So I Need You

The cab pulled up, dropping me off in front of a pair of brass gates. "Thanks," I said, handing him the fee.

"A party?" he asked, "Will you need a lift back at the end?"

I shook my head, "No thanks."

He turned to face me, "If you're not right to drive, you call."

I smiled lightly, thinking it was highly amusing how a cab driver cared more about my well being than my own father. "I will, thank you."

He nodded, a lop-sided grin plastered on his face, "Have fun."

I let myself out of the car, the cold air greeting my bare skin icily. "I intend to," I breathed.

The walls trembled, as the music blared loudly from the stereo. The atmosphere was damp and dirty, the smell of smoke and boos filled my nostrils. I let my eyes scan the room for any familiar faces, relieved to see a few seniors from school.

The scene felt rowdy and out of control as I made my way through a mob of groping couples. Their bodies pressed tightly together, some dancing and others simply using each other as support, neither capable of standing in the condition they were in.

I bobbed my head slightly to the music, feeling terribly out of place. It was strange to me, how it had only been weeks ago that I was known for my reckless behavior and out of control drinking. Now here I stood, repulsed by the sight of drunken teenagers before me. And it had all once been so appealing to me.

I gasped lightly as two arms found their way around my body from behind, startling me. "Beth," he cooed, running his hands up and down my arms. "You made it, baby."

I turned, meeting his familiar gray eyes. It had never occurred to me just how hard and cold his stare was. At least in comparison to Joe. "Aaron," I breathed, "you scared me! I didn't know you'd be here."

"I'm everywhere baby," he smiled cockily.

I let out an exaggerated laugh, deciding now was my chance to do what I'd come here for. I wanted to have fun and let loose, just forget, didn't I?

"You look good," he shouted over the music, "I haven't seen you around lately though. Don't tell me you've given up your party days, getting sick of this scene!"

I knew in my heart that I couldn't play along and then bail when, not with a guy like Aaron. He was too good at getting what he wanted, and would stop at no ends to get it. I had to make a choice, and I had to make it quickly.

My mind traveled to the thought of Joe, and just how disappointed he would have been to see me there. He was always telling me how I was too good to stoop to that level, and I wanted so desperately to believe him.

But if I was so good, then why wasn't I good enough? Why was it that even when he was around me, he was thinking of her?

I raised my trembling hands, tracing his jawline seductively. "Just shut up and get me a drink," I smirked.

He ran a hand through his shaggy blond hair, wrapping one arm lazily around my shoulders. "There's the Beth I know," he whispered playfully, biting lightly on my earlobe.

I felt a shiver run up my spine, something that seemed to happen every time his skin came into contact with mine. It was far from the usual warmth and protection I felt around Joe however. Aaron's touch made me feel oddly sick.

"I'll be back in a second," he winked, gesturing towards the plastic red cup in his hand.

I nodded, a tight-lipped smile spread across my face. A few drinks, and you won't mind him, I reassured myself bitterly.

If Joe didn't want me, then I didn't care who had me...

►►►►

One hour and countless drinks later, and my world was spinning round. Aaron was almost starting to look as appealing as Joe...if I squinted my eyes and pretended he wasn't only trying to get into my pants.

I tilted my head back as his lips burned rough kisses along my neck. "Aaron," I breathed, my eyes struggling to stay open.

The music was drowning out more and more, as I felt the intoxication of the alcohol spread through my body. "Aaron," I tried again, my voice completely inaudible over the music, and yelling already taking place.

His hands rested on my hips, as he pushed his body further into mine. "Stop," I groaned.

The drinking, the out-of-control behavior, the recklessness, it wasn't fun anymore. Having his hands touch me in the places he did, having his lips leave marks on my skin, having him be in control wasn't what I had though it once was.

He pushed me roughly against the wall, his lips leaving my neck only to meet my own. He tasted bittersweet. And I mean that literally. His hands traveled up from my hips, following the silhouette of my body.

I shivered under his touch, arching my back slightly. "Beth, I've missed you," he said, breathing heavily in my ear.

"W-what?"

"I said I missed you," he repeated.

It could've been the number of drinks I'd consumed, or the resentment I was feeling towards everything going on in my life, but in that moment Aaron seemed to have hit a nerve.

