So I Need You

I laid on my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. Nothing would make me fall asleep. This was how I'd spent my last two nights. I was able to manage for the first two days, but now it was getting way out of hand. I'd contemplated sleeping pills, but I figured that it was life threatening considering the current emotional state I was in. In my mind, it made no sense, the way things seemed to be unfolding. But somehow, things were that way. How could I possibly befriend someone and...stop being friends with them in the matter of a week?

It was completely ridiculous, and the fact that I was still up thinking about it,at three o'clock in the morning, was even more ridiculous. I never meant to be such a damn bitch, and I wasn't only referring to the situation in Joe, I meant in general.

I had become dishonest, insensitive and as Amber had put it, self absorbed. Why was I so angry at Joe? Because he didn't take advantage of me, because he knew that I might just regret what I was doing, come morning? I mean in reality, he'd done the right thing, so why was I so upset about it all?

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand once more, I couldn't believe I had to be up for school in 3 hours. It was so unlike me to lie awake over situations like these, but I was involved. It was me in the middle of this situation, and that I did not deal with well.

I was furious, who the hell did that Jonas boy think he was, keeping me up like this.

►►►►

"Wow, I always knew you weren't a morning person Beth, but really you look...terrible."

I smiled sourly, "Thanks Am, that's just what I needed after a night of absolutely no sleep."

"Why didn't you sleep?" she laughed, examining my wretched appearance.

"I couldn't!" I exclaimed, "I tossed and turned, I just couldn't fall asleep. How long am I going to be like this Am? I can't take sleepless nights, I feel like a monster!"

"I think you may just have a case of guilty conscience," she replied, her expression amused. "Joe's making you feel guilty, isn't he?"

"How is someone I don't even care about making me feel guilty!" I cried, "He said it himself, we aren't friends, so explain to me how he could possibly be doing this to me!"

She shook her head mockingly, "That's something you'll have to figure out yourself Elizabeth. Oh and by the way, don't bother lying to me, you know I can read you like an open book."

"Lie about wha-"

"About not caring about Joe, I'm not an idiot Beth, so don't insult me please."

I cocked my eyes brows at her, as she turned on her heel, disappearing down the hallway. "As if," I muttered, slamming my locker shut.

I turned away from it, my books held tightly to my chest as I trudged towards my first period class. "Hey!"

I had to force my eyes open to see the boy before me. "Oh, hey," I yawned, greeting Nick Jonas.

"Beth, right? Joe's friend?"

I shifted my weight uncomfortably, "Emmy's actually," I mumbled.

"Oh," he replied, his smile fading slightly. "Sorry, I just thought-"

"No, are you kidding me, it's fine! But, hey, I've got to get to class early. So I'll see you around OK?"

He nodded, "Sure, nice to see you Beth."

I rushed past him, making way for the nearest water fountain. I splashed my face, hoping to wake my muscles up, as I was feeling so tense from the lack of sleep. "Oh God," I breathed, as the cold water hit my face.

I was being haunted by his words, and by the image of his face. He was driving me crazy! Me, the rock, the insensitive, emotionless rock...was losing sleep over a boy she barely knew.

"Are you OK?"

Wow, I thought, a shiver running down my spine. His voice rings so clearly in my mind.

"Beth, are you alright? Do you need to see a nurse?"

I looked over my shoulder, meeting his brown eyes. It took me a moment to realize that he was actually standing there, talking to me.

"Joe?"

"That's what I go by," he smirked, "and no offense Beth, but you look like a wreck."

"Yeah," I muttered, "I've heard."

"Are you feeling OK?" he repeated, his voice back to it's usual concern.

"I'm fine Joe," I breathed, "I just haven't been getting much sleep lately."

I stood facing him for a moment, in the empty hallway, the awkward silence now replacing our small exchange of words. "Well, I guess I'll see you," I shrugged, immediately damning myself for my poor choice of words.

He sighed, "Beth, look. I know we left off on the wrong note, but if you give me a chance, I'd really like if we could talk. About what happened mostly."

I stared, disbelief washing over me. He was asking me for a chance. I knew it was all wrong, and I should have been the one grovelling for his friendship, but there he was. Asking for a second chance, when he hadn't even ruined his first.

"I-I, Joe-" I stuttered stupidly.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, "I know I came off a little strong," he continued, "with what I said about having a connection, and I'm sorry, but the moment I met you, we just got along. I've never had such a hard time getting someone out of my mind, let alone some I barely know. But that's the thing Beth, I feel like I do know you, as ridiculous as that sounds."

I nodded, Yeah it is ridiculous. "Other than the fact that you're crazy to be apologizing," I sighed, letting my head hang, "I completely agree, and I do want to talk Joe, I do want to tell you who I am, but I'm not ready yet."

He looked confused as I looked up to meet his gaze again, "Can you tell me you're going to wait?" I asked, "Can you honestly say you want to know me that much, that you'd wait?"

He watched me for a moment, his confused frown transforming into a small smile. "Of course," he replied, "whenever you're ready."

I nearly had to fight to keep my mouth from dropping, as I heard the words leave his mouth. And he sounded sincere, like he honestly wanted to wait to know me. I'd never felt like that before, like I had someone who cared enough to take the time, and there he was...so willing.

"Really?" I breathed, the shock completely evident in my tone.

"You seem surprised?"

"Not really," I lied, "just, relieved and...grateful."

"Well in that case," he smiled, leaning in close, "you're welcome," he whispered.