You're My Way Home, You're My Backbone.

The short car ride to the hospital felt like it took forever. The roads were as busy as Spencer had guessed but not enough to slow down travel time by more than five minutes and Brendon couldn’t quite tell if he was glad about that or not. He was fast becoming a nervous wreck but managed to keep himself together enough to not crumble over the edge completely.

He tried to concentrate on how much he desperately wanted to get the results over with and let that give him some composure. Really, this can’t be worse than finding out about having cancer in the first place and if it had spread it should have been found by now, he was sure. Brendon took a deep breath and nodded to himself at the thought. He had Spencer with him, friends and family there for him wherever they may be, he can do this. It’s a usual doctor’s visit.

Despite the encouraging thoughts the moment Spencer pulled into the parking lot and Brendon laid eyes on the building, his mind flashed back to when he came here to find the results of the biopsy and all the confidence he was building crashed, sunk to the bottom of his stomach like a stone. His mouth felt suddenly dry like it was full of cotton balls and his breathing quickened. Brendon felt physically sick.

Spencer parked the car in front of the building and looked out the windscreen as he pulled the keys out of the ignition. He then turned his gaze on Brendon.

“You’ve got this.” Spencer said softly causing Brendon to look over. “Whatever happens.”

Spencer held his fist up and Brendon lifted his shaky hand to knock it. He matched Spencer’s soft smile and followed as Spencer got out of the car, copying his motions. They walked in and to the waiting room side by side, strides matching. It took a lot for Brendon not to reach over and take Spencer’s hand, as much as he doubt Spencer would mind, but he didn’t want Spencer to know how badly he was shaking.

As they entered the waiting room Brendon looked around. There was one other patient waiting and the service desk was empty, in fact most of the lights weren’t even turned on yet. Brendon hesitated not sure if he should wait at the desk for someone or just sit down, he was saved from making a decision when Dr Carol suddenly appeared from behind the desk from a back room and paused when she saw them.

“Oh, you’re here right on time. Good morning, guys. Go straight on through to my office and I’ll be right there once I pick up the files I need for today.” She smiled.

Brendon managed a half smiled before Dr Carol vanished into another back room. Taking a deep breath, he led Spencer down one of the hallways, like the waiting room only half lit, and into Dr Carol’s office. If it wasn’t for the window the room would have been dark too except from the light the computer screen emitted. After all the other times Brendon has been here, seeing it empty and dull was a bit unnerving. Kinda creepy.

Brendon took a seat closest to the desk and waited. Spencer took the chair besides him and Brendon didn’t realise he was tapping his foot in a nervous action until Spencer covered his foot with his own. Brendon ducked his head and ran a hand thought his hair.

The office door squeaked shut and Brendon snapped his head up to see Dr Carol walk across the room with an arm load of files and a box. She dumped them on the examination bed and grabbed the ones off the top.

“Sorry, as you can probably tell by the lights half of our electrical system is down. Half of the surgery is affected and it’s caused our main computer system to crash. Thankfully I had printed all your latest results and medical notes yesterday.” She explained with a smile.

With her being so cheery, Brendon hoped that was a good sign. He’d take anything as good luck right about now. Dr Carol put the file on the desk and started flipping through it. This was the first time Brendon had seen his official file since he first got diagnosed and the thing was huge. He and Spencer shared a wide eyed look.

“Okay, I’ll do my best to keep straight to the point because after doing this profession for so long I know how scary and nerve wracking it is to find out ‘the after treatment’ results.” Dr Carol took a measured breath and picked up a bunch of pages. “First your latest scans results. The body scan was clean, no signs of the cancer spreading or any abnormalities.”

The sinking feeling in Brendon’s chest rose, not all the way but enough that Brendon could pull in a full breath for the first time in hours, possibly even days. Spencer grinned and tapped his foot against Brendon’s.

Dr Carol placed the top page down and scanned the next.

“All you leg scans, including all the ones taken from the day the tumour was removed hasn’t changed. They all look the same except for the muscle healing, which is great.”

Spencer tapped his foot again and Brendon tapped back. Dr Carol went on explaining a few more tests which were also clear and looking good. Brendon felt like he was shaking more now; from the mash of emotions and the utter relief to finally hear all the scans are normal.

“Now the blood work.” Dr Carol said shifting things in the file to find what she wanted. “Your white blood count is still a little low but I expect that to improve over the next couple of months has the chemo works its way completely out of your system, so I still suggest giving a wide birth to anyone who is or has been sick when possible and staying on your current medication until the level rise.”

