Terrible Love

Un

The Winnipeg James Armstrong Richardson International airport was strangely busy for three thirty in the morning. Cars littered the pick-up area in a messy fashion. Horns blew every few minutes while taxi’s cut off cars to drop people off or pick them up. Suitcases were being thrown messily into trunks, babies were crying from the chaos, and everyone seemed to have a sour mood bustling through their veins.

Through all of this, I managed to stay calm.

As I watched people yell and fight, I sat quietly in the drivers’ seat of my car, my large travel mug full of pumpkin spice coffee. Every few minutes, when my eyes would get heavy, I would take a small sip and let the strong taste of nutmeg and cinnamon wake me back up just enough to scan over the wave of people exiting the baggage claim area.

When none of them peaked my interest, I would sink back down into my seat, listen to the soft hum of The National floating from my speakers, and try to will myself to stay awake. I had not been able to catch a moment of sleep since the previous night. I was almost up for a full twenty-four hours, something I had not done since my senior year of college about three years ago.

As my eyelids started to flutter again, I slowly moved my mug to my mouth and let the warm liquid fill my mouth. Swallowing with a loud gulp, I shook my head a little, looked over at the doors, and sighed heavily when I noticed a few people walk out.

Narrowing my eyes, I caught glimpse of a tall man who somewhat resembled the person I was supposed to be picking up. Without a second thought, I undid my seatbelt, got out of the car, and walked around to the other side near the sidewalk. Leaning my tired body against the cold metal of the car, I put the opening of my mug to my mouth and watched the doors slide open and let out more people.

Clicking my teeth against the plastic, I watched as a familiar brunette walked out of the door and jerked his head quickly from left to right, his large eyes scanning everyone around him. As I watched him look around again and then quickly walk closer to the road, I felt a huge smile appear on my face behind the coffee mug.

“Jon!” I called out his name and watched as the man stopped like a deer in headlights, and then quickly whipped his head in my direction. As his huge brown eyes scanned everyone around me, he started to frown but the second his eyes fell on me, my fingers wiggling in the air, he smiled and took off in a sprint toward me.

The brunette dropped his two duffle bags and let go of his suitcase when he reached the edge of the sidewalk. Without warning, he skipped off the curb, and wrapped his big arms around me. Pulling me as close to him as possible, he pressed his face into my hair and chuckled like an overly excited small child.

“Aspen! I missed you so much!” He sang as he straightened his back and twirled me in a circle before setting me back on my own two feet. As his eyes scanned over me, a huge smile formed on his lips that soon broke apart and showed his perfectly straight white teeth. I knew some of them weren’t real, but they did a hell of a job making all of them look perfect together. It was a horrible thing to wreck a smile as perfect as his.

After the brunette kissed my forehead a few times, he tilted his head away from me, yawned, and then gave me a much smaller, sleepy, smile with half open eyes. “How was the flight?” I asked, eyes stuck on his that were sparkling under the streetlamps.

“Long, boring.” He rolled his eyes as another yawn passed his lips. “I was hoping I would catch a sunrise or something interesting, but all I got was the black abyss of space. Didn’t help they were playing some stupid romantic comedy and there was a crying infant behind me.” His eyes rolled as a small puff of air left his lips.

“You’re going to have to get used to the crying infants, Jon.” I chuckled as I gave the man a sideways glance and watched as his cheeks burned red. Jon was engaged and had planned his wedding to be in about two and a half months. It was set for the second week in July, so he had just enough time to honeymoon and live together with his new bride before the season came into swing.

Grumbling something under his breath, Jon grabbed his bags and tossed them into the back of the car and then shut the trunk. As he leaned his body against the edge, he looked over at me and rubbed the back of his neck. “That woman is driving me mad.” He confessed with tired eyes. “It’s all about the flowers and the dress and the table cloths and place cards, where people are sitting, and what wine we should have. I mean I’m glad she’s excited but if I don’t give her my opinion in two seconds she gives me the whole ‘you don’t care about our wedding’ speech. Not to mention the total is near twenty thousand dollars already and we still didn’t get suits or dresses or even fucking flowers.” The aggravation was smothering his words as he shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“So stoked that I’m never getting married.” I chuckled as I watched Jon’s eyes widen and his head bob on his shoulders.

“You were always the smart one.” He confessed and then took me under his arm and rested his chin on the top of my head. “You’re still going, right?”

Chuckling, I looked up at the man and then pulled the passenger side door open for him. “You think I would miss you getting married? Come on Jon, don’t be a fool. This is probably the second most rare thing to ever happen in the world.” I chuckled as I rounded the car and pulled the driver’s side door open. As I slid in, I watched as the brunette did the same thing and then looked over at me, a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“Yeah, well, what’s the most rare thing in the world?”

