Not Desperate

Chapter 27
Aftershocks

Daryl was carrying Yvonne bridal style down the hallway when he heard a gunshot. He stopped still and looked at Yvonne. “Merle,” was all he said as he exhaled heavily.
“Merle is with you?” she asked through the tears silently falling from her eyes.
“Yeah. Joe shot him in the leg and the shoulder. Had us hold up in the same room up top.” He hung his head and whispered, “Merle didn’t have a gun.” The tears flowed from his eyes. “I left him upstairs. Joe and Shane were in some room arguing. He went in there. He was gonna kill them. I wanted to go in with him, but he wanted me to find you. He said that I had to find you and take care of the motherfucker who touched you.” His tears fell harder and his body was wracked with heaving sobs. He couldn’t hold her any longer and gently sat her on the floor against the wall. “I have to find him. All he had was the bayonette attachment.”
“Daryl, baby, I can walk on my own. You go find your brother I’ll follow you.” She tried to stand on her own, but stumbled. Daryl quickly caught her.
“Ya ain’t walking on your own, and I ain’t leaving ya here for God knows who to find ya. I ain’t leaving ya alone again, never again. We’ll find him together. You don’t need to worry, that fucker’s dead.”
“I know.” She started to cry again. “Thank you.” They held each other tight for only a moment and he lifted her into his arms once again and continued down the hallway to the staircase. Between the tears, pain, exhaustion and the weight of his woman, Daryl barely made it up the final steps few steps that led to the fourth floor. He put her on her feet and they walked through the door together. He held her hand, but she kept her body behind his. She was still shaking with fear. The door Merle had entered stood partially open and he looked through the small crack. All he could see were a pair of legs attached to Merle’s boots. He burst through the door and fell to his knees by his brother’s lifeless body. He screamed, cried and held Merle close to him. Yvonne knelt next to him and put his head on her shoulder. She didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t have heard her anyway. She rubbed her hand up and down his back, trying to give as much comfort as she could considering the circumstances.
They stayed in that room, crying over Merle’s body, holding each other for a long time. They had noticed Joe’s body laying opposite Merle’s but paid it no mind. Merle and Daryl had both exacted the revenge they sought, and he only had room for grieving now. After what seemed like forever, Yvonne heard the faint sounds of a police siren getting closer. She felt relief hoping that they were coming for them, to take them home. Daryl didn’t seem to hear it. He didn’t seem to hear anything. He was still cradling the body of his big brother in his shaking arms. He sat on his knees on the floor rocking back and forth as if her were catatonic. Yvonne heard noises and voices coming from outside the building. The room had no windows, so she ran out of there as best as she could looking for one. She almost made it to the exit door that led to the stairwell when it flew open and a big man in a police uniform ran into the hallway. “Are you Yvonne Bradley?” he asked continuing to walk toward her.
“Yes,” she stuttered. Her throat burned, and she couldn’t breathe through her nose from all the crying.
“I’m Officer Phillip Blake from the Woodbury Police. Rick and I have been looking everywhere for you. Is Daryl with you?”
“Yes,” she said. Officer Blake pulled out his cell phone and pressed a button.
“Rick, I found her. She says Daryl is with her. We’re on the fourth floor.” He put the phone back in his pocket and looked at her. “Take me to Daryl. Rick is on his way up.” She turned back to the door she had come out of and ran staggering back to it. Daryl had not moved during the time she had been gone. He looked as if he had stopped breathing. Phillip pulled his cell out again. “We need and ambulance and the medical examiner ASAP.” Yvonne walked to Daryl and sat next to him, running her fingers through his hair. She was too distracted to notice Rick enter the room.
“Oh noo!” Rick cried as he stood above them. He squatted in front of them and looked down at Merle. Putting his hand on Daryl’s shoulder, he spoke to him. “Daryl? I’m so sorry brother. We got an ambulance coming to take you and Yvonne to the hospital. Daryl? Brother, look at me.” He wasn’t sure if Daryl could hear him, but after a few seconds, he lifted his head and looked Rick in the eye.
