Status: Hi! I can't wait for this story to get goin'!
Taste So Sweet
Phoenix over Baltimore
It wasn't that I didn't love him anymore. It was more of me wanting to discover who I was without him. Once you go so far into a relationship with a person, you lose who you are deep down. I missed the old me and that's when I decided to pack my bags and go with my old friends from Maryland. Alex had never once made it seem like I made the wrong decision moving to Phoenix. He always had my back and now, he was going to be helping me more than he knew. The only shitty part was the one thing I wanted to leave behind in Phoenix was coming along.
Alex and I made these plans three months ago. Before we knew who else would be tagging along.The problem with having friends who are musicians is when they're on different labels, and they tour together you really don't know until like maybe a month in advance if you're lucky. I kept telling myself I'd find ways to avoid him. I'd stay on the bus, or go shopping, or sneak away with Jack and Alex and get a few drinks. I'd find a way, somehow.
"Kelly, This is going to probably be the best tour ever since you're here." Jack said flopping down beside me. "I think I can speak for the four of us when I say we missed the shit out of you."
"I missed my boys to Jack-y." I leaned over, resting my head in his lap. Jack was probably the closest to me and always has been. He was like my big brother, Alex was like the best friend you've know from birth and Zack and Rian were the crazy sassy cousins you love hanging out with because it's always a riot when they're around. We were a big, disfunctional family and that's how it was meant to be.
"So, how do you think things are going to be between you and Brian. I mean, he's a pretty solid guy." Rian asked grabbing a soda from the fridge.
"Dunno. That's the bad part." I won't say that I don't love Brian, because I do. In the same breath though, I can't stand to look at him after everything. It's like, I put my heart and soul into something that he was never really, or at least never seemed to be, into it.
The problem with Brian if you ask me, is he was too into himself. He cared more about his looks and what people saw him as than how it made who ever was around him feel. He had to be the center of attention. All eyes had to be on Brian.
"I love him. I don't think that will change. I just think that... That Brian won't change, and I'm done being the last on his list of cares and done waiting around hoping he'll change. I might have moved to Phoenix for a new start, but he wasn't it." I stared down at my phone. He was still my screen saver. I haven't had the heart to change it.
Brian still texted me every single day. Checking on. Telling me he missed me and he was sorry. It just wasn't good enough. You can only be told the same things over and over so many times before they sound false. Like, a force of habit for the sake of having someone actually give a damn.
"Have you talked at all since you flew back to Baltimore?"
"Nope." I said staring down at my phone. "Not for his lack of trying, but for my lack of just not giving a fuck right now. I came to do this tour for me. Him being here puts a damper on that, but I'm still going to find myself again. Two years is a long time to waste waiting around."
1 new message: Brian Logan Dales
I miss you.. I'm seriously sorry. You don't understand.. I just.. When we all stop for dinner, please just talk to me.. I feel so shitty for everything Kells.
Alex and I made these plans three months ago. Before we knew who else would be tagging along.The problem with having friends who are musicians is when they're on different labels, and they tour together you really don't know until like maybe a month in advance if you're lucky. I kept telling myself I'd find ways to avoid him. I'd stay on the bus, or go shopping, or sneak away with Jack and Alex and get a few drinks. I'd find a way, somehow.
"Kelly, This is going to probably be the best tour ever since you're here." Jack said flopping down beside me. "I think I can speak for the four of us when I say we missed the shit out of you."
"I missed my boys to Jack-y." I leaned over, resting my head in his lap. Jack was probably the closest to me and always has been. He was like my big brother, Alex was like the best friend you've know from birth and Zack and Rian were the crazy sassy cousins you love hanging out with because it's always a riot when they're around. We were a big, disfunctional family and that's how it was meant to be.
"So, how do you think things are going to be between you and Brian. I mean, he's a pretty solid guy." Rian asked grabbing a soda from the fridge.
"Dunno. That's the bad part." I won't say that I don't love Brian, because I do. In the same breath though, I can't stand to look at him after everything. It's like, I put my heart and soul into something that he was never really, or at least never seemed to be, into it.
The problem with Brian if you ask me, is he was too into himself. He cared more about his looks and what people saw him as than how it made who ever was around him feel. He had to be the center of attention. All eyes had to be on Brian.
"I love him. I don't think that will change. I just think that... That Brian won't change, and I'm done being the last on his list of cares and done waiting around hoping he'll change. I might have moved to Phoenix for a new start, but he wasn't it." I stared down at my phone. He was still my screen saver. I haven't had the heart to change it.
Brian still texted me every single day. Checking on. Telling me he missed me and he was sorry. It just wasn't good enough. You can only be told the same things over and over so many times before they sound false. Like, a force of habit for the sake of having someone actually give a damn.
"Have you talked at all since you flew back to Baltimore?"
"Nope." I said staring down at my phone. "Not for his lack of trying, but for my lack of just not giving a fuck right now. I came to do this tour for me. Him being here puts a damper on that, but I'm still going to find myself again. Two years is a long time to waste waiting around."
1 new message: Brian Logan Dales
I miss you.. I'm seriously sorry. You don't understand.. I just.. When we all stop for dinner, please just talk to me.. I feel so shitty for everything Kells.