“Kane getting married.” I deadpanned and watched as Jon nodded and started laughing to himself as the car hummed to life and I quickly turned out into traffic and sped up to keep with the flow of cars.

The rest of the ride back to my house was pretty quiet. Jon chuckled to himself every now and again, mumbling something about Kane getting married, and glanced over at me. When he did, I looked back at him quickly and watched as his big smile lit up on his face. Whenever he smiled at me, I couldn’t help but to smile back at him. It was contagious.

That smile of his had always been contagious. Ever since we were small, whenever Jon was laughing, I was usually laughing. There was just something about the way his aura changed, the way his eyes turned to little slits and his big smile lit up his face that hit nerves in my body that forced me to laugh along, even if I was the butt of the joke, which I usually was.

Jon and I had known each other for close to twenty-four years. Our parents were best friends since high school, so it was only right that they got pregnant within five months of each other and had their children four months apart to the day. Jon was born on April twenty-ninth and I was born August twenty-ninth, same year, even within the same hour. Our parents enrolled us in the same Pre-K, the same elementary school, and so on. After being around each other so much, we had created a ridiculously close friendship where by the age of ten, we could finish each other’s sentences.

Of course things got rocky when we hit puberty. Jon started to excel in hockey and I started to dig deeper into books. All of the girls around me were filling out, talking about boys and make-up. Barbie dolls weren’t cool anymore, and neither was learning apparently. I started to drift away from some of the friends I had, I even drifted from Jon a little but the second he realized it, halfway through our sophomore year of high school; he caught me.

We started hanging out every night. I would help him with math and he would help me with my high anxiety and stress. We would watch stupid movies or go walk around town late at night. He would tell me about all of his hockey and girl problems and I would listen and give him the best advice I could come up with from having an extensive knowledge of relationships from all of the movies I watched and books I read. Most of the time when he followed my words, everything worked out, so through our whole life, I had always been his relationship coach.

I was even the reason why him and Laura were getting married.

“So do you see anyone from high school around?” Jon asked randomly as I entered the suburbs about a half hour from the city. “I’m lucky enough to be in a different country, but you’re right in the middle.”

“Ah”, I smiled as I quickly turned down a side street and started to keep my eye out for the familiar street sign. “I’m lucky enough to have evolved since high school, so if someone sees me, they have no idea who I am. It’s a glorious thing, Jon, absolutely glorious.”

“You were always so odd.” Jon laughed as his eyes widened, examining the large houses surrounding him. “Why wouldn’t you want to flaunt all of this to all of those assholes.” He said waving his hand up and down, motioning to completely transformed self.

With a shrug, I slowed down and turned down a dead end street. As the car rolled past a few houses, I applied some pressure to the break pedal and slowly turned into a driveway and pulled up to the garage door. Reaching up, I hit a button and then turned forward, letting out a yawn as I let the car roll into the garage.

“So, you’re doing well.” Jon commented as I put the car in park and pulled the key from the ignition.

“Thanks Jonny.” I sent him a smile and then quickly opened my door and took a step out into the heated room. “That’s what happens when you read books for five straight years.” I joked as he rolled his eyes and followed me over to the trunk.

As I doubled tapped the button on the key, I took a step back as the trunk popped open revealing the three large bags he had brought with him. Grabbing the smallest one, I let Jon take the other two, and then with my free hand, I shut the trunk and started to walk over to the door that lead into the house.

Yawning a few times, I walked over to the black door and turned the knob, letting more warm air hit me as the large piece of wood swung open. Smiling faintly, I went up the two stairs, and then walked down the small hallway that lead right to the kitchen. Nodding a little, I stuck my hand out and motioned to the black countertops and white cabinets that lined the walls. “Kitchen, I always have food.”

Jon nodded, his eyes wide as he took everything in.

“Living room, fireplace, it’s electric.” I hummed as I made a sharp turn and started to walk down a hallway. “Stairs lead to my room and another extra room, then there’s a bathroom and two rooms down here, the last one is yours.”

“What do you need with all of this space?” Jon laughed as he quickly followed me down the hall and into the last room. When he walked in, his eyes widened and he nodded a little, taking in the large windows that showed the backyard and the two sliding doors that lead to a small balcony that hung off of the side of the house. “So what is it that you do again?”

“I’m an architect, Jon.”

“Did you build this place then?”

