A Sense of Wonder

“Go on then!” she cried out. “Do what you came here for! Or are you too much of a coward to finish what you started?”

Her screaming woke Francis. He’d only recently managed to doze off, having spent the majority of the night looking after her, but when he heard her cry out, his eyes snapped wide open. He thought someone had snuck into the hospital to finish her off. He thought he was going to wake up and find her lying in a pool of her own blood, but when his eyes finally opened, he saw no assailant standing over her. She was lying in bed, although she was by no means sleeping peacefully. Her eyes might’ve been closed, but her face was tensed – the brow furrowed and nostrils flared, and her limbs thrashed about. She kept screaming at someone to fucking go for it, to quit wasting her time, and the more she screamed, the clearer it became that she was reliving the attack.

The screams grew so frantic that her bodyguard ran into the bedroom, like Francis he thought someone might’ve snuck into the hospital. She might’ve been up on the fourth floor, but a determined enough individual could have scaled the building and snuck in via the window. That had been his fear, but when he stepped inside, he saw that she was just having a nightmare. He asked Francis if he should fetch a nurse, one of them had just gone into another patient’s room a few doors down, but Francis told him not to bother with that. He was going to wake Paulina up. As such, the bodyguard left and Francis reached for her, intending to gently shake her until she woke. That didn’t work though. The moment she felt his hand on her shoulder, her mind mistook it as another attack.

“Get the fuck off me!” she bellowed.

“Shh,” he said in his most soothing tone. “Calm down, Aurelia. It’s me. It’s Francisco.”

“Don’t touch me!” Her mind was able to register that she was being touched, but it incorporated that into the nightmare. It made her believe that she was still at the rally. “I swear I’ll fuck you up.”

Francis didn’t take the threat seriously, it was meant for the person in her nightmare, not for him, but when he reached out to try to touch her again, her right hand was sent swinging and it struck him right in the throat, causing him to let out a mangled noise that sounded a lot like the noise the deer had made when Paulina shot it. That noise was enough to wake her up. She couldn’t see much at first, the lights were off, but when she saw the heart monitor, she remembered where she was and who she was with.

“Francisco?” she whispered, afraid of what she’d done.

“I . . . I’m here.” He managed to croak as he approached the bed.

“Why are you talking like that? Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” With her right hand, she covered her face in embarrassment. “I am so sorry. I thought you were – well, I was having a nightmare so I thought . . .” she stopped midsentence when Francis took her hand in his. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about.” His voice was strained.

“But I hurt you.” In the darkness, she turned to face his voice. “I fucking punched you in the throat. What kind of person does that? Who punches the person they love in the throat?”

“You didn’t know it was me.”

“Doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have acted like that, but I was so caught up in my nightmare that I couldn’t distinguish what was real and what wasn’t and I don’t know – now I’m freaking about whether I’m always gonna be like this or if I’ll get over it soon, and if I don’t get over it soon, how many more times I’m gonna hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think you should be around me until I’m better. That way nothing happens to –”

“Let me stop you right there.” He cut in. “I’m not going anywhere, Aurelia.”

“But what if I –”

“We’ll work through this.” He told her, confidently. “I mean, this kind of thing happens when people go through traumatic experiences. It’s just a matter of dealing with it and carrying on, and it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to do that, I’ll be there. I’m not going anywhere.” With his free hand he reached out and caressed the right side of her face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Does that mean I can get in on that bed action?”

“I don’t love you that much.”

“Keep that shit up and I’m going to start wearing cologne again.”

“In that case, come on in.” She scooted over to give him enough room to lay down. “Why’d you wait until right now to get in bed? I said you could last night.”

“Didn’t want to risk hurting you though.” He told her as she nestled against him. “Especially when you started withdrawing from the morphine. That was awful.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to get on the damn thing. It’s alright for a few hours but when you come down its hell. I saw how my mom was after her knee surgery and I remembered from when I was in London, but I couldn’t avoid it while they were patching me up, but now I’ll be fine without it, I just need some Tylenol to keep it subdued.”

“They can give you something stronger.”

“I can’t risk the side effects though. The campaign’s still going.”

“Maybe you can take a few days off.”

