Terrible Love

“Alright, so you’re a girl.” Jon started as he set his large phone down on the table and started scrolling through a few pictures. “So I don’t get my face torn off, do you like the coral bouquets or the yellow bouquets.” The brunette sitting across from me spun his phone around so it would face me. As his finger flipped from side to side, showing the two photos, I furrowed my eyebrows and nodded a little.

Holding the phone close to my face, I held inspected the beautiful bouquets of flowers and then glanced up at Jon who was staring at me intently. “What color are the bridesmaids dresses?”

“There are none.” He huffed, his eyes rolling around in his skull.

“Well, I feel like yellow would be a more gender neutral color, but probably harder to match with decent brides maids dresses. Coral is a little more cliché, but I feel like she would have a wider range of colors to go with the dresses.”

“English, Aspen.” The brunette stated, taking a sip form his coffee mug. “Coral or yellow?”

Pausing for a moment, I ran my eyes over the flowers, over how beautiful and perfect they were. It was almost a give-in that these were going to be hundreds of maybe even thousands of dollars. Biting down on my bottom lip, I nodded a little and slid the phone across the table.

“Coral.”

Smiling, Jon took his phone, went through a few things, and then nodded. “Thanks, I’ll probably just go with your opinion on everything from now on since I don’t know the first thing about any of this shit.” Jon huffed as he looked down into his mug and swirled the brown liquid with his spoon. “What’s the difference between coral and pink?”

When our eyes met, I cracked a small smile and watched as the younger girl who had taken our breakfast order headed to our table. “Money.” I whispered and watched as Jon slapped his hands over his eyes, and let out a loud groan as he tilted his head as far back as he could.

“She’s killing me.”

“Blueberry waffles.” The girl smiled a little as she slid the plate in front of Jon and then added a smaller tray of syrup and butter. “And the veggie omelet, enjoy guys.”

“Thank you!” I called out to the girl, sending her a huge smile as I let the smell of the food below my nose fills my head. Once she was a few steps away from the table, I quickly grabbed my fork and tore off a piece and shoved it into my mouth. As I started to chew, Jon glanced down at his phone and frowned.

For a few minutes, we focused on our food. Words didn’t bounce back and forth, and the only one snatching glances was Jon. His big brown eyes would lift from his plate every now and again to look at mine, watch how my fork twisted and turned to cut a square of the food and then pick it up.

Once half of Jon’s waffle was gone, he set his fork down and grabbed his coffee mug, pressing his strong back into the booth bench. I felt his eyes on me for a minute or so while I continued eating. I tried to ignore it, but once he drummed his fingers next to my plate, I felt a smile crack onto my lips.

“You’re so needy.” I huffed as I leaned back against the cushions and tilted my head at the man, silently informing him that he could go on and talk. “What’s on your mind, Captain?”

“Would it be weird if you were my best man?” By the glint in his eye, and the way his lips stayed in a thin line, I knew that his question was at least eighty percent serious. In order to not hurt his feelings, I bit back a laugh and shook my head, dropping my eyes from his to my plate.

Picking up my fork again, I looked up at the brunette and smiled a little. “What are you going to tell Pat?”

Jon simply shrugged, his eyes inspecting mine momentarily before they darted across the room and started to trace along the contours of the walls. As he sat there, mug in hand, eyes off in the diner, mind deep in thought, I went back to my food, slowly cutting up and eating the rest.

“She loved the coral one.” Jon whispered as he picked up his fork and took the last few huge bites of waffle off of his plate. “She said it was a little more expensive but it’ll look great with everything else. You wanna see the centerpieces for the tables?”

When our eyes met, I stopped myself from rolling my eyes and swallowed the bit of coffee in my mouth. Pressing my lips together, I nodded a little and watched s Jon smiled warmly at me and then set his phone down, spinning the screen to face me. As his fingers flipped through a few pictures, he went on and on about how the large bunch would be in the center of every table. He said that each bunch was about one hundred and fifty dollars and there were about thirty seven tables, not including the large table that the wedding party was seated at which was like three tables in one. So in total it was about forty tables, and way too much money.

As he made a pained expression, I let out a loud laugh and put the coffee mug back to my lips, tipping it back so the rest of the caffeinated liquid could run down my throat. “It’s worth it.” I reassured him, but by the look in his eyes, and the thin line his lips made, I knew he was still on the fence about everything.

It bothered me a little, that Jon was so quick to marry someone that he didn’t really know. Sure, they had been dating for two years, but that didn’t necessarily mean he knew everything about her. He didn’t know her tendencies, he didn’t know if she snored or not, he didn’t know if she changed the toilet paper roll or left the coffee pot on in the morning. He didn’t know her favorite breakfast food or her favorite season. He only knew how she looked, how she acted in bed, and how good they looked together.

He didn’t know how good they worked together.

