So I Need You

I stared at my excuse of a reflection, and damn, I looked like such a mess. My hair was disheveled, my mascara smudged under my eyes from all the crying. What a wreck. I turned the shower on, letting the water run as I peeled my clothes off. They still smelt strongly of alcohol and drugs, causing me much displeasure.

I stepped into the shower, welcoming the warm water. I scrubbed my body vigorously, washing off all traces of the evening's prior events. All the bad, any disgusting trace of Aaron or where his hands had been. It was no longer part of who I was.

I never thought opening up would feel so good. I truly felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Like, I had finally accepted my past and could embrace the future with a clear head.

I closed my eyes, smiling lightly as my mind raced back to Joe. I couldn't help it. It was impossible for his perfectly structured features to go unnoticed. From his perfectly unkempt hair, his amazing brown eyes, his perfect lips and everything below, all the way down to his feet. And it wasn't only the way he looked, it was so much more. It was the way he carried himself with so much poise, even in the hardest of times. It was his genuine concern, and the way when he spoke to me, I actually felt like he cared. It was so refreshing.

I was falling for him, and it was happening quickly. Slowly but surely, I was losing sight of everything but him. Now that I'd let down my defenses, and let him get close enough to see me for my true colors, I realized that he was more than deserving of my trust. He was all I could ever think about, and it some twisted way...I kind of liked it.

I liked the way he could make me smile, when I was angry at the world. I liked the rush I felt when he touched me. I loved how he protected me, as much as I pretended to hate it. Most of all though, I loved the feeling I got whenever he was around, and how it made everything else feel so incredibly small. Because as much as I tried to deny it : nothing compared to this.

►►►►

I picked up the phone, as it rang, awaking me rudely from my slumber. "Hello," I greeted groggily, sitting up in my bed.

"Where were you!?" she yelled. "You went to that party, didn't you? Do you know what I went through last night? I think I gave Joe a great impression of a psychopath! I am so angry at you Elizabeth Jensen!"

I bit my lip, holding back a smile. "God, you sound more like a mother than my actual mother."

"It's not funny!" she snapped, "Do you even know what I thought had happened? I got four calls from you, and then no answer! Oh God, if anything had happened, I would never have forgiven myself Beth."

"Amber, calm down-"

"No, Beth, you don't understand the seriousness of this all! We were so worried! I thought you were in trouble and I just, the most horrible things crossed my mind."

"I really am sorry," I sighed, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Her breathing steadied, as all movement from her end of the line came to a halt, "I think I do."

A slightly uncomfortable silence came over us, when a beep sounded from my end. "Am, calling waiting," I said meekly.

"I have to go anyway, look I'm staying at Jake's for the weekend so...you can reach me there for anything, alright."

"Sure," I smiled, "I'll talk to you later."

I quickly switched the the call waiting, smiling subconsciously. "Hey," I greeted softly.

"Hey," he breathed uneasily. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I'm up. Are you OK?"

"Um, not really...can you come over? There's something that we need to talk about."

Irregardless of my hunch that something was terribly wrong, I agreed to his invitation. "Sure, I'll be there soon."

I walked briskly under the L.A. sun, making my way towards doom- or so that's how it felt. The uneasiness in his voice, the doubt in my mind, none of it was a good sign. He had said we needed to talk, and I couldn't ever remember a time when good news followed that.

I walked faster, desperate to be with him. Whatever it was, whatever he had to say, I knew one thing : the events of the previous night had changed us. An impact had been made in our relationship, one that would help us get through anything. In that, I was confident. I was certain.

I shifted my gaze ahead of .me, as I heard a small sob from ahead. Narrowing my eyes in confusion, I approached the girl. She sat, her arms wrapped around her knees protectively, her head resting on them. I would recognize those dark curly locks anywhere-

I rushed over, dropping down by her side. "Emmy," I asked cautiously, my hand resting on her back lightly.

She averted her eyes from the ground, meeting my gaze unsteadily. Her eyes brimming red, her fair skin stained with tears. "Beth?" she replied shakily.

"I was on my way to Joe's," I explained quickly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What happened to you?"

She held her knees close to her, a few more tears falling from her eyes. "It's Nick," she whispered, setting off another round of sobs.

My heart sank as I watched her, "Did you break up?"

She turned to stare at me wide-eyed for a moment, blinking furiously. "N-no!" she breathed, "No, of course not. It's just," she took a deep breath, "he's leaving again."

"Leaving?" I repeated, completely dumbfounded.

She nodded, wiping her eyes nosily. "For a month, maybe more. It all depends on how well the tour goes, and I just-"

She stopped, biting down on her lip, holding in her sobs, "I hate it when he's gone."

I was at a loss for words, completely and utterly confused. "Where is he going?"