“There’s only a few days left.” She reminded him. “It’s alright though. I can manage, especially since you’re not going back up North.” She paused. “You’re not – right? Or did I just imagine you saying that? I swear the damn morphine had me all fucked up.”

“I’m not going back up.” He assured her. “I’ll be with you throughout the rest of it. I’m not even going to resume my previous post. I have no interest in coordinating anything. I just . . . I want to be with you.”

“I don’t want you not getting paid though. I mean, you left your job to –”

“We both know that I didn’t leave my job for the money I’d make here.”

“Still.”

“I’m alright.” He had two trust funds that combined doled out $4.5 million annually. He also had real estate income, as well as $30 million that he had inherited at the time of his father’s death. “So don’t worry about me not being paid. Let me just be your particular companion.”

“Particular companion?” she fought back a laugh.

“I was bound to pick up something from all the Austen you watch.” He grinned. “And you better not fucking tell Teddy I just said that, he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

“I promise I won’t.” She told him. “But since we’re on the subject of Teddy, do you think we should let your family know what’s going on? It seems rude to have them find out with the rest of the world. Especially since my family already knows.”

“We’ll call ‘em later. Right now you should get back to sleep.”

“Don’t want to sleep.” She was afraid the nightmare would come back. “What time is it anyway?”

He glanced at his watch. “A quarter to six.”

“Which means it’s nearly nine in Massachusetts.”

“And my mom’s been up for at least a couple hours.” He grabbed his phone off the nearby table. “Hopefully she has her phone with her, sometimes she goes into the garden and completely forgets about it.”

The phone rang several times, making him think it would end up going to voicemail, but just before it was about to be directed over, his mother picked up the phone.

“Hello? This is Mary.”

“Hi mammy. It’s Frankie.”

“Frankie?” she repeated as she wiped the sweat from her brow. “What are you doing calling so early, sweetheart?”

“It’s not that early.”

“Its . . .” she glanced down at her wristwatch. “Not even nine, which means it’s not even six in California. Why are you up so early? I thought you were at the hospital with our girl.”

“I am, mammy.” He paused a moment. “She’s actually the reason I’m calling.”

“Is everything alright?” she asked, hesitantly.

“Everything’s fine,” he assured. “In fact, things are better than fine. I – well, better said, we were calling because we wanted to tell you something.”

“Is it what I think it is?”

Like any good Irishman, Francis had a special relationship with his mother. She had spoiled him throughout his entire life. He’d been a surprise to her, an unexpected pregnancy at forty-seven, and at that age she wasn’t much up to scolding and disciplining, so she indulged her little boy more than she had the others. She left the discipline to his nanny, who did well by him. It was that indulgence that led to Francis loving his mother so much. She was a saint in his eyes, there was no woman that came close, and it was that respect for her, that love he felt that made her his closest confidant. There were things she knew that Paulina hadn’t a clue of. That was Mary Isolde Kennedy knew very well what her son was calling about.

“It is.” He confirmed, pleased that his mother knew without his even saying it.

“Well it’s about damn time!” she exclaimed. “I thought I’d never see the day.”

“Mammy –”

“Wait until your Aunt Ethel hears this. She won’t believe it!” Mary exclaimed. “Just the other day she was going on about how this would never happen, but I told her it would. I said to her, ‘Ethel, my boy knows what he’s doing. He’s giving her space and he’s being patient, because that’s what she needs right now, but when the time is right those two are going to be together.’ That’s what I told her! And it’s a pity that things happened the way they did, what with her being attacked and all. But you know what? The tough times are what make or break a relationship, and you two are starting out with a hell of a tough one, so I know you kids will be fine.” She paused a moment to catch her breath before continuing. “Is she there with you? I want to talk to her before I go over to your Aunt Ethel’s.”

“Yeah, she’s here. Let me go ahead and give her the phone. Love you, mammy. I’ll call you later.” He lowered the phone from his ear. “My ma wants to talk to you.”

Paulina gladly raised the phone to her right ear, and said, “Good morning Mrs. Kennedy.”

“There’s my girl!” Mary might’ve been eighty, but she had the energy of a much younger woman. “It does me well to hear your voice. You had me worried.”

