You're Never All Alone

Dropping down onto the couches Rhyanna curled up into a comfortable position and fell immediately to sleep. At first her drunken sleep was dreamless, but then the memories started to come back.

“Come on Jake, you have to come. We planned this whole thing out,” Rhyanna whined at her best friend.

“I already told you Rye, I can’t go. I promised my mom I would help move Nana’s stuff for her. Things got muddled up that’s all. Next time I promise,” Jake said as he stole his eyeliner back from the pouting excuse for a best friend standing in front of him.

“But it’s your birthday, and we have been waiting for this festival all year long. We’re all finally gonna be the same age again, and this is the year to do it big. Don’t ruin the surprise you party pooper,” Rhyanna said slumping against the wall and crossing her arms in defeat as she watched Jake apply his eyeliner.

“I know, I know. Don’t you think I know how much I screwed this up. I had big plans for this birthday as well, it was going to be one we were going to remember for a long time, that’s for sure. And plus you already ruined the surprise long ago by telling me about the plan, so don’t give me that line of bull missy,” Jake said waving his eyeliner at Rhyanna like a dangerous weapon.

“Hrrmph,” Rhyanna grunted as she stared down at the floor, ignoring the waving cosmetic in her face.

“You’re really upset this time aren’t you?” Jake said, throwing the eyeliner on the couch and approaching Rhyanna slowly.

“Yeah just a little incase you hadn’t noticed. This was the year Jake, the year...”

“... this was the year...”

“... the year...”

“... Jake...”

Rhyanna tossed in her sleep.

“For life, my little Rye bread gremlin,” Jake said as he let go of Rhyanna’s hand.

“Smells that way Jakey-poo,” Rhyanna shot back as she ran down the steps towards her trusty beat up car, Betsy.

Rhyanna curled up into a ball on the couch, grasping onto one of the random pillows around her.

“It’s Jake,” her mother said softly.

“What?,” Rhyanna shouted into her phone.

“He, he, uh, he was in a car accident dear,” Rhyanna’s mother said soothingly.

“Oh no, dear god no. Is, is he all right?” Rhyanna asked, as she felt the heavy weight in her stomach drop.

“No sweetie, he’s not,” her mother said, tears sounding in her voice.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no,” Rhyanna broke down, tears forming in the corners of her eyes

“Honey, he, uh, he didn’t make it,” her mother said quietly.

“No,” Rhyanna shrieked as the tears started to stream down her face.

“No, no, no. No, no, no. No,” Rhyanna cried as her knees gave out and she collapsed to the ground.

Rhyanna started to cry in her sleep, unconsciously repeating ‘no’ in-between her sobs. They began to wrack her body, yet not allowing her to wake and control them. Her crying woke both Frank and Gerard in their bunks. Frank came out first and was standing in the door way into the living area where Rhyanna was when Gerard came up behind him, clad only in his pajama pants.

“What should we do?” Frank asked as he stared on helpless.

“I’ve got this one,” Gerard said as he walked past Frank, touching his shoulder in passing.

“But I,” Frank started.

“I said I got it,” Gerard said without looking at Frank, eyes solely resting on Rhyanna.

Frank sighed and turned to go back to his bunk. Before he lost sight of the back room of the bus Frank turned and watched with a heavy heart as Gerard climbed onto the couch beside Rhyanna and soothed her tormented cries.

“Just once. Just once I want to be the one to save the day,” Frank said softly as he crawled into his bunk and went back to bed.

As Gerard climbed onto the couch beside Rhyanna he tried to soothe her as much as he could without waking her completely. He uttered soothing noises as he brushed the hair off her face, and constantly stroked her cheek. It broke his heart to once again have to see her like this, only this time it was worse since she was asleep. Asleep she looked completely innocent, her face softened and she wasn’t smirking, she seemed peaceful, like she hadn’t a care in the world. He stroked down her arm softly, making her whimper less, and ended at her hands. Taking her hands in his he started to stroke the back of her hand, her fingers and then her palm. Hoping to calm whatever was making her hurt so much in her dreams, though he had a fairly good idea what it was. As he turned her hands over he admired the tattoos around her wrists and down her inner right arm. As he examined the clustered negative stars and then the Hindi writing he saw the faint outline of marks peaking out from underneath the ink. Tracing his finger up and down her lower arm Gerard felt the faint ridges of old scar tissue that was mostly hidden from the eye by the ink covering it.

“At least you’re still here now,” Gerard whispered.

As Gerard finished talking, Rhyanna started to cry again softly.

“Shhh,” Gerard said, letting go of her arm and hand in order to brush the hair off her face once again.

At his soft touch this time Rhyanna woke up hiccuping as tears continued to pour down her face.

“It hurts,” Rhyanna choked out in a whisper.