“They killed him. I shoulda been in here with him. I shoulda protected him.” The tears flowed down his cheeks again. His body shook uncontrollably and he held his brother closer to his body. They all sat in silence, save the sound of Daryl’s sobbing, until Officer Blake escorted the EMT’s and the medical examiner into the room. They took Joe’s body away first, then attempted to get Merle on the stretcher, but Daryl wouldn’t let him go. Rick tried to reason with him, but Daryl wouldn’t budge. Yvonne crawled behind him and rapped her arms around his shoulders. He growled at the contact. “Get the fuck off me. Don’t fucking touch me.” She was shocked to say the least and released him. Without a word, she stood up and walked over to the female EMT standing by the door with a blanket under her arm. She escorted Yvonne downstairs and into the waiting ambulance.
“What the fuck was that Daryl? You let him go and you let them take you to the hospital or I swear-to-fuck I will arrest you for impeding an investigation.” Daryl looked up at his brother, the only one he had left now. His eyes were red, puffy and tear filled. He nodded his head and gently laid Merle’s body back on the ground. Rick helped him stand and put an arm around him to help him walk. He helped get Daryl loaded into the ambulance and held his friends hand on the ride to the hospital.
“It’s my fault Rick. My fault he’s dead. If I hadn’t left him I could have saved him.”
“Daryl, you saved Yvonne. She’s alive because you found her in time. My best guess is that Merle told you to leave. I know he wouldn’t have put you in danger.”
Regaining his composure somewhat, Daryl said, “He married Carol, ya know. They went to the courthouse this morning. Shit! We gotta find her and Sophia! Where’s Michael? Did they get Michael?” He was becoming hysterical again.
“Calm down D. Michael is fine. He’s at my house with Lori and the kids. I’ll call the station and put an APB out for Carol and Sophia. T-Dog is alive. He was in surgery when I left the hospital. Everything is gonna be fine.” He took a deep breath and treaded lightly with his next statement. “I found Len, ya know. Did you do that?” Rick asked him, already knowing the answer.
“Don’t know if I should tell ya that Rick. I’m sure you know the answer to that, but I ain’t saying nothing about that.” He paused and looked at Rick. “When I walked into that room . . . he was on top of her and she was naked. He raped her. I lost it.” The ambulance came to an abrupt stop in front of the emergency room doors. Daryl was rushed in while Rick stood outside and called the station. The receptionist who answered the phone told him that there was a Mrs. Dixon and her daughter waiting for him. He requested a deputy escort them to the Grady Memorial ER. He didn’t know if he should tell her about Merle or let Daryl do it. Daryl might not be able to handle that though. Then he rung Philip to see how things were progressing at the scene. All those allegedly involved had been accounted for except Shane. He was still out there somewhere, but the entire sheriff’s department was looking for him. Lastly, he called Lori. She was relieved that Daryl and Yvonne had been found safe, but her heart broke when Rick told her about Merle. She may not have like the man, at all, but she loved Daryl, Carol and Sophia. Lori didn’t think she would survive if the man she loved was dead.
By the time Rick finally put his cell phone back in his pocket, Carol and Sophia pulled up in the squad car. He thanked the deputy for escorting them and walked with them into the emergency room. “No one would tell me anything. They just told me that you said I needed to be here. What happened Rick? Did you find Merle? Is he here? Is he okay?”
Rick pointed to a row of chairs along the back wall of the waiting room. “A lot has happened Carol. We need to talk.” He took his wallet from his back pocket and handed Sophia a twenty dollar bill. “I’m sure ya’ll haven’t had any proper food. Why don’t you go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. Bring back something for your mom too.” She slipped the money in her pocket and walked to the elevator. Rick led Carol to the back wall and they sat to talk. “I haven’t got anyone’s statements yet, but from what I understand, Joe, Shane and Len had Merle, Daryl and Yvonne held in an abandoned building downtown. Joe and Len are dead, Shane escaped. Daryl saved Yvonne. They’re being looked at by the doctors right now.” He took a deep breath his brain trying to process where to go from here. “Merle found Joe and Shane in one of the rooms and went in after them. He told Daryl to keep looking for Yvonne. We’re not sure what happened yet, but Merle and Joe were both found dead.”
