t game enough to risk it before the medication had enough time to kick in fully.

“We’ll stop on the way then. Where the fuck is Ryan, anyway? He was meant to help me with this.” Spencer said pointing to the bags in front of him. “Taking our own lunch was his idea.”

Brendon grinned cheekily.

“He’s keeping warm in my bed.”

Spencer stared at him for a moment as if expecting Brendon to say ‘I’m joking’ and when Brendon didn’t, Spencer huffed as he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. Brendon snickered and got himself comfortable at the kitchen table as the yelling and squealing started.