Beautiful Soul

Alexander. So close to Alexandria, but it wasn’t my name. It was my brother’s name, but it would be my name for as long as I can keep the secret. He needed me to do this. I had to do this. I had to be him. Only until he heals.

I looked into the mirror, remembering the conversation that took place two weeks ago. The conversation where Ander happened to convince me to become him. He had practically begged me. It was his only chance to follow his dream, and he couldn’t do it himself. I had to take his place in order for him to get a shot at being a drummer. I had to go to Hartman Music Academy for him.

Most people, including our father, had told him it was such a far-fetched dream and that he’d never make it, but I had supported him since day one. That’s why he decided on begging me.

---

“Please, Alex,” he began, a pleading look in his eyes, “I would literally be on my knees if I could,” he stopped a minute, signaling for his legs, which were both broken from the car accident, “You know how much this means to me. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you know that. Once you get accepted to Hartman, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’ll have a career after.”

“That’s the thing, Ander. It’s only pretty much guaranteed. It isn’t a done deal as soon as you get accepted.” I told him, already knowing he wouldn’t listen. With Alexander, most things went into one ear and out the other. It had always been like that with him. It was an extremely hard decision to make.

“I really want this, Lex, more than anything. It’s been my dream since the age of, what, two? I’ve been banging on every little thing with pencils, coming up with my own beats, songs, you name it. C’mon. You’ve always supported me with this…” he stopped for a moment, something coming to his mind, “If you really support me, you do it for me.” He finished, practically blackmailing me into it.

I stared at him in utter disbelief. He was using this against me, knowing I wouldn’t be able to refuse. There was no way in hell that this would work. I would be caught instantly. It was overly obvious that I was a woman. I sighed, shaking my head.

“This will never work, but fine,” I said, “I’ll do it.” A smile spread across Alexander’s face. He was about to thank me, but a doctor came in before he could. He mouthed a subtle thanks.

Knowing I would do this for him made him happy.

---

I took one last long look at myself in the mirror. This would be my last time seeing myself with my long hair. I took my gaze down to the scissors in my hand. I honestly couldn’t believe that I was actually doing this. It would be tremendously hard, let alone almost impossible to pursue, but there was a small chance that it would work. I would only be there for a maximum of three months. Plus, Ander and I were pretty much the same person when it came to looks. We look almost exactly alike.

Before I realized myself doing it, I brought the scissors to my hair and simply cut. I cut and cut until my hair matched my brother’s surfer-like haircut. Short, yet not too short, and a tad shaggy.

Black hair littered the floor around me. I hadn’t actually had a haircut since at least the age of twelve. I have had the occasional trim to rid of the split ends, but nothing more. It was hard for me to look at the floor, I’d been growing it out for so long, and now it was all gone. I had kept my bangs, which were somewhat like Ander’s bangs. They were pushed over to the right side, but they hung slightly over my forehead.

I glanced down at the floor again, now doubting myself. I couldn’t pull it off. There was no way. It would never work.

‘Look up.’ I heard myself think. ‘Just look in the mirror.’ I listened to myself, deciding to look up.

I really couldn’t believe it. I looked exactly like Ander. It was insane how similar we were. All these years we were told by so many people that we looked exceedingly alike, but neither of us thought that way. We’d always found differences between the two of us. That is, until now. I could see every similarity ranging from our eyes- not the color, but the shape-, our hair color and style, our nose, practically everything. Our facial structure was a tad different, but it wasn’t noticeable unless you looked closely. There was the factor that I was more feminine, but some guys are a little more feminine. Maybe we could actually pull this off. Maybe I could do this.

---

Later that day was when I went to visit Ander again. It had been a little over a week since I had seen him. I decided on using the extensions I’d bought only because it would somewhat strange if Ander came out of the hospital without the broken legs. The extensions made my hair resemble the way it looked before I cut it. They went to about the middle of my back, and were the same raven black my hair was. I’d only had them for around a week. I had bought them the day after Ander and I had decided on our little plan. I knew they’d come in handy if our father ever wanted to visit, which wasn’t very likely. He was never really around anymore. It had been that way since our mother died a few years back.

I slid the hospital door open that led to Alexander’s room. I smiled as the nursed slipped by me out the door. I closed the door tightly, wishing there was a lock, but there wasn’t. I turned to face Ander, who already looked slightly pissed.

“Alex!” he meant for it to come out as more of a yell, but it was more of a whisper, “You were supposed to, you know…” he used his middle and pointer finger to make scissors and put them toward his hair. We had decided on when I would make my departure for the school the previous week. He’d told me to cut my hair, which was an immensely hard thing for me to do. He stated that a wig wouldn’t work. It would apparently fall off to easily.

“Relax, Ander.” I told him. He gave me a blank stare.

“Relax? Are you seriously telling me to relax? How can I relax when you haven’t done a thing? You leave Saturday! I don’t know if you know this, but it’s Thursday! You can’t waste time that you don’t have. Dammit, Alex.” He sighed, closing his eyes. I could tell he was frustrated, but he didn’t need to be.