Mary spent the following twenty minutes fretting over Paulina. She told her how everyone had gone over to her house to pray a rosary the night before and how she and Ethel had attended mass at seven to properly pray for her. Paulina couldn’t help but smile as Mary spoke. Mary had always been welcoming of her, there had never been a moment when the Kennedy matriarch distrusted her or her motives. From the first time that she met Paulina, she had been gracious and kind to her, and hearing her talk about how she’d prayed rosaries on her behalf simply intensified her love for Mary and more importantly, for Francis. She loved the way his mother was, she loved his big family and the fact that he understood the effort that went into being a part of such a big family. That was one of the reasons she loved him so much. He hadn’t been frightened or nervous about meeting the Balcázars, because the Kennedys were so much like them. Sure, they might’ve come from different socioeconomic backgrounds, but the things that mattered were similar enough.

About the time when Marry finally hung up, one of the nurses went to check on Paulina. She expected to find her fast asleep. It was barely seven and with the sedatives that had been administered after the morphine issue, it was only right for her to be knocked out, but Paulina was wide awake when the nurse walked in. She was hungry, not having eaten dinner was finally getting to her, but the nurse told her that it was best to avoid food that had to be chewed, that way they wouldn’t unnecessarily irritate the stitches on the left side of her face.

“Well what am I supposed to do then?” she asked. “Can I drink smoothies?”

“You can.” The nurse confirmed. “If you like, I’ll ask the kitchen staff to prepare a breakfast smoothie.”

“Don’t bother with that.” Francis cut in. He turned to Paulina. “I’ll go to a juice place to get you something. I think I saw one when I drove over last night.”

“Don’t go.” Paulina told him. “We’ll send Jeffrey for that. I’m sure he’s hungry too, and anyways, he has to bring me clothes. So he might as well stop at the juice place on his way here.” She looked over at the nurse. “Audrey?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I know you just heard what I said, but I feel the need to say that I’ve made other arrangements for breakfast. Thank you though for offering to have the kitchen staff prepare something for me.” She paused. “Do you happen to know how much longer I’ll be here?”

“That has yet to be decided.” Audrey replied. “Your doctor will be in shortly to check up on your progress and at that time, he’ll let you know when you can leave.”

“Could you at least tell me how I’m looking?” Paulina was anxious to leave. “Are my vitals strong? Does anything look like it might be infected?”

“Your vitals are within the normal range and from what I’ve been able to see, there’s no infection, but what it comes down to is whether or not the doctor feels comfortable discharging you. So you have to be patient, Ma’am.” The nurse smiled warmly. “I’m going to step out now to let your doctor know you’re awake. While I’m gone, is there anything you need? Would you like something for the pain?”

“No, thank you.” Paulina replied. “They gave me Tylenol, so I’m fine.”

“That was hours ago.”

“I’m fine.” Paulina insisted.

“If you need something stronger, it can be administered.” The doctor had told Audrey and the other nurses to encourage Paulina to use stronger painkillers. He felt that her recovery would benefit from them. “All you have to do is ask.”

“I’ve got a campaign to run. I can’t afford anything stronger.”

“In that case, I’ll be on my way.” She set the clipboard back on the holder on the wall. “But if you need anything, just press the button. Okay? I’ll be back in a little bit with the doctor.”

“Bye – thanks again!” said Paulina as the nurse walked out. “So what do you want to eat?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“I’m fine.”

“What do you mean you’re fine? You haven’t eaten in forever. You didn’t even have dinner last night.”

“I’m fine though.” He chuckled. “Your mom’s bringing us breakfast. Remember? And since you can’t eat, I’ll have yours too, so don’t have Jeff bring me anything.”

“Are you sure though? You don’t want juice or coffee?”

“Knowing your mom she’s gonna bring something to drink.”

And sure enough she did. Irmalinda arrived at the hospital with tortas for Francis, chicken soup for Paulina, and fresh squeezed orange juice and a thermos filled with coffee. They told her that visiting hours didn’t start until nine, but regardless of that she and Ricardo showed up at a quarter to seven just to make sure that their daughter and Francis were well fed.