“I got the check, space cadet.” Jon laughed as he waved the piece of paper in my face, knocking me out of my thoughts. Blinking a few times, I looked up at the man and quickly snatched the paper from his hands and slapped it down on the table in front of me. As my eyes traced over the twenty-something dollar total, I turned to my wallet and went to grab money when Jon snatched the check back. “I said I got it, crazy.”

“I was the one that took you out.” I said quickly, my fingers working the zipper of my wallet and then quickly pulling out a twenty and three fives. “You have a million dollar wedding to pay for anyway, let me get the bill.”

“Not happening,.” Jon stated sternly and then quickly walked over to the counter and leaned against it, sending the woman a polite smile as he handed her two twenties and then glanced over at me as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

Subtly flipping him off, he let out a loud laugh and then dropped his eyes to the phone, wiping the smile off of his face in a matter of seconds.

Grabbing my things, I scooted out of the booth and slapped two fives on the table before heading over to Jon. When I finally reached him, he took the change from the woman and went to walk to the table when I put my hand up, grabbed his shoulder, and directed him toward the door informing him that I left the tip. As he rolled his large brown eyes, I sent him a smirk and then pushed the door open, letting the chilly summer air hit my skin.

Once we were halfway to the car, Jon wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me into his chest as we struggled to keep walking, taking large uneven steps as we both started to laugh at how horribly unstable we looked.

“What the hell, Jon?” I called out to him as I tilted my head back, letting it rest against his shoulder as we continued to stumble through the asphalt parking lot.

“I missed the fuck out of you, Aspen.”

“Same to you, Captain Serious.” I smirked as I listened to the man behind me groan as we reached my car. “Sorry, forgot you hated your multi-million dollar a year title so much.” I snickered as Jon rolled his eyes dramatically and pulled the passengers side door open and flung his body inside.

When we were both in the car and buckled up, I stuck the key into the ignition and watched as the dashboard lit up with all of the lights, and then dimmed down to just the ones that showed the fuel, mileage, and speed. A few minutes after, I threw the car into reverse and listened as Jon’s phone started to buzz in his pocket.

“It’s Laura.” He grumbled as he held the phone up to eye level and then shook his head a little. “She’s going to kill me.”

Twitching my nose, I looked over at the brunette as I pulled out of the parking lot and then smiled a little, letting the memories of Jon and I scrimmaging against each other at the local hockey rink fill my brain. I remembered how much fun we had, how no matter how angry or sad we were at the moment, tossing the puck around with each other always made us feel better. We always laughed. We always had fun.

It never failed.

Smile stretching from ear to ear, I made a quick turn down a side street and then made another sharp turn down another. When we reached the next main road, I made a quick left and headed back past the Diner and headed right for the furthest part of the suburbs, right before the houses grew far apart and the air seemed to grow colder.

“So, you’re going to drive me out to the boonies and kill me, eh?” Jon said as he watched the houses grow further apart. “I always knew I was going to die at the hands of a beautiful blonde.” He smirked as he glanced over at me, laughing a little at the blush that crept onto my cheeks.

“Shut up, asshat.” I shot back, “We are going to play a little one on one.”

“No shit, that place is still here?”

“You know it is, Jonny boy.” I answered excitedly as I applied more pressure to the gas pedal and sped past a few more houses. “My dad started the petition a few months ago to keep it around, they raised some money to fix it up. It has four rinks now and I’m sure that we can snag our own.”

“You always know how to cheer me up.” Jon stated in a small whisper and then tore his eyes away from me, placing them back onto the scenes flying by his window.

Ten or so minutes later, my Audi was parked in a spot a row of cars away from the front doors. Pulling the key out, I quickly grabbed all of my things and got out of the car, watching as Jon followed suit. Running over to the door, I walked inside and sent the young boy a huge smile as I set my wallet down on the counter and felt Jon take the spot right next to me.

“Do you have an open rink?”

“We have two”, he said, his eyes wide as he stared at the brunette standing millimeters away from me. He was so close that I could almost feel his heart racing through his chest. “You guys want your own?”

“Yeah, is that going to be okay?” Jon took control of the conversation, and it was probably in our best interest due to the fact the younger boy was staring at him with star-struck eyes. When you’ve known someone so long, through all of their ups and downs, you tend to forget how other people perceive them. I still saw Jonathan Toews as the dorky kid that I spent at least ten straight years out of my life with. He was still the scrawny kid that would watch stupid movies with me, the one that would stay over until I fell asleep when my parents were away, the one that would drop whatever he was doing and come to my house when I needed him. He was still the kid that I fell in love with when I was fourteen. I didn’t see him as the hockey prodigy he was.

Following the boy down the hall, I watched as Jon quickly pulled two pairs of skates from the wall, then measured a few sticks up with each other and piled a few pucks into his full hands before jogging down the hall to catch up with me. When we reached the last rink on the right, the boy pushed the door open and sent us a small smile.

“It’s usually rented for an hour, so just let me know if you guys are going to be here longer.” He said, his words stumbling as his eyes nervously bounced between Jon and I. Once Jon sent the boy a nod, he looked over at me, quickly ran his eyes up and down my body, blushed, and then sent us a nervous smile before jogging off into the hallway.