I guess the extensions really did work. I hadn’t planned on them working this well, but it was good that they did.

I took the extensions out carefully, which didn’t take much. “Hey, moron,” he still had his eyes closed when I said this, “Open your eyes.” I finished my sentence, waiting for him to do as I told him. He opened his eyes and turned his gaze toward me. He looked shocked, yet a tad happy.

“Holy cow! It’s like looking in a mirror, I’m not even kidding. I know that’s kind of cheesy to say, but it’s the honest truth. I can’t believe it.” He stared at me, shaking his head in amazement. I breathed a laugh.

“I said the exact same thing.” I said, quietly.

He traveled away from the subject, “So, did you finish the drum lessons?” he asked, talking about the drum lessons he had set up. He’d told the man giving me lessons that I had wanted to learn. I honestly didn’t care for the drums, but I had to do it. Ander had already taught me some things on the drums, but not enough to succeed in being him. He was amazing, knowing basically every tab, chord, you name it. I couldn’t say that I have never been jealous of his drumming skills, because I truly was. Not incredibly jealous, but jealous enough.

I nodded my head, “Yes. We finished last night. It was my last lesson.” I told him, trying to remember all of the beats and the first few chords. It had been hard for me to memorize everything in such a short amount of time, but I gave it my best.

“Good. You’re all set. Except for one thing…” he trailed off. I raised one eyebrow, suspiciously. I wasn’t completely sure what he was hinting at, but I had an idea. Ander handed me a wrap he had stolen from the hospital nurse who had been taking care of him. I took the wrap, a blush coming across my face.

“Oh, geez, Ander. Way to make it awkward.” I said, turning my face slightly.

“Hey, I’m just helping you out.” He said, shrugging.

---

I left shortly after talking to him for a little while longer. I had too many things to do before I left, which included packing, working on my look more, possibly shopping for more some smaller boy clothes since Ander’s were a little big, and wrapping, obviously.

Once I go home, I searched through the attic for my old suitcase. I regretted even searching for it once I found it, considering it was pink and had butterflies and glitter all over it. Why had I even bought it? My style had definitely changed since I was younger. I searched for more hoping that I would either find Ander’s suitcase, or possibly even Mom’s. Ander’s was nowhere in sight, but I had found Mom’s behind an old bookshelf. It was rather dusty, and considerably chipped in some spots. I didn’t mind though.

I returned to my room quickly, hoping my father wouldn’t come home in the process of me packing. I had told him that I was going away to a school for girls, knowing he’d be fine with that. Even though he wasn’t around much, he still cared. I packed the things I needed from my underwear, including a bra in case Dad or someone else came. I made sure to pack things that I’d surely need. My toothbrush, hairbrush, shampoo, conditioner, etcetera. I didn’t put any kind of make-up in there, knowing that I’d get laughed at if anyone found it.

I went to Alexander’s room, picking out a majority of clothes that he would wear, and that would fit me. I put in around ten different shirts, pants, a few pairs of shoes, and I even placed a pair of boxer’s in there, so it wouldn’t seem weird if someone searched through my things. I knew I wouldn’t need much considering there would be a school uniform to wear. They’d most likely give me three or four of them, hopefully.

The worst part about doing this would be sharing a room with a male. Growing up, Ander and I shared a room for a few years, up until about middle school. It wasn’t ever really awkward seeing as that we are twins. We were extremely close, so neither of us thought of it as weird, but sharing a room with a complete stranger of the opposite gender? It would clearly be different. Of course if it were actually Ander, it wouldn’t be weird. He would probably instantly connect with whoever he shared a room with. I wouldn’t say it could be the same for me. I’m not a guy. I don’t know the right things to say, or the subjects to talk about.

I breathed a heavy sigh, closing the suitcase and locking it. I couldn’t believe that the day I’d be leaving was only two days away. It was so close, but seemed like for far away.

I went back to my room, placing the suitcase in my closet behind my small shoe rack, before returning to Ander’s room to pick out an outfit to change into on the plane. I went with a plain black, somewhat big, t-shirt. It would be the best, considering it wouldn’t show any curves. I grabbed the smallest pair of pants I could find. They were skinny jeans that were a little lighter than the shirt. Skinny jeans. Nice choice Ander. I finished the outfit off with some combat looking boots that Ander had bought for our birthday the previous year. They didn’t fit him anymore, so it I knew it wouldn’t bother him that I took them. Plus, I wasn’t even sure he could wear them, considering his feet were bigger.

After putting the outfit in my second dresser drawer, I looked at the time. It was already six o’clock. I yawned, deciding on going to bed early. My father wasn’t home yet, nor was he really ever at this time. Some nights he worked late, and other nights he would go to the local bar. He usually never came home until at least ten, which meant I had the house to myself most days.

I ate dinner, which was a quick instant microwavable meal. I wasn’t very hungry at all, nor was there much food in the fridge or pantry, but I didn’t really mind. I made a mental note to tell my dad to go shopping before I left. I walked to my room, turning the television on some random news station, not caring what it was. I just wanted to sleep. It had been somewhat of a stressful day, and very tiring. I had a total of one full day until my departure.