That was all I ever wanted, for someone to miss me. For someone to want me. For someone to love me.

"W-why?" I stammered lightly.

He looked up with a curious expression. "Because you're amazing," he replied.

And then I came back to earth, the moment my eyes met the beautiful boy who had just entered the room.

"F-fuck," I gasped.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

I slouched down against the wall, trying to hide behind the mobs of people surrounding me. I watched as he walked across the room, his brown eyes narrowed in concern. He scanned the room, his eyes moving quick and furiously.

"Let's go somewhere quiet baby," he suggested, taking my hand. He resumed to nipping kisses along my collarbone.

I shrugged, wanting more than anything to show Joe just how much I was fine without him. I wanted him to realize that I wasn't going to sit around and wait, because he wasn't worth it.

At least that's what I wanted him to believe.

I caught sight of another plastic cup not too far, and took hold of it in my shaky hands. I gulped it down in a moment. If this is going to work, I thought determined, I'm going to have to be way more drunk.

I'd somehow escape Joe's view for another half hour, which had been enough time for me to myself completely numb. "That's enough," Aaron hushed in my ear, as he dragged me towards the foot of the stairs, a smirk playing across those sharp features of his. "I can't make love to you if you're passed out."

My insides squirmed nervously. I'd seemed to have lost my voice and will power to argue. I felt so helpless and worthless, nothing felt worth fighting for.

He took my hand, leading me slowly up the stairs, pausing to plant a fiery kiss under my chin. "Come," he demanded, pushing open the first door he saw.

He pulled me into a vacant bedroom, the empty cups on the nightstand were a sign that we hadn't been the first occupants. He pushed me lightly, directing me towards the bed. "A-Aaron," I said questioningly.

He pressed his finger to my lips, silencing me. "I'll take care of you."

I nodded, my eyes fluttering as I struggled to keep them open. I was tired, but I was scared. I couldn't bear to watch what he would do to me. "I d-don't want," I stammered, hopefully.

He laid me down carefully on the bed, "Yes, you do," he insisted, climbing onto the bed as well.

He towered over me, holding my arms up over my head. I squired at his touch, groaning in protest. "You know," he whispered softly between kisses, "I know you've been going through so much, and I want to be here for you. Will you let me be there for you?"

I nodded obediently, his lips never leaving my face, my neck, my chest.

I wanted this, didn't I? I wanted to prove to Joe, to myself and to everyone that I didn't need him, I didn't need anyone. So why was I screaming inside? Why were his kisses, his touch making feel nothing short of utter disgust.

I pushed him abruptly by the shoulders, my arms giving out from weakness. "Just relax," he reassured me, holding my arms down by my wrists.

"Please, stop," I groaned.

No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't what I had wanted, this wasn't what I had bargained for. All I wanted was to feel some closure, to have a taste of my old ways and remember what it was like when I was living for myself. When my happiness didn't depend on anyone.

His hands hands found there way down to the buckle of my pants, undoing them hastily. "No," I protested, this time more forcefully.

I felt weak and helpless. The thought of Joe wandering the house only a floor below was slowly breaking my heart. "Stop," I moaned, my eyes glazing over with tears.

I could picture his beautiful face, his eyes, his laugh. I wanted him there more than any words could ever come close to describing. I didn't care what we talked about, we could talk about Megan, just as long as he was there with me.

"Aaron," I pleaded, as he tugged my shirt off effortlessly.

He didn't say a word, and the only sound I could hear was that of paper tearing. "We can't forget protection," he practically laughed.

I fought the urge to vomit as his hands searched for the clasp of my bra, nosily. "Stop," I seethed, hitting him aimlessly.

With one arm he held my body down, allowing his other to continue it's search.

I tried to find my voice, to scream, to cry. But nothing came. So I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing I believed could help at that point.

I prayed.

I prayed for someone to find me, I prayed for him to drop dead that moment. Any hope, any chance.

And with a swift movement, his weight was lifted off of me. There was a loud crash beside me, as a body collided with the furniture.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he yelled, between punches.

The sickening sound of a breaking nose sounded, and my world went dark.