“I know sweetie, I know,” Gerard said softly as he opened his arms for Rhyanna.

Rhyanna turned into his open arms and buried her face into his chest, letting his skin absorb the sound of her cries. As she cried Gerard pulled her up more into his lap, cradling her like she was the most fragile thing in the world and ‘shushed’ as she wept. Rhyanna clung to Gerard like the world would fall apart if she didn’t, and as much as she knew at that point it would. As her sobs finally died down to barely audible hiccups she removed her face from his chest and looked up into his eyes as he gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. Rhyanna just laid there, staring up at him, as he wiped her face clear of all tear streaks and as he removed the last piece of hair from her face he paused a moment, allowing his fingers to rest on her cheeks. Slowly Gerard moved his head down towards Rhyanna’s until his lips pressed softly, yet firmly, against hers. When he broke the kiss after a moment he paused to look down into her eyes again, and was once again met with the inner sadness that he felt helpless against, like he couldn’t save her no matter what he did, ever. Rhyanna reached her head up towards his, and taking the hint Gerard placed his lips against hers once again, hoping that she was able to feel how much he wanted to help through the power of the kiss.

Slowly Rhyanna sat up straighter in Gerard’s lap, without breaking the kiss, and brought her hands up and wrapped them in his short hair. Gerard wrapped his far arm out and around her back and slowly pulled her against him, lovingly. Rhyanna responded by cocking her head to the side, and wrapping her arms around his neck tighter, as she opened her lips to his unasked or prompted question. Slowly, and softly Gerard slid his tongue into her mouth and gentle massaged her tongue with his own. As he danced with her tongue Gerard slowly started to lower Rhyanna back onto the couch, still supporting her in his arms. As she finally came in contact with the couch, she broke the kiss and stared into his soft eyes, with tears still stored in the corners of hers. Leaning in Gerard kissed her softly, not pushing, not asking anything of her, just giving. Gerard started placing soft kisses on her lips repeatedly as he laid down beside her on the couch. He finally stopped, and placed one last kiss on her forehead and Rhyanna curled up against him, facing him, and passed back into sleep. This time the dreams kept themselves at bay.

***

“Wake up,” Mikey said, poking Gerard with his finger.

Gerard had fallen asleep with one of his arms draped protectively over and around Rhyanna with his other under her head while she was still curled into him.

“Mmrrr mm,” Gerard mumbled.

“Wake up, wake up,” Mikey said again as he poked his brother in the arm.

“Fine. Rye, Rye, wakey wakey eggs and ba... uh tofu bacon?” Mikey said, correcting himself as he changed tactics and poked Rhyanna in the arm.

“Mr. Michael Way, poke me again and I will be very upset,” Rhyanna teased as she turned around, still in Gerard’s arms.

“Oh, are you all right?” Mikey asked when she faced him.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Rhyanna asked confused.

“Your eyes, they’re all red and puffy. Like you’ve been crying,” Mikey said.

“I had a rough night last night,” Rhyanna explained simply, not gruff or anything, just the truth.

“That would explain my brother,” Mikey said as he started to peal a banana.

“No we had mad raunchy sex and now my eyes are all swollen from all the foreplay,” Rhyanna teased, trying not to wake Gerard.

“Uh, ewww gross,” Mikey squirmed in his seat.

“What’s gross?” Frank asked as he walked in, scratching his head, yawning, as he was still not awake.

“Oh,” he said when he looked over and saw Rhyanna in Gerard’s arms.

Rhyanna blushed a bright red color and looked down at Gerard’s arm and the pillow under it, wondering why it was bothering her to have Frank there but not Mikey.

“Morning,” Bob said as he walked into the back.

“Whoa, didn’t expect that,” he said when he saw the still sleeping Gerard and Rhyanna.

“Hey it’s not what it looks,” Rhyanna protested as she stuck her tongue out at Bob as he shook his head at her.

“Morning ever... yikes. Wow, that’s uh, something else,” Ray said as he walked into the room, finally making it everyone crowded back there.

“Dear lord. Is there anyone else we should invite to stare and gawk and make comments about something that just looks bad but in truth isn’t at all? He was just helping me by calming me down last night, I had some fairly bad dreams. Jake and all,” Rhyanna said, the last part quieter than the first.

“Hey, hey, no prob kiddo. We’re just teasing ya is all,” Bob said as he ruffled Rhyanna’s messy hair, and very flattened mohawk.

“Whoa!” Gerard said as he opened his eyes all of a sudden.

“This is different,” he commented.

“Yeah, we’re having a party,” Rhyanna added.

“So what’s for breakfast?” Gerard asked.

Everyone at once all turned their heads and looked directly at Rhyanna.

“What?” she asked.