You're My Way Home, You're My Backbone.

“He’s been in there for a long time.” Jon whispered looking at his watch.

Spencer frowned and started chewing on one of his finger nails, only to have Jon slap his hand away.

“I don’t like this. Something feels wrong.” Ryan spoke up.

Spencer and Jon turned more in their seats to look at Ryan. His gaze was locked on the hallway where Brendon had gone down at least half an hour ago. Spencer sighed loudly and leant against his seat sideways.

“It felt wrong ever since Brendon started hiding it from us.” Spencer rubbed his eyes hard enough to almost see spots.

“Hey, we have to keep positive,” Jon pointed out. “If today turns out bad, Brendon will need us to be.”

“Jon, why the fuck are you always right?” Ryan asked ignoring the looks from people sitting within ear shot.

Jon just grinned, taking the question as a compliment. Ryan slid down in his seat a little and Jon turned around fully, sitting on knees to face the hallway with his chin resting on Ryan’s head.

Though they needed to be positive, it was hard with how worried the three of them are. This was Brendon they were talking about. Their best friend, but also the guy in the doctor’s office about fifteen meters away finding out if he had cancer or not.

Today just didn’t seem real.

Spencer stood up suddenly and walked over to the vending machine without saying a word. He wanted a distraction even if it will only last no more than two minutes. He took his time standing in front of the machine staring through the glass to make his choice, then shoved a couple of coins in the slot and pressed some buttons.

Just as the packet of mixed lollies fell to the bottom, Brendon appeared at the end of the hallway. He face was carefully hidden from view.

“Hey, how did it go?” Jon asked, climbing off the chair and walking around to stand next to Ryan.

Brendon looked up from the floor to them briefly, but it was enough to see how flat and dull his gaze was, like he was looking at them but not really seeing them. As much as his eyes, his face was unreadable and skin so pale it was colourless, it made him look like he shouldn’t be standing.

Without saying anything Brendon limped past Spencer, moving a lot worse than he was earlier and didn’t stop until he reached the reception desk, where the lady smiled up at him.

Ryan, Spencer and Jon all looked at each other. They knew. But the question was; how bad was it?

Ignoring the looks he could feel his friends send him, Brendon handed the receptionist one of the many pieces of paper the doctor had given him with shaking hands. She took it and started clicking away at buttons on her keyboard, asked questions about payment and future appointments. The next visit is in a week.

Brendon never wanted to run away from a place so badly before. His head was swimming and the nausea that was twisting in his stomach earlier was ten times worse, but for different reasons this time. He wanted to run until his legs gave out or until he couldn’t breathe. It took a lot of will power to stay where he was until the lady finished her computer work and handed him even more papers.

He headed for the doors soon as soon as he could, where the others were already waiting from him, confused, worried and just downright unsure what to so. Nibbling on his lip, Spencer held out the bags of lollies in offering, Brendon simply shook his head.

Brendon still didn’t say a word as they walked away from the building to Spencer’s car. Ryan wanted to ask, demand what the doctor said to make Brendon look like that, but like Spencer and Jon, he kept his mouth shut. Brendon need time to let it sink in and would talk when he was ready.

Brendon kept his eyes on the ground as they walked and for a moment he was in his own world, where none of this was happening, where this was all some fucked up dream, where he was back at the start of the tour before he even found the fucking thing on his leg to begin with.

Back before his world started cracking like ice around the edges.

But like everything that was happening, Brendon was snapped back into reality when he stumbled from not lifting his leg up high enough off the ground. Jon’s arms shot out to steady him before he fell over onto the concrete. Brendon gasped and gripped Jon’s shoulder, blinking quickly.

“You ‘right?” Jon asked letting Brendon lean against him.

Brendon paused for a moment trying to think, then shook his head slowly. No, he wasn’t alright.

“Bren...” Ryan trailed off.

Brendon shook his head again and looked at the ground still clinging onto Jon’s shoulder. Jon let go of his arm to wrap his own around Brendon’s waist. Carefully he stepped forward helping Brendon walk the rest of the way to the car. Spencer unlocked it and opened the passengers’ door for them.

Jon had to wrestle to get the seatbelt around Brendon, who sat unmoving other than his hands that were shaking worse than a leaf in the wind, and couldn’t get the seatbelt to click in. Spencer jumped into the front seat and got it to stay in.

Spencer then started the car and once everyone was in the car, pulled out of the parking lot and out into the main road as fast as the speed limit allowed him to.

Taking a long shaky breath Brendon looked down at the pile of paper he was clutching onto to; payment receipts, medical information, medication prescription for new pain meds, some more future medical info...and surgery requirements.

Brendon made a choked off noise and placed a hand over his mouth squeezing his eyes shut tightly. The doctor’s words that were floating hazily around in his head started singing in a little. He wished they wouldn’t. Oh, he wished he never heard them.

This really couldn’t be happening.

“Brendon, please say something?” Ryan asked voice laced in worry and what sounded like desperation.

He sat forward so he was in-between both of the front seat and tried to look at Brendon’s face. His eyes widened when he saw the tears trailing down his best friend’s cheeks. Tears Brendon hadn’t noticed spilling yet.

Brendon choked out a sob and brought both hands up to cover his face.

“Pull over, Spence.” Jon said already pulling at his seatbelt.

Once he had his seatbelt undone, Jon unclasped Ryan’s just Spencer stopped the car on the side of the street in front of a random house. Kicked around a little, Ryan turned himself around awkwardly to be sitting on the centre console with his legs still on the back seat, back facing the windscreen. He reached out, trying to keep his balance and gently tried to remove Brendon’s hands from his face.

Another sob bubbled from Brendon’s throat as his car door opened. Jon squatted down half leaning in the car, wasting no time in pulling Brendon into his arms. Spencer leant behind Ryan to place his hand on Brendon’s knee and also to be there in case Ryan fell.

Brendon slowly let his hands be moved away from his face and sunk into Jon’s hold as more tears fell. No matter how hard he tried to keep the light sobs back, they kept bubbling out of his chest making him shake worse than he was before.

“It’s ok, Bren. Deep breaths, come on.” Ryan’s said softly gripping Brendon’s hand tightly in his.

“I-it’s not a-alight.” Brendon said between shuddery breaths.

Jon tightens his arm a little and looked at the others over Brendon’s head. Spencer was about to say something but Brendon bet him to it, voice cracking badly as he spoke.

“I h-have cancer.”

The world felt like it stopped at the three words, everything blurry at the edges and in slow motion before it jumped back to a faster speed. The only noise for a long moment in the car was heavy breathing and soft dry sobs.

They knew Brendon had it the moment they saw him in the waiting room, but to hear him say it made it reality.

“Holy shit.” Spencer breathed, falling backwards in his seat almost knocking Ryan off balance.

“It’s aggressive.” Brendon coughed. “B-but they caught it early s-she said. They don’t think i-it has s-spread anywhere.”

“That’s good then. It means it will be easier to treat, right?” Jon whispered.

No one knew the answer yet. It was quiet again for a moment as a car drove past them on the street and turned at the next corner. Letting out a puff of air Ryan let himself fall sideways onto Spencer.

“Well...fuck.” Ryan said breathlessly, closing his eyes.

Brendon pulled one of his hands away to wipe as his face, only to leave new room for fresh tears. He didn’t want to say what he needed to say next, but the guys had to know.

“I have to have chemo,” He whispered. “And s-surgery.”

No one knew what to say then for sure, too much in shock to do so. But that was almost okay because they looks on their faces and the tears on Brendon’s cheeks said everything that needed to be in that moment.