“Mama Balcázar came through.” Francis announced as he walked into the room with a full picnic basket. “You don’t even need the smoothie anymore.”

Paulina arched her brow, questioningly.

“She made soup,” said Francis as he placed the basket atop the overbed table. “And your dad made orange juice from the trees in the backyard. Said that way you’d get better faster.”

“He swears by those trees.” She spoke as Francis opened the container with the chicken soup. “According to him, there’s nothing his fruit trees can’t fix.”

“Here’s hoping he’s right about that.” Francis wheeled the table so that it was right next to her bed. When he finished, he grabbed a cloth napkin from the basket and proceeded to tuck the napkin into the collar of her hospital gown. He stopped when he noticed her smiling. “What’s that smile about?”

“What smile?” she asked, coyly.

“That smile.”

“Why do you have to be so nosy?” she teased him. “Can’t a lady smile in peace?”

Now it was his turn to arch his brow.

“If you must know, I was thinking about how weird this all is.”

“How so?”

“Just yesterday I had to actively keep myself from sulking because you were going up north, and now you’re here – putting a makeshift bib on me and I think you might even feed me. Am I right?”

“That was the plan.”

“Well that’s why I’m smiling,” she told him. “You’re being sweet. Not that you’re normally a dick or anything, but you can be sometimes, but that doesn’t really matter because that’s not what I’m trying to say. What I’m trying to say is that yesterday was horrible, I didn’t think I’d live to see tomorrow, but here I am. And I know I’m a little roughed up and the pain is a bitch, but I’m here with you and you’re gonna feed me chicken soup, so this is a pretty great fucking morning. And that’s why I’m smiling.”

“You fucking softie.” He grinned.

“Same to you.” She smiled in return. “I mean who the hell tucks a napkin into a person’s collar?”

“You better quiet down before I change my mind.” He tried his best to seem serious, but that stupid grin was still on his face. “Now let me fix that.” He tucked in the corner of her napkin. “There we go. Time to get some food in that belly.”

Francis opened the chicken soup, but before he started feeding her, he mashed the chunks of potato and assorted vegetables so that the soup would have a heartier texture. He knew she couldn’t eat the chicken, but at least that way she’d have the broth and vegetables to give her strength. Paulina watched closely as he prepped her breakfast. She wasn’t lying when she said that it was a pretty great fucking morning. Had she not been recovering from an attack, she would’ve dubbed it a perfect morning, but as it was, she was in the hospital hooked up to machines and the title of perfection could not be given, but despite that, she was happy. She had spent years wondering what it would be like when they finally got together, and now that they were, she was pleased to see that it was better than she had ever imagined. She hadn’t overly romanticized them, she knew what she was getting into with a Kennedy, but at least at that moment he was being sweet and attentive and supportive, and if he could keep being that, if in the years to come he would continue in that same way then she . . . then she might be able to find it within herself to be like Ethel and Mary.

“Soup’s ready,” he told her. “Do you need help adjusting the bed or are you okay there?”

“I’m fine.” She assured. She wasn’t sitting straight up, but she was comfortable enough and wasn’t about to risk any pain to reposition herself. “This smells really good.”

“And there’s another container in case you want more.”

“Well we’ll see how I feel after this one.”

And with that, Francis began to feed her. The soup wasn’t very hot, but he still blew on it. He didn’t want to risk her burning her mouth and although she would’ve normally teased him for blowing on lukewarm soup, she instead opted to watch in silence as he did so. He was taking care of her. He was feeding her and cleaning her mouth with the napkin and he even held the glass of orange juice to her lips so that she could drink. They were all things that she could’ve done for herself, her right hand still worked, but he wanted to do that for her. He wanted to take care of her and she wanted to be taken care of.

For the first time since Harry, she was completely letting someone in. She had held off on it for as long as she could, she hadn’t dated or been romantically involved with anyone, she shunned the opposite sex except for friendship, and that was one of the reasons why it took her so long to recognize and act on her feelings for Francis. She was terrified of being hurt again. As such, she didn’t even put herself in a position where she could be hurt, but now she had. The final barrier between Francis and herself had been removed, and there was now a very real chance that the man feeding her might one day break her heart, but if that ever did happen, it’d be worth it. The smiles and laughter, the nights spent lying beside him would be worth every last tear. That was why she gave herself wholeheartedly to him, because if she was going to love him then she was going to love him with everything she had.