“No, but I can build one like it.” I joked and watched as the brunette nodded a little and then dropped all of his things onto the bed. After a minute of looking around the room, he turned to me and wrapped his large arms around me, bringing me into him for a bone-crushing hug.

We stood like this for at least ten minutes. I let the faint smell of Jon’s cologne run through my head and the pressure from his arms warm every layer of skin. There was something about Jon that always made me happy. It wasn’t just when he laughed or when we were out having fun, it was times like these, when he was just around that made all of my worries leave.

Just his presence relaxed me. I had no idea why, but he was the only human I had met thus far that could do it for me.

“Keith and Sharp should be coming back in a week or so.” Jon commented randomly as he slowly loosened his grip on me and took a small step back, so we had room to look at each other but he could still hold onto me. “We should grab dinner one night, ya’ know?”

“Of course! I’ve been dying to see Madelyn and Sadie, oh my god and Colton! Jon, you need to have some adorable little babies so I can gush about how cute they.”

Jon let out a loud laugh at this. Shaking his head, he pressed his forehead into my shoulder and then after a minute straightened his back and sent me a goofy smile. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

“There are two things I love in this world, Jonathan Toews, and those are cats and babies.” I sent him a huge smile as I wrapped my arms around his neck and tilted my head to the side, eyes sparkling as I watched him smile.

“Not children?”

“Generally, no, but there are a few like Madelyn whom I love.”

“She calls you Auntie Aspen, you know.”

“I know”, I said proudly, remembering the adorable little blonde girl that I babysat the previous summer when the Sharp’s and other couples would go out on dates. “She told me when I saw her last that we were going to ice skate more this summer.”

Nodding, Jon looked at me for a few minutes, not speaking a single word. His big brown eyes ran over mine, inspecting every little dot of color in my iris, and every tiny patch of skin on my face. When he was done, and his eyes were tracing along my lips and chin, he sighed deeply and pulled me close to him again, holding onto me like a small child would hold onto a teddy bear when they got scared of the monsters in their closet.

It took Jon a few minutes to speak. I could feel the tension radiating from his body as he held onto me. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, or maybe even take a guess, but I knew Jon well enough to let him talk first. I guess that comes from a life long friendship.

“I’m starting to get scared, Aspen.” Jon whispered softly, his voice quivering as it hung in the air. As he inhaled, his breath hitching in his throat, he let out a shaky exhale and then took a step away from me, running his hands through his short brown hair and then over his cleanly shaven cheeks. “She’s just… different now.”

My eyes widened as I put two and two together. “She’s probably just stressing out over everything. Honestly. I would have hired a planner.”

“We tried.” Jon rolled his eyes as he laced his fingers together and then looked up at the ceiling. “She fired her after a week, hired another, and then fired her within two days.”

My eyes widened at his words, and when he looked back at me, I tried my best to hide the fact that I was now beginning to think that Laura was clinically insane. Biting down roughly on my lip, I nodded a little and watched as Jon’s eyes found their way back to mine.

Staring into those huge brown eyes, I watched as Jon took a step closer to me and ran his hands up and down my arms, form my shoulders to my elbows, creating heat from the friction of the long sleeved shirt against my skin. As my body started to warm, I looked down at my shoes and listened as Jon started to speak.

“I wish Laura was more like you.” My heart started to pound in my chest as Jon’s words started to resonate in my head. “You know Aspen, you’re going to make someone really happy one day.” Jon’s voice ended in a whisper as he pulled me in for a soft hug and then let me go, taking a few steps back so I was just out of arms reach.

“Don’t get all sentimental now ya’ big goof.” I joked as I felt my heart start to pound even harder against my rib cage. “You need some sleep.” I gave him a small smile as he nodded, the serious look in his eyes disappearing. “Tomorrow we can go grab some breakfast and talk, alright?”

“Sounds great.” Jon whispered and looked up at me as I walked over to him and pinched his cheek. “Night Jonny.” I hummed as I let go and listened to him laugh as I walked over to the door and into the hallway. Grabbing the doorknob, I went to close the door when I turned around and sent him one last smile.

“I love you, Aspen.” Jon smiled at me as he plopped down on his bed and huffed.

“I love you too, now go to sleep.” I snapped with a smile as my throat started to dry out. Before he could speak again, I closed the door, and quickly made my way over to the staircase.

Dropping my body onto the stairs, I shut my eyes and pressed my forehead against my kneecaps.

Letting Jon stay at my place up until the wedding was probably the biggest mistake I had made since I was sixteen, since I told him right to his face that there would never be anything more than a friendship between us.

What I would do to take it all back.
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