Turn off the Lights, Scream My Name

Austin dropped me off at my apartment, and then immediately drove off. I went up to my apartment, and stripped my clothes off before falling into bed and crying.
I couldn’t live with myself if he died. ~

I sighed worriedly as Austin’s phone went to his voice-mail again. I hadn’t heard from him or Vic in a week. I was dying to know what had happened. I didn’t even know if Vic was okay, or even alive. And it was killing me. ~

Vic ~
“Why do you insist on coming here?” I asked and eased onto the couch. “You know why. You need to fix this,” Austin said. “I don’t know how. Besides, I don’t even know if I want to. I mean—I’m shit at relationships, and I wouldn’t know where to even start,” Austin sighed and shook his head.
“Do you want a drink?” he asked. “I can get it,” His protest mixed in with Mike’s, Jaime’s, and Tony’s. “I’m fine. I need to start moving again anyways. You baby me,”
Mike helped me off of the couch, Austin following me out of the back room. I chewed my lip nervously, begging that I wouldn’t run into Kellin.
I couldn’t deal with him. Not tonight anyways.
I saw Alex across the room, a second after he saw me, and my initiative to get drink immediately disappeared. “I’m not thirsty anymore,” I mumbled and left Austin there. He made a confused face and went to follow after me when Alex shoved him out of the way.
He slammed me against the wall, not even flinching as four different guns were pointed at him. He stared directly at me, his hand digging into my chest. I ignored the pain shooting through my stomach, and just met his eyes.
“What did I fucking tell you?” he seethed. ‘If you break his heart, I will kill you’. “Where is he?” I asked quietly. “At home; Andy gave him the rest of the week off, considering he looks like hell. He’s lost, maybe, five pounds in the course of a week. He looks like he hasn’t slept in twice as long, and you can actually see how broken he is,” he said.
I grimaced, imagining Kellin that way. “You know, he told me what happened. He also told me that you haven’t so much as called him to let him know you’re fucking alive. Do you even realize how horrible that is? He’s been coming to work, barely talking, and then going home and balling his eyes out every night, because he thinks it’s his fault. You are such a fucking asshole. You broke his heart and you don’t even care,” he accused and let go of me to walk towards the door.
“He deserves better than you,” he said and left the room. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I stared after him. He was right; Kellin deserved so much better than me.
He’d been broken before, and all I did was add to it. “Vic?” Mike asked, although I barely heard him. “Vic, are you okay?” he asked. I just shook my head and fell into his arms.
I didn’t deserve him.
But he deserved an explanation. ~

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. ‘Kellin’ I chewed my lip nervously as I glanced at the caller ID, debating whether or not to answer it.
I went to hit the accept, a second after it stopped ringing. Dammit. Why would he even call me at 1:10 in the morning? I redialed, frowning in confusion as a nasally voice told me the line was busy. Why would it be busy all of a sudden?
I shook my head and fell back against the bed, deciding to wait and try again. Maybe he was already on the phone?
Too bad I fell asleep….

“Hello?” I asked, confused and still half asleep. “Vic?” someone asked. “Yeah, who is this?”
“Alex. Look, I don’t have time to explain, but I need you to get here,” he said. “What? Alex, where are you?” I asked, even more confused.
“County hospital,” My blood went cold at his words. “Why? What’s going on?” I asked worriedly. “It’s Kellin,” his voice sounded so broken, horribly contrasting how pissed he was earlier.
“He t-tried to kill himself,” he choked. I sucked my breath in sharply and got out of bed. “I’ll be right there,” I said and hung up to call Mike.
“Ugh…what?” he groaned. “I need you to drive me somewhere,” Mike groaned again, the sound muffled this time.
“Do you know what time it is? Why do you need to go somewhere now?” he complained as I tried to dress quickly. “Kellin's in the hospital. Please, Mike, you took my keys,” I pleaded.
“Okay, yeah. I’ll be over, just relax,” he said. “Okay,” I really wasn’t relaxed. I was going crazy.
What if he died…?
I hated myself as I realized this was what I had out him through for over a week. I really was an asshole.

“Vic?” Mike called, walking into my apartment. I walked out slowly, tired after getting dressed. “Hi,” I mumbled. “You okay?” he asked gently.
“When am I ever okay?” I asked and leant against him. My whole side ached. “Come on,” he said softly and pulled me out of my apartment.
We got into my car, which he had confiscated from me, and then drove off towards the hospital. I couldn’t shake off the horrible feeling in my stomach the entire ride there.
I swallowed dryly as we pulled up, Mike helping me out of the car, and up to the building.
“Kellin Qu—Vic,” Alex called, stealing my attention from the receptionist. “Hey,” He walked up to us, a tired, worried look in his eyes.
“They just got him a room. We can go see him now,” he said softly and motioned for me to follow him. Mike walked close behind me, babying me again.
“He’s in here,” Alex mumbled and opened the door to a medium-sized room that smelled just as sterile as the rest of the building.
Kellin was lying in a hospital bed with the thin blankets up to his ribs. There were tubes sticking out of his arm, and he looked even paler than usual.
“He called while Jack and I were leaving work,” Alex said, “I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, other than ‘I did something bad’” I touched Kellin's hand, frowning again as I felt how cold it was.
“Is he going to be okay?” I asked quietly, staring down at his sleeping face. “Yeah…they pumped his stomach, but he’ll be asleep for a while,” I nodded and slotted my fingers through his. “Why would he—“Excuse me. Are you here for Mr. Bostwick?” someone asked. “Yes. I already spoke to a doctor,” Alex said. Bostwick?
“I know that, but I was told that you’ve known him for a long time, and I have some questions.”
Alex nodded and sat down in one of the uncomfortable-looking chairs by Kellin's bed.
“Has Kellin ever attempted before?” he asked. “Yes,” What? I was so confused. “Do you know what the cause was?” the man asked, scribbling on his clipboard.
“His parents kicked him out, and he didn’t have anywhere to live. Then his boyfriend abused him, and he got really depressed,” Alex explained. “Do you know why he might have attempted tonight?”
Alex glanced at me, a sympathetic look on his face. “His boyfriend nearly died, and he thought that is was his fault.” I cringed at the word ‘boyfriend’, and looked at Kellin.
He was so quiet and still. Usually he rolled around a lot when he slept, and made cute little noises.
“Thank you for your time,” the man said and left us alone again. I stroked the side of Kellin's hand, hating myself. “Do you love him?” Alex asked, staring at me.
Did I? I cared about him…and I hated that I had hurt him. “I don’t know,” I replied, so quietly he probably couldn’t hear. “That’s fucking bullshit,” he snapped, startling me.
“Stop being a little bitch and just admit it. You either love him or you don’t,” he said. “Vic,” he scolded, “Do you love him or not?” I flinched and nodded.
“Yes…and it terrifies me,” ~