By the time Jeffrey arrived, she had finished eating, but not wanting his efforts to go to waste, Paulina drank as much of the Incredible Greens smoothie as her stomach allowed. Not that Jeffrey knew whether or not she drank it, he wasn’t admitted into the room since visiting hours hadn’t started, but regardless she drank a decent amount and then laid back down and watched as Francis had breakfast. He practically inhaled the two tortas and when it came to the coffee, he guzzled down the entire thermos. The night had been hard on him, he’d spent most of it awake out of fear that something might happen if he fell asleep and when he did finally doze off, he only slept about half an hour before Paulina’s nightmares woke him up. That was why he drank the coffee so eagerly, he needed the energy to support her throughout what was to come.

When he finished breakfast, he put away the containers and set aside the basket where it wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. He then retook his seat at her bedside and proceeded to read the briefings that the staff members had prepared for Paulina. They had initially planned on giving them to her when she boarded the bus, but when she spoke with Jeffrey that morning she requested that all briefings be delivered to her with him. That left her with a fairly large stack that had to be gotten through and since the pain didn’t permit her eyes to focus as well as they ought to have, she had Francis read them aloud.

He was halfway through the material when Paulina interrupted him. The pain had become intolerable. She could no longer force herself to endure it. She needed relief, and although her body ached for the morphine’s sweet numbness, she found the strength to ask for more Tylenol. Had she had been able to seclude herself from the world for the next week or two, she would’ve gone with a painkiller that would’ve actually masked the pain, but since she had to be coherent, she went with the Tylenol which would only make the pain slightly more tolerable.

After she washed the two pills down with water, she lay in bed with her eyes closed. If she was lucky it’d be fifteen minutes until the Tylenol kicked in, if she wasn’t she had at least forty-five more minutes of hell to endure. Francis actively fought back the urge to ask her whether or not she wanted something stronger for the pain, he thought she was being a fucking moron for only taking Tylenol, but he knew it’d be a waste of breath. She had made up her mind and it might not have been the best decision, but she’d made it and now she’d deal with it.

They spent nearly twenty minutes waiting for the medicine to kick in, but when it finally did, Paulina felt up to talking again. She adjusted the incline on the bed and with her right hand wiped away the tears that had fallen.

“Do you want me to continue?” he found himself asking her.

“No,” she replied. “I don’t think I can process any more information right now.”

“I’ll just set it aside then.” He slipped the files back into the bag. “Let me know if you want to go over them later or if there’s anything else you need.”

“There is something,” she said. “I’ve been thinking it might be a good idea to meet my bodyguards before visiting hours begin, and I understand that they’re not technically allowed in here, but since they’re my security personnel, I feel like the nurses might let it slide. You know? I mean, I just want to get a feel for them and know what they look like.” She paused a moment. “What do you think?”

“I think you should do it.” He glanced down at his watch. “There’s still plenty of time before visiting hours start, might as well take advantage of it.”

“In that case, could you please go stand guard while whoever’s out there comes in?”

“But of course, Madame Senator.”

The man standing guard at the door was a thirty-eight year old Seattle native by the name of Eric Maruyama. He had been with the security agency for ten years, having previously been a Marine and security personnel for US Embassies in the Middle East. He had a highly decorated military career behind him, he was one of the top ranked bodyguards at the agency that he worked for, but when Paulina first met him none of that mattered. What concerned her were his eyes. Throughout the years that she had been with Harry, she had learned that the finest security details had a certain look to them. The bastards that had manhandled her hadn’t had that, nor had some that she encountered during her travels with him, but Alistair, Kamal, Sanjeev and Gethin all had that look in their eyes. What it was, she couldn’t quite say, but she knew it when she saw it and the moment she locked eyes with Eric, she knew he would do well by her.

