The Echo in My Head

I woke up screaming. It's been like this for the past three months. The summer had to be one if the most unique summers I had. I never came in on time anymore. I was more often drunk or high than not. My mother barely looked at me anymore, and when she did the look was so cold and empty. I guess that's what hurt me the most. Yeah, I was acting out, but my mom would rather dismiss me than yell at me to behave.

Even my mother knew that this was my fault. That had me sinking to all knew levels of feeling low. Even my mother didn't want to be bothered with me. My own mother. That's when the heavy stuff started to kick in. My best-friends, and only friends left, was able to get a hold of things I never even imagined. I remember when we first did Acid. We didn't move for hours. To afraid that if we took a step we would fall off of the face of the earth.

I sighed, even good times like that didn't feel so good. I sat up and rummaged through the drawer of my nightstand. I smirked when I found the little razor that has become my best-friend. My heart sunk lower as my daddy's voice filled my ears.

Remember pumpkin, there's always more than one way to easy your pain. Never settle for the first one you can think of.

I felt sick. Like at any moment I was going to throw up. Without a moment of hesitation more, I took the blade and pierced it through the skin on my side. I gasped as I felt the blood begin to ooze out. This was a pain I could never be use to. After cleaning up the scar and not bothering to bandage it, I climbed back into bed and laid there slowly drifting off into sleep again.

I woke up glad that the nightmare had not reoccurred. I got myself dressed and headed off to school. I was in my seat in the back of the room by the time the warning bell rung. I was tired and I wished I could've slept the day away and had never woken up.

"One coffee with extra vanilla creamer and two scoops of sugar. With a bag of glazed and chocolate covered donuts on the side." I looked up at Dawson and Blaze with a look of complete gratitude. The shook their heads laughing as the sat down on either side of me. The desks were two to a desk, but after a while the teacher gave up on trying to get us to obey the rules.

"Damn Kitty you look like you've been out running cheetahs again."

"Screw you Blaze. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Fucking English paper kept me up." I lied easily. After so much practice they began to just roll off the tongue. I looked at my two best-friends. Good boys turned bad all because of me. I sighed. I loved these boys to death, but I didn't know if I could trust them with my secret.

Remember kitten, until you learn to forgive yourself and understand that this wasn't you fault nothing will ever get better.