"On tour," she shrugged, "right now it's supposed scheduled to be a month, but if all goes well for them, they could be gone for a year. A year without him Beth...I couldn't possibly-"

She breathed deeply, letting her head fall into her hands. She was a complete mess, and it was heart breaking to see. For that moment, I decided to push aside all my thoughts and questions, and focus on the girl beside me.

"Em, don't cry," I sighed, "he isn't leaving you, I know that's the last thing he'd ever want to do."

"I know," she whispered lightly, "and Beth, I am so happy for him, don't get me wrong. Him and his brothers are so talented, and I couldn't be more proud of them. It's just, when he's gone...I miss him so much. I know it's for his future, and I know how happy his music makes him...that's why I'll never let him see me like this. That's why I'm sitting a block away from his house, and not being with him."

"Wait, what? You mean Nick thinks you're fine with him leaving."

She nodded, "I was just over there, but when he told me, I made an excuse to leave. I don't want him to know how much it hurts me, I don't want anything to interfere with his career. I just want him to be happy."

"Em, Nick is so in love with you. Do you know what it would do to him, if he knew-"

"I know! I know! That's why I just pretend that I'm okay with it."

"No, listen to me. Right now, you need to come with me, and you need to tell Nick everything."

"What, why?" she asked, puzzled. "That'll just ruin things Beth, he's going to think I am-"

"Emily, stop it," I interjected sternly, "I know that you and I grew apart ever since...Justin, but nonetheless I care about you. The way Nick loves you, it's so rare, I can see it whenever he looks at you. Right now, he needs to know that you feel the same way. You need to be with him, he's the only one who will make you happy."

She looked over at me, her eyes welling up with tears again once more, "I really missed you Beth."

"I was always here," I laughed lightly, "just a little off track, if you will."

"I'm glad Joe came into your life, you've never looked happier, you know."

I shrugged, my cheeks slightly reddened. "He saved me Em, and he doesn't even realize it."

She smiled lightly, hugging herself tighter.

"Maybe we should go," I suggested.

She nodded, adjusting her clothes as she got to her feet. "I think I'm about to have a heart to heart with my boyfriend." She looked over at me, her lips curved into a smile, "God I love that Jonas boy."

I averted my gaze shyly as she walked ahead.

"Me too," I breathed.

We approached the house slowly, Emmy was still completely silent, tugging at her hair nervously, as she reached for the doorbell.

An exhausted looking Nicholas opened the door, his expression instantly brightened upon seeing her. "Baby, I thought you-"

She threw her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest instantly. "I love you Nick," she mumbled quietly, "I love you so so much.

He looked down at the top of her head, confusion written across his features. "I-I love you too," he replied meekly.

He took her hands in his, leading her into the house. She dug her head in her hands, as she couldn't control the sobs fighting their way to her again. "Baby, what's wrong?" he pleaded, "Is it...because we're leaving?"

She nodded her head slowly, doubtfully.

He shut his eyes tightly, as though it pained him to see her that way. "Oh God, I-I'm so, baby-" He sighed heavily, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head atop of hers.

"Beth?" a voice said quizzically.

I turned my attention to the beautiful dark haired boy, now standing in my presence. He looked over at the couple, his eyes slightly incredulous.

I knew that he was leaving, and he knew it.

"Can we talk?" he asked skeptically, gesturing to the front door.

I nodded silently, my hands fumbling nervously- but only for a moment. Joe took my hand in his, leading me out of the house, and onto the front porch.

"Joe, wait!" I demanded, yanking my hand from his grip.

He turned to look me, still remaining silent.

And the dreadful feeling washed over me. The realization that he was leaving, that he'd be gone from me. "You're leaving?" I whispered, so low it was barely audible.

He nodded regretfully, still not daring to speak.

"When?"

He looked around awkwardly for a moment, "In a week."

I sat down on the steps, my mind racing furiously. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many things my heart was screaming. I needed him, there was absolutely no denying it anymore. I needed him far too much, to the point where the thought of his departure was tearing me up inside.

I ran my hands through my hair, "What does this mean, Joe? Do I just forget us, do I just pretend like your leaving, is nothing?"

He sighed, sitting beside me, "I won't be gone forever, just a little while. You just have to know that, it's my dream, I'm just following my dream."

I nodded in understanding, tears stinging my eyes. As ridiculous as it seemed, I was scared. I'd become so accustomed to the reassurance in his words, the protection I felt when he was around. But now he'd be gone, taking all of that with him.

"You know, it's not like we're saying goodbye," he smiled. "I don't plan on being away from you forever."

I nodded, "I know, but I'll miss you nonetheless."

"I guess you've really grown fond of me, huh?" he smirked arrogantly.

I shook my head, rolling my eyes dramatically.

He had absolutely no idea.