You're My Way Home, You're My Backbone.

The area side of the stage was dark with only tiny lights on the sound equipment showing a path to the stage. People buzzed around, running back and forth somehow without bumping into anything. Brendon couldn’t see much from his little spot between two huge storage boxes that had the opening bands names spray painted on them but he could hear. Oh, could he hear.

The sound guys were playing some mixed album as the next band’s set was being organised but that wasn’t enough to cover the sound of the crowd. The sound was echoing in Brendon’s chest like a drum beat from the cheering, chanting, yelling. Just from the noise alone Brendon guessed it was a full house and that in its self had Brendon blood pumping faster.

It also pushed the nerves up a notch. Brendon tried not to focus on that too much, on how he was sweating so much his hair was starting to stick on his forehead or how he was fiddling with the button on the cuff of his shirt so roughly it will probably break soon. This was the type of nervousness he was used to unlike what he has experienced in the last year and a half, with the cancer then getting back into song writing and recording. He could deal with this. Ryan knew how to resew on buttons, his shirt will survive.

Brendon was honestly more worried about Spencer. When Brendon last saw him he was running around double checking everything while all but driving Zack up the wall. He appreciated Spencer going more out his way than usual to do all that but he wished Spencer was hanging by his side instead right now. Or that someone was. Ryan and Jon were in the balcony somewhere and Brendon wasn’t sure where Dallon was and Kenny was helping to sort out some guitar mishap on the other side of the stage.

At least here despite the fact Brendon couldn’t see much of what was happening, he wasn’t alone in the dressing room waiting for time to tick down. It had to be close to the ten minute warning by now if the buzz of people were anything to go by.

Brendon peaked around the crate to see if he could spot someone he could vaguely recognise and almost had his nose taken off by a stage tech running past with a microphone stand. Brendon flinched back and watched as three more people rushed past. Maybe it was closer to five minutes left rather than ten. Either way Brendon felt like he should move while he could and darted out from between the boxes and towards the lit hallway that led into the back half on the building.
Brendon was just rounding the corner when he almost ran smack into Spencer, who caught his shoulders before they could collide.

“Well that was close,” Spencer grinned. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking from you for ten minutes.”

“Side stage,” Brendon pointed back over his shoulder. “It’s a mad house there.”

“I know, I was on the other side for a while.” Spencer said grimacing.

Someone came rushing up behind them and Brendon pulled Spencer gently off to the side. They watched as the person all but melted into the darkness of the stage area.

“How are you doing?” Spencer asked as he pulled Brendon’s hand away from the shirt cuff he didn’t realise he started messing with again.

“Alright. Thought I would be a lot worse than this to be honest, I think excitement is winning out so far.” Brendon answered honestly.

Spencer nodded in agreement. Zack walked past then, glanced at them and muttered something sounding like ‘two down, two to go’ before heading down a different hallway. Brendon and Spencer looked at each other and grinned. They were totally in for the ‘like rounding up sheep’ bitching later.

Brendon found that calming, knowing some things never change.

“And you?” Brendon asked when Spencer didn’t say anything.

“A bit flustered, first show jitters I think. Nothing too bad.” Spencer smiled softly. “Kenny managed to sort out the guitar thing; apparently it’s all good to go.”

“That’s good.”

The two of them stood there watching as people melted in and out of the darkness for a few minutes before Zack suddenly appeared with Dallon and Kenny in tow. Dallon looked a bit pale, which he tended to do from time to time before shows but Brendon reached out to touch his arm silently asking if he was alright. Dallon managed a smile.

Zack walkie-talkie beeped and Zack replied to the person before turning to the group.

“Two minute warning. You all ready?”

The chorus of ‘yeah’s made Zack smile and he started walking away gesturing for them to follow.

Dallon and Kenny did their last minute guitar checks and Spencer pulled out a pair of drumstick from his back pocket. Brendon started fiddling with the button again, he could feel that it was very loose now not far from snapping off. Spencer grabbed his hand away from the cuff like before but kept a hold this time, squeezing. Brendon tightening his grip in response.

Now that it was almost show time, Brendon could feel the nerves lash up and eat away at his stomach. The feeling always melted away after a couple of minutes into the first song but it were a hard few minutes before then. Brendon took deep breaths and closed his eyes.

“One minute!” Someone yelled.

Brendon opened his eyes when Spencer lifted their joined hands and held them out in front of where they were standing. Dallon and Kenny grinned placed their hands on top, like a group pact.

“Let’s rock their socks off.” Kenny smiled.

“We’ve got this! Let’s give them the show they paid for!” Spencer said, and then counted to three.

On three they all cheered, yelled and whistled, making as much if not more noise than the crowd on the other side of the curtain. Even Zack and a few techs joined in as someone yelled ‘show time!’. Brendon stalled himself and took a deep breath.

Dallon led the group along the path of tiny lights to the gap in the curtain. Just as Brendon was about to run into the stage Spencer pulled him into a side hug, squeezing tightly. He said something but it was lost in the epic screams that almost shook the building but Brendon got the general idea and smiled.

The screaming if possible got louder when they were all on stage. For a moment Brendon couldn’t see much outside the area of the stage itself until the flood lights were lowered slightly as he reached the microphone. He had been right earlier; the place was packed and the sight made Brendon’s breath catch.

Brendon glanced over at Kenny as he took the microphone off the stand to see the same awed-shock look mirrored back at him. He took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd.

Fuck, he had missed this.

“Hey everyone!” Brendon said into the mic and got cheering in reply.

The nerves from earlier were drifting away already and Brendon beamed.

“Wow, it’s been ages. Well, I’m pretty sure you all know but we’re Panic! At the Disco and we’re about to rock your socks off.”

Brendon laughed at the reaction and turned to signal Spencer to count them in for the first song. Spencer and Brendon shared a bright smile and Brendon turned around as the music started and looked up at the balcony on the right side of the stage to all the people except for the four on ground level that meant the most to him.

Ryan, Jon, Pete and others were waving their hands around madly with matching beaming smiles. His parents and other family were also up there somewhere watching on and knowing all these people, including the fans that were here tonight made Brendon fill up with so much joy he was suddenly blinking back tears.

The last year and a half was the hardest time in his life. He know after all that experience he was a stronger person than he ever gave himself credit for, but he honestly would have no idea where he would be right now without them and all of their continuing support. Brendon loved and was thankful of all of his amazing family, most of all his three brothers.

Brendon ducked his head down to wipe away a tear and lifted his head high with a smile.

Tonight was going to be the best performance of his life and Brendon was going to do it for all of them, first starting with a song about how the stars lead him back home.