Carol looked at her left hand, the one Merle had put a ring on earlier this morning. Silent tears fell onto her cheeks as Rick put his arm around her shoulders and held her tight. She never got upset or loud. Rick admired her stoicism. He knew she had been through hell before she ever met the Dixon brothers and Merle hadn’t been the light at the end of the tunnel she had hoped he would be. But they loved each other and that love had survived years of shit. “You said that Daryl and Yvonne are okay? What happened to them?” she asked Rick, sniffling back her tears.
“Shane took Daryl. He stabbed T-Dog and me. I was unconscious and couldn’t stop him. He had to have done something to Daryl to coerce him into the squad car. I don’t know how Yvonne was taken. My friend, Phillip Blake is a police officer in Woodbury. Michael showed up at the station asking him to find his mom and Daryl. Apparently, she had been taken from the diner where she works. Her cell phone was found at the scene, as was the bodies of two of her co-workers. They were taken to the med center there. Daryl told me that he was too late to keep him from raping her. Len’s dead now, as is Joe.”
“Did Daryl see Merle, after?”
“He found him. He was catatonic, then hysterical. He snapped at Yvonne, was pretty mean to her, but I’m sure she understands why. I think we lost him there for a second. He killed Len with his bare hands.” The elevator doors opened and Sophia came out carrying a bag of food at the same time a doctor emerged from the double doors leading to the ER rooms. “Family of Mr. Dixon?” he announced. Carol and Rick stood and the doctor motioned them over to the nurse’s station.
“My name is Doctor Milton Mamet. You’re Mr. Dixon’s family?”
“Yes,” Rick answered. “This is Carol, his sister-in-law and Sophia, his niece. I’m Deputy Rick Grimes, his best friend.”
“Mr. Dixon is going to be fine physically. He sustained some minor cuts and bruises. The most significant injury was a shallow stab wound to the chest. Someone had cleaned and stitched it not long after it was inflicted. I’m concerned for his mental state. I understand the woman brought in before him is his girlfriend?”
“Yes,” Rick said. “They haven’t been together long, but long enough for him to risk his life to save her.”
“One of our female doctors is with her now. I also understand that his brother was killed tonight.”
“Yes,” Carol whispered. She wiped falling tears from her cheek.
“I’m very sorry for your loss ma’am. Mr. Dixon seems to be in a disconnected state. His mind isn’t processing tonight’s events well. Between his own injury, fear for Ms. Bradley and the loss of his brother at the same time, I’m afraid he may experience a bout of major depression if he doesn’t seek help,” Dr. Mamet told them.
“I’ll make sure he gets help with this. He’s like my brother, I love him.” Dr. Mamet just nodded his head.
“If you would like to see him, you can follow me.” Carol took Sophia’s hand and followed Rick and the doctor to Daryl’s room. He was laying with his arms behind his head staring at the ceiling. His eyes went to Carol as she walked into the room. She walked to the side of his bed and they embraced. They held each other tightly and cried silently into each other. When they separated, she sat on the side of the bed and held his hand.
“I’m so sorry Carol. He’s dead because of me.”
“No Daryl, he’s not. Joe would have killed him regardless. Merle cheated him for years. He knew it was gonna happen. He changed so much, that was because of you. He saw you and Yvonne together and decided that he was ready for that.”
“I know,” Daryl said. “He loved her so much.”
Daryl moved his attention to Rick. “I’m sorry, for what I said to her. She was my focus, I saved her, but I didn’t get there in time. When I found Merle . . . I don’t know.” He stopped talking and just stared into space. “Is she gonna be okay? Have you talked to her doctor?”
“No,” Rick told him. “Dr. Mamet said one of the doctors is in with her now.”
“I want to see her Rick. I want to hold her. I need her Rick. I need her so bad. She’s not gonna want to see me again. I fucked up. She didn’t need me treating her like that after what she went through tonight. I just can’t lose her now. She’s gonna need me too, right?”
Carol stood from the bed and looked him in the eye. “That woman loves you. Whatever you said to her is nothing compared to what she’s heard in the past. She knows you love her. You were the one who supported her when her in-laws tried to drag her down and destroy her. You are the one who found her, the one who saved her life. If you hadn’t found her when you did, she might be dead. Don’t hide from her. She’s gonna need you more now than she ever had. Don’t go assuming things you don’t know.”
