Not Desperate

Chapter Three
“What the hell” part one

Damn, this has been one weird night. Expected a night like most of mine nowadays. Stumblin’ drunk with a fumblin’ fuck or just drunk with no fuck. Don’t fuck sober. Can’t be around women like that if I’m not. Helps if they’re drunk too. Less they care about things the better I feel about it. Not that I feel good about any of it. Anyway, I figured I’d have a couple beers and make Merle happy. He’d be so gone by then he wouldn’t care about what I did, or didn’t, do. But it hadn’t worked out that way. Yeah, he was drunk when I got there, but he was in asshole mode, so he busted my balls ‘cause he could. There was a table of women Merle and his friends were ogling. They were nice looking, way too classy for the likes of this bar. Guess they were slumming it tonight. Merle’s friend Len wouldn’t shut up about the blonde one. She had a fine set of tits, he said. Wanted to bury his face in ‘em, maybe his dick too if she’d let him. Didn’t matter if she did or didn’t. Douche bag. Can’t stand to hear that shit. Didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to risk being guilty by association.
So I just sat there, at the bar, downing beer after beer. Well, it seemed that way. I’d been nursing the same one for about an hour. So tired of the music, the noise and Merle’s mouth, I grabbed my smokes and head outside, after I make sure my brother doesn’t notice. I’m making my escape. I push through the front door as fast as I can and apparently harder than I thought, because it banged so loud I winced. I just stood there for a moment hoping Merle didn’t hear it. ‘Bout a minute later, I relaxed and reached into my pocket for my lighter. Not that one, not that one either. Damn! Must’ve left it on the bar. I ain’t going back for it. Hope someone else is out here I can bum one off of. Looking around, I see a figure sitting on the curb by the road. Shit, I ain’t good at approaching people. Got problems with people I know much less new ones. Just borrow the lighter dumbass and walk away. So I stomp over as loudly as I can. As I get closer, the figure looks familiar. Oh shit, it’s the blonde with the tits that fucker Len’s been leering at. At least he didn’t follow her outside. Wonder how long she’s been out here? I stand slightly behind her on the left, shuffling back and forth on my feet; my nerves are getting the best of me. “Got a light?”
When she looks up at me, I notice her eyes first and then her lips. Her eyes are dark. I can’t tell for sure, but they’re probably brown. And her full lips have a cigarette between them. She says something, but I can’t hear her. All I hear is the blood pumping in my heart. All of a sudden, she shoves her zippo in my face and lights my smoke. Then, as she sits back down, my eyes can’t help but follow her. She asks me to stay, to sit with her. I would have even if she hadn’t asked. If douche bag decides to come outside, at least I’ll be here to stop him from doing anything. This girl must be crazy, she don’t know who I am. I could be a damn serial killer. She’s either very trusting or has a death wish. I slowly lower myself down beside her. We didn’t speak, just smoked our cigarettes. I tried not to look at her. Afraid she’d catch me staring. She was a genuinely beautiful woman. Don’t see much like her around here. All of a sudden, she stood up and stomps on her cigarette. She moves in front of me to leave and I blurt out, before my brain can catch up with my mouth, that she didn’t have to go. Maybe I scared her. Wouldn’t doubt it if I had. Decent woman would be scared of me. But she wasn’t scared of me in the least. She didn’t want to annoy me with her yappy woman mouth. I wouldn’t mind hearing her voice though. Better than hearing Merle spew shit outta his. I told her as much and she sat back down. She had a sexy voice and a beautiful name. Sound French maybe, but who cares? Turns out, we were in the same boat.
So I did something I’ve never done before. I offered to buy her food and take her home. Never done that before ‘cause I never met a woman I wanted to do that for, or with. I was scared as shit, but I also felt more confident than I ever had in my life. She was incredible. She didn’t run away screaming from me or make fun of me for being dumb and dirty. She wanted to talk to me. I wanted to be able to talk to her too. And she didn’t even hesitate when she said yes. So she followed me to the truck and I opened the door for her. I took us to the diner on 96. She was real quiet on the ride over. Is she regretting this? God, I’ve done something stupid I bet and don’t even know what it is. When we pulled into the parking lot, I got out and went over to open her door. Neither of us said anything as she got out and we walked into the diner. Even though we were the only ones there, I took her to a booth in the back. In the bright light of the diner, I could see just how beautiful she is. Long blonde hair, dark chocolate eyes and soft, full lips. Well, they sure looked soft. I wanna find out. I didn’t notice Carol come to the table and was shaken from my thoughts when she spoke. Haven’t seen her in a while, but I’m sure she understands. Hell, she dated Merle, she knows what I deal with every day. I introduced her to Yvonne and blushed after her joke. I was so pre occupied with my embarrassment that I didn’t hear her order, so I just got what she did.
When she called my brother an ass, I almost laughed, but didn’t know if she was being serious or not. Merle’s a lot of things; asshole, douche bag, dick, etc. He raised me though, best he could considering he spent most of his time in high or in juvie. But he’d never hurt a woman. Told Yvonne that too. Neither of us would. Saw enough of that growing up. I was starting to feel more comfortable around her. She seemed down to earth, not snobby or stuck-up like most women. I’d almost think she belonged there, sitting across from me. I just wanted to keep her talking. How many men have said something like that? It wasn’t just that sexy voice though, it was what she was saying. Taking about camping and hunting, the things that make my like seem bearable. If it weren’t for those things, I’d a never survived. Maybe she’d go camping with me sometime. Wait one damn minute! I just met her, know practically nothing about her, don’t even know if she would want to see my ugly ass again, and I’m planning weekend trips. Fuck! I think I’m having a stroke.
Finally, Carol brought the food. Cheeseburger and fries. I lucked out. I had worried that she had ordered a salad or something. No sooner did the plates hit the table, she tore in. Making those damn “mmmmmm” noises. That woman’s gonna kill me with that shit. The food here was good though. Ate lunch here during the week mostly ‘cause it’s close to the latest job site. We didn’t say a word to each other. Every now and then, I’d look up at her, but she was either scarfing down her burger or stuffing fries in her mouth. When we were done, she said she liked it. I was craving a chocolate shake. This diner’s been here since the 1950’s and heir shakes still taste the same, or so I’ve heard. I offered to split one with her and her face just lit up. When I asked her if she like chocolate-stupid question I know- she brought it to my attention that she was a woman, wasn’t she? Hell, she damn sure is. Best looking one I’ve seen in my life. So we ordered with Carol and waited. We made small talk again. Told her what I did. Didn’t expect her to sound half excited about it.