Brendon nodded at the information, that part didn’t surprise him it’s been about the same since he had the flu but it was nice to know it was steady.

“As for everything else...” Dr Carol paused and Brendon’s heart was on the verge of sinking when she beamed. “All other blood tests were clear, no cancer cells or traces. All levels are normal except the white blood cells; in fact they are the best they have been since I first met you.”

Brendon sat there in shock, not sure how to react exactly. So that means...? Dr Carol grinned and laughed delightfully.

“So that means he’s clear. The cancer’s gone?” Spencer asked almost hesitant but with clear excitement in his voice.

“Gone. Brendon you are in remission. The treatment worked and the cancer is gone.”

The crash of emotion was like nothing Brendon had ever felt, he couldn’t move, couldn’t think and had no way of stopping the tears that tricked down his cheeks as Dr Carol smile knowingly. The sudden crash of Spencer into his side was enough to almost knock him out of the chair. Spencer’s hold was suffocating but Brendon didn’t care, he just turned around into the hug and squeezed back just as hard.

“It’s done, you did it.” Spencer whispered.

That was enough to crack what was left and Brendon fell apart, in the best way possible.

All these months, all the heartache, hard times, good moments, bad moments, hospital visits, surgery, chemo sessions, waiting...and now it was over. He was free of cancer, he had beaten it.

Brendon pulled away from Spencer and wiped at his face. Spencer laughed and ruffled his already messed up hair. Dr Carol handed him a box of tissues and moved the bin closer to him.

It was hard but Brendon calmed himself down as Dr Carol explained what would happen next. How he’ll have a check up in three months and so on. He hoped Spencer was listening to that because the words sort of floated in one ear and out the other.

For the first time in months, almost a year Brendon felt like the invisible weight that had been sitting on his shoulders was gone and it left him feeling weightless.

The war was over.

Brendon won.

*

Ryan and Jon were just walking to Brendon’s front door when Spencer pulled into the driveway. There wasn’t much room behind Ryan’s car so Spencer parked the car on the front lawn and before he could turn the car off Brendon was already unlatching the seat belt.

Brendon threw open the door and walked towards Ryan and Jon, eyes already teary but with a huge smile lighting up his face.

“Brenny!” Jon yelled and all but launched himself at Brendon.

Brendon managed to just catch him and stop them from crashing to the ground. He held on just a tight as Jon was squeezing him, then suddenly got slammed from the side and had another pair of arms wrapped around him. Brendon laughed in pure happiness and tried to hug them both.

“Don’t forget me!” Spencer said before a car door slammed shut.

Brendon could feel Spencer wiggled his way into the group the opposite side from Ryan. It was hard to hug three people at once but Brendon did his best.

“Holy shit, congrats Brendon.” Ryan said into his hair. “I knew you could beat this, I fucking knew it.”

“When I grow up I wanna be like you.” Jon chuckled.

Brendon laughed and tugged one arm back to wipe his face. The guys started pulling back then but didn’t go too far away.

“Thank you, guys.” Brendon smiled and wiped another tear away.

There were so many things Brendon wanted to say that he had nowhere to start, so he beamed at the three of them and hoped that was enough to explain what he wanted to show. He got three grins mirrored back and guessed they understood to some level.

Spencer fished in Brendon’s jeans pocket and grabbed his house keys, then walked over to the door and unlocked it.

“This calls for a celebration.” Ryan announced as he followed Spencer.

“Fucking huge party!” Jon agreed.

Brendon laughed and shook his head. It was a good idea but not a practical one right now.

“Sorry not a huge one, I’m kinda tired but I’m so not saying no to a party of some kind.” Brendon offered. “After I call everyone I need to.”

“How about like we have been doing? Games, movies, junk food and just call Zach, Dallon and Kenny over for now being that they are the only ones close enough anyway?” Spencer suggested. “I can go shopping for stuff if we need to.”

“Sounds good.” Brendon agreed.

They guys started putting a shopping list together excitedly when they reached the kitchen as Brendon slowly looked around the room. His eyes caught sight of the calendar hanging on the pantry door, covered in appointments of the last three weeks. The last one being today.

Brendon shook his head in disbelief.

“Fuck, I’m in remission.”

Brendon couldn’t help smiling as he was attacked into another group huge full of yelling and cheering and happy tears.