The Echo in My Head

The day seemed to speed up after seeing Echo at lunch. I was surprised by how excited I was when he showed up. For some reason I wasn't anticipating the evening events as usual. It was already hard to focus, but knowing that in a few hours I was going to be spilling my guts to people I believe to be my friends made it beyond difficult. I sighed just as the final bell rang. I went to my locker where Dawson and Blaze were waiting for me.

"Hey guys. Where is everybody else?" I asked.

"We decided to meet in the parking lot. We however want to put something in your locker." said Dawson a cheesy grin on his face.

"Fine. You guys are lucky that I care about you." I laughed as I opened my locker. I exchange the books I was carrying for the ones I needed. After Blaze and Dawson put their craps in my locker we headed towards the parking lot. As we got closer to the spot where all of our cars were usually parked I could see a group of people standing there.

"What the hell is going on?" I said angrily. We kept walking closer and it was then that I seen what was happening. Caramel was on the ground being beaten. Kyle, Grayson and Echo was nowhere in sight. "Oh my god that's Caramel! Guys help her." i yelled. I watched as Dawson and Blaze grabbed the dude and began wailing on him. Hit after hit. It was strange though. No matter how many times the guys hit him he continued to go after Caramel. Sometimes hitting her and sometimes missing. I hadn't realized I was crying until after I felt a pair of arms hugging me.

"Kitty what's wrong?" asked the voice that I knew belonged to Echo.

"The crowd...they just stood there...she was getting hit...blood every where."

"Kitty calm down." he said calmly as I took deep even breaths.
"What are you talking about?"

"Caramel. Some guy was just wailing on her and people were standing around watching."

"What?" before I could utter another word Echo was gone from my side. I looked towards where I knew he was running. For some strange reason it was more guys helping the guy that had been hitting Caramel. I watched as Echo, Dawson and Kyle reached Blaze and Dawson. Fist were flying everywhere. Faces were getting hit. Punches were being thrown. Sides were being kicked. The only thing that stuck out to me was the fact that threw it all Caramel still laid there on the ground balled up in a fetus position.



I stood there in the living room at Echo's apartment with the rest of the gang. My hands were shaking as I handed out ice bags before tending to Caramel cuts and bruises.

"Who the hell was that guy?" I asked her as she flinched yet again. She looked at me teary eyed as Blaze wrapped his arm around her shoulder. A few stray tears slid down her face. Hurriedly she wiped them away.

"I guess I'm going first in this little confession thing, huh? Before I start all I want to know is are you all sure we should be doing this? Are you all sure we should tell our background stories? How can you be sure this will bring us closer rather than pulling us apart?"

The room grew quiet as she looked all of us in our eyes. One by one all of us nodded our heads yes. This was something we had to do, even if we didn't want to. We already had the trust of each other. This was only a test to make sure we could keep it. This seemed to be a test of our friendship. If this brought us closer together, then this was a friendship and bonds that were meant to happen. If this was the last time we spoke to each other, at least we had a good time while it lasted. No one could predict the outcome, but I knew we were all hoping for the same thing. To remain friends and being closer than ever.

"Fine. As you can tell I don't really have good test in guys. Well apart from Blaze, I don't. For the past six years I've been ever shade of black, purple and blue. I let it slide. Don't look at me like that Kitty. I let it slide because it was something I was use to. I thought, for as long as I can remember, that was the way one said I love you. I grew up in an household where no one was spared. Everyone got hit. Whether it was our mother or our father it didn't matter. the outcome was always the same. The reason was always the same. Both would be stressed out from working where they was making a little over chicken shit to feed six kids. Instead of sitting and trying to figure it out. Or making my two useless order brothers get a job, they settled for drinking. A lot. They'll sit there getting pissed drunk and that's when the arguments started. Followed by the swears and fist. If you were in their line of vision you got it too. Like I said no one was spared. For years I've spent my life in and out of hospitals lying to everyone about my cuts and bruises. Or being five and trying to explain in clear details how I broke my arm. Or leg. It seemed that 'I fell' wasn't such a good answer anymore. After a while I learned to tolerate it. Lay there in the fetus position and take whatever they were dishing out until it was over. It's not really a fabulous life, but it's my life. I was a day away from suicide when I met you Kitty. You were cutting yourself in the girls bathroom. I couldn't believe there was someone as damaged as me. Kitty you saved my life."

I wiped her tears away before hugging her tightly. I was surprised when Kyle cleared his throat.

"I'm what you called 'selectively mute'. All that means is that I choose when I do and don't speak. Some people find that weird, but not you all. You guys are the few that likes me whether or not I talk. Anyways I learned through my life that sometimes it better to stay quiet. This is the first time is I believe to tears that I've more than a whimpering sound. Anyways, when I was six up until I was about twelve, so about six years, I was kidnapped and molested. For six years, 4,380 days, 6 hours a day, 26,280 altogether some man came in an touched me. Without my consent, and blindfolded every time. Every night I have nightmares. I hear that voice. His face nothing more than a blur. A permanent open wound on the inside of me. One no one can heal. It was Echo and Grayson who found me on the floor of the boys bathroom my wrist slit and a empty bottle of pills. For weeks I hated them,not that they knew it, but later I learned to love them. I'm thankful that they were the ones to save me."

