So I Need You

I rolled over onto my side, groaning loudly.

2:52 A.M.

I was lying in bed, my thoughts completely devouring me. My mind kept wandering back to that picture. It was safe to say that I was not only jealous, but I was furious.

In some ways, I was happy with changes in my life. My grades seemed to be getting higher, I was seeing a lot less of my dad, and I had been sober for a whole of three weeks. That in itself was a major improvement for me.

But on the other hand, I hated the vulnerability I was now so prone to feeling. Why in the hell did Joe have this effect on me? I had never in the past been the jealous type, not ever. Now here I was, lying awake, because of some damn picture.

Megan. I didn't even know her, yet I hated her already. I hated her for having Joe. I hated her for taking someone so amazing for granted. I hated her for hurting him. But most of all, I hated the fact that he cared about her enough, to let her hurt him.

I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was actually falling for him. Not only could I not understand it, but I refused to believe it. I hated the way he made me feel, like the thought of him walking out on me would actually hurt. That was so unlike me, yet I knew it was true.

I had become too dependent on the happiness he brought in me, and that scared me.

►►►►

"Hey, you up yet sleepy?" he chuckled.

"No," I whined, rolling onto my back.

"I'm in my car," he went on, completely disregarding my response. "And about ten minutes away, so be ready."

"Joe," I groaned, "go away. I need sleep alright, bother me in about two hours."

"I will break in if you provoke me," he replied. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Joseph."

"Elizabeth."

"Fine," I sighed in defeat, "but first tell me where you're taking me."

"Just get ready, would you?"

"You're a stupid head," I retorted in annoyance.

He laughed, "Sure kid, whatever you say."

"Tell me," I demanded, as we drove down the streets of Los Angeles, "you know, this could be considered kidnap. It was against my will, and now I have no idea where we're going."

He threw his cellphone into my lap, "Here, call a rescue team," he mocked.

"Oh ha ha," I smirked.

"Calm down Beth," he smiled, stowing the phone back into his pocket. "I'm not taking you anywhere in particular, I just thought we could drive, you know? Have some bonding time."

I turned to look out the window, my insides squirming. "I've seen nothing but your face for the past week Jonas, I'm pretty sure we've done enough bonding," I replied arrogantly.

"You're just a piece of work, aren't you?" he muttered.

I smiled triumphantly, kicking my feet up on the dashboard. "So, it's just us and the road, huh?"

"Pretty much," he shrugged.

"I can do that," I nodded, watching the scenery zooming past.

"I also thought we could talk," he continued, keeping his eyes glued to the road.

"I'm not ready Joe," I said quietly.

"Oh, no," he interjected quickly, "I didn't mean about that Beth, I told you I'd give you time. It's actually about something else, something I need to talk about. I don't know if you want to hear this, but sometimes it feels like you're my only friend Beth."

My heart somersaulted inside of me, "I'm all ears."

"OK," he breathed, "it's about Megan."

I nearly screamed as I heard her name leave his mouth. She was the one causing me this writhing pain known as jealousy, of course I didn't want to hear about her!

"What about her?"

"Well, I've been thinking," he began, "a lot. I hate how things ended between us, especially after the fact that we were dating for two years. It's not easy to just get over someone so quickly, and I guess when it happened there was so many things going on that I just didn't have the chance to cope with it. I don't know if I miss her, or if it's just the way she made me feel."

My heart plummeted as he tortured me with his words.

"You know when there's just this one person you can never get tired of being with? You hear their voice, and everything seems to be OK, everything makes sense again. And when everything seems to be falling apart, they find a way to put it back together."

I looked over at him, his beautiful features narrowed as he thought hard. He was so beautiful, but there was no way to pinpoint what it was about him. It was a combination...of his eyes, with they way they could bore right into me, like he was seeing into my soul. And his lips, they way they were all I could look at when he spoke, or smiled-

"Beth?" he said questioningly.

I nodded, my mind coming back into focus. "What have you been thinking?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Maybe I should call her, just to see. Ever since I saw that picture..."

He breathed out in frustration, "Maybe I'm being stupid, but I can't help thinking about her. I don't think I loved her Beth, and I'm almost positive that I'd know if I did. But I don't know if I gave her up too easily, maybe I should have fought for her."

I swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. "I know this is going to sound incredibly corny," I managed to mumble, "but you should follow what your heart tells you to do Joe. You might get hurt, you might even hurt someone else in the process, but at least you won't have to argue with yourself for the rest of your life."

He looked over at me in confusion, as we stopped at a red light. "Who else could I hurt?" he asked, "Megan?"

"Yeah," I heaved, "Megan."

►►►►

The sky had darkened, and we were now where we'd begun. Joe's car was parked in front of my house, as we sat in silence. "Thanks for listening," he said softly, "I know I can be annoying, but you're just really easy to talk to. Sometimes it's hard to tell my brothers these things, they just don't get it."

I nodded, not daring to speak. My voice was bound to crack, as the burning sensation to cry still remained in my eyes, and the lump in my throat had never left.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," he continued, "I'll think about it some more, if that's even possible."

I smiled lightly, reaching for the door handle. This was pure torture, and even what waited for me behind my front door would hurt less than this. He was nearly killing me.

"Beth, before you go, there's something I need to tell you."

Stop it, I pleaded mentally. Every word he'd spoke that day just brought me more agony.

"I really appreciate what you did today, and I just hope you know that I'll always do the same for you. I'll always be willing to listen, and when you're finally ready to let me in, just know that I will never hurt you."

It was incredible, the way this boy could alter my mood so quickly. A moment ago, I wanted nothing but to be far away from him, and now it was almost a struggle not to take either side of his face and kiss him.

"Wow," I replied meekly, my eyes never leaving my fumbling hands. "Joe I don't even know what to say, you've been like a different person today. I like it, but I'm in awe."

He smiled happily, his expression that of a child, as he leaned in close, wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

"I have to go," I sighed regrettably.

He nodded, leaning over to open the door for me.

"Bye, Joe."

"Hey, Beth," he said, taking hold of my arm, "you're amazing, I hope you know that."