The same rang true for Wilson Mulroney, the thirty-six year old Southern California native who entered her room shortly after Eric left it, but it wasn’t only his eyes that set her at ease. It was his face. There was a large scar that ran from his forehead all the way along the right side of his face. He’d obviously been attacked by someone, that scar wasn’t the kind a person obtained through a mere car accident, someone had intentionally attacked him and for some reason knowing that he had moved on from that, made her feel like she could move on from hers. Not that she told him that. Their conversation focused exclusively on his experience and briefing him on the dangers she current faced. Wilson had already been briefed on all that, Anne had sent files to the agency, but still he humored her, he listened to her concerns and assured her that so long as she cooperated, she would be safe.

There was a third bodyguard, but she was unable to meet him. He had been assigned to the campaign bus. It was his duty to ensure that no one messed with the vehicle or planted any explosives. It was hardly the most coveted position, and to be honest, there was rarely a situation where two bodyguards were assigned to a person and a third to the vehicle, normally there was one alongside the person and the other in the vehicle, but since an attack had so recently been made, they upped the security and so Tomás Jimenez was left in the vehicle.

With meeting the security details out of the way and with visiting hours about to start, Paulina decided that the first person she would see was Jeffrey. She hadn’t seen him since being admitted to the hospital, and although she briefly spoke with him that morning, she felt that she owed him a conversation. He’d been the one that kept her from doing something stupid, and she hadn’t thanked him for that.

“Good morning Ma’am.” Jeffrey greeted her when he walked inside the room. “Mr. Kennedy said you wanted to speak to me. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“You can have a seat,” she told him. “Go on, take this one right here.” It was the one where Francis and the others had sat while they spoke with her. “How are you doing, Jeffrey?”

“I’m fine.” He assured her. “How about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “The doctor’s said they expect me to make a full recovery and I’ll be discharged in a couple hours so I’ll be fine. I didn’t call you in to talk about me though – well, not entirely about me. I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me during the rally and everything you did thereafter. You called my mother before I even thought of her, you made sure to tell her that I was okay and that there was no real danger. You went out of your way to help me out. Even back at the rally, when I was being a hothead, when I was blinded by rage and my pride, you stopped me from doing something stupid. And believe me, had it not been for you I would’ve made an ass of myself.”

“That’s not true, Ma’am.”

“It is.” She told him. “I know I normally conduct myself with a great deal of decorum, but there have been moments in my life when I have been a fool and gotten myself into bad situations simply because my pride wouldn’t let me walk away.” These were not stories she normally shared, but Jeffrey had fully earned her trust. “I remember once while at Oxford, I got to drinking and I wish I could say it was only a couple drinks, but I’d be lying if I said that. I bought a bottle of tequila and I went hard at it. Thinking back on it, I can’t believe I drank as much as I did, and even worse I drank that much at a pub. I wasn’t even at home so I could pass out in the comfort of my own couch, I was in some hole in the wall pub, and when I got up to go restroom, some asshole grabbed my ass. Needless to say, things escalated quickly. I slapped him hard across the face, he talked some shit, and I challenged him to fight. Keep in mind, this guy was fucking huge. He had at least seven inches on me and was built like a rugby player, but I refused to back down.”

“What happened?” asked Jeffrey, fascinated by the story.

“I managed to land a few punches. Mostly to the gut and chest since that was what I could reach, but I landed a few to the face. So it wasn’t a complete loss, but I was fucked up the next day. I had to go to the hospital because the bruising was so bad. It hurt like hell to talk or drink. Forget about eating, I couldn’t do that right for a week, but what I’m trying to say is that I’ve had lapse of judgment in the past, and yesterday, I almost had one again but you had my back.” She did her best to muster a smile, but couldn’t quite get it there. It was alright though, Jeffrey understood what she was trying to do. “And I just want to thank you for that. I know it wasn’t easy, I was being a fucking idiot, but you steadied me. You kept from doing something that I’d regret and more than that, you took the shirt off your back and helped stop the bleeding. Not many people would have done that. It’s one thing to be a personal aide, but you went beyond that yesterday. And I have so much respect for you. Honest, I do. Yesterday, you showed what kind of man you are. You’re integrity and loyalty were on full display, and I count myself lucky to be the person you’ve aligned yourself to. And that’s why I want to ask you something.” She was a quiet a moment, taking the opportunity to catch her breath. “Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to Washington?”