"I come from a household similar to Caramel's and I can understand what Kyle has been through." spoke up Blaze in a choked voice. "My mom use to come in my room and do whatever she wanted to me. My dad knew and instead of sending her to prison he hit me. He me because my mother would rather have sex with me than him. It wasn't like I wanted it. I didn't even know what was happening most of the time. All I knew was that she let our privates touched. That she put her hands and mouth on our privates. I didn't like it. I cried myself to sleep every night. I still do. If it wasn't for Kitty needing me after that tragedy, I wouldn't be here today."

"I just plain hate myself." said Dawson angrily. "I've been friends with Kitty all my life and she can tell you what I say is true. I lost my mom when I was four. Lost my dad when I was ten. Lost my grandma at age fifteen. 2 months later my grandpa died. My aunt and uncle was killed in front of me and my cousin. We stayed away from the authorities as long as we could, but eventually they found us. I spent to years in a group home were I was picked on for being who i was. I didn't want to join any of the gangs. I didn't want to make friends. So I choose to be a loner and because of that I got my ass kicked everyday. Between the age of ten and fifteen I weighed between 300 and 400 pounds. I was a fat ass. My therapist use to spend an hour telling me that everything that happened in my life was my fault. I was ungrateful. I was ugly. I was someone no one could love. After a while I began to believe him. Sometimes I still do. I lost the weight, but when I look in the mirror I still see a fat nobody."

"I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. I've basically tried it all. Slit wrists, pills, suffocating you name it. After so long, you'd think I'd forget the reason, but I can't. I sometimes have nightmares about it. I still find it hard to live another day. I was in the car with my mom,dad, grandma, grandpa, little sister and my older brother. I was sitting there screaming and crying about the fact that my mother wouldn't turn around and let me get my teddy bear or whatever it was. For a split second she turned around and looked at me. Just a split second. She got my daddy's attention, he was the one that was driving. He tried to keep his eyes on the road as my mother kept handing me things trying to get me quiet. I threw my little sisters stuff frog and it hit him upside his head. It was then that a truck hit us from the side. I woke up the next day in the hospital. A few days later I learned that only me and my little sister had survived. Living with my aunt and looking in my sisters face who looks more and more like my mother, I've had to live with the guilt. The guilt of killing my entire family." I looked at Grayson with my hand over my mouth to silent my cries.

It was Echo's turn.

"She was my girlfriend Stacey. We had been arguing, by the time I got down the stairs she was already half way down the block. I called her name twice. Begging her to come back. She turned and glared at me. She stood in the middle of the street debating with herself. I saw her sigh. I saw her take a step closer to me. I heard her say 'let's work this out'. I watched as a car sped towards her. I watch her body grow frozen with fear. Frozen in place. I watched as the car slammed into her. I watch as her body flew in the air and rolled over the top of the car. I watched as she laid on her back in the middle of a pool of her own blood. I felt as i dropped to my knees. I remember blaming myself for weeks. If I hadn't yelled at her she wouldn't have left. If I hadn't ran after her she wouldn't have been crossing the street. If I hadn't cheated in the first place then we wouldn't have been arguing, I wouldn't have said what I said to make her cry and run away. If it wasn't for me she would still be here, alive and well. Everyday I wish that it was me instead of her. Then it's you Kitty. You make me want to try to love again, but I don't think I deserve to be happy."

I looked at all my friends. Each one with a dark secret of their own. I sighed. It was my turn. I had to say it, everyone else already had.

"I killed my father." was all I said before the tears came down heavy. "The car had began to swerve. I began to panic. My hands flew over my eyes as my dad yelled my name.

"Kitty, grab hold of the wheel! Kitty!" he yelled fearfully.

"Daddy I'm scared." I yelled back the tears flowing down my cheeks. My dad grab the wheel and yelled for me to step on the brakes, instead my foot hit the gas. We flew down the street into another car head first. I could hear the sirens as the cars sped to the scene. I could see my dad lying motionless about three feet away from me. I tried to scream his name but couldn't get a sound out. Moments later everything went black. The next day, or however long it was, they told me he didn't survive. That itself was heartbreaking. Then my mom would rather dismiss me than yell at me to behave. Even my mother knew that this was my fault. That had me sinking to all knew levels of feeling low. Even my mother didn't want to be bothered with me. My own mother. That's when the heavy stuff started to kick in. My best-friends, and only friends left, was able to get a hold of things I never even imagined. I remember when we first did Acid. We didn't move for hours. To afraid that if we took a step we would fall off of the face of the earth. I sighed, even good times like that didn't feel so good. After the funeral I started to hear my dad's voice. Little quotes that he would say to me. More like little lessons that I can still hear. The day I broke my wrist shouldn't have gone like that. I was looking for my razor because my mom had gotten to me again. She told me "You come into my house with five guys and a girl. You make noise all night and you expect to not know what's going on. I will not tolerate orgies in my house. I will not tolerate a whore for a daughter. In my eyes you not even my child. That went away the day you took my husband from me. Not everyone understands that. I want you to hear me clearly. You aren't my child and your nothing but a worthless whore. You should've died that night with your father. That broke me on all new levels. I was sitting in the bathroom with a drunken Echo. One that had saved me so many times when sober, and he kissed me. It shouldn't have happened no matter how much I wanted it too. It was both right and wrong. I hated myself for it, but now I understand."

I looked around at all my friends. We were all crying. Tears filled each and everyone of our eyes. Sympathy ran through the room. Echo got up and walked over to where I was standing. One by one another pair of arms wrapped around us. For the first time in a long time I felt loved. We stood there together and cried. Real tears, real confessions, real love, real friends. We knew details and the depth of the details.

If you really want to know someone Kitten, look into their past. That's where the truth lies.

Daddy was right.