Daryl didn’t say a word after that, because there was a knock at the door. A woman wearing a long, white lab coat walked in. “Are you Mr. Dixon?” she asked Daryl.
“Yeah. Who are you?”
She held her hand out for him to shake. “I’m Doctor Margaret Greene. Ms. Bradley is your girlfriend, correct?”
“Yes ma’am. She is.”
“I just finished my examination and she gave me permission to talk to you.”
“How is she? Is she gonna be okay?”
“Yes, eventually. She has lacerations on her wrists and ankles, some minor cuts and bruises, and a large gash on her forehead which required ten stiches. I’m going to be sending her home with a couple prescriptions. One for pain relief and one as an ointment for her cuts. I’m going to talk to Dr. Mamet and see if we can get you two discharged.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “Um, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course. As long as it’s something she’s given me permission to discuss.”
“How bad is it? I mean, she was raped. Is there any damage?”
“That is something that Ms. Bradley should discuss with you personally. I’ll check on her, I’ll let you know if she’s ready to see you.”
“Okay, but tell her if she don’t wanna, I understand.”
“Alright Mr. Dixon, but I can tell she loves you very much. She’s been through a horrible experience. She needs your patience and understanding. I’m gonna put together a list of therapists that specialize in this kind of thing. She’s gonna need a lot of support and love. This is something that she’s gonna have to live with for the rest of her life.”
Daryl felt like a piece of shit. He let her get hurt. He spat ugly words at her. He had no clue how to make it up to her, and now she may never recover emotionally. She would never let him touch her again. She wouldn’t want him at all. The thought of being touched by a man would disgust her. How was he supposed to help her get over this? How in the hell could he help her? After Dr. Greene left, he felt the tears threaten to fall again. This was seriously too much for him to process. His mind felt like it would explode. Rick suddenly cleared his throat, pulling Daryl from his trance. “We’re gonna go back out to the waiting room. I’m gonna call Lori, check up on the kids, and maybe grab something to eat. When ya’ll get discharged, I’m taking ya back to the house. Ya’ll are staying with us tonight, no argument. That way, you can go to the station with me in the morning to make your statements.”
Daryl just gave Rick a slight nod of his head in understanding. When the door closed behind them, he sucked in a deep breath and laid his head back on his pillow. His head hurt, his chest hurt, everything hurt. He needed to be there for Yvonne, but he didn’t know how. He was scared that she wouldn’t want to see him anymore, that she wouldn’t let him touch her again. He lost Merle tonight, he couldn’t lose her too. When Dr. Greene returned a few minutes later, she told Daryl that Yvonne did want to see him, but she may not be ready to talk just yet. What she needs right now is the knowledge that she isn’t alone. She also told him that she and Dr. Mamet had begun the discharge process for them both and they should be able to leave within the hour. She waited while he went into the bathroom to put his clothes on and walked him to Yvonne’s door.
She was lying on her side with her back to the door. He thought she was asleep, but she turned to face him when she heard footsteps coming toward the bed. She sat up when she saw him and he rushed to her engulfing her in his arms. She squeezed him tight and dug her nails into his back. Sobs wracked her body and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, still holding her tight. “Shh sweetheart. I’m here. I’m so sorry for what I said to you. It wasn’t right, I didn’t mean it. You gotta know that. I was out of my mind and I’m so sorry.”
She released him from her death grip and wiped at her eyes. “I know Daryl. I understand. It hurt to hear you say it, but I understand. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”
He grabbed her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. “What I’m going through is nothing comparted to what you went through tonight. Baby, I love you and I’m not leaving you or abandoning you, unless you tell me you don’t want me anymore.”
“Don’t leave me, please,” is all she said. He just held her because it was the only thing he knew to do. After a few minutes passed, he spoke. “They’re springing us from this joint, so I’m gonna go see if I can find you something to wear home. Okay?” They separated and she nodded. He wiped her tears with his thumb and stood to leave. He bent down and kissed her forehead. He saw his flannel shirt on the chair and took it with him as he walked out the door.