At that, Jeffrey’s eyes widened. That was what he’d been working towards all along, what the long nights and overscheduled days had been gearing towards, but for some reason, he’d always secretly feared that once the campaign was over she would toss him aside and take on the daughter or son of some famous politician. That was what people in power usually did, but there she was, offering to take him along.

“Technically speaking, the position isn’t mine to give quite yet, but after this brush with death, I am more determined than ever to take that Senate seat. That’s why I’m subjecting myself to this pain, because if I wasn’t so determined I’d take the Vicodin they keep offering, but I have to be coherent, I have to be able to campaign and I’m going to go to Washington, and I want you with me. I need you. I need someone I can genuinely trust, because in Washington, the only thing that matters is loyalty. So what do you say?”

“Yes!” he blurted out. “Of course, I’ll go with you. Thank you so much, Ma’am!”

As she watched him ramble on about how she wouldn’t regret her decision, she couldn’t help but remember when Ted had asked her if she wanted to volunteer at the United States Embassy in London. That had been the start of everything for her, and as she watched Jeffrey, she knew this would be his start. He didn’t stay there much longer, he was too excited, and although Paulina had explicitly told him not to tell his friends or post on social media, she had given him the okay to tell his parents and since her hospital room was the safest space in the hospital, he took out his phone right in front of her and called his parents. His mother was so overjoyed that she even asked him to give Paulina the phone so she could thank her.

“Sorry about my mom,” he said after he hung up. “She’s so embarrassing sometimes, but she’s just proud.”

“And she has every right to be.” Paulina stated. “You’re local, right?”

“From Alhambra,” he replied.

“Why don’t you go home for the day?” she proposed. “I won’t be needing any help. After I’m discharged, I’ll be heading to my parents’ house. I know I should probably hit the ground running again, but after this, I really need to be with family. So since I’m going to be with mine. You should be with yours. Go celebrate. When it’s time to leave, I’ll give you a call and we’ll stop by to pick you up.”

“You can’t take the campaign bus to my house. What’ll people say?”

“That I take care of my own,” she said. “So what do you say?”

“Well since its okay with you, I’ll go home, but if you need me for anything, just call.”

“I will,” she assured. “Now go enjoy yourself, because these next few days are going to be the longest this campaign’s ever seen.”

He stood. “I’ll definitely do that.” He slung his messenger bag over his shoulder. “Since I’m leaving, do you want me to tell anyone to come in?”

“Francis and my parents, please.”

“Will do.” He couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “And thank you again, Ma’am. I promise I’ll make you proud every day in Washington. You won’t regret having taken me on. Goodbye. I’ll be at my parents’ house for whenever you need me.”

It was as he walked out that a smile finally settled on her face. She saw so much of herself in Jeffrey. They both started off at the same place, they didn’t have family connections or wealth to buy their influence, but they were hardworking and ambitious, and as she watched him leave, she knew she made the right decision in a personal aide. He was going to be the person that she would spend the majority of her time with, he would be her constant companion, and now more than ever, she was determined to be to him what Ted Kennedy had been to her.

When Francis and her parents walked in, Francis and Ricardo had to sit on the built in couch by the window so that Irmalinda could fuss over her child. They didn’t mind though, Francis had spent the entire night with her, and Ricardo was happy just to be in the same room. He had called off from work, not that he needed to, his supervisor already knew there was no way in hell he’d be coming in. They even told him that he could take the rest of the week if he wanted, but he told them he’d be in the next day. After all, Paulina was going to be leaving the next day. There wouldn’t be any point to his taking time off.

Throughout the course of the following three hours, Paulina was visited by a steady stream of people. There were politicians that dropped by to pay their respects, friends that had driven out before work and some that visited during their lunch break, and then there were the Balcázars, who despite being told that they’d see her at Irma and Ricardo’s house later that day, still decided to drop by. They took her flowers and an assortments of drinks. Everyone wanted to make sure she was well nourished, because according to them she was withering away on the campaign trail, which was partially true because even though she ate regularly, she was burning way more calories than she took in. So Paulina drank the juices and shakes they took her, there were several times when she thought she might throw up, but she knew that refusing food or drink was an insult in her family, so she forced herself to drink a little of everything, and when her relatives left, she lay in bed with a hand on her belly.

