I Am Not Your Concern

Stars gleamed brightly in the night sky as a cool breeze whispered through the many buildings of New York City. To a lone man that was about to exit his hotel room, it seemed to whisper, "Turn back! Turn back!"

But as Gerard Way stared at four white envelopes like a day dream, he knew there was no turning back. The letter he had just sent would, he knew, permanently damage the world. He didn't even want to think about the things he had said in these letters.

Instead, he simply placed them on the small dresser where a dirty white lamp stood over it.

When he decided, at last, that he was ready to go to the top floor of the hotel, he turned towards the steps- and when he finally arrived, that's when he heard it.

There was a strange melody riding on the wind, half-hummed, half-sung. He recognized it to be a girl's voice but could not place it.

Cautiously he shook his head to make his hair fall in front of his shrewd, pale face. He crept to the other side. He was met with a strange sight- a girl with long, stringy, blonde hair was tossing what appeared to be corn kernels off of the tower. She continued her strange tune as she worked, seeming oblivious to Gerard's presence.

She probably would have remained so, if a small, rather ugly, owl hadn't spotted him and begun hooting very loudly. The mysterious girl turned, her greeting seeming to come before she saw her visitor. "Hello, Gerard Way."

Gerard realized that this person was Lena. One of the girls who worked on their crew for tour. She was often teased by everybody, because of what she wore and her personality. Even he thought she was strange and everybody called her Looney Lena.

Gerard sneered at her; he was annoyed that there was somebody here. "Good night, Looney."

"It is, isn't it?" she said, apparently unaware that he had just insulted her. "That's why I'm here, really. It's a perfect night for some pigeons to be out, and I had to make sure that they didn't go hungry." She held up the bag of corn kernels for him to see. "Want to help me?"

"Not particularly," said Gerard coldly.

"That's alright," sighed Lena, seeming quite content to feed the birds herself. "I don't know how they'd take to you. They're not fond of strangers lately." She leaned in towards him, as if she were about to divulge an important secret. "I suspect that those nasty boys are to blame."

"Nasty- what?"

"My father warned me about them," she whispered, her blue eyes wide.

Gerard looked at her, wondering why on earth he had let her chatter on for so long. "Well, give them my love," he said sarcastically, turning to leave. "I'll probably be gone by the time they get here."

"Gone?" asked Lena, stopping her pigeon feeding for a moment. "Are you taking a vacation?"

"You could say that," said Gerard darkly, thinking of how he would soon be not among the living anymore.

"Well," said Lena, turning back to her self-appointed task. "You'll be missed."

"Oh, yeah?" snapped Gerard, rounding on her, "By whom?"

"Your friends," said Lena, "People who love you."

"People who love me," repeated Gerard, chuckling slightly, although there was nothing funny to be seen, "Because there are loads of them."

"Yes," agreed Lena.

"You should really learn to pick up sarcasm," said Gerard, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh," said Lena, looking disappointed for a moment. "I thought you were agreeing."

"No one here loves me enough to miss me," spat Gerard.

"Maybe they don't show it well," suggested Lena. "If I loved you-"

"If you loved me?" repeated Gerard incredulously.

"Yes," said Lena, looking at him with big, blue eyes that only showed sincerity. "If I loved you, I'd be sure to show you."

"Oh, yeah?" said Gerard, with a smirk, "How?"

"Little things," said Lena tenderly, throwing the last of her corn kernels. "I'd comfort you if you were sad. I would smile for you when you needed it. I would sing you to sleep. I would make you a fire to keep out the cold." She thought for a moment. "And I would always keep the nasty people away," she said with added emphasis.

She said it all very slowly, allowing each of them to picture the scene in their minds. Gerard was hanging off her words, unaware of his surrounding or situation anymore. To be loved like that by someone other than his mother was beyond his understanding. He could picture himself being fawned over by fans, but to be loved seemed so much greater.

It was only when Lena said, "I would always trust your decisions, even if I thought that they were wrong," that Gerard remembered the whole point of why he was here.

"Well, anyway, you don't love me," said Gerard gruffly, pulling himself away from her painfully innocent gaze. "So what's the point in pretending that you do?"

"It's nice," said Lena, with a small smile.

"No," said Gerard defensively. She couldn't know how much her words had filled him with longing. "Trust my decisions- you would be an idiot to do it." He gave her a hard look. "And you wouldn't, anyway."

"But I would if I loved you," she insisted, still giving him a maddeningly sweet smile. "And if you loved me, I know that you would protect me."

"Why would I love you?" said Gerard harshly.

"I don't know," she said, shaking her head, though obviously unperturbed.

He was a little surprised at her quiet acceptance, and his face softened a little. "I wouldn't love you," he repeated."But if I did, you would be miserable."

"No, I wouldn't," said Lena.

"You would," snapped Gerard. "I wouldn't be able to protect you. You'd be hurt because of me. You'd be sad because of me."

"No, that's not how it would be," said Lena, her face shining. "You know it isn't."

Maybe she has a point, he thought regretfully, a vision flashing through his mind of her laughing happily with him. But that can't happen. "Maybe not," he muttered. "But these are dark times."

"That doesn't mean that you have to be so dark," she said bluntly, obviously not understanding the impact that these words would have.

Gerard stared at her, thinking of the task to which he had been assigned and of what it would mean if he were to fail. "You're wrong again," he said quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

Lena smiled and said, "Tell me how it would be."

Hardly believing what was coming out of his mouth, Gerard said, "If I loved you, I would protect you. I would punish anyone who tried to hurt you. I would listen and believe in all of your ridiculous stories." He looked back into her brilliant eyes, which were now radiating happiness. "If I loved you, I would miss you."

There was a moment of silence before Lena nodded, seeming satisfied. The strange dream that Gerard felt he had walked into began to fade away as Lena crumpled her empty kernel bag and tucked it into her pocket. His chilly defenses returned, and the sneer slowly appeared again on his face.

"See you, Looney," he said abruptly, turning on his heel and starting down the steps.

"Gerard Way?"

He winced. He had hoped that he would make it all the way down without her interrupting him. "What?" he called, turning to her once more.

The wind blew her long, blonde hair behind her like a halo, and a pleasant, kind smile rested on her lips.

"I'll miss you."