Turn off the Lights, Scream My Name

I hadn’t talked to Vic in five days, and it was starting to bother me. Maybe he was just busy, or maybe he wasn’t horny; that was unlikely, but oh well.
Truthfully, I missed him. I was so used to seeing him every day, and I wanted to see him now. My apartment felt extra lonely today, and I honestly just wanted to be around him. I picked up my phone and called him, getting his answering machine after only two rings; he had rejected my call.
I tried not to feel rejected, even though that’s exactly what had just happened.
I texted him then, just saying that I figured he was busy. It said that he had seen it, but he didn’t answer. And it really fucking hurt. I pouted to myself and curled up into a ball on my side to take a nap….

I woke up to my phone ringing, Vic’s picture flashing across the screen. I glared at it for a minute before answering. “Now you want to talk to me?” I asked sassily.
“Kellin don’t be li—“Fuck off,” I said and hung up. I lay back down again, curling the pillow under my head. I ignored my phone as it rang twice and went to my voicemail both times. ~

“Kellin, open up,” Vic called through my door before knocking again. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and then got off the couch to open the door.
“Hi,” I said, sounding really depressed. “HI,” he said, holding a bag in one hand. “Are you okay? I thought you were mad at me,” I shrugged and moved out of the way to let him in.
I wasn’t mad anymore, just…blah.
“What’s wrong?” he asked and set the bag down on my coffee table. I shrugged again and sat back down on the couch. I probably looked really lazy. I was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants I had had forever and a white v-neck that was kind of loose on me.
“I don’t know….” I said back and waited for him to sit down. He stayed where he was, staring at me with a concerned look on his face. “What?”
He frowned at me and then finally sat down next to me. “Seriously Kellin, what’s wrong?” I shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time and rested my head against the couch. “I really don’t know Vic,” I wasn’t depressed, just really not in the mood to do anything.
I felt like I wanted to do something but I had no energy to actually do something. Hm, maybe I was depressed.
“I brought you dinner. Did you eat today?” I shook my head and moved to look in the bag he had brought with him.
“Kellin, why didn’t you eat?” he asked.
“I slept all day, so I wasn’t awake to eat.” He didn’t look at all satisfied with my answer. “Holy shit, how many me’s are you feeding?” I asked, looking at about eight containers of Chinese food. He laughed a little and smiled sheepishly at me.

“I didn’t know what you liked,” he explained and leaned forward to grab two of the containers and a plastic fork. I watched him get up and get a bowl and dump half of the first one into it before mixing it with half of the white rice from the other.
“You’re so particular,” I teased and picked up the one labeled ‘chicken fried’. I took one of the plastic forks and leaned against the couch again before opening the little white container.
Vic watched me take a bite before he did. “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier. I was in a meeting and it would have been kind of rude to talk with you for six hours in the middle of it,”
I blushed and nodded my understanding. “It’s okay,” I said, honestly not mad at him.
“Are you sure?” I nodded and leaned over to kiss his lips. He tasted like soy sauce. “This really isn’t the reaction I expected. I mean—I thought you would be pissed me,”
I shook my head and took another bite of my rice. He watched me chew silently before leaning over to kiss me. I smiled and cupped his face with one hand, stroking his cheek with my thumb. “You’re so cute,”
I smiled and scooted closer to him, leaning into his side. He wrapped both of his arms around me so that he could reach his bowl. I smiled at the closeness and snuggled into him as we ate.
Vic turned on Date Night that was already halfway into the movie. I didn’t really watch as I finished my dinner and then set the empty container on the table.
I cuddled back up to Vic again and then looked up at him. He was chewing quietly, not even noticing as I watched him. His jaw moved as he ate, the tv lighting up his face and reflecting in his eyes.
Oh.
Oh no.
I looked away and then rested my head in the crook of his shoulder to ignore the movie some more. I could not be in love with Vic.
I closed my eyes and tried to think through all of the consequences. I decide to just force it down. I was not in love with Vic.
“Are you okay?” he asked and looked down at me. I nodded and met his eyes, smiling a little. “Mhm, I’m fine,” he smiled too and then set his food down on the table and kissed me.
I melted against his lips and kissed back softly.
It wasn’t like a lot of our other kisses. This one was soft and long and just gentle. It wasn’t like the hungry, passionate kisses we shared in bed, or the quick ones we usually exchanged; instead it was sweet. Like he was just kissing me to remember the way that I tasted and commit it to memory. It was the kind of kiss that turns your bones to water and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
It was a kiss that only confirmed how deeply fucked I was. ~

We didn’t have sex.
Instead, Vic just got into bed with me after spending about six hours watching movies. He cuddled up behind me and buried his face into my hair, his warm breath on my neck as he fell asleep.
I closed my eyes and silently cursed myself for feeling this way. I promised him no feelings. I promised casual.
But of course, it didn’t feel casual; the way he spooned me, holding my body tightly against his. Or the way he kissed me senseless and then just smiled and kissed me again.
It wasn’t casual.
Not at all.
But I would have to be. ~