So I Need You

I glanced over at the vacant seat beside me. It was yet another dreadful reminder of Joe's absence, and caused me a writhing pain in the pit of my stomach. I missed him so much, I could barely stand it anymore.

It was the last day of school, thankfully. I'd endured nearly three weeks of school without him.

I shut my eyes, recalling the last time we were together. It felt like a movie, far too good to be true. The way our lips, our hands, our bodies...fit so perfectly together. The happiness he brought in me was so unreal...I was so incredibly lucky.

I sighed, staring at my outstretched hand. I bit down on my lip, trying desperately to contain the euphoria running through my body. Every time I merely glanced at the ring he'd so willingly given up, my heart would race, beating wildly against my chest.

I had him, he promised. I had all of him.

"Psst," Amber hissed in an effort to get my attention.

I looked over at her questioningly, "You're doing it again," she whispered, suppressing a laugh.

"Doing what?"

"Staring off dreamily," she mocked, "he's only been gone for-"

"Two weeks and six days!" I groaned, letting my head fall onto the desk. "I miss him so much!"

She shook her head, rolling her eyes dramatically. "You and Emmy have been no fun lately, you know? It's like you're dead inside without them."

I fiddled with the ring on my finger, "You won't have to put up with us any longer though, will you? You're leaving tonight Am!"

She smiled excitedly, "I know! I know, I can barely wait! Jake's parents are only going to drop by occasionally. Other than that, we're completely on our own! His parents have a house in Spain, and we're going to live there, and it's going to be so amazing!"

I smiled, an inkling of remorse erupting inside of me. On one hand, I was overcome with happiness for Amber, but in some ways, her moving on really broke my heart. I couldn't help recall the loss of my brother, and how in love they once were.

"But, are you going to be OK? I mean, I just can't help feeling guilty about leaving Beth! I'll leave you the number, if you need anything I swear it, just call-"

"Am!" I cut in, my voice still a quiet whisper. "Don't you even think twice about this. It's not up to you to look after me. I appreciate it, but really, just have fun. Think about yourself, and don't expect to hear my voice until you come back! I am the least of your worries, got it? Anyway, I have Emmy to mope with me."

She smiled uncertainly, her eyes still holding all that doubt. I felt guilt wash over me, as I realized just how much she really did worry about me. It shouldn't have been that way, I shouldn't have been such a burden.

I turned my attention back to the teacher. "...and so, I wish you all a safe and happy summer!" she concluded, smiling brightly.

A summer without Amber, and possibly without Joe.

I couldn't recall a time when I was dreading the final school bell more than I was at that moment.

►►►►

"I'm home," I called out to the empty house.

Nobody was home, figures. Though things had been a lot calmer at home lately, seeing as my father was never anywhere to be seen, it was also chillingly lonely. Ever since my mother had finally put her foot down, and stood up to my father, he was far too cowardly to show his face.

He'd come home during the day, while we were out, take his things and leave. It had been going on like that for the past 2 weeks. My mother barely spoke anymore. Come to think of it, she rarely showed her face either. When she did her expression was completely blank.

She wouldn't let her true feelings show, and I knew it was killing her inside. All the pain our family had gone through, we'd gone through together, but this...she'd never even dreamt of this. She'd always been so sure that our family would stick together through anything, but the tragedy had damaged my father's good soul.

I didn't know if he'd been unfaithful to my mother, but I wouldn't have put it past him. Of all the hurtful things he'd done, this would just be another. It was expected, but I just knew that my mother would never accept it.

It was frightening, how slowly everyone in my life was leaving me, in someway or another.

First Justin, he'd gone so cruelly. Taken from the world, from his family, from his soul mate. Then my father, who might have been with me physically, but was long gone mentally. Then Joe, and Amber and now my very own mother.

For all the times I'd harbored anger against her, I was truly sorry. I just wished she too wouldn't drown in her sorrows and forget that still one of the two children she gave life to were alive, in need of her parents.

These were the things I dealt with every waking second of my life. And to think, just a little over a year ago, life was something I took for granted. I had no worries, I had no idea what tragedy was.

Now, I was living it.

I sighed, dropping my keys on my desk as I made my way to the bed. I checked my phone, spirits lifting slightly, yet the nerves weighing in as I noticed I'd received a new text. The anticipation nearly killed me each time the small envelope appeared on that screen. I never knew if Joe had found out about the extension of the tour, and it drove me crazy.

I flipped the phone open, breathing out a sigh in relief.

I miss you, it read. No news on the tour yet. Can't wait to see you.

I needed to know. I needed to know what lied ahead for the both of us. I was going out of my mind without him, and slowly but surely it was getting to me. I tried not to be clingy or jealous, but I was prone to always thinking and expecting the worst of situations.

I quickly replied, setting the phone down on the nightstand beside me.

I felt so trapped by the four walls around me, like without him, I had nowhere to turn to. The more I thought about it, the more I seemed to be drowning in despair, but oddly enough I was happy. I was happy that I'd found him, that he'd come into my life. It took me long enough, but I realized that he was worth all the anticipation, all the inkling of jealousy, every single emotion nagging at my heart.

I shut my eyes, trying to imagine where he was, what he was doing and if he was thinking of me too-

I jumped slightly as my phone rang loudly from beside me.

My heart raced wildly as I read his name across the screen. He never had time to call, with the busyness of tour. "Hey," I greeted excitedly.

"I miss you," he said quietly.

I smiled, leaning back onto my pillows. "I miss you too," I breathed lightly, "how has the tour been?"

"Good, busy. I miss you," he repeated, a smile evident in his tone.

I gave a small laugh, rolling over onto my stomach. "So, where are you right now?" I mused.

He breathed heavily, "To be honest, I'm not sure. We've been to so many places, I can barely keep track anymore. But I can tell you that you're not here, so it blows."

I rolled my eyes, though a small smile crept onto my face. "Amber leaves for vacation today," I sighed, "this summer is going to be hell if you don't come home, for me and Em."

"Just, try to stay out of trouble please," he mocked playfully.

"You know I abide by all the rules Joe, goodness I'm offended."

His breathing steadied for a moment, "OK, OK, I'm coming!" he yelled.

My heart sank as I could feel his focus returning to the call. "Beth," he began reluctantly, "I have to go, we're getting off the bus now."

The disappointment seeped through me as our call slowly came to and end. "Alright," I sighed regretfully, "call me soon?"

"I promise, as soon as I get any news on this I'll call. No matter what time of the day or night."

"OK, good luck."

"I still miss you," he teased, "I'll talk to you soon, bye Beth."

I bit my lip nervous, "Joe wait!" I exclaimed.

The line was dead however, as were my spirits yet again. I flipped the phone shut, tossing it carelessly on the bed beside me. "I love you," I breathed, feeling completely and utterly defeated.