About twenty minutes before she was to be discharged, Irmalinda asked Francis and Ricardo to step outside. She had brought dry shampoo to tidy her daughter’s blood stained hair, and just as she had when Paulina was little, Irmalinda washed her daughter’s hair and then proceeded to style it in a simple braided updo. With that done, she asked her daughter if she wanted to do her makeup, but Paulina refused. She wasn’t in the mood to bother with the damn thing, and more than that, she was paranoid that her make up might somehow finds its way into the gash on her face and infect it. She recognized how unlikely and ridiculous that scenario was, the wound had been sealed off, but even then, she was still paranoid about it. So she left her face bare, she allowed the bags under her eyes to see the light of day, but she refused to permit herself to appear weak or beaten.

By the time the doctor arrived, she was ready for public viewing. She was glad to get the hell out of there, hospitals made her uneasy, but she couldn’t just run out. She had to thank the medical staff that had looked after her. That was why she smiled and posed for pictures with them, and although shaking hands pained her at present, she still did it. She bore the pain well and thankfully the staff were considerate of the damage to her shoulder and toned back the firmness of their handshakes.

That done, the only thing left to do was to leave the hospital. It was a simple enough thing, she just had to walk out, but she was torn as to how to do it. There was part of her that wanted to walk out holding Francis’ hand so that the world would know about their relationship, but at the same time, she didn’t want to make it look like she had to rely on someone to walk out of the hospital. There would be people who would criticize her for that. They would mistake it as a weakness, say that she was no longer the woman she had once been. The best way she could exit was to walk out with a bodyguard on each side of her. That would send a message that she was not to be fucked with, but not only would it send that message, it would also convey it with a photograph. That imagine would undoubtedly make the front pages of several newspapers, as well as be featured in other media, and that was ultimately why she decided on it.

“Here’s what I’m going to do . . .” she told them.

Francis agreed that that would be best for the campaign. As such, he left earlier alongside her parents to bring the car around to the front entrance. The other bodyguard had initially thought to guard Francis’ vehicle, but since the campaign bus was the high profile target and no one truly knew what Francis’ vehicle looked like, it was decided that it wasn’t a target.

Upon pulling up in front of the entrance, Francis took out his phone and called Paulina to let her know that he was in position. It was then that she and her bodyguards left the secluded area where they had been standing. Her hands trembled as she walked towards the door. It had been years since she felt so afraid of walking outside, the last time things were so bad was when her relationship with Harry went public. She’d been scared shitless to face the photographers and the rest of the world. The only way she found the strength to walk out was because she had Harry’s strong hand gripping hers. He had led her through the flashing lights, he had ensured no harm came to her, but she didn’t have Harry anymore. She had Francis, but she had asked him to leave so she could do things on her own terms.

And so, despite her nerves, when they reached the doorway she took in a deep breath, held her head high and pushed her shoulders back. It hurt like hell to do so, her shoulder throbbed painfully as the pressure was applied to it, but she gritted her teeth and walked out just the same. She had to look strong. She had to look in control. Politics was all about power. It was about being in control regardless of the worst situation and spinning even the worst of news in your favor. That was why she wouldn’t permit herself to be victimized. She had been attacked, she had spent a night recovering in the hospital, but she would come back stronger than ever and would never again allow anyone to hurt her like that.

The photographers went wild when they saw her exit. She wasn’t as impeccably done up as she normally was. In fact, they had never seen her bare faced at any point during the campaign. They had never seen the dark bags under her eyes, but despite the lack of makeup, there was something about her gaze that was utterly captivating. There was a fire in her eyes that the photographers hoped to catch on film, and so they took shot after shot as the journalists asked their questions.

Paulina didn’t want to hold a press conference as she left the hospital. She had told her team as much. She wasn’t ready to take questions, but as the journalist shouted out to her, there was one question that just had to be answered.

“Miss Balcázar, what’s the takeaway from this?”

They wanted to know if she would be silenced.

If a night in the hospital had been enough for her fire to burn down.

“That there’s no keeping a Balcázar down.” She firmly told them. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”