The Echo in My Head

We didn't have enough money for a funeral and a burial. We settled for the latter. We even went the extra mile and invited her family. We explained that we paid for everything and all they had to do was show up. As I stand here bawling my eyes out for a girl I've known for a little under a year, I realize something. None of her family is even here. Not even that asshole Bryan who claimed he loved her. Lies. He just loved having somebody to control. I can feel the anger building in my veins and before I know it I'm shaking. I expect Echo to reach out and grab hold of me in such a familiar way, but even that is too much to ask for. Lately things have been different. It's like we're all falling back into old habits. Yesterday all we did was smoke and drink. For twenty four hours that's all we did. Something inside me was telling, no yelling at, me to make everyone stop. Saying that we have come to far to fall back now,but I couldn't help it. Yeah the voice was loud, but the pain was louder. Only good out of this hell was that my mother or grandmother didn't utter a word to me. Its not like I would've cared either way. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I realized I was the only one still holding my flowers.

"We aren't blood, but you're the best sister I've ever had. I will never forget the day we met or what you've done for me as a person. I love you Caramel, Annie,and Alice Anne. We are your family and I will keep living for you. No matter how much I don't want to at times. I love you."

I dropped my flower on top of the lowering casket and walked away. I was strong throughout it all, but I wasn't strong enough to watch them put her in a hole in the ground and cover her with dirt. There was only one place that I could go and truly be left alone. That was school. I got in my car and drove away without a word to any of the guys. When I got there it was lunch time. I wanted so desperately to go to my locker, but thought it best not to. Instead I headed to the lunch room and sat at our usual table. Slowly,one by one, each memory came to mind. When we first met and we made out on the table. Our little outting at the beach. The day we told each other everything. When she told me she was pregnant. Her laugh. Her voice. Her walk. The way she encourage me to always see myself in a better way. The way that no matter what she was going through she always had a smile on her face. That beautiful smile. I was on the verge of tears when I looked up. I almost screamed as I watched those hazel eyes staring back at me. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't real. We had just burried her. I could feel the scream bubbling up in the back of my throat, but more than anything else I wanted to throw my arms around her neck and hug her. I waited for her to say something, but she stayed quiet and smiled. After a while I really looked at her. She had no bruises,cuts,or scraps. Her skin was that perfect, beautiful exotic caramel color. I smiled as a few tears slipped out.

your guardian angel my love

More tears slipped out hearing my dads voice confirm what I already knew. Just as fast as she appeared she disappeared. I felt as a hand wiped away the tears from my eyes. I looked to see Echo, Dawson,Blaze, Kyle and Grayson watching me with sad eyes.

"We've been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just couldn't watch her be covered in dirt like that. I knew this was the only place that no one would bother me. At least I hope so. Anyways, I swear I just saw her sitting right there." I said pointing at the seat opposite me. I watched as each one of them slowly smiled as they looked at the chair. I followed their gaze and saw that she was back. My own smile taking over my face I placed one hand over my mouth in an attempt to silent my sobs. I watched as she lifted her hand and placed it over mines. It was such warmth in that touch. I watch as all the guys hesitated to sit in their usual seats before placing their hands over ours. Each one feeling that same warmth I was feeling. It was all so surreal that I found myself holding my breath.

"I love you all for who you are and who you've become. Don't fall back into the negatives. I'm okay and I'm happier than I've ever been, believe me. Don't worry about my baby, I'm told she is being given to another family as we speak. Don't forget me, cause I can never forget you all."

She was gone. I buried my face in Echo's chest as he hugged me tighter. I knew the guys were all torn in their own ways, but none of them was going to cry. I was the only one bawling with a snotty nose. After calming myself down, i laid my head on his shoulder and grabbed Blaze's hand. I reached out across the table and grabbed Kyle's hand as Grayson looked at me. Silently we made an agreement not to leave each others side unless absolutely necessary.

"Hey, did you know that bitch who died like a week ago. It was all over the news. Her name was Alice Anne or something. Yeah that bitch gave some good head."

I could feel as Blaze gripped tighten around my hand and I screamed out in pain. Before I could prevent it all the guys were walking away from the table pissed. I knew what was going to happen next, but I couldn't move. I was frozen in fear.