How Many Times Can You Race Around the Tree Before You Catch Me?

My legs never moved me fast enough. I ran almost all the way back to the bus. The guys knew something was up when I stood staring out the door window in the stairwell for ten minutes.

"Everything alright?" Mikey asked me.

I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face before turning to him.

"Yeah actually I have some great news." I went up the stairs while slipping the ring into my pocket.

"About what?" Thankfully all the guys were sitting up in the front drinking.

"Well I confirmed with Joel and Troy about the tours and we're going to Australia at the end of next month." The boys didn't seem excited about it.

"Troy also decided to help us out and we're going to Australia to record the next album." They perked up a bit at that.

"How long are we talking here?" Christian asked. I sighed.

"Well I'll be in Finland until the 19th after this tour... I figured You guys could go ahead and get a lot of the writing done. Then we could go from the 20th until the first show date and then after tour we can spend those two weeks there?" The guys didn't look too stoked on the idea.

"That's a really long time away from home. We've already been gone for five months...."

"Kim wants me to come home for two weeks since she's only seen me five days out of the last five months." Mikey added to Andrew's statement. There was an uproar of all the things the guys wanted to do and how much they missed home. They were going to force me into doing everything.

"OK look it hasn't been that long, you were home for a week after the last tour. Some of you have to be there for the entire time and others don't need to be there that much. I'll send you guys home after this tour but I want there to be some writing getting done. I can finish everything after the AU leg of the tour if we can get stuff written ok?" Christian was the only one that didn't agree right away.

"Guys, no! We said we wouldn't fucking do this. Things need to fucking change around here." He stood up and gestured towards me.

"This woman does everything for us. Year after year she has kept us afloat and despite how easy it is to say 'yeah please go do all of this for us' I'm not gonna let that happen anymore!," He slammed his hands down on the table, "We are ALL flying straight to Australia after this tour is over and writing away from everyone like we always do it. Jax is going to go home and help James and Mark store the gear before she leaves on the other tour. She will meet us in Australia one week before tour starts to start vocals. Any fucking questions?"

To say we were all stunned at Christian's outburst would be an understatement. Never before had he taken charge of things but his plan was solid. I just nodded and stood assuming that was the end of it.

"We're all ignoring the bigger issue here." James added.

"Jake" My ass hit the seat again.

"He's still in rehab, he won't get out for another two weeks and at that point I think Jax has to be there for him...." He added looking at me.

"Why me?"

"Well he is going to need your support the most."

I didn't know how true it was, but one of us had to be there. We needed a plan that kept someone out of the band home.

"Well what do we do then?" I asked them. They all looked at Christian, expecting an exact answer I'm sure. He wouldn't have one though.

"Can I send you guys ahead then to write and demo and I'll come back here for a week before I meet you guys down there?" My suggestion seemed to be the solution.

The guys and I made a plan for recording. Christian sent the schedule to Troy and I bought plane tickets. It was almost three by the time everything was good to go and we had a set schedule. I laid down to sleep but my mind swept back to the ring that suddenly seemed to burn a hole my pocket. My fingers nimbly slipped the small piece of metal out of my pocket and held it up to my bunk light.

Traditionally, people waited much longer in a relationship to receive this token of love. Love being the imperative word. Unfortunately for me, this meant I had three days to decide if I could see Vinny in my life forever. A task that would come to be much too hard in my eyes. Each day, my mind thought out all the possible scenarios and they all lead to a picture that I didn't want.

The final day of tour was nothing short of emotional. What didn't help was me trying to find Vinny before the end of the day. He saw me with a smile and out of habit I returned the gesture.

"Hey babe," He kissed me before wrapping his arm around my waist and looking back at the guys,"When do you head out?"

"Well we play completely last, should be out of here around 11 though." He smiled.

"We haven't talked about it yet..." He looked at my hand to make sure the ring was firmly planted there.

"That's actually why I came over." He immediately told the guys he would be back in a few minutes and we found a secluded area.

"Vinny I'm not ready."I handed him the ring immediately. His face fell and I could tell I had ruined his day.

"Why though?" I shook my head.

"We've only known each other for a month and a half Vin. That's not the time to ask for my hand in marriage. I need time to decide how far I want this to go. Honestly, all this made me do is realize that this might not be the relationship for me." His face set into a deep frown.

"So you don't love me?" I chuckled and kissed him.

"Vinny I do love you, to the point that if things continued on this path I would leave my career to be with you start a family," He smiled sadly,"but-"

"That's not you." He finished for me. He looked sad but the small smile on his face told me that he understood.

"I'm so sorry Vinny, but my career always comes first..." He knew that as I handed him back the ring this might be the last time I see him. He gracefully accept the ring though.

"You can't change your feelings on what you want." He stood and helped me up.

"Well my lady this was a great summer, may we end it with a kiss?"

We kissed one last time before I went to the tech area. Tears welled up in my eyes while I helped the boys get ready for our last show, but I push my emotions aside.

I was about to start a new chapter in my life and this was only the beginning. The boys and I were going to put out our best work, I was going to try and fix things with Jake and most of all I was going to work on being a better me.

To the future.