Once we were alone on the bench, Jon handed me a pair of skates and then glanced back at the door. “That kid wanted you.”

A loud, slightly obnoxious laugh, passed my lips and echoed through the empty rink. As I pulled my boots off, I looked over at the brunette, the smile still on my lips, and shook my head. “I think he wanted you more.”

“I mean, he probably wants to be me, but he definitely wanted you.” Jon insisted as his eyes stuck on me for a moment before he quickly laced up his right skate and then set his foot down against the carpet.

As he went to slip on his left skate, his cell phone that he had placed onto the wooden bench next to him started to buzz again. Sighing heavily, he looked over at me, my skates already laced up, and shook his head. Eyes shut tightly, he informed me that I should get on the ice and that he would be right back after he took the call.

With a small shrug, masking how annoyed I was, I grabbed the shorter stick of the two and then tossed a few pucks onto the ice. Not turning back to see if the brunette left, I started to push the puck around a little as I let my skated glide up and down the ice. The small sound of the ice breaking from the blade of my skates sent a wave of relaxation over my nerves.

For some reason that I have still yet to figure out, whenever I skated, I relaxed. I wasn’t sure if the wind in my face and the sound of the ice breaking did it, or the actions and noises sent me back to when Jon and I were younger and much happier than our current states. It sent me back to a time when we were best friends, lived within five minutes of each other, and didn’t have to worry about feelings or weddings or money or jobs.

My heart ached in my chest as I made a few rounds around the ice and thought about how lonely it was when Jon started playing in College. I started to remember how awkward it was talking to him on the phone for two minutes every other day. I remember how distant we became, how he started to make friends in college and dating girls. I remember how different he acted the first summer he came home. I remember how I felt like I didn’t know who he was, I remembered how I felt so unimportant to him then.

I thought back to the draft. I thought back to when he begged me to go, begged me to sit with him when they announced everyone. I knew how well he was doing, I knew how high he was in the draft. Of course I went. I remembered how I was the first hand he grabbed when they started. I remembered how I was the first person he hugged when they called his name. I remembered how he wiped a tear away from my eye when I started to cry. I remember how happy his bright eyes were.

I hadn’t seen them that happy since.

My throat started to burn as I thought back to the night after the draft. How Jon and I managed to sneak away from the crowds of people and sit in his backyard with two beers and talk. I thought back to how he told me that nothing was going to change when he started playing, how we were going to be friends until the very end, how we would room together in the old persons home and scatter our ashes in the same place or bunk together in a mausoleum. I remember how I cried that night, cried because I had never been so happy in my life, cried because I was never so proud of someone in my life, because I never had loved so much in my life.

A tear slipped my eye as I started to slip back into reality. My body was pressed against the boards near the blue line. My stick and a few pucks were scattered around me as I let a small sob leave my lips. I didn’t want to cry like this now, I didn’t want to start feeling sorry for myself now. I needed to suck it up. I needed to get over it. I needed to accept everything going on and move on. There were tons of guys out there, I didn’t need to fall in love with one. I didn’t need to be in love with Jon.

“Whoa, hey now.” The bright brown eyes that had overturned my sanity appeared in front of me as soon as my thoughts crashed back to the present time frame. “What happened?” He quickly crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pressing his lips into my hair a few times as I let the rest of the tears slip from my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m a loser.” I let out a small laugh as I shook my head and wiped under my eyes.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Jon said tracing over my eyes with his. “Did you fall, did you hurt anything? Is everything okay? Is everyone okay?” He rolled off a few more questions only causing a small laugh to pass my lips.

With a nod, I placed my hand on Jon’s cheek and felt how his skin radiated so much heat into my cold palm.

“I’m just being a sentimental loser, you know how I get sometimes.” I whispered looking up at him, a small smile forcing it’s way onto my lips to mask just how upset I had made myself. “Come on, a little one on one will cheer me up.” I gave the man’s shoulder a small push and watched as the frown on his lips quickly flipped.

With a nod, Jon got up and helped me back to my feet. Once we were balanced, we grabbed our sticks, a puck, and started to skate up and down the ice, shouting at each other like little kids.

During the three hours we skated around on the ice, I forgot every little thing that had previously made me break down on the ice. I was happy, I was with my best friend, and nothing else mattered.

Until we reached the car and his phone rang again, showing the five letter name that was going to steal the last bit of sanity I had. As I drove back to my house, Jon continued to talk on the phone. He didn’t say much, just yes’ and no’s. A few times he rolled his eyes, and then when the call had finally ended fifteen minutes later, he looked over at me and intertwined his fingers.

“The Sharp’s and Keith’s are coming next weekend.” He stated, his eyes dancing around the houses that lined my street. With a nod and a big smile, I turned into my driveway and went to speak when Jon bit down on his lip and managed to push some words passed his teeth